4:30pm Wednesday, October 1st, 2003 | |
The Regular Season is OVER: The Post-Season now BEGINS |
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With the final game of the regular season complete, the playoff tournaments and exhibition matches may now commence. Schedule for the post-season is posted here. Note that the following timeframe is mandated for playoff games:
There is no set timeframe for exhibition matches, except they must be played in the order of challenges, and must be completed by Oct. 21st. New teams will still be accepted for the DragonBowl II season up until Oct. 21st, but will not be allowed to play exhibition games before then. All playoff games must be played with the overtime option checked in JBB. Additionally the semi-final option should be checked for a semi-final game and the final option checked for a final game. Overtime works as follows:
Let the carnage commence!! Err...
continue!!! |
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4:00pm Wednesday, October 1st, 2003 | |
Near Miss: Bluebutts 1 Crusaders 1 |
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On the heels of Monday night's upset, the Blargburg Bluebutts made their play for the final playoff spot late last night, needing a win against the undefeated Crypt Crusaders to edge out the Frothy Steins from the running. Unfortunately the cabalvision replay has been partly damaged, the first quarter of the game taped over by old Three's Company reruns, but what can be recalled will be recounted here. The dramatic first half saw the Bluebutts receive the Crusaders kick and in characteristic fashion the witch elves of the Bluebutts dodged and leapt their way deep into Crusaders' turf as thrower Shit Head gathered up the ball and jockeyed for a position to pass from, unfortunately fumbling a long bomb right under the nose of mummy Bhandayd. After a brief scuffle, the Crusaders recovered the ball with ghoul Tins Dago Bump in possession. The Crusaders however could make little progress past the line of scrimmage, and eventually Tins Dago made a break for it on his own, only to get swarmed by five Bluebutts who succeeded in bringing him down, and he was carried off the field badly hurt. The ball bounced loosely away and with only minutes to spare in the half, witch elf Sum Dum Bitch ran to pick up the ball from under the nose of zombie Kad Aver, dodged away, handed-off the ball to Shit Head, who ran forward to the line of scrimmage and delivered a perfect long bomb right into the arms of witch elf Sum Dizzy Bitch who had sprinted into the Crusaders end zone, and so at the end of the first half the Bluebutts took the lead 1-0 (although not before notorious dirty player Fhal Apart jumped on prone line-elf and professional damage sponge Goit and gouged his eye savagely). The Crusaders received in the second half and quickly caged up around their ball carrier, wight Decom Poze. The cage advanced slowly across the line of scrimmage with the Bluebutts doing everything they could think of to impede it's progress (repeatedly targeting the mummies, who found themselves flat on their back much more often than they were accustomed to). Slowly Bluebutts casualties started to mount, with line-elf Brad being carried off after another Fhal Apart foul (for which he was this time ejected from the game), and mummy Tutenkarnage putting Sum Dum Bitch out of the game as well with a single powerful blow. Finally the Bluebutts disrupted the cage but were unable to knock Decom Poze prone or otherwise get the ball away from him, and in the ensuing melee blitzer Kissmy Ass and Sum Dizzy Bitch were carried off unconscious, and, with only seven Bluebutts left on the field, Decom Poze was able to dodge away and sprint into the Bluebutts end zone to tie the game at 1-1. With less than a quarter of the game remaining, the Bluebutts received and prepared for a passing play in a last ditch effort to score and carry the game, but unfortnately line-elf Tosser was tripped up by one of Bhandayd's loose leg bandages and Bluebutts scoring hopes were squashed. Robbed of their scoring chance, the Bluebutts brought down mummy Bhandayd and attempted to foul him but just couldn't find his vitals... and so the final whistle blew on a dramatic draw game.
The Crusaders remain undefeated, and have set a
record in regular season points that we might never see surpassed in
DragonBBL play. The Bluebutts find themselves in 5th place and are due
to fight the Horny Babes in the quarter-final match of the Soapy Cup
playoffs, and the Frothy Steins go on to fight the Crusaders in the
quarter-final match of the DragonBowl playoffs. The regular season is
over! |
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7:30pm Tuesday, September 30th, 2003 | |
Hunt Squeeze Into the Playoffs: Hunt 3 Boozzhounds 0 |
