6:30pm Wednesday, September 17th, 2003

Rat Tomango: Bonestealers 2 Rats 1
Baboune, Coach, Rats de la Boule

[Ed: Last night saw the penultimate match between the Rats de la Boule and the Brimstone Bonestealers.  Here is Coach Baboune's account of the proceedings]

The game started with the Rats having only 12 players fit to play on their roster, two were out due to niggling pain, and one blitzer to a broken jaw not yet healed. For curious reasons, maybe to preserve its players for the next match or the playoffs, coach Nygrell only set up its worse 11 players on the field. The Rats kicked and the Stealers started an offensive on the scrimmage line resulting in the Rats line to be blown out. At this point Ramen Bouboule is blitzed and KOed. Scabclaw Buttmunch grabs the ball and moves it forward. On the counter offensive, the Rats manage to hit and hurt Rackis Skullrattle, but he heals fast, and as the stretcher carries him off the field, he is up in the reserve ready to play again. Despite the ball changing hands once or twice, the Rats are quickly overpowered by the Undead. Another Rats player (Cholera) is sent out to the KO box by Dus "Liverbust" Nel-Etgath who is the cause of much carnage on the pitch. Skeleton Twinkle Phalanges makes a superb dive and attempts to tackle linerat Toufik del Toba who was trying to dodge, but falls and is badly hurt. Now, the Undead are taking full advantage of their numbers on the field and are massacreing all the Rats they can find while wight Murken Shadowspike carries the ball into Rats half of the field. Ebola Zemice is kicked down and dies on the field to be reanimated by the apothecary. Storm vermin Batalo Casimor in a desperate attempt to blitz Murken dodges away from the nearby Stealers but trips, knocking himself out. The Rats are now down to 7 players on the field, but it does not last Dus "Liverbust" knocks out linerat Nasser in a vicious attempt to tear his arm off. Nygrell then orders his players to surround the rat ogre Tasstoi Dla. Tasstoi, confused by all these new bodies surrounding him, wastes his blows is knocked unconcious trying to block Scabclaw. Murken scores, 1-0 for the Bonestealers and the first half ends.

Almost all KO'ed Rats players come back to play in the second half. The Stealers kick off, and thrower Envla Dlaronde picks up the ball. The Stealers quickly overpower the Rats scrimmage line while the rats try to move around and position themselves. Gutter runner Ramen Bouboule manages to get alone near the scoring line, he makes great signs to Envla Dlaronde surrounded by 2 undead players to throw him the ball only to trip, roll, and stun himself. Envla Dlaronde is blitzed, giving the ball up to Murken Shadowspike in a fit of depression, who scores the second touchdown for the Bonestealers making it 2-0. The Stealers kick, Envla Dlaronde picks up the ball, passes it to gutter runner Mulot Ratatoin, who hands-it off to Ramen Bouboule, who runs deep into the undead end of the field. Wight Karsk Fellfinger helped by the ever present Scabclaw, knocks Ramen Bouboule dead [Ed: at 42 SPP, Ramen Bouboule represents the single heaviest loss any team has suffered, his death alone dropping the Rats TR by 16 points]. In the ensuing confusion, Dus "Liverbust" (again) hits Toufik del Toba, slicing him in two. Ramen and Toufik's remains are carried off the field [Ed: Although ramen Bouboule's grisly corpse rose from the dead and escaped the medical staff and played the rest of the game on the Stealers side]. Casualties status at this point in the match: 1 KO player in the Bonestealers' box, 1 BH, 1 SI, and 2 RIP in boxes for the Rats. Mulot Ratatoin saves the honour of the Skaven team by picking up the ball and scoring despite being walled in by wight Fangmouth Earchewer and skeleton Kixum Coccyx. In the last minutes of the game, the Rats kick, the Stealers pick up the ball and bring it to the scrimmage line. Then for some reason, the Stealers fumble the ball and it is picked up by gutter runner Hab il Dlabal who desperately tries to score only to be surrounded by undead players. As an interesting fact, the Ramen Bouboule zombie now playing for the Stealers gets badly hurt by Tasstoi Dla.... killed and badly hurt in the same game .. Quite unique...

The game ends... and the Bonestealers are the consecrated champion of the Frog conference!
 

6:00pm Wednesday, September 17th, 2003

Vengeance of the Norsemen: Drakkar 2 Paladins 1

The Blood Drakkar took their vengeance on the Paladins Tuesday morning, beating the now-coachless High Elven team 2-1.  Tragically the first half of the Cabalvision replay was lost during post-match rioting, but from all accounts the match was by no means an easy victory for the Drakkar who suffered several casualties in the form of badly hurt players.  The Paladins too suffered casualties, with line-elf The Fort suffering a groin sprain.  The Drakkar scored one touchdown in the hotly contested first half, with Odin Bellegaf taking credit.

In the second, the Paladins received the Drakar kick and executed a picture perfect passing play with lion warrior M. K. Klaw in the Drakkar end zone receiving a perfect long pass from phoenix warrior Alex Hapsburg, who artfully dodged away from the harassing Drakkar to throw.  The Drakkar drove back, but lost control of the ball at the line of scrimmage... the Paladins tried a reverse play but lost the ball again to a bad trip.  The Drakkar seized on the opportunity to recover the ball and lineman Leif Completmentpaf managed to grab the loose ball and race into the Paladins end zone for the winning touchdown.  Although there was some time left, the Paladins could not get another play together before the final whistle blew.

With their head coach relaxing on a beach somewhere, stuck with a lizardman temporarily in charge, and suffering from very poor gate income, the Paladins seem to be in a spot of trouble.  Unless they can resolve their debt and win their last match against the Brimstone Bonestealers, it is unlikely they will be contenders for the DragonBowl. The management's decision to disband the team after the regular season in the event of the failure of their playoff bid, seems to indicate that the players of the Paladins will not be getting their chance to go out with a bang...
 

5:30pm Tuesday, September 16th, 2003

Oh, Harry, Harry, Where Art Thou, Harry? Divas 2 Steins 1

The weather was nice last night as the 6th place Lustria Divas took the field against the 3rd place Frothy Steins, and the stage was set for an last round upset that would have the bookies screaming. Things started to go awry before the match even started as Steins' star HarryPalms refused to take the field, complaining of an aching back and the need to have soothing liniment kneaded into his powerful knotty muscles by a small team of spectacularly beautiful Dwarven masseuses [Ed:  "spectacularly beautiful" has a different connotation for Dwarves, and indeed involves luxurious growth of facial hair]. The Divas received the first kick and drove heavily into the Steins territory, nimble Amazons getting in among the thickset Dwarves and trying to interfere enough for catcher Dawn to run into the clear... the Steins defence was on top of their game, however, and quickly had four Divas knocked out cold and the rest of the attacking Amazons knocked over or stunned.  Undeterred, Dawn leapt to her feet and ran into the Steins end zone, dodging easily away from longbeard Shorty where she received an incredible long bomb pass from thrower Stacey who has run up to the line of scrimmage, thus ending the drive to make it 1-0.  With plenty of time left in the half, the Divas kicked and the Steins rolled forward caging up and pushing across the line of scrimmage knocking out several Divas as they advanced.  Seeing an opportunity, rookie runner Bumpy gave the signal to break out the cage and ran forward, protected by those Steins who could keep up.  It was not enough, however, as the Divas interfered while blitzer Lita knocked Bumpy flat and sent the ball bouncing back towards midfield.  Linewoman Sable 2.0 grabbed the bouncing ball from under the noses of the nearby Steins and dodging away, threw a short pass to blitzer China 2.0, who immediately took off running fast, deep into the completely undefended Steins' half.  Completely unable to stop her, the Steins contented with giving the divas a few bruises and China 2.0 ran it in to bring the score to 2-0.  With little time left to score in the half, the Steins fumbled a hand-off after the Divas kick and their play went nowhere.  The whistle blew on what was a very sobering first half for the Steins.

