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Black Tuesday: Tuesday Dec. 2nd

Victory Dearly Bought: Drakkar 2 Bonestealers 1

Bravely trying to avoid showing any trepidation, the Blood Drakkar took the field against the Brimstone Bonestealers, the crowd of 83,000 hushed as the first kick was set up. The Bonestealers received first, with veterans Fangmouth Earchewer and "The Shadow" Nose not in evidence, forcing the Stealers to field 10 only. The Bonestealers drive got mired at the line of scrimmage, the two teams engaging in a hard hitting brawl. It was veteran Stealers' ghoul Mad Dog Marrowlips who managed to carry the ball out of the melee, running unopposed to the Drakkar end zone with Norsemen stumbling in his wake, kicker Duncan Paragraf going down with a serious concussion to a classic Dus "Mummybane" Nel-Etgath haymaker. Facing a full Stealers' squad now, the Drakkar drove back, themselves getting stuck just past the line of scrimmage.  Sudden warpstorms engulfed the stadium adding to the confusion, and by the time the halftime whistle blew the Drakkar had lost control of the ball and Bjorn Bellegaf had been carried off badly hurt. The Drakkar came out refreshed for the second half, determined to fight it out despite dwindling reserves. A daring sideline rush by star catcher Odin Bellegaf was ended by a successful Stealers' safety, and a wide ranging, confused melee erupted with the ball changing hands repeatedly in blitz and counter-blitz. The Drakkar suffered heavily, first as veteran thrower Olaf Cenotaf [Ed: 3rd in the league for completions and a 22 game veteran] was tragically mortally wounded when Dus Nel-Etgath's bandaged fist smashed into his unprotected abdomen, causing severe and fatal hemorrhaging, then as skeleton Tenphut Radius managed to blindside blitzer Aegir Bathyscaf, fracturing his arm, finally blitzer Bjorn Cinematograf carried off badly hurt after a hard block by Scabclaw. Despite the rapid attrition, the Drakkar managed to to recover the loose ball finally, Odin Bellegaf scoring the tying touchdown as the second half reached it's midpoint. Both teams having weakened considerably, the Drakkar had eight effectives to the Stealers' nine, the Stealers took advantage of a bad kick to wedge the ball into Dus Nel-Etgath's torso bandages, but as the mummy lumbered forward, a Norse shaman appeared at the sideline, chanting ominously.  Seconds later a huge fireball engulfed the mummy, and when the blast had subsided Dus could be seen rolling on the pitch, desperately trying to smother is smouldering bandages. The Drakkar wasted no time, picking up the blackened ball from where it had rolled loose, Odin Bellegaf receiving the handoff to dash into Stealers' territory. Mobbed by four Stealers, Odin dumped the ball deep into the Stealers' end before being knocked bodily into the stands. As the clock ticked away, both teams raced for the ball, the Drakkar winning the race as wight Murken Shadowspike tripped and fell just short, knocking himself out. lineman Harald Ilsefclaf grabbing up the ball and scoring the winning touchdown with seconds to spare on the clock. The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat, the plucky Drakkar ascendent and the erstwhile champion Bonestealers down in the dust... this is what Bloodbowl is all about, folks!!
 

Praise the Fallen: Videos 3 Midgets 1

Unfortunately the first three-quarters of the dramatic Straight to Videos vs Screaming Midgets match was lost to cabalvision because of a technical fault.  The cameras missed the sudden collapse of line-elf "Laugh it up, fuzzball", who collapsed and died during a sprint, the victim of a previously undetected heart defect [Ed: ending an impressive 15 game career, with a record 10 completions for a lineman], "And so it begins..." suffering a pinched nerve at the hands of blitzer Ifefsplitter Wyrdhelm, and the two spectacular touchdowns by wardancer "Run, Forrest, Run..." and the successful Midgets return drive that saw blitzer Grim Grimbreath score their only touchdown. The camera only just caught the felling of treeman "Not so tiny Tim" by troll slayer Jesus Jones; the treeman had to be rolled off the field badly hurt, and finally and most tragically catching in full motion colour the gruesome death of "Run, Forrest, Run..." as troll slayer Right Said Fred charged in to hit him from behind low in the back, snapping his spinal column and driving him into the ground so hard his skull was partly crushed, leaving him well beyond any medical help [Ed: Another veteran player killed, his tally stood at a respectable 7 touchdowns in 7 games, an average matched by only a few].  Despite this set of tragic losses, the Videos superior speed and agility carried the day as they repeatedly outmaneuvered the frustrated Midgets, whose only satisfaction came in battering their Elven tormentors whenever they could catch them. The coup de grace was delivered late in the second half as the Video stole the ball once more from their stumpy foes, line-elf "Go ahead, make my day" receiving the ball in the end zone in the final seconds to bring the score to a final 3-1.  A victory, but at what cost?
 