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The Wild Hunt and the Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds squared off on the pitch last night, with the Hunt playing for their chance to participate in the DragonBowl playoffs. The Boozzhounds got off to a rocky start as, receiving in the first half, thrower Shooter failed miserably to pick up the ball and was subsequently knocked down by wardancer Wychwethyl as the Hunt took the opportunity to speed through gaps in the orc line. Sceolan sprinted in with his characteristic speed and grabbed the loose ball and headed for the Hounds' end zone. Wychwethyl pushed aside goblin Hyney Ken to clear the way for Sceolan and in he ran to score his 19th career touchdown. Receiving again, the Hounds set up for a fresh offence but again Shooter could not seem to get a grip on the pigskin, but this time he was sufficiently deep in the backfield that the Hunt players charging forward could not come to grips before he finally picked up the ball and made a perfect long pass across the field to Hyney Ken, the Hounds then promptly caging around the ball carrier. The speedy Hunt repositioned to block the Hounds initiative, but the Hounds drove forward nonetheless, with black orc Johny Red blitzing line-elf Lemenya2 to the ground and then throwing his full weight on the helpless Elf, crushing him and causing him to be carried from the pitch with a pinched nerve. The Hunt immediately counterattacked, crushing in one corner of the cage, allowing Wychwethyl to charge in and knock Hyney Ken to the ground, badly hurting him, then leaping out of the know of surrounding orcs. The loose ball bounced along the line of scrimmage where it was retrieved by Sceolan once more, but despite the interference of his teammates, lineorc Gy Ness sprinted around his blockers and knocked him flat, grabbing up the loose ball, but Gy Ness was knocked flat in turn by Wychwethyl, and Sceolan jumped up, grabbed ball, and dashed for the end zone once more. But he did not make it, as mere yards short, linorc Lar Batt caught up to him and brought him down, having slipped nimbly (too nimbly, for an Orc!) past the Hunt screening players. The Hounds, despite having two players badly hurt themselves, were beginning to make their weight felt as line-elf Enquea suffered a near-fatal block by blitzer Jimmy Beam, saved only by the quick thinking of the team apothecary. With the minutes ticking down, Wychwethyl again blitzed the Hounds ball-carrier, stripping the ball from Lar Batt's hands, keeping his feet as Lar Batt tried to push back and handing off to line-elf Attea3 who ran it into the Hounds end zone with seconds to spare in the first half to make it 2-0. The Hunt received in the 2nd half and immediately tried to develop a play up the center of the field but suffered some nervous moments as line-elf Nertea2 dropped a quick pass from thrower Skaw2. The Hounds drove forward but lineorc Lar Batt knocked heads with Enquea and both went down prone, allowing Nertea2 to charge up the field into a well protected cage to receive (successfully this time) a quick pass form Skaw2. Meanwhile, back at the line of scrimmage, blitzer Jacky Dee delivered a powerful kick to the inside of line-elf (and team kicker) Toldea's right leg, smashing his knee and taking him out of the game. Nertea2 then ran in for the touchdown, bringing the score to 3-0, his path cleared by the blocking of his teammates. With both teams short handed (Hunt down one, Hounds down two), the Hunt kicked to the Hounds and the Hounds drove forward with a purpose, goblin Becks crossing the line of scrimmage protected by a cage of his teammates. The Hunt counterattack managed to break up the forward momentum of the cage quickly, however, with line-elf Nelya2 blocking blitzer Dewar to the ground, fracturing his arm. The Hounds tried a reverse play, breaking out the cage, Becks running along the line of scrimmage to try and get clear, but Wychwethyl caught him and knocked him flat, knocking the ball loose. A battle for possession broke out, resulting in the death of Attea3 (the third incarnation of Attea to die on the bloodbowl pitch) at the massive hands of Johny Red who strode up to the hapless Elf and wrung his neck like a wet rag. The Hunt finally managed to take possession after Wychwethyl knocked Gy Ness flat and the ball bounced to the edge of the melee, where nimble Sceolan picked it up and sprinted off. Jacky Dee put another notch on his belt, connecting a powerful haymaker with Enquea's head, giving him a serious concussion, and Jimmy Beam upped his personal score by blocking Nertea2 so hard he had to be carried off unable to play further. With casualties mounting, Sceolan dashed for the enemy end zone and the Hunt players scattered leaving Fangorn to lay about him at any nearby targets until he to was finally brought down by the mass of surrounding Orcs. With seconds to go in the game, Sceolan handed off the ball to line-elf Quenya in the end zone but Quenya's tired hands dropped the ball and the final whistle blew without any further score.
The 3-0 victory puts the Hunt into the
DragonBowl playoffs ahead of the Mass Killers who must instead
contend for the Soapy Cup (although they do get a by to the semi-finals due
to the Paladins' disqualification), but at considerable cost as the
one death and three serious injuries suffered weaken the team just as it
needs to be at it's strongest, facing the Brimstone Bonestealers in
the quarter-final round. Additionally, the now-Superstar Sceolan was
seen to be limping and in considerable pain as he left the field after the
final whistle... could it be that Sceolan has pushed his body too hard?
"Blasphemy", some might say... |
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10:00pm Thursday, September 25th, 2003 | |
Frozen Rosters and Major Surgery: It's Official |
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The Post-Season Rules have been updated to reflect that the frozen roster rule will be officially implemented for this post-season playoffs. It has been amended to include a provision to allow teams which enter the playoffs with less than 11 players to expand their rosters to 11 during the course of the playoffs. Note this rule does not apply to teams playing exhibition matches outside of the playoff tournaments.