Kicking again in the 2nd half, the Divas suffered another Steins onslaught, with Xena 2.0 quickly being brought down by longbeard Sturm, suffering a fractured arm, but the Steins attempt to cage was disrupted by the aggressive Divas and a furious melee ensued.  Blitzer Greybeard, in possession of the ball, quickly saw a way out, and followed by ogre Bloodmember and longbeard Fudd made a break for it.  Catcher Daniella tried to slow them down but Fudd blocked her hard enough to put her out for the rest of the game, and Greybeard kept going, shoving away blitzer Trish who tried to intercept him and scoring just after the middle of the half to make it 2-1. Receiving the Steins kick, the Divas quick snapped and tried to break through the Steins defence to get Dawn in position for a passing play... Dawn however went down stunned trying to blitz troll slayer Booglie out of her path, and it quickly became apparent to the Divas that they would not have time to score again as the players on field read some of Coach Aceti's signs wrong for their final touchdown bid, and so the whistle blew on an upset 2-1 Divas victory.

The Divas victory throws the Stein's playoff position back into some jeopardy, as if the Blistering Barnacles win against the Short & Surly AND the Blargburg Bluebutts pull of an upset victory against the Crypt Crusaders, it will be the Bluebutts and not the Steins going into the first round of DragonBowl I playoffs.  This season ain't over yet, folks!
 

10:30am Tuesday, September 16th, 2003

Nuffle Shuffles His Feet: Blighters 3 Smashers 2
Plaguelord Puswort, Coach, Blue Blighters

The deciding game for the winner of the Spike! Invitational tourney played last night between the Blue Blighters and the hitherto undefeated Drakehead Smashers in front of 54 000 fans, many of whom were hopped up to the gills on SkavenBrew and Warpstone tablets. Both teams were undefeated and the Smashers were looking in fine form despite having one saurus out for the night. They started with a collective roar and formed a solid cage on the right wide zone. Despite the Blighters setting up many optimistic rats on the line of scrimmage only one was stunned. Coach Puswort seemed a tad stunned also as he overcommitted his defence to the right side of the field only to have the fleet skinks double back to the opposite side of the pitch. With only a brave but puny Gutter Runner to blitz the offence, it was to no one's surprise that the plucky fellow was summarily brushed aside and skink Goddamn easily scored very early on in the first half.

The Skaven fans, who would be the deciding factor in the game, mauled the ref but the Blues were subsequently unable to capitalize on his newfound bias knocking very few of the hefty Sauri down. The Skaven return was caught off guard as a slick defensive play brought more Lizard players into blocking position. The Blighter offence was duller than a conversation with Grandad and even the Blighter's new Rat Ogre, Mittens could not harm a measly skink. The Smasher defence culminated in a failed blitz which lead to the now familiar Gutter Runner handoff-combo which tied the score with time aplenty in the first half.

Again the Skaven fans showed their support for this massively popular team by throwing a lamb carcass stuffed with warpstone and black powder in front of Kroxigor Mech-Godzilla who was taken off the pitch for some time with indigestion. The Smashers lived up to their name and wrecked the Skaven defensive line and handidly moved the ball up the middle. Again, the only possible response to the cunning offensive formation was a failed but gutsy blitz by Gutter Runner Snukkit who luckily didn't end in in the infirmary. Smirking contentedly the Smashers scored another easy looking touchdown. The Blighter return got bogged down by the Smashers and the first half ended after a suicidal run by Snukkit.

The second half started with yet another Smasher player taken down by a hail of stones. The "Every Fan Bring A Weapon of Some Kind" promotion seemed to be very popular. The Blighters went just across the half and Snukkit went far downfield to get into position but his Runner partner Slipps, did just that over the now revived Kroxigor's tail and the ball went flying. Despite a mad scramble to get the ball, Blighter Thrower Skuppers made a fantastic play diving for the ball and throwing it straight into the arms of Snukkit tying the game 2-2.

Just as the kickoff was to take place a throng of Skaven fans fired Jezzails and Warplock pistols into the Smashers dugout knocking out fully half the team and badly hurting Mecha-Godzilla! After security regained control of the stands the Smashers tried their best with their sparse team. Sadly luck was again against them as one of the remaining skinks failed to pick up the ball. The Blighters delighted in being able to pummel their opposition for a change and went to it with gusto. An inevitable blitz saw the Skaven get the ball and hang on to it as long as possible scoring at the last possible moment winning the game 3-2! This means the Blue Blighters end the season in first place and undefeated, ensuring they will move on to bigger and hopefully better things. The Smashers are unmoved and have vowed revenge and are still a favorite to win the playoffs.

"We couldn't have won the game without the ballistic support of our many drunken, homicidal fans. In gratitude we will be handing out free rocks at every game from now on..."

[Ed: With this victory, the Blighters complete their total domination of teams with the word "mash" in their names, and clinch top spot in the BuBBL tourney, sure to advance to A division next season.  The Smashers must now win the coveted Spike! Magazine Trophy to gain the same honour.]
 

3:30pm Monday, September 15th, 2003

JavaBowl 6.5b Released!

 

JavaBowl 6.5b is now available, chock full of bugfixy goodness.  You can get it in the downloads section. Fixes:

  • Ver B: Fixes the sweltering heat issue.
  • Ver B: Fixes the spectator issues.
  • Added STAKES skill for Zara's secret weapon.
  • Added LRB halfling chefs. Halfling teams with a "yes" or "1" in the "Team Wizard" field will gain a halfing chef. Also, any team with "chef" in the "Team Wizard" field will get a halfling chef.
  • There is now a turn time limit warning option. See readme.txt section 50 for details.
  • Apothecary can now help a player suffering from multiple niggling injuries.
  • HAIL MARY PASS can not longer be used with THROW TEAM MATE.
  • Very sunny no longer affects THROW TEAM MATE.
  • See bugzilla on the FUMBBL site for more bug fixes in this patch.

 With all the bugfixes, I don't think we should hesitate to upgrade!!
 

2:00pm Sunday, September 14th, 2003

Of Commemorative Bowls and Bonesaws: More Stuff!

 

All trophy and runner-up awards have been added to the respective rule pages.  Additionally a rule for Major Surgery for niggled players between season has been proposed and is up for vote in the forums.  Check it out there!
 

2:30am Sunday, September 14th, 2003

Of Rookies and Wizards: Minor Rules Modifications

 

Minor changes to this rules page to cover the temporary ban on wizards (see the forum announcement on the subject) and the non-enforcement of the time limit rule.

  • Wizards are currently not supported by JBB and may not be hired by any team in any match until such a time as they are supported
  • The four minute turn time limit is not enforced, but recommended

Also the post-season rules have been modified to allow teams new to the league to participate in the exhibition match process.
 

12:30am Sunday, September 14th, 2003

Match Digest: 2 Dead, 8 Injured

Without further ado, here is a digest of the six games as yet unreported on the news page.  Sorry about the short shrift fellas!

Dragon Conference

Rounding out 13th round action, the Lustria Divas went up against the Short & Surly on Friday.  The two well-matched teams battled it out in a crowd-pleasing, casualty filled contest that (apart from several other minor injuries) saw Surly minotaur Agamemnon the Horny go down with a smashed knee, Divas linewoman Nidia suffering a fractured arm, and, tragically, newly acquired rookie linewoman Xena expiring under the hooves of Surly bull centaur Hoofgrinder after a failed block.  The game was an exciting 1-1 stalemate until the final minutes of the match when the Surly overran their Amazon opposition and hobgoblin Shitless was able to scoot across the goal line to score the winning touchdown and his second of the match.

Additionally, the Crypt Crusaders added to their long-list of victories by beating the Horny Babes 4-0 Friday night.  In a contest of first place vs last place in the conference, the Babes fought valiantly enduring the injury of beastwoman Sydney Viscious who suffered a smashed knee, giving the Crusaders no easy goals, and finally exacting their price for the match when chaos warrior Poison Ivy pulped the head of veteran Crusaders ghoul Eaton Run with one mighty blow, causing the first permanent Crusaders' loss of the season.  The loss of Eaton Run could be a bad blow to the Crusaders, as one of the team's top scorers.

Frog Conference

The Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds fought the Mass Killers to a 1-1 standstill as 13th round games commenced on Thursday.  The casualty rate was enormous as the two teams crashed together, slugging it out toe to toe.  The Hounds black orc blocker Johny Black suffered a painful smashed hand, while lineorc Mole Son suffered a nasty groin strain, and the Killers chaos warrior Gorsky the Russian Dancer suffered broken ribs.  Both teams' apothecaries were working overtime, each managing to resuscitate players who surely had one foot on the other side.  The Hounds tenaciousness on defence was again evident in this match.  Despite their low ranking this season, it seems evident that their strong defence will stand them in good stead as the team evolves.