Paying the Piper: Sharks 2 Flamboyants 0

The soothsayers were restless as the Rongeurs Flamboyants took the field against the Rage Sharks in what was to be the Skaven team's first defeat of the season. As 46,000 fans watched i eager anticipating, the receiving Flamboyants got off to a dreadful start as gutter runner Bouge de Rat made an ill-advised lone dash up the wide-zone, only to be blitzed to the ground and stunned by beastman Maim. As the the Flamboyants struggled to recover their lost initiative, the Sharks pounded them mercilessly at close quarters. With beastman Khrom Da Bomb Goering racing unopposed down the field in full possession, the Sharks surrounded Bouge de Rat who lay once again stunned after a last ditch attempt to obstruct the advancing Sharks. Mercilessly kicking the helpless gutter runner, beastman Fritz the Blitz Grabba Grabba delivered the coup de grace, bringing a hobnailed hoof down on Bouge de Rat's head, cracking his skull wide open, killing him, ending a promising career before it truly started. Khrom proceeded to score with seconds left in the half, having loitered unthreatened for several minutes at the end zone. After the dreadful first half, the Flamboyants steeled themselves for the Sharks offence, which started out strong with a quick snap. The Sharks ground forward, happily brawling at close quarters with the Flamboyants, putting four out unconscious (including rat ogre GrrRsaaT), thrower Tulo rat out with a damaged back, and linerat Rat Musqué down with a gouged eye over the course of the half, keeping the ball safely in the hand of beastman Grumph Khorne-Nuggets von Grumphinson. Following their first turn strategy, Grumph wiled away the remaining time on the goal line until only a minute remained on the clock, stepping into score with only five battered Skaven still on the pitch. As the two teams set up for the largely ceremonial final kick, the fans of the respective teams suddenly erupted into hand-to-hand combat, a riot that lasted until well after regulation time was up sweeping through the stadium and effectively ending the game at a 2-0 Sharks victory over the previously undefeated Flamboyants..
 

'Ere We Go 'Ere We Go: Dicers 2 Babes 1

Under very sunny skies the Horny Babes and the Slicers and Bad Dicers lined up for a catfight royale as 66,000 fans looked on. The Dicers assumed a turtle defence, eschewing the wide zones as the Babes drove forward.  The Dicers quickly adjust their defence to smother an initial Babes push up the hitherto undefended wide zone, forcing the Babes to reconsider their approach. The freakishly strong Poision Ivy received a hand off and forced his way through the press, breaking free, but her slow speed allowed the Dicers to bring up enough muscle to bring her down, four Orcs being required for the job. With the Babes reduced to six on the pitch, the Dicers had little trouble running the length of the field, lineorc Muschi w/Crabs bringing it in for the touchdown moments before the halftime whistle. With two players remaining unconscious, it was a reduced Babes squad of nine that kicked to the full-strength Dicers. The Dicers exploited their numerical advantage, driving an unstoppable wedge up the wide zone, blitzer Hot & Spicy Slut scoring early in the half. Receiving, the Babes were reinforced to 10 and drove forward, the ball safely in the hands of Bloody Bombshell behind a wall of beastchicks. Unaable to make progress, Bombshell tossed the ball to UNHOLY TERROR, who charged forward in a phalanx of chaos warriors, only to be brought down by a last ditch blitz by black orc ShagHigh Beef. The Babes push was too strong to be stopped, and, despite the clock winding down the Babes recovered, beastchick Screech scooping up the ball and handing off the to beastchick Scorpiana who sprinted nimbly into the end zone to score, bringing the final score to 2-1, a Dicers victory at the final whistle.
 

Dark Meat: Spermosaurs 1 Bakers 1

The resurgent Spermosaurs battled there way to a 1-1 stalemate against the struggling Bloodpie Bakers on Tuesday night. The Bakers seemed to pick up an early advantage after their first half reception, badly hurting veteran witch elf Grandpa Smurf right off the bat, rookie witch elf Smurfette suffering the same fate shortly after, effectively pulling the Spermosaurs' teeth. The Bakers then shattered