Additionally the
League
Rules have been updated to include the newly implemented Major Surgery
rule... use at your own risk!! |
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9:30pm Thursday, September 25th, 2003 | |
Strike the Jolly Rogerers: Rats 2 Mates 2 |
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The second to last game of Frog conference regular season play went down last night between the Styg's Mates and the Rats de la Boule. A paltry 29,000 fans showed for the match, neither team having a particularly solid fan base and the Rats specifically being the team everyone loves to hate... and true to form, the fans vented their hatred of the Rats on the first kick, rampaging onto the pitch, knocking out storm vermin Mustapha El Rata, stunning two other Rats, and nearly killing linerat Peste Toba before being beaten off. The stage was set for a particularly violent bloodbowl game as the Rats retrieved the Mates kick and tried to throw together an offensive from the chaos created by the fans. More bad luck dogged them as gutter runner Mulot Ratatoin, having just recovered from the tender mercies of the crowd, tripped up while attempting to dodge away from lineman Davey Jones and he too was knocked unconscious. As the rats offence collapsed, the Mates rushed thrower Envla Dlaronde who was holding the ball, pushing him back and closing in on him from all sides, until blitzer Barbossa delivered a characteristically powerful block that put Envla out for the rest of the game. Dread Pirate Roberts picked up the ball and carried it deep as catcher One-Eyed Willy ran for the end zone in the hopes of receiving, but Peste Toba caught Roberts from behind and knocked him out, leaving the ball loose on the pitch. Barbossa came rushing in to throw himself at Peste, but the Skaven stepped aside and Barbossa went down, his turn to be knocked cold. Peste just could not pick up the ball however, and One-Eyed Willy saved the day for the Mates, dashing in to grab it up form under Peste's nose and sprinting back into the end zone to score. With a quarter of the half left and no gutter runners, the Rats nonetheless did their best to counterattack, a recovered Envla tossing a quick pass to the also-recovered Mustapha El Rata who ran up the wide zone, protected by storm vermin Batolo Casimor and rat ogre Tasstoi Dla. Barbossa (also having recovered his senses) took up the role of safety for the Mates, dodging past the screening Rats but Mustapha put his shoulder into the onrushing blitzer, and Barbossa once again went down for the count, as Mustapha sped away from him, down the field, and into the end zone to score a tying touchdown. With only a minute or so left in the half, the two teams set up for the Rats kickoff, and the Mates charged, paying only scant attention to the ball and intent on causing casualties. Several Rats were knocked prone and the Mates surrounded Tasstoi Dla as ogre Polly The Cracker Parrot came charging in for a titanic blitz. The two big guys crashed together and Tasstoi went down hard and had to be dragged from the pitch at half time, whimpering in pain... the Rats apothecary diagnosed it as a pinched nerve, announcing that the rat ogre would probably never make a complete recovery. The Rats set up one player short for their 2nd half kick, and the Mates took the offensive, driving up the wide zone with One-Eyed Willy escorted by Barbossa and Davey Jones, as Dread Pirate Roberts hung back behind the line of scrimmage with the ball looking for a clear pass. Batalo Casimor broke through on the ill-defended opposite wide zone and rushed Dread Pirate Roberts, grappling with him and lineman Black Barty who had rushed back to assist, succeeding in knocking him flat and grabbing up the loose ball as it bounced towards him, then dodging away from Black Barty and sprinting like a rat possessed into the Mates end zone, taking the Rats into the lead at 2-1. The Mates came back with a vengeance, receiving the Rats kick and attacking straight up the middle of the field, and the Rats casualties quickly mounted with linerat Scorbut suffering a smashed hip after being blind-sided by Henry Morgan, and linerat Mohammed being knocked unconscious. The Mates caged around One-Eyed Willy who had picked up the ball on the line of scrimmage. Despite the best efforts of the Rats defence, the Mates pushed aside all opposition without too much difficulty and broke out the cage, with One-Eyed Willy sprinting into the Rats end zone to score the tying touchdown. With a little more than a quarter of the 2nd half remaining, the Rats, now short three players, tried to get another offensive going, but Mulot Ratatoin dropped the pass from Envla, and then got knocked flat by a double team of Henry Morgan and lineman Mad Dog Bonney. Lineman Rackham le Rouge then ran up to his prone form and kicked him viciously in the small of the back, cracking several vertebrae, the ref turning a blind eye to the blatant foul. With that, the clock ran down and the final whistle blew on a 2-2 draw.
The Mates may not be going to the DragonBowl
but they seriously put the hurt on the Rats chances in this game... the
Rats, who must play the Blood Drakkar in the quarter-final, have over
a third of their players in physical therapy for various game-related
injuries, including both their critical gutter runners and their heavy
hitting rat ogre. How these injuries affect the team in the upcoming
playoff matches may well be central to their DragonBowl hopes. |
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6:30pm Wednesday, September 24th, 2003 | |
JavaBowl 6.6b Released! |
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JavaBowl 6.6b has been released to fixed some
small outstanding issues from the 6.6 release... like we didn't know THAT
would happen!! You
can get it in the
downloads section. Please use it... seems like it's important... |
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12:30pm Wednesday, September 24th, 2003 | |
Rest and Recreation: Some Clarifications |
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The
Post-Season Rules have been clarified to state that there is indeed a
period of rest for all teams between the regular season and the post-season,
so that all injured players may recover. Rejoice! |
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11:30am Wednesday, September 24th, 2003 | |
JavaBowl 6.6 Released! |
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JavaBowl 6.6 is now ready for use, with plenty
of interesting new developments. You
can get it in the
downloads section. Alright Ryan! You're a good man. A round of applause for the
semi-anonymous Ryan, everyone! Now go download the patch and install
it... chop chop! |
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11:30am Wednesday, September 24th, 2003 | |
Who Needs Sceolan? Hunt 3 Mates 0 |