Saturday morning saw the long-awaited final 12th round matchup between the Brimstone Bonestealers and the Wild Hunt.  The Hunt could not prevent the Bonstealers from ending the first half 2-1, but scored quickly in the third and then turned over a Bonestealers drive after a fumbled pickup and scored again, bringing the score to 3-2. The Bonestealers then made a final exertion in the the closing minutes of the 2nd half, brushing aside the Hunt defence and scoring with seconds to spare to tie the game at 3-3.  The Hunt could make little impression on the Bonestealers physically, despite treeman Fangorn waking up in time to participate in the 2nd half, and in return the Bonestealers managed to inflict a broken jaw early on on rookie line-elf Attea3 and in their last drive inflicted a more serious fractured skull on line-elf Toldea.  The tie game keeps the Hunt in position as a potential playoff dark horse.

BuBBL Spike! Invitational

The Rat Racers took the field against the Straight to Videos on Wednesday night, with a roster badly weakened by their scuffle with the Creeping Flesh earlier in the week.  The fast paced game was a 3-0 Videos victory and was relatively injury free, with one close call on the Videos side as line-elf "Are you talking to me?" stopped breathing after being flung several yards through the air by Racers' rat ogre Headsplitter, but was subsequently retuned to full health by the Videos apothecary, with only minor cuts and bruises.  The victory catapults the Videos to 4th place in the tourney, and into strong playoff contention.

Lastly, in a disgusting display of obvious impropriety, the Creeping Flesh registered a 5-3 victory against the presumably well paid Rage Sharks. The two teams disgracefully shuttled the ball back and forth between the end zones, despite frustrated fans invading the pitch and attacking the Sharks midway through the first half, badly hurting two beastmen. Near the very end the fairly bored players on each team started exchanging blows but nothing came of it, and the disgusted looking ref blew the whistle on a match that will go down in the annals of Bloodbowl as an affront to the sport and a blight on the DragonBowl League.  Interestingly, the Sharks have almost removed themselves from playoff contention where they were previously considered a strong contention.  Hope the price was right!
 

11:00pm Saturday, September 13th, 2003

Flash! Aaaaaa-aaah! Barnacles 2 Steins 1

A rowdy, raucous, 69,000 fans turned out to watch the Frothy Steins and the Blistering Barnacles jockey for playoff positions on Wednesday night.  The action got underway quickly with the Steins receiving and drving forward in stolid dwarven fashion, caging around the teams' star, HarryPalms, the ball held in his burly arms.  The Steins broke out their cage early, however, as barely across the line of scrimmage HarryPalms made a run for it along the sideline, unfortunately stubbing his toe on half-buried skull (race unknown) and going down in a heap, the ball rolling away from his prone form.  The Barnacles bounced on the opportunity and skink Foyl Ed Gen grabbed the ball and handed it off to skink Rowdy Rod Reptile who was off running deep into the Stein's half of the pitch in a twinkling.  Steins' veteran runner Flash ran to head off Rowdy Rod, but was blind-sided by saurus Cobra Commander who grabbed ahold of his right arm, and, placing a saurian foot firmly on Flash's chest, proceeded to rip the struggling Dwarf's arm out of it's socket.  He then used it as a grisly club with which to beat the now mortally wounded Flash, who soon died of a combination of blood loss and extreme blunt trauma to the head and chest.  Horrified, the rest of the Steins could do little but watch as Rowdy Rod ran the ball past the macabre scene and into the Steins end zone to make it 1-0. Vowing revenge for their fallen comrade, the Steins formed up for another drive, forcing their way up the wide zone, but HarryPalms was knocked over by the sauruses of the Barnacles, and the ball went into the crowd to be flung back into the undefended Steins end by Barnacles fans.  It was skink Lerkin Sneek who the grabbed the loose ball and ran his way unopposed to the Steins' end zone, loitering briefly before entering to run down the clock before scoring the Barnacles 2nd touchdown.

The Barnacles executed a quick snap on reception of the Steins 2nd half kick and drove across the line of scrimmage with a powerful cage of sauruses around skink Sqwerman Norman.  The redoubtable Steins, however, quickly bogged down the Barnacles drive, crushing in their cage slowly but surely by main force.  The Barnacles handed off to Lerkin Sneek, who made a dash for it through the crushing press, only to get tripped up by alert longbeard Shorty at the edge of the morass and losing the ball. HarryPalms dashed in to recover the ball and the Steins now had possession and were driving back against their erstwhile tormentors.  With only a lightweight skink, Stil Slitherin, to impede his progress, HarryPalms ran right over him, badly hurting the small reptile, and running in to score the Steins only touchdown.  Receiving the Steins next kick, the Barnacles decided to play safety, covering the ball and running down the clock, managing to defeat the Steins last efforts to get the ball and score for a draw.  The final whistle blew on a hard fought 2-1 Barnacles victory.

The victory puts the Barnacles into fourth place, one point ahead of the Blargburg Bluebutts who's last season game is to be played against the 1st place Crypt Crusaders, and tied in points with the 3rd place Steins.  A round 14 upset could still see the Bluebutts take a playoff spot from one these two teams.  Exciting Bloodbowl still lies ahead!
 

3:00am Friday, September 12th, 2003

League Rules Consolidation and Review in Progress

 

Please note the various changes to the menu on the left.  All rules for the current season, playoffs, and proposed for next season are now linked to this page as well, although they can also be individually accessed on the left.  Please note the addition of the Exhibition Match rules to the post-season rules and also a new page covering the proposed format of the league next season, using Soccer-style divisions and retaining that Conference flavour we all know and love.  Please feel free to question, comment, or make constructive suggestions in the forums as you see fit.  Flame Shield Activate!

You may notice that the game reports are a bit behind.  Hopefully we'll see some motion on that tomorrow...
 

10:00pm Wednesday, September 10th, 2003

Death of a Disco Dancer: Blighters 2 Mashers 0
Plaguelord Puswort, Coach, Blue Blighters

The match between the second place and undefeated Blue Blighters and the fourth place Midgard Mashers took place this afternoon under beautiful skies before 41000 maniacal fans. The Mashers were a man short from their bad streak of injuries but hoped to make up for it with their bloodthirsty ogre. The Mashers were showing lots of pluck from their impressive short handed comeback against the Rage Sharks and were planning the same today.

The Blues took the first kick and edged across the scrimmage line forming a lose cage. The Mashers used their superior blocking skills to knock down and knock out several Skaven linerats. Pete the ogre had trouble landing a solid punch to a gutterrunner but the other norsemen added up the bodies in the dugout by laying the boot to prone Stormvermin Skunky who was Ko'd for the rest of the game. The Blighters responded by ganging up on Pete and stunning him, much to the ravenous delight of the Blighter fans who until now were impressed only with the traditional Skaven abilities of rolling with punches and feigning death. The Blighter cage dissolved as the two showboating gutter runners sprinted ahead of the protective pack only to be blitzed by Thord who was wisely keeping an eye out for this sort of thing. Numbers proved telling as the speedy Skaven were able to counter-blitz immediately, with runner Slipps scooping up the ball and scoring early on into the first half.

The Mashers fought back on the return forming solid protection on the right wide zone, drawing in most of the Blighter defence. Seeing the vermin tide edge their way the Norsemen pulled the ol' switcheroo and passed the ball to the opposite side wide zone and ran like the cold north wind toward the end zone. The speedy Blighters were only just able to blitz the Masher carrier just shy of the goal line and take possession of the ball. While the Mashers tried to rally the Blighters handed the ball to the gutter runner duo who completed a gutsy long pass with Snukkit dodging away from his Masher defender to snag the ball out of the air and amble into the end zone. The whistle blew ending the first half with each sides infirmary half full.