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The long awaited 13th round match between the Wild Hunt and the Styg's Mates occurred late Monday night in front of 43,000 fans. The Mates received the first kick and pushed forward across the line of scrimmage, knocking prone the Hunt Elves on the first line, with rookie catcher Vallo in possession of the ball. The Hunt rearranged their defence to protect the wide zone the Mates were headed for, losing line-elf Nertea2 knocked unconscious in the process of dodging. As the Mates rolled forward, line-elf Attea3 who had been prone as the Mates passed him by, jumped to his feet and blizted Vallo, but Vallo kept his feet. The Hunt then managed to force in the defenders surrounding Vallo away, and it seemed the ball carrier was in some trouble. As his teammates converged on the trouble spot, Vallo launched himself at line-elf Quenya in front of him in an effort to escape the fracas, but Quenya nimbly pivoted away and Vallo went down like a sack of potatoes and was carried off with a concussion. The loose ball bounced into a knot of Mates players, but undeterred, the Hunt cleared away as many of the opposing players as they could and then in went the Hunt's star, Sceolan... he dodged easily past lineman Captain Hook and blitzer Henry Morgan, picked up the ball from under the noses of thrower Dread Pirate Roberts and lineman Davey Jones, dodged away from them and sprinted down the field towards the Mates end zone [Ed. Thats two 3+ dodges, three 2+ dodges, a 3+ get the ball, and two 2+ go for its, no rerolls used whatsoever, not even dodges or sure feet]. Flabbergasted and enraged, the Mates laid into nearby Hunt players, clearing the way for blitzer Barbossa to sprint after Sceolan, catching him from behind halfway to the end zone and knocking him to the ground. Sceolan hit the turf mighty hard and his fans held their breath for long seconds as no movement was discerned from his still form... but no, he was still breathing, and Hunt personnel carried his limp body from the field. Sceolan was out of play, badly hurt... the Hunt would have to prove they could play without him. With another line-elf KO'd in the melee, the Hunt were three elves down, but still they picked themselves up and charged after the ball which lay where Sceolan had dropped it deep in the Mates half. Wardancer Wychwethyl, who had already narrowly escaped serious injury trying to leap over the Mates lines earlier now threw himself at Barbossa but bounced off the powerful blitzer, and another line-elf, Otsea, was knocked out cold in the continued fighting at midfield. Mates thrower Dread Pirate Roberts ran over to grab the loose ball and attempted to pass it up the wide zone, but mis-threw and the ball only made it partway to it's intended target. The nimble elves took advantage, as line-elf Lemenya2 jumped up and ran long to receive a long pass from thrower Skaw2 who had collected the loose ball, but Lemenya tipped the accurate throw and the ball spun away from him. Up came Barbossa, on the war path, charging full into Lemenya2, and another Hunt player was carried form the pitch, too badly hurt to continue. Dread Pirate Roberts ran up to grab the loose ball but could not get a grip and the ball skittered away. Only six players now, the Hunt continued their offensive, line-elf Cantea with the help of Attea3 managed to knock the Dread Pirate Roberts down, and thrower Skaw2 running in to collect the loose ball. Again Barbossa came after the ball carrier, but this time Skaw2 was only pushed back, staying on his feet in firm possession of the ball. The Mates converged from mid-field in an attempt to smother the play, but Skaw2 managed to dodge away and past Barbossa, sprinting in to the Mates end zone to score. With only minutes left in the half, the seven Hunt players able to take the field set up and the two teams exchanged blows before the whistle blew. Receiving in the 2nd half, the Hunt treeman Fangorn finally woke up, bringing the Hunt to eight able-bodied players on the field against the Mates ten. As the Mates kick flew through the air, a group of stalwart Mates fans mobbed the referee, beating him badly. The Hunt cracked through the Mates forward defence, and Skaw2 retrieved the ball and passed it up to Wychwethyl who immediately sprinted deep into the Mates unprotected backfield. Once again, Barbossa played safety but could not knock Wychwethyl to the ground, succeeding only in pinning him against the sideline, but the wardancer leapt away from Barbossa's clutches and ran into the end zone to bring the score to 2-0. The Hunt (now with nine players playing) then kicked to the Mates, who drove into the Wood Elves who held their ground, anchored by the immovable bulk of Fangorn. Dread Pirate Roberts had recovered the kick and moved up towards the line of scrimmage protected by Henry Morgan, but as the Mates advanced the Hunt were able to find many gaps that allowed them to dodge away from their opponents and move against the ball carrier. Aided by line-elves, wardancer Wychwethyl ran in to blitz Dread Pirate Roberts knocking him over and stripping the ball away from him into his own possession. As the Mates came charging back to try and fight their way through the screen of elves that now protected the wardancer, Wychwethyl pushed Dread Pirate Roberts back down as he struggled to his feet and ran by him, sprinting into the end zone for the third Hunt touchdown of the night. With the two teams back on even footing with ten players apiece, the Mates received and once again went on the offensive, quickly knocking Wychwethyl unconscious and badly hurting the stunned line-elf Cantea on a foul by lineman Mad Dog Bonney, but their drive went awry as Dread Pirate Roberts tripped over a spider's web and dropped the ball. The Hunt reacted quickly, pushing up the unprotected wide zone as Otsea dashed in to recover the loose ball at midfield and throw a good pass to Quenya, who caught it. Quenya was not properly screened however, as line-elf Attea3 had been tripped up as he dodged away to get into position, and Barbossa raced in and sacked him, knocking the ball out of his clutches. Exhaustion was beginning to tell on the Hunt, as line-elf Enquea knocked himself out trying to dodge and the Mates easily cleared the Hunt players away from the ball, which Barbossa picked up. With the entire Hunt roster except Fangorn (who was surrounded) lying on the ground and just enough time to score, things looked good for Barbossa but as he sprinted forward, he lost his footing and went down, losing the ball [Ed: adherents of the cult of Sceolan say that he had been pushed down by the invisible hand of Nuffle as punishment for injuring his favoured son]. With no time left to accomplish anything, the Hunt recovered the ball and passed it up the field out of harms way, ending the game with only six players in play, Skaw2 having been knocked out cold in the last minute of the game by a brutal foul by Mad Dog Bonney. As the clock ran down, the final whistle blew on a 3-0 Hunt victory.
The victory was a tremendous shot in the arm
for the rank and file of the Hunt. Except for the initial turnover at
the start of the game, they had managed to win the game unaided by Sceolan
(although he nevertheless managed to add to his aura), acting more as a team
and less as a support group for the star catcher. Additionally, while the
game shattered the playoff hopes of the Mates, the Hunt's chances have never
looked better. They need only to beat the Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds
in their last game of the season, and the 4th playoff spot in Frog
Conference shall be theirs. |
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4:30pm Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003 | |
Hakuna Matata: Racers 3 Warthogs 0 |
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Also last night, the other of the final two matches of Spike! Magazine regular season play went down last night between the Rat Racers and the winless Nipply Warthogs. Coach Phillipe Antoine of the Racers, having resigned due to "real life concerns", handed over the reigns to Coach JystDave of the Frog Conference Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds. Although there was little at stake in this match except bragging rights, there was a significant turnout of 49,000 fans, the Racers being the most popular team in the tournament despite their poor standings. The racers were in fine form as they kicked off to the Warthogs and immediately blitzed, knocking flat the Warthogs front line and getting close to the ball which fell short, close to the line of scrimmage. The Warthogs hit back, but suffered another setback as catcher Raoul "Grands Pantalons" Demeux attempted to retreive the ball from under the Racers' twitching noses, only to get tripped up, falling hard and badly hurting himself. Subsequently the Racers cleared away the nearby Warthogs and linerat Sour picked up the ball and ran for the touchdown line but was tackled from behind by team captain Erik "Gibspacio" Dutmunt, going down so hard he had to be carried off, unable to play further. Erik picked up the loose ball but was then stunned by storm vermin Crud, and the ball was taken by rookie gutter runner Dirty Sock who ran it into the Warthogs touchdown to start the scoring off. The racers were not done yet, however, as the pulled another blitz on the next kick, driving through the center of the surprised Warthogs' lines. The Warthogs managed to get to the ball first, as thrower Gnass "Phlegm Rain" Riksvold grabbed up the ball but his subsequent short pass to catcher Peilings "Meat Glove" Kinninbownes was dropped, and Peilings knocked to the ground by onrushing rat ogre Headsplitter. Dirty Sock once again took the ball and sprinted with it deep into the Warthogs half, where his progress was rudely stopped by the Warthogs defence. Linerat Whiffy knocked himself out and badly hurt thrower Buster "Spearboobs" Hammars in a spectacular collision which left the way open for blitzer Adolph "Spleen-Tease" Barfolonew to sack Dirty Sock, stunning him and sending the ball bouncing into the hands of Gnass Riksvold. The Warthogs rallied around Gnass who carried the ball upfield, handing off to Adolph Barfolonew at the line of scrimmage, who then ran into the undefended Racers' backfield. A Warthogs touchdown was not to be, however, as the speedy Skaven caught Adolph, surrounding him, storm vermin Crud blitzing him prone. The ball now firmly in the hands of linerat Groxy, the two teams traded blows and the half-time whistle blew. Setting up two men short, the Warthogs kicked to the Racers at the top of the 2nd, and immediately the Racers drove into them, knocking out Gnass Riksvold and tearing their defence wide open. The Warthogs nevertheless tried to smother the Racers' drive but Dirty Sock who had received a pass from thrower Hurler in the back field, managed to keep his feet and the ball and dashed forward to hand off to gutter runner Rat Face, cherry picking deep in Warthogs territory. Rat Face then ran in to the end zone to bring the score to 2-0. Still two men short, the Warthogs set up for the offence and received the Racers' kick, making a hole in the wide zone... unfortunately things went wrong for the Warthogs once more as blitzer Gus "One-Tooth Smile" Brausen dropped a hand-off, and then subsequently knocked the ball into a group of Racers fans as he tried to pick it up. The fans threw the ball back in at midfield, and despite herculanean efforts the Warthogs were not able to reposition their stretched manpower in time to prevent Dirty Sock from grabbing up the ball and getting a clean breakaway towards the Warthogs end zone. Dirty sock scored his second touchdown and the Racers third, making it 3-0. With only a few minutes remaining in the game, the Warthogs received and executed a quick snap, but Gnass Riksvold fumbled the pick up and with no score possible, the final whistle blew just as the Ref spotted Peilings Kinninbownes viciously kicking the prone Crud.