The Masher fans, enraged by Skaven taunts of "You Suck" and "Glacier Lovers" vented their displeasure by ambushing the ref who managed to escape with his life but fewer teeth and toes. The Mashers again drove up the left flank but the Blighters managed to stymie their advance. The Blighter defence won out as deft blocking added up to a blitzing opportunity that ended up killing Aric Eagleborn, the most experienced and talented Masher player. The shocked fans howled their displeasure as Coach Puswort screamed into a megaphone "Take that you pallid fjord jockeys!!". The ball flew into the crowd who threw it back at the feet of the foremost Masher lineman, mere steps away from the goal line. A comeback looked certain but then disaster struck as big man Pete the Ogre went head to head with Skaven cannon fodder and ended up going teeth first onto the Skavens barbed helmet, knocking out the lineman but dropping Pete to the ground.

Ripping opportunity from the scaly hands of crisis, the Blighters managed to get the ball and form a cage deep in the Masher zone. However there were few prone norsemen nearby. The with what sounded like a cannon shot but was really the sound of 41000 jaws dropping, the Mashers coach threw in the towel and conceded the match! The confused players milled about in a daze before shrugging and returning to the dugout. Coach Puswort squealed with intense glee as the entire gate was handed over to him. Rumor has it that a Clan Moulder Packmaster and a huge cage were seen behind the stadium. Coach Halsfar SkullSplitter was unavailable for comment.

What this means for the beleagured Midgard Mashers is uncertain. Tales of bankruptcy are circulating and with their best player dead and no gold in the bank, their future seems very bleak indeed.
 

1:00pm Wednesday, September 10th, 2003

Deadlock: Boozzhounds 1 Drakkar 1

The Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds played against the Blood Drakkar in their 12th round Frog Conference match-up this morning in front of a decent crowd of 45,000 unruly fans. The Boozhounds got off to an impressive start... after knocking over the Drakkar scrimmage line, blitzer Dewar actually recovered the Hounds own kick.  The Drakkar defence rapidly knocked him over and soon the two teams were battling it out for control of the ball deep inside Drakkar territory. After much pushing and shoving, Hounds blitzer Macallan was able to grab the loose ball and knock blitzer Geirroed Epitaf to the ground, running past him toward the Drakkar end zone, where he scored the first touchdown of the match.  On the next drive, the Drakkar took no chances with the ball, moving it up to catcher Odin Bellegaf who dashed through a gap in the Hounds defence and sprinted into the backfield.  Alone and unsupported, however, he was set upon by Hounds thrower Shooter and blitzer Jacky Dee, who stunned him, knocking the ball loose.  Both sides attempted to recover the ball, but nothing came of it before the end of the half.

In the second half the Hounds executed a quick snap but the initiative was lost as black orc Johny Red bounced off ogre Grossebouf.  The Drakkar rushed Shooter in the Hounds back field, who compounded the situation by fumbling the ball as he tried to pass it up to goblin Becks.  Shooter was knocked flat the onrushing Drakkar, with blitzer Knut Polygraf ultimately gaining possession and jogging the few remaining yards to the Hounds end zone where he spiked the ball, tying the game at 1-1.  On the next drive, the Hounds offence seemed to have lost a lot of their energy as they contented with pushing the Drakkar scrimmage line away.  They did not even bother to pick up the ball, and it was Drakkar lineman Leif Completementpaf who recovered the ball first, although alone as he was he was quickly knocked unconscious.  The close call seemed to jar the Hounds into activity and Shooter grabbed the ball and passed it to goblin Hyney Ken, around whom the Hounds solidly caged.  The cage drove forward, opening up the middle of the Drakkar defence, and spitting Hyney Ken forward deep into the Drakkar half of the pitch with seemingly none to stop him.  Lineman Markus Paraf save the day, however, hitting  Hyney Ken on his unprotected flank and knocking him down.  The two teams then struggled mightily for the ball for the rest of the half, but neither team seemed to be able to hold it for more than a few seconds, until finally the whistle blew to end the match a 1-1 draw.

The tie game put the Drakkar in tight contention for the 4th playoff spot, and they will have to do very well in their two remaining matches to guarantee themselves a place.  The race for the playoff spots in Frog Conference is heating up!
 

1:30am Wednesday, September 10th, 2003

Elf Wrestling: Hunt 3 Paladins 3

The two Elf teams of Frog Conference fought it out last night on the gridiron as the Wild Hunt took the field against the Paladins. The initial Paladins drive ran into difficulty trying to get past the flexible, shifting Hunt defence (despite the absence of Fangorn who once again slept solidly through the first half), with wardancer Wychwethyl ultimately making a daring blitz, leaping over the blocking Paladins and knocking dragon warrior Silent Service down.  No longer protected, lion warrior Greyeagle was knocked flat and the ball rolled loose.  The revered catcher Sceolan snatched up the ball and he was off along the side line, side-stepping the Paladins' attempts to stop him and ultimately achieving the end zone to score at just after the middle of the half. The Paladins received and drove back, penetrating the Hunt defence decisively and caging up around the ball-carrying Greyeagle.  Greyeagle ran in for the touchdown after line-elf Otsea fell flat on his face trying to get in his way, tying the game at 1-1.  With only a quarter of the half to go, the Hunt drove back against the short handed Paladins, with Sceolan running along the sideline with the ball, protected by Wychwethyl and line-elf Toldea as the rest of the Hunt dashed amongst the Paladins defence to interfere.  Wychwethyl blitzed dragon warrior Silent Service out of the way to allow Sceolan to run in to the end zone and score again moments before the half ended.

With Fangorn finally on the field the Hunt received and executed a small variation on their previous play, with Sceolan faking toward the middle of the field but once again heading to the sideline guarded by Wychwethyl and Toldea.  All did not go perfectly smoothly as line-elf Quenya became the first casualty of the game, tripped up trying to dodge past line-elf Thorndyke, and carried off badly hurt.  Wychwethyl knocked line-elf the Farzan away from Sceolan to allow him to run around the melee developing at the side-line and score for a personal hat trick and his 16th career touchdown, making the score 3-1.  The Paladins drove back with equal determination, with line-elf Thorndyke badly hurting line-elf Otsea in the opening stages of the drive.  Despite the the best efforts of the Hunt defence, Greyeagle shoving line-elf Enquea out of the way and running in to bring the score to 3-2.  With half the half to go, the Hunt set up for another drive, receiving and driving along the sideline in now familiar style.  This time, however, Silent Service dodged past the blocking Hunt players to hit Sceolan from behind so hard he had to be carried from the field unable to continue.  The ball loose, lion warrior M.K. Klaw managed to retrieve it and move up field, only to be knocked flat by Wychwethyl.  The ball bounced into the crowd and was thrown back at midfield.  After line-elf Lemenya2 failed to pick it up for the Hunt, the Paladins rushed in and knocked Lemenya2 aside, and line-elf Kolkov got the ball and ran with an open field before him, dodging away form pursuing Hunt elves and scoring the tying touchdown, the culmination of a dramatic reversal of fortune. With only minutes left in the half, the two teams traded blows and the final whistle blew.

The 3-3 tie keeps the Paladins in solid playoff contention in 3rd place in Frog Conference, as the Hunt still struggle in the bottom half of the list, their playoff hopes slowly waning despite their comeback from last place.  Additionally, with the massively popular Sceolan getting the MVP and hoarding all the touchdowns, some Hunt were overheard grumbling about "that blasted prima-donna with pretensions to god-head". Certainly the other members of the Hunt seem fairly eclipsed by Sceolan's rising star, and are likely not pleased by his willingness to encourage (or at least, not discourage) the cultists who have granted him semi-divine or even fully-divine status. [Ed: to demonstrate the incredible imbalance the Hunt roster suffers, Sceolan holds 69 (almost 60%) of the team's 116 SPP, not to mention being the biggest star in the league by a comfy margin]
 

12:30am Wednesday, September 10th, 2003

Death by Dodge: Killers 2 Mates 0

The fourth place Styg's Mates took the field against the fifth place Mass Killers as the sun beat down on Monday. The Mates were off to bad start before the match even began, as ogre Polly The Cracker Parrot refused to take the field complaining about his still tender back injury.  Their troubles continued as thrower Dread Pirate Roberts tripped and fell after picking up the ball, delaying the Mates drive.  The delay allowed the Killers to mount their own offensive, and a vicious fight stated up at the line of scrimmage as Dread Pirate Roberts chased after the ball, accidentally kicking it further along as he bent to pick it up. The Killers lost chaos warrior Gorsky the Russian Dancer badly hurt in the fighting and the Mates lost lineman Rackham Le Rouge badly hurt as well as lineman Mad Dog Bonney pushed into the crowd and knocked out.  Dread Pirate Roberts finally picked up the ball, but blitzer Barbossa failed to get a grip on his pass up.  The Killers then knocked blitzer Erik the Viking into the crowd, where he was badly hurt and surrounded the loose ball at the line of scrimmage. Dread Pirate Roberts nevertheless tried to retreive the ball but due to the inerference of the Killers players suceeded only in sending it spinning off through the melee.  The Killers were then able to get their hands on the ball with Dens B. Lair picking up.  Another lineman, Black Barty, got knocked into the crowd but fortunately made it to the dugout without incident, leaving only 6 Mates players on the pitch.  With every single Mates player prone, Dens B. Lair scored the winning touchdown with less than a minute remaining in the half.