With their victory, the Racers end the season
at 5th place overall just ahead of the now-defunct Midgard Mashers,
and the Warthogs languish in last place behind the Rage Sharks. |
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2:30pm Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003 | |
Greased Piglets: Videos 1 Sharks 0 |
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A measly 25,000 fans showed up for the 7th round final regular season match between the Rage Sharks and the Straight to Videos last night. Both teams were competing for the all important 4th playoff spot, and the honour of tackling the seaosn champs, the Blue Blighters, in the Spike! Tournament quarter-final. The Videos received the first kick and started passing the ball about, possibly in an effort to confuse the Sharks, while backing off the line of scrimmage. The Sharks surged forward into close quarters in an attempt to bring the Videos to battle but the Videos once again backed away, passing and handing-off the ball as they went. Finally late in the half, beastman Rend charged into the exposed flank of line-elf "Laugh it up fuzzball" knocking him flat and the ball went loose behind Videos lines. The videos pushed back, opening the way for catcher "I love it when a plan comes together" to sprint up the wide zone past the Sharks defence, going long for the pass, but unfortunately line-elf "Pretty fucking good milkshake" (who had recovered the ball) threw wild and beastman Goering was able to jump on it. Goering was in turn blitzed flat by wardancer "These go to eleven" and the ball bounced off the field only to be thrown in by Videos fans less than a dozen yards from the Sharks end zone. Seeing the chanced, "I love it when a plan comes together" dodged away from the beastman covering him and dashed to the ball with seconds to spare, but unfortunately the ball squirted from his grasp as he picked it up, and, after a desperate and comical juggle in the air in an attempt to regain it, it finally fell to the ground and bounced away, the whistle blowing on a scoreless (and casualty-less) first half. As the Videos kicked the ball in the second half, a single Videos fan (perhaps the victim of a practical joke, maybe on a dare, or perhaps due to the loss of a bet) invaded the Sharks pitch, charging up to beatsman Frumpy Thistlebottom (who was busy searching for something inside his nasal cavity, fully unawares) and delivered a tremendous head-butt. Both individuals went down, the rabid Videos fan had crushed his own skull, and Frumpy was knocked silly by the impact, and, in a daze, had to be led off the field. The rest of the Sharks shrugged, and immediately went on the offensive, starting out strong by badly hurting line-elf "Are you talking to me?". Undeterred the Videos stepped up, pushing back the Sharks line, and keeping them at arms length. The shoving match continued until beastman Rend was knocked unconscious and several Videos streamed through the gaps in the Sharks line into the their backfield where beastman The Burninator held the ball. After being pushed to the sideline by chaos warrior The Crusher, "I love it when a plan comes together" dodged away and came up behind The Burninator, who was distracted by line-elf "They're Here...", and cold-cocked him, then grabbing the ball as it bounced away and sprinting into the Sharks end zone for the winning touchdown. With more than half of the 2nd half remaining, the Sharks received again and went on the offensive, closing into hand to hand combat with Videos. The Videos tried to extract themselves from close quarters, but line-elf "Go ahead. make my day" badly hurt himself after being tripped up trying to dodge away, and subsequently "I love it when a plan comes together went down with a concussion, courtesy of chaos warrior B Jesus, and "Pretty Fucking good milkshake" was knocked out cold. Shortly afterwards line-elf "These are not the droids you are looking for" knocked himself out trying to dodge, and line-elf "If you value your life, be somewhere else" suffered a gouged eye from particularly vicious block by chaos warrior Anger Shark. With only six players remaining on the pitch, the Videos still managed to disrupt the Sharks play, "These go to eleven" blitzing beastman Mmmm Blood, both players going down and the ball bouncing loose, where it was jumped on by "Laugh it up fuzzball", and, ball secure, the final whistle blew on a narrow 1-0 Videos victory. In a post-match interview, Coach Carlo the Despoiler said:
The Videos victory places them squarely in 4th
place and wins them the last spot for the Spike! Magazine Trophy
Playoffs. |
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9:00pm Saturday, September 20th, 2003 | |
Killers Miss Their Target: Killers 1 Drakkar 1 |
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It was a disappointing final game last night for the highly rated Mass Killers against their opponents the Blood Drakkar. Although the fans declared for the Killers early by stunning lineman Leif Completementpaf with a rock on the first kick, the Drakkar were able to survive the Killers onslaught, securing the ball and fighting their way up field. Catcher Odin Bellegaf executed some very fancy footwork dodging past the Killers defensive line, brushing off an attempted tackle by beastman Chupacabra, and running all the way to the Killers end zone to score late in the half. On the return drive, the Killers executed a quick snap, pushing back the Drakkar defence step by step, but ultimately failing to get into scoring position as beastman Dens B. Lair slipped on an octopus someone had thrown onto the pitch and lost control of the ball. The two teams skirmished as the final seconds ran off the clock and the half time whistle blew. The Killers second half drive quickly disrupted any coherence in the Drakkar defence, driving them back and breaking through in many places, each Drakkar player finding themselves fighting solitary battles against their stronger foes. Amid the confusion, Dens B. Lair ran the ball up to Chupacabra who was waiting deep in Drakkar territory, but the hand-off got dropped and the nearby Drakkar players converged on the spot where a vicious fight broke out, both sides trying and failing to retrieve the ball, until finally the Killers superior strength showed through, the defending Drakkar cleared away from the ball, which was then picked up by beastman The Jackal who managed to run into the end zone and score the tying touchdown in the waning quarter of the half. With little time left, the Drakkar attempted to make one last play but thrower Olaf Cenotaf accidently knocked the ball into the crowd trying to pick it up and it sailed back in to the Drakkar back field, sinking any hopes of recovering it in time to score.
With this tie game, the Killers hopes for a
playoff spot remain unfulfilled, despite the probably disqualification of
the Paladins due to outstanding debt, since both the Wild Hunt
and the Styg's Mates can possibly overtake them in the standings in
their remaining two games. The Frog Conference playoff bid has come
right down to the wire... |
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8:30pm Saturday, September 20th, 2003 | |
Stealers Wheelin': Bonestealers 2 Paladins 0 |
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The Brimstone Bonestealers finished off their season last night against the Paladins, reaffirming their already secure #1 spot with a 2-0 victory. The Paladins kicked deep, and fought hard to avoid being overpowered by the heavy hitting Stealers. The two teams cut and thrust at the line of scrimmage, but the Paladins were driven slowly back losing their veteran lion warrior Greyeagle badly hurt and veteran dragon warrior Silent Service unconscious. Losing their two strongest players told heavily on the Paladins, and the Bonestealers ground almost inevitably forward until finally in the closing minutes of the half, ghoul Scarbrow Spleenlicker found himself with a wide open pitch in front of him and thus ran the ball into the Paladins end zone to score the winning touchdown. With no time left to make any plays, the first half ended. Receiving in the second but still short their two best players, the Paladins nevertheless executed a quick snap but were brought up short after line-elf Kolkov stunned himself bouncing off mummy Anoth "Big Mummy" Tset. The Paladins offence was badly disrupted, however phoenix warrior Alex Hapsburg managed to complete a good pass up to lion warrior M.K. Klaw in the wide zone. Despite his escorting teammates, the Stealers managed to knock the ball loose after wight Murken Shadowspike blitzed Hapsburg to the ground... the ball then bounced off of nearby line-elf The Farzan and wedged itself under the arm of Anoth Tset. As soon as everyone had recovered from their surprise, Anoth started to lumber up the field, swinging his free arm at any Elf that came near. The Paladins were unable to slow his progress (arguably slow enough anyway) up the field toward their end zone until it became apparent to the Stealers that Anoth's pace would not be sufficient to score before the final whistle... Anoth then got the signal from coach Nygrell to hand off the ball to Murken Shadowspike, which he successfully did. Line-elf Silvermane made a last ditch attempt to bar the way for Murken, but unfortunately tripped over a discarded mead can, going down heavily at Murken's feet. Murken then stepped over Silvermane's unconscious body and jogged into the Paladins end zone to bring the final score to 2-0.
The Paladins loss puts the fourth playoff spot
in Frog Conference into considerable doubt, as either the Wild Hunt
or the Styg's Mates can claim it by winning their next two games.
In addition, the rather pathetic profits from the gate seem to indicate that
the Paladins will not be able to escape their crushing debt in order to be
admitted into either of the playoff competitions (which, in the event of the
Hunt or Mates not making it, allow the Mass Killers to take their
place in the DragonBowl finals). Nevertheless, despite the retirement
of Coach Pat, the Paladins remain a very viable team and would certainly
have had bright season II hopes. Will we see them play again?
Time may tell... |
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8:00pm Saturday, September 20th, 2003 | |
Lizards of Summer: Barnacles 3 Surly 0 |
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In torrential rain the final match of the season for the Blistering Barnacles and the Short & Surly kicked off to the dampened cheering of 53,000 fans. The initial Surly kick went off the field and the ball was given to skink Sqwerman Norman who was quickly surrounded by a protective wall of his teammates at the line of scrimmage. The Surly moved in to block them off but the skinks of the Barnacles found a hole along the sideline and sprinted forward, with Sqwerman Norman following with the ball... but with less than a dozen yards to run, he slipped in a puddle and the ball shot from his grasp, luckily for the Barnacles to land firmly in the grip of nearby skink Nefarious Ned. Hobgoblin Shitless then jumped on Nefarious Ned and the two players went down together as the ball skittered off through ever deepening puddles. Sqwerman Norman got to his feet and attempted to grab the ball but could not get a grip... Shitless jumped to his feet and pushed him down, trying to pick up the ball himself but it was too slippery and away it rolled again. Finally help arrived in the form of kroxigor Bruntosaurus who knocked Shitless flat once more... this time Sqwerman Norman got a good solid grip on the ball and ran it into the nearby end zone to score the first touchdown of the game. Receiving, the Surly attacked the Barnacles defence but after a failed dodge by chaos dwarf Gloin Goldfillingseeker, the Barnacles were able to exploit a gap in the Surly lines to rush the ball. A melee ensued with both teams shoving each other back and forth and trying to pick up the elusive ball until skink Lerkin Sneek managed to hug it tight to his little chest and ran into the Surly end zone to score again. With little time left in the half, the two teams duked it out at the line of scrimmage until the halftime whistle blew. In the second half the Barnacles kicked wild and the Surly gave the ball to bull centaur Hoofgrinder who sprinted with it down the Barnacles wide zone, only to be mobbed by skinks and knocked flat by saurus Leisuresuit Larry. The ball went into the crowd and was thrown back in a short way off where Surly hobgoblin Fucker recovered the ball, only to lose it again as skinks swarmed him to the ground. There was a brief scuffle around the loose ball until the Barnacles managed to push back all the interfering Surly players and skink Rowdy Rod Reptile grabbed it and sped up the pitch, unfortunately fumbling a short pass to Nefarious Ned ahead of him. Hobgoblin Assmonky ran in to try and grab the loose ball but was tripped up by Rowdy Rod, landing on the ball, stunned, and sending it spinning away. Rowdy Rob then recovered the ball and scored the Barnacles third touchdown shortly after the middle of the half. The Barnacles were riding high, and on their kick they blitzed, charging after the ball. Shitless recovered it first, however, and tried to take refuge behind his teammates but was knocked over by saurus Crocodilius Maximus. The Surly recovered, however, and Fucker took possession of the ball securely ensconced in a cage of teammates, while in the meantime Surly players were mercilessly kicking Bruntosaurus who they had managed to knock over earlier. The ref sent Assmonkey off for roughing as a result, and, as the clock slowly wound down the two teams traded some blows and the final whistle blew on a 3-0 Barnacles victory.