The second half was predictably very grim for the Mates as they could field only 8 players against the Killer's 11, and the Killers significantly outmuscled them.  The strain told quickly on the Mates as the Killers received and slowly moved forward, intent on the Mates' destruction.  Lineman Jack Sparrow was upended violently trying to get away from chaos warrior Dr. Mengele "Death Angel" and fell heavily on his armored forearm crushing his own trachea, the second Mates player to die dodging in as many games. Despite the ministrations of the team apothecary, he was pronounced dead in the dugout. Grimly, the Mates clung on, launching increasingly desperate attacks which bore surprising fruit, as lineman Davey Jones, surrounded by Killers, nevertheless stunned ball-carrier Rumsfled, knocking the ball into the crowd.  The ball was thrown back in at midfield where blizter Barbossa almost got his hands on it, only to be shoved away by the Killers who reclaimed the loose ball, Dens B. Lair picking up once again. Dens B. Lair was then knocked flat by the coordinated efforts of Davey Jones and Barbossa, and again the ball rolled free.  The Killers turned on the two players to squelch their efforts to slow them down, knocking Barbossa out cold and surrounding Davey Jones. Dens B. Lair picked up the ball once more and ran up a few yards only to be stunned by Dread Pirate Roberts who blitzed into him from behind after dodging away from the Killers covering him, and the ball was knocked loose once more. Lineman Captain Hook attempted to retreive the ball but succeeded only in knocking it into the armored hands of chaos warrior Adolf Thitler.  This was the last straw for the Mates defence, as the Killers surrounded their remaining players, beastwoman Sara Fat gouging catcher One-Eyed Willy's good eye as Adolf Thitler ran for the Mates end zone, scoring in the waning minutes of the game.  With nothing left to do but watch the clock count down, the six remaining effective Mates players took their last few punches at the opposition before the final whistle.

Another painful game for the Mates, one which may have revived the playoff hope of the Killers while simultaneously putting another nail in the coffin of their own.  Many things can happen in the closing games of the season, so one never knows what might transpire in that unpredictable sport we call Bloodbowl...
 

12:00am Wednesday, September 10th, 2003

Drakkar Fans Kill Again: Rats 4 Drakkar 1

The 3rd place Rats de la Boule skittered into 2nd place in Frog Conference after beating the Blood Drakkar soundly 4-1 on the pitch Monday evening. The Rats received the first kick and quickly swarmed into their opponent's end, with gutter runner Hab Il Dlabal exploiting the wide zone and dodging cleanly away from the Drakkar defenders that sought to hem him in, getting the Rats on the scoreboard early.  The fans reacted with extreme displeasure (the widely hated Rats were not well represented in the crowd) and some one in the crowd managed to hit storm vermin Griffe Dla was hit by a chunk of granite that smashed his skull, killing him.  The Rats soldiered on, despite the pelting rain of debris coming at them from the stands, and after a fumbled pass by the Drakkar, they were able to put  ball control in contention, with a melee developing in the wide zone by the line of scrimmage.  The ball got pushed out of the melee behind the Rats defence line, and gutter runner Mulot Ratatoin grabbed and quickly ran the reverse play, finding a clear field in front of him in the far wide zone. Gutter runner Ramen Bouboule made it to the end zone ahead of him, and, with the Drakkar defenders closing in, Mulot dodged forward and delivered a short pass right into Ramen's hands, bringing the score to 2-0.  On the next kick after a melee at the line of scrimmage against a strong Rats defence, the Drakkar were able to create a hole which catcher Odin Bellegaf quickly exploited... he was not followed by any of his team and soon found himself alone and surrounded, Ramen Bouboule knocking him to the ground stunned and reclaiming the ball.  With that, Drakkar hope to score in the first half were dashed as the clock wound down.

With three linerats out cold from the last half's fighting, the Rats set up short-handed to kick to the equally short-handed Drakkar.  the Drakkar launched an onslaught on the Rats defence and pushed their ball carrier up the sideline.  The Rats tried to smother the advance but lost another two players knocked out, and with that their resistance crumbled and Odin Bellegaf sprinted into the end zone to score the first and only Drakkar touchdown. Back to full strength, the Rats were in a good position to receive the ball and take advantage of the Drakkar defence, now two men short due to KO's. Executing a quick snap, they passed the ball up to Hab Il Dlabal, who, preceded by the rampaging rat ogre Tasstoi Dla moved up the wide zone, well protected by his teammates.  Despite the protection, Odin Bellegaf dodged past the blocking linerats and knocked Hab Il Dlabal over, the ball fortunately bouncing into the hands of nearby Ramen Bouboule.  Ramen dodged away from ogre Grossebouf and ran passed the unconscious body of another rat ogre victim and sprinted into the Drakkar end zone to score again and make it 3-1. Back up to 10, the Drakkar received the two teams shoved back and forth at the line scrimmage until thrower Olaf Cenotaf passed the ball up to catcher Bjorn Bellegaf at the line of scrimmage, but Bjorn was tripped up by linerat Ebola Zemice and the ball rolled from his grasp. Thrower Envla Dlaronde happened to be right nearby and he took full advantage of the opportunity, picking up the loose ball and running up to toss it off to Ramen Bouboule who just happened to be cherry picking in the Drakkar backfield.  ramen scored his hat trick touchdown, bringing the overall score to 4-1.  The fans reacted by throwing more rocks, linerat Peste Toba being hit by a particularly jaggy one which fortunately merely stunned him.  The Drakkar tried to make use of their little remaining time but after Bjorn Bellegaf fumbled a catch, they lost control of the ball again to Ramen Bouboule who passed it back to Hab Il Dlabal.  Hab was then knocked into the crowd, and with no time left to score the two teams gave each other a good thrashing before the final whistle.

The Rats popularity continued in it's latest upswing form the depths of notoriety as they gained grudging respect for their sound thrashing of the Drakkar. Coach Olaf Grossebaf was philosophical about the defeat, looking to the future as he said:

"We travel light, let's hunt some orcs!"
 

1:30am Tuesday, September 9th, 2003

Sleeper Hit: Crusaders 1 Divas 0

The heavily favoured and rather overconfident Crypt Crusaders faced off against the underdog Lustria Divas last night, beating them 1-0 in 2.5 hour snoozer of a game.  The Crypt Crusaders were so sure of their impending victory, they fielded only their 11 worst players at the start of the match, while the veterans (including both mummies) relaxed in the dugout, drinking ichor and chatting up the local rebellious Amazon youths. The Divas opted to receive the first kick which they retrieved and sat on, content to scrimmage with the Crusaders at midfield.  The Crusaders made some half-hearted initial attempts to steal the ball but quickly retreated to the line of scrimmage when threatened.  The Crusaders fouled mercilessly throughout the half, with renowned dirty player Fhal Apart breaking linewoman Molly's jaw with a vicious headstomp, but the ref turned a blind eye, only to immediately call and eject catcher Daniella for kicking skeleton Spair Rib in the head, knocking him out cold.  The shoving match continued for the bulk of the match, the tedium broken only briefly late in the half when ghoul Eaton Run took a run at ball-holder Dawn in the backfield, knocking her flat.  Eaton Run was knocked unconscious for his troubles and the Divas regained the ball.  The half ended without further attempts to score by either team.

Seeing that their B suad was making little progress and needing to fill out the ranks with three players KO'd, the Crusaders put in veteran wight Dee Khay and veteran mummy Tutenkarnage for the next kick.  In control of the ball, the Crusaders moved forward with a purpose, a team of wights breaking through the Divas defences in the wide zone early in the half.  The Divas defence was shaken, and little coordinated attempt was made to stop the Crusaders as they moved deep into the Divas end, a well protected D. Stroy loitering along the touchdown line, running down the clock.  The Divas contented themselves with trying to beat up Tutenkarnage at midfield, but they could not bring the steadfast mummy down.  Finally D. Stroy stepped into the Divas end zone in the last minutes of the half to score the winning touchdown.  With insufficient time left to get a play going, the Divas contented themselves with roughing up the Crusaders at the line of scrimmage a little bit and the whistle blew on a 1-0 Crusaders victory.

The Crusaders victory guarantees them first place in the conference, as no teams can catch them now even in the unlikely event that the undefeated Crusaders lose their next two matches.  The low score and the poor showing of the Crusaders on the field however is well short of what fans have come to expect of the undead team... how will the Crusaders cope with the pressures of the playoffs? Let's watch!
 

12:30am Tuesday, September 9th, 2003

Playoff Rules Updated

 

With additional bits of information regarding the Soapy Consolation Cup Tourney.  The House Rules section was updated a little bit too to reflect the rapidly coalescing shape of the Playoff Period.
 

9:00pm Monday, September 8th, 2003

Damn Dirty Elves: Machine 3 Bluebutts 3

A record 95,000 screaming fans packed into Blargburg Stadium to watch the Blargburg Bluebutts go at it with the Frog Machine. The Bluebutts got off to a fast start with a quick snap, laying into the Machine defence line and giving witch elf Sum Dizzy Bitch time to leap her way into the Machine back field and go long for a pass, pursued by rat ogre Rendflesh Salivar who could not keep up, tripping and falling heavily as he chased her.  In the meantime, the Bluebutts busily pried open the Machine defence, with line-elf Loser delivering a solid uppercut to linerat Trask Undezimo that broke his jaw in two places. Thrower Shit Head looked for an opening, attempting a long bomb to Sum Dizzy and fumbling, but recovering the ball in time to dash through the now shattered Machine defence to fire off a good pass to her, with she caught scoring the first touchdown of the game. The Machine received the next kick and the long-legged Skrittar Quarzo made the long dash up the wide zone with the ball, dodging past from the frantically pursuing Bluebutts to score and tie the game.  With a quarter of the half to go, the Bluebutts received and faked left, Sum Dizzy Both driving up the right when the Machines defence had committed in the wrong direction.  Sum Dizzy Bitch made it into the end zone and received the long pass from Shit Head just as the time on the half ran out, bringing the score to 2-1.

In the second half the crowd plainly expressed their hometown preference by hitting rising star Skratsquick Terzo with a rock, putting him out badly hurt for the rest of the game.  The Machine received and prepared to drive up the field, only to have veteran thrower Kaskat Sesto drop the ball, opening the door for witch elf Sum Dum Bitch to run in and steal it from under Kaskats nose, throwing it to her sister Sum Dizzy who was on a well protected drive up the far side of the field.  The Machine managed to throw some last ditch defenders in the way, and so Sum Dizzy faded back to hand off to Shit Head, but Shit Head fumbled the ball and a small melee developed.  The Machine recovered, only for Skrittar Quarzo to get knocked flat, losing the ball once more as it bounced into the arms of line-elf Loser, who then handed off to Shit Head, with Shit Head completing a long pass up the field to the wide open Sum Dum Bitch who ran into the end zone and scored at the middle of the half.  Receiving, the Machine went on the offensive again, almost bogging down again after ball handling difficulties, but with a little creative blocking Skrittar had the ball again and dashed off down the field, evading the last ditch attacks of the Bluebutts and bringing the score to 3-2.  With only minutes left on the clock, the Machine kicked to the Bluebutts (now short-handed after losing three players badly hurt over the course of the game) and to the shock of the crowd, the Machine did a short kick and executed a blitz, recovering the ball just over the line of scrimmage.  Despite the efforts of the Bluebutts defence, Kaskat Sesto handed of the ball to Skrittar Quarzo who dashed into the Bluebutts end zone dramatically tying the game with 30 seconds to spare.  With only time for some quick beats on the Machine line of scrimmage, the final whistle blew on a 3-3 tie game.

The tie game means that the Bluebutts have much diminished playoff hopes... with the first place Crypt Crusaders their next matchup, a loss there will put them out of the running unless the Blistering Barnacles also lose their next two games.  
 

2:00am Monday, September 8th, 2003

Yaaarr vs Waaargh: Mates 2 Boozzhounds 1
Nygrell Grimskull, Coach, Brimstone Bonestealers

The Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds lost to the Styg's Mates 2-1 last night in a bloodsoaked bashfest that the crowds found much to their liking. With Ogre Polly The Cracker Parrot missing the game, the Mates seemed a little apprehensive facing off against the burly Boozzhounds - especially knowing that they had hired the psychotic Nobbla Blackwart, a maniacal chainsaw-wielding Goblin, in addition to their full complement of Black Orc blockers.

The Mates kicking off first, they kick the ball deep - but shifting winds caused the ball to fall near the scrimmage line on the wing, and blew all the clouds away to leave the sun shining in everyone's faces. Boozzhounds Thrower Shooter made a quick run for the ball and picked it up easily, while Nobbla Blackwart started his chainsaw with a roar heard in the far reaches of the arena. Some of the orcs on the Boozzhounds scrimmage line pushed back the Mates' defense with ease, but it seems not all them heard the starting whistle because some of them simply stood there. The Mates were quick to push back, and the extra man on the wing near the ball broke open the Boozzhounds' defense there, allowing Blitzer Henry Morgan to break past them and blitz into Shooter, stunning him. Morgan then grabbed the loose ball and ran towards the Boozzhounds endzone, but Nobbla, gunning his chainsaw, ran after him and mangled him badly, leaving a bloody ball loose on the pitch. Meanwhile the Mates line was busy knocking over the Boozzhounds line, using their larger numbers at the scrimmage line to their advantage. Catcher Jean Lafitte made a tactical mistake though by entering the sprinting range of Nobbla the Chainsaw Killer, and he went down, fortunately merely stunned. The Mates got back at him though, with Lineman Davey Jones blitzing him around the collapsing Boozzhounds line and knocking Nobbla Blackwart over, causing him to stun himself on his own chainsaw. Lineman Jack Sparrow, in his fury over the wounding of his lover... er, teammate, Henry Morgan, attempted to sprint behind the Orc line to foul the hapless Goblin, but he tripped on the chainsaw's ripcord and fell. Orc Thrower Shooter, waking up from his bruising at Morgan's hands, grabbed the ball and attempted a pass across the scrum to waiting Blitzer Jimmy Beam, but he fumbled the ball and it fell loose behind the remains of the Orc Line. With Davey Jones and Jack Sparrow close at hand, Shooter didn't have a second chance and was knocked over, while Catcher Jean Lafitte ran in to grab the loose ball and start running for the endzone. While the Boozzhounds attempted to stop him, they could only push him around a bit and the Mates managed to get their Catcher free to score midway through the first half.

The Mates kicked again, and the Boozzhounds Thrower Shooter quickly recovered the ball. The Boozzhounds line wasn't able to make much of a dent in the Mates' defense though, and the Mates attacked with strength, pushing through the Boozzhound line and sacking the Orc Thrower. The Boozzhound players bust up the party behind their line, though, to the tune of a 2-stroke gas engine with a sharpened spinning chain attached to it. The Mates tried to forestall the inevitable, but were only able to push Nobbla Blackwart around a bit. Mates Jean Lafitte attempted to make the point moot by scoring, but he swallowed a bee just before reaching the end zone, going into shock and being put in the Mates dugout. Nobbla lay about with his Chainsaw, stunning one Mate, but Mates Blitzer Barbossa was able to break free and recover the ball, finishing the job that Catcher Jean Lafitte started, scoring the second Mates touchdown.

With only a minute left on the clock, the two teams lined up for the third kickoff of the first half, but nothing much happened.

The second half started with the Boozzhounds kicking to the Mates. The Mates received easily, knocking out the Boozzhounds wing, but then Thrower Dread Pirate Roberts fumbled a quick pass and the ball ended up in the hands of Boozzhounds Lineman Lar Batt. the Boozzhounds quickly caged around their surprised Lineman, with the still-present Nobbla Blackwart -- having managed to evade the ref's eyes (and ears!) the whole first half -- holding up the rear. The Mates tried to blitz Lar Batt through a chink in the wall, but failed to knock over the Orc Lineman, though they did manage to wedge open the cage a bit and get a number of players near the ball carrier, meanwhile sending off Johny Black, the Black Orc blocker, badly hurt. The Boozzhounds reconstructed their line, fending off the Mates players and protecting Lar Batt. The Mates managed to knock Lar Batt down anyways though, but the ball bounced around before getting lodged in the horns of Black Orc Blocker Johny Red, unnoticed by the blocker himself. Nobbla Blackwart, having been knocked over by Blitzer Kabai Sengh, jumped up and ripped his chainsaw through the Blitzer from crotch to neck. The Mates' apothecary, needless to say, could do nothing for the poor Blitzer. Johny Red, at the insistence of his teammates but not knowing quite why, ran downfield away from the scrum with the ball still on his horns, while his teammates kept the dwindling numbers of Mates players tied up at midfield. The Mates were almost unable to escape the mass of Orc bodies at midfield (despite managing to knock Nobbla Blackwart over onto his chainsaw, sending him off badly hurt), but Mates Blitzer Erik the Viking managed to break loose and catch up to Johny Red, though he was unable to make a block. Johny Red, happy at having someone to hurt, blitzed Erik the Viking and pushed him away, and Johny Red ran into the end zone to the cheering of the crowd with just more than half the time gone on the clock in the second half, whereupon Johny Red took off his helmet and discovered the ball between the horns.

The Boozzhounds kick was received by the Mates, and they pushed quickly along the flank of the massed Boozzhounds line, with Lineman Jack Sparrow blitzing thunderously into Boozzhounds Lineman Gy Ness, sending him flying and falling to the ground in a crumpled heap with a crunching of bone. (The Boozzhound apothecary determined that the crunching was just his skull, though, which Gy Ness apparently made little use of, and he kept playing). The Hounds were quick to respond, though, disrupting the Mates weak center and stopping the Mates flank advance cold with their extra players freed up from the middle. Mates Catcher Jean Lafitte deftly picked up the loose ball from amidst the Orcs, but then disaster struck for the Mates as Orc Lineman Jacky Dee tripped him as he tried to dodge away, and he collapsed across the spiked foot of another Orc player, piercing his jugular and he quickly bled to death on the field [Ed: Jean Lafitte now has the dubious honour of being the leagues most experienced corpse, with 11 games under his belt and 28 SPP.  It could happen to anyone, folks!]. The ball bounced into the crowd, and was thrown back behind the Boozzhounds' line. The Boozzhounds moved the ball quickly towards the Mates' end zone, but a last-ditch effort by some dodging Mates Blitzers put an end to the Boozzhounds' bid to score and even up the score. The Boozzhounds, frustated, used the last minutes of the game to bash as many Mates players as they could in good Orc fashion until the whistle blew, with the final score 2-1 for the Mates, and the announcers posthumously awarding Catcher Jean Lafitte the MVP for the Mates' side.
 

1:30am Monday, September 8th, 2003

Necrophiliacs Anonymous: Flesh 2 Racers 2

The Creeping Flesh took the field against the Rat Racers in their long awaited 5th round match yesterday evening in a game that garnered more fan attention for both teams, the Flesh for their crowd pleasing ability to inflict casualties, and the Racers for being plucky under-rats. The initial Flesh drive rolled over the Racers like a tidal wave of dead body parts moving in unison for some dark purpose, with mummy Rigor Mortis opening up the casualties by delivering a rib-cracking punch to storm vermin Biff. Wight Scurvey followed up shortly thereafter by fracturing linerat Guzlag's leg as the ghouls of the Flesh, in possession of the ball, ran past the prone, battered and beaten defensive line of the Racers. The Flesh swept aside the two gutter runners who hopelessly sought to bar their path, and ghoul deranged ran into the Racers end zone to score at the middle of the half.  The Flesh kept their momentum, blitzing the Racers, but in their haste to beat the crap out of the Skaven, they did not notice storm vermin Crud slipping through the wide zone with the ball, preceded by gutter runner Rat Face who subsequently received Crud's hand-off and ran in to tie the game at 1-1. With a quarter of the time remaining in the half, the Flesh attacked again, showing a total disregard for the ball which lay where it had been kicked to.  Taking advantage of the Flesh's inattention, gutter runner Lightning Jak lived up to his name and sprinted deep into Flesh territory to recover the ball.  Despite Flesh attempts to bring him down or surround him, with a little help from his teammates he was able to dodge away from the press and again rely on his incredible speed to score a touchdown.  With only about a minute left to go, the two teams had a quick slugging match and the halftime whistle blew without further incident.

The Racers received in the 2nd half, only to lose the ball after linerat Skuttlebutt was knocked out cold by a blitz from Rigor Mortis.  Wight Riddled recovered the ball for the Flesh, and a shoving match erupted at the line of scrimmage with the stronger Flesh getting the upper hand quickly, two Racers being badly hurt in the process.  As riddled ran forward, the Racers made increasingly desperate attempts to stop him, only to have wight Scurvey set upon Lightning Jak, smashing his hip. With the field open before him and covered by his teammates (and indeed with only 3 Racers left on the field, all prone), Riddled ran in to tie the game once more at 2-2.  The Racers had been seriosuly reduced by the unrelenting Flesh, and could only field seven effectives on the next drive, and the ghoul Disturbed quickly regained control of the ball the Flesh had kicked.  The Racers, facing defeat in the final minutes of the game, nontheless managed to knock Disturbed flat and the loose ball bounced to Rat Face who clung to it, only to be knocked over in turn by wight Poxie... another score was not to be, though as the loose ball bounced directly into the hands of the nearby Crud, who covered up on the ball and played safety until the clock ran down and rescued the Racers.

The tie game holds the Flesh down in contention for a playoff spot with the Mashers and the Sharks... the two teams that the Flesh just happen to have to play next before the season ends.   
 

1:30am Sunday, September 7th, 2003

Playoff Rules Posted

 

The special rules for the playoffs and the playoff schedule can now be found here, and is also linked on the left hand navigation pane. In addition to the official playoffs there will be the Soapy Consolation Tournament, which will be open to the bottom four teams in each conference.  Structure of the Soapy Consolation Tournament will be identical to that of the DragonBowl playoffs.

Including playoff matches, all teams may play up to a maximum of three officially sanctioned post-season matches, which must be completed before the start of the DragonBowl II regular season. Offiicially sanctioned matches include exhibition games which may be played between any two teams determined by challenge.  Exhibition games are not worth points and do not count towards a prize or trophy, but otherwise count as a match for all other purposes (gate, SPP, etc.).  A team may not play an exhibition game if they are currently involved in a playoff tournament (although they may play exhibition matches after being eliminated from one).

Grab that glittering prize!  Just watch out for the spiky bits.
 

1:00am Sunday, September 7th, 2003

Nipples Erect: Smashers 1 Warthogs 1

The Drakehead Smashers' winning streak ended with a 1-1 draw against the last place Nipply Warthogs, defying all the bookies' odds. The Smashers got off to a strong start, and, despite losing skink Goddamn badly hurt in the process, managed to slice through the Warthogs defence, with skink Godbless scoring early in the half.  Things got more difficult for them from then on out, however, as the Warthogs made a strong bid to score, with the Smashers skinks knocking over catcher Peilings "meat Glove" Kinninbownes 10 yards short of the end zone.  Godbless recovered the ball and ran up field, dodging free of pursuing Warthogs until blitzer Erik "Gibspacio" Dutmunt (c) finally caught him and knocked him flat, squelching any chance of a touchdown before the halftime whistle.

At the start of the second half, the Smashers came out swinging, blitzing the Warthogs offence.  Blitz notwithstanding, the Warthogs recovered the ball and thrower Buster "Spearboobs" Hammars delivered a perfect quick pass into the meaty glove of "meat Glove" Kinninbownes who ran up the wide zone well protected by his teammates.  The drive stalled somewhat when two Smashers sauri managed to interpose themselves between the Warthogs and the end zone, and "Meat Glove" tripped over one of their tails trying to get by, the ball serendipitously flying out of his grasp and into that of accompanying lineman Cozya "Tibia" Brokenbownes, but the field opened up again when saurus BigGod took a mighty swing at Cozya missed spinning around and falling on his punching arm, fracturing it.  Cozya was then able to nip around his groaning prostrate form and run into the end zone to score the tying touchdown.  After a bad kick by the Warthogs, the Smashers were able to give the ball to saurus JustGod, and the offence smashed into the Warthogs defence, knocking players left and right and driving deep.  With fierce fighting slowing down the smashers progress, JustGod saw an opneing and went for it, running alone to within 15 yards of the Warthogs' end zone.  The Warthogs defence was all over him quickly though, and, inexplicably the plodding saurus tried to dodge away from his pursuers, failing miserably and falling flat on his face, the ball rolling tantalizingly into the end zone, where "Meat Glove" picked up and dashed out.  "Meat Glove" was subsequently stunned by the saurus Godisdead, and once again the ball rolled loose.  A vicious melee erupted around the ball with neither side getting control until finally the clock ran down and the final whistle blew.

No one is sure why the number one team in the tourney had such trouble with the Warthogs, who have been winless as much as the Smashers have been undefeated.  Perhaps the Smashers success has simply been a lucky streak that is coming to an end?  With only one game left in the regular season, it seems unlikely that the Smashers will b materially affected, but it will be interesting to see their performance in the playoffs.
 

12:30am Sunday, September 7th, 2003

Death of a Line-Elf, Birth of a Saviour: Hunt 3 Rats 3

The resurgent Wild Hunt faced down the much reviled Rats de la Boule this evening.  Although a paltry 22,000 fans were in attendance, the game was to prove a crowd pleaser, and word of mouth of this incredible feat (as well as cabalvision reruns) will be, no doubt, a shot in the arm for both teams' fan base.  As both teams prepared to take the field, the Hunt noticed that their rookie treeman Fangorn had fallen fast asleep, his roots digging deep into the earthen floor of the dugout... with Coach Skarloc cursing in a most hasty fashion under his breath, the one elf short Hunt arranged themselves on the field in preparation to receive the first kick.  The fans declared their allegiance quite quickly by pelting the Rats with rocks, a larger one stunning linerat Cholera just as the ball went sailing into the Hunt's end.  The Hunt's game plan quickly unraveled when veteran wardancer Wychwethyl stunned himself by bouncing off linerat Nasser.  The Hunt tried to make the best of the increasingly bad situation, and Sceolan ran a reverse play covered by his attendent line-elves, but had the ball knocked loose from his hands by storm vermin Mustapha El Rata.  The ball spun off the field, and one of the few Rats fans in attendance got their hands on it to send it sailing back in to the midfield where both teams struggled to grab it as it bounced wildly about, with line-elf Lemenya2 going down badly hurt in the fighting.  The Rats were the first to recover is as it bounced to the edge of the melee, and gutter runner Hab Il Dlabal handed off to rookie gutter runner Mulot Ratatoin who sprinted into the Hunt end zone and scored.  Now two elves short, the Hunt managed to execute a quick snap and opened enough of a hole in the wide zone for Sceolan to dash through, scoring before the Rats could reposition their defence.  With a third of the time remaining in the 1st half, the Rats received and did a quick snap of their own, and, despite a fumbled pass by thrower Envlas Dlaronde, broke the Hunt defence wide open in the wide zone and Hab Il Dlabal ran for it.  Wychwethyl raced after him, but, tragically, just as he was about to deliver the penultimate blitz, he took a misstep and went down hard, and proved too badly hurt to continue the game.  Hab Il Dlabal then stepped into the end zone to bring the score to 2-1 just before the halftime whistle.

Kicking in the second, the Hunt received reinforcements in the form of Fangorn, who had finally woken up.  Despite his presence at midfield, the Rats still broke through the wide zone defence and caged around Hab Il Dlabal.  The Hunt defenders threw themselves on to the cage in a bid to slow it down, and, in the process line-elf Attea2 ventured a little too close to rat ogre Tasstoi Dla, who pushed him back and then grabbed him up in his mighty arms and rent him limb from limb, his anguished screams filling the arena and sending the spectators into transports of delight.  The death of Attea2 cleared the way for Hab Il Dlabal to score again, and things look very dark for the Hunt.  With their hearts hardened and vowing revenge, the Hunt, now only eight players left on the field, set up their offence.  Upon reception, they once more knocked a hole in the Rats wide zone defence just large enough for Sceolan to dash through... but as Sceolan raced down the sideline his shoelaces came loose causing him to trip up, sending the ball flying into the Rats fans VIP box.  The fans threw the ball back to midfield, surrounded by Rats players, and Skarloc cursed once more.  But fortunately for the Hunt, Tasstoi Dla had been distracted by Fangorn and the crazed rat ogre leapt on the treeman hitting his head hard against Fangorn's tough trunk and knocking himself cold.  The ensuing confusion gave the Hunt just enough room for line-elf Toldea to run in and pick up the loose ball and deliver a short pass to line-elf Nelya2, who ran in to the Rats end zone and scored.

Boosted by their comeback, the Hunt set up their defence and kicked, only to suffer another loss at the bloody hands of Tasstoi Dla, who had come to in time to be put in... Tasstoi charged forward and swatted line-elf Cantea to the ground, smashing his knee, reducing the Hunt to seven effectives. The Rats continued their offence but disaster struck when Hab Il Dlabal dropped the handoff from Ramen Bouboule which would have given the Rats another touchdown.  The Hunt were quick to capitalize on the error, with Sceolan, aided by the few remaining line-elves dodging in to scoop up the ball form under the Rats noses and running it into Rats territory.  The Rats were not done yet though, and Ramen Bouboule pursued Sceolan, knocking him flat from behind, grabbing the loose ball, and running back across the line of scrimmage, while in the meantime the Hunt lost yet another player, Toldea, who was knocked out cold by a savage block.  Back swung the pendulum as line-elves Otsea and Nelya2 ganged up on Ramen Bouboule, knocking him down and the ball was once more picked up by Sceolan.  Nuffle was not done yet, as Sceolan had, seemingly, not adequately rectified his lace situation and down he went, the ball rolling away from his grasp.  Envla Dlaronde ran after the loose ball and to the everyone's amazement it squirted from his grasp as he tried to pick it up and he was knocked flat by line-elves coming up to assist.  Sceolan got to his feet and made a grab for the ball as it rolled across the pitch, and as the crowd roared in excitement, he too could not get a handle on it.  The clock ticked down as now the Rats came rushing in from all direction to squelch the play. Storm vermin Griffe Dla pushed Sceolan onto the ball and it rolled crazily away, and was grabbed by Hab Il Dlabal, who then tried to pass it up the pitch, and fumbled it, and it fell once more to the ground, this time seemingly out of reach of any of the six Hunt players left on the field.  Every single fan was on their feet cheering wildly, and the remaining seconds of the match ticked down as the Hunt made their final bid.  Line-elf Nelya2 tried to knock Griffe Dla out of the way, but to no avail, and Sceolan made his last move.  Dodging away from the rats who surrounded him, he raced around Griffe Dla to grab the ball from under his and Hab Il Dlabal's nose.  Prize in hand, he then dodged away from them and ran out to whip the ball straight into the arms of line-elf Otsea who caught it perfectly and, as the fans went even more crazy, ran unopposed into the Rats end zone to tie the game at 3-3 a split second before the final whistle blew.

It was a classic, edge of the seat til the last second Bloodbowl match, and despite the loss of Attea2, the Hunt profited enormously from the gate, endorsements offered to Sceolan, and donations by Sceolan's devoted fans. In fact Sceolan has become so popular that he has inspired a religious movement which claims that he is the son of the great god Nuffle, and which has given birth to a schismatic sect (formed after last night's game) that claims that he is, in fact, Nuffle incarnated in flesh.  Sceolan himself had no comment to make regarding this phenomenon.