The Barncales victory puts them squarely in
third place, setting the stage for the final match of Dragon Conference
regular season bloodbowl which will decide who gets the final playoff spot:
the Blargburg Bluebutts or the Frothy Steins. |
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3:30pm Saturday, September 20th, 2003 | |
Age Before Beauty: Machine 3 Babes 1 |
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Tuesday night saw the final season game for both the Frog Machine and the Horny Babes as the two teams squared off on the pitch before 83,000 fans. The babes received the first kick and pushed solidly across the line of scrimmage... the ensuing shoving match did not get far and the Babes cage was disrupted enough that the two storm vermin of the Machine were able to coordinate their efforts to knock the ball loose from the hands of chaos warrior Bloody Bombshell. The loose ball bounced favourably and was retrieved by gutter runner Skratsquick Quarzo who then ran for the sideline and raced unopposed all the way to the Babes end zone to score midway through the half. As the two teams set up for the next kick, the Machine fanatics in the crowd incited a massive riot that lasted for the rest of the first half, completely obstructing play. The second half saw the Machine receive, getting the ball to rookie gutter runner Skrequal Sedizimo and forcing their way up the wide zone into the Babes' deep defence. The Babes defenders did their best to slow down the Machine drive, but after beastwoman Wulfspider was knocked into the crowd and rendered unconscious, it remained only for Skrequal to dodge away from the looming bulk of Bloody Bombshell and race into the end zone to bring the score to 2-0. With only minutes having elapsed in the second half, the Babes received and drove forward, sending minotaur Gora the Impaler up the wide zone to distract the Machine defence (and also try to kill gutter runner Skrittar Quarzo, who barely escaped with his life), and then punching straight through the center with an impregnable cage around Bloody Bombshell. As rat ogre Rendflesh Salivar wrestled unsuccessfully with Gora in the wide zone, Bloody Bombshell was escorted to the Machine end zone, where the Babes scored to make it 2-1. With only a few minutes remaining in the game, the Machine received the next kick and once again drove up the wide zone against the Babes deep defence, with Skrittar Quarzo in firm possession of the ball. This time the Babes almost smothered the Machine drive, but some successful blocking on the part of Rendflesh and team captain Gnawdoom Segundo gave Skrittar just enough room to dodge nimbly past Bloody Bombshell and sprint into the end zone to score a third Machine touchdown. With just 30 seconds left on the clock, the Babes vented their frustrations on the Machine line of scrimmage. Gora the Impaler trampled thrower Tisquat Quinzo, damaging his back, causing the only casualty of the game. The trauma of the injury caused Tisquat to announce his retirement (from the hospital) from active play to become the Machine's throwing coach.
The Machine victory secures them second place
overall in Dragon Conference. The Frog Machine's quarter-final
DragonBowl playoff opponent will be the third place Blistering Barnacles. |
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5:30pm Friday, September 19th, 2003 | |
Monsters Mash Mashers: Flesh 2 Mashers 0 |
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The final game of the Midgard Mashers career occurred Tuesday night against the Creeping Flesh in front of 46,000 fans. Coach Aceti of the Lustria Divas was at the helm as the much reduced Mashers squad took the field against the ominously full strength Flesh. Things went poorly for the Mashers right from the start as the Flesh showed no mercy... two linemen were badly hurt and another knocked unconscious within minutes of the first kick, although ogre Pete did manage to give ghoul Disturbed a concussion just before the Flesh onslaught began. The Mashers made a run up the wide zone, but catcher Dain Thunderhands dropped a pass from thrower Sven Windchaser, sparking an intense struggle for the wildly bouncing ball deep in Flesh territory. Neither team seemed capable of picking up the ball, but attrition continued to tell in the Flesh's favour as another Mashers lineman was sent off badly hurt. Shortly after blitzer Ymir Earthborn knocked himself out on an ill-times block and Dain was knocked into the crowd (fortunately without injury), and, with the four remaining Mashers all prone, wight Riddled finally picked up the ball. A group of Flesh players surrounded the prone ogre Pete and fouled him mercilessly (although without lasting effect), but the ref was vigilant and two Flesh players went off for roughing. As Riddled ran for the Mashers end zone, their desperate attempts to stop him resulted in blitzer Thord "The Unworthy" being badly hurt, and Riddled finally pushed lineman Svan Sonderson out of the way and ran in for the touchdown just before the halftime whistle. Only six Mashers could take the field to kick to the Flesh in the 2nd half. The Flesh quickly overran the few Mashers defenders and started to pound on them mercilessly as wight Plagued dawdled with the ball at Mashers touchdown line. In the one-sided brawl that followed, Svan Sonderson suffered a pinched nerve and was carried from the field and Sven Windchaser was knocked unconscious. Another Flesh player was ejected for trying to foul Pete (who by now looked like one giant bruise from all the kicking) but the Mashers were still outnumbered 3:1. In the closing minutes, two more Flesh players were sent off for roughing Pete by the now VERY annoyed Ref who chewed out Coach Evil 1 for not even trying to hide his teams flagrant fouling. Finally in the last minute of the game, Plagued entered the Mashers' end zone with the ball to bring the score to 2-0. The players set up for the final kickoff, although no score was possible in the time remaining, with four Mashers facing eight Flesh. In a little bit of payback for the suffering they had received, the Mashers drove into the massed Flesh and laid about ferociously, with Dain Thunderhands connecting a terrific haymaker to zombie Rot's head, which tore mostly off and hung grotesquely from a few decaying sinews. So ended the match, a 2-0 Flesh victory.
The Mashers players, having completed the
season under the most difficult of circumstances, took their wounded and
returned to the harsh Northlands, not to be seen again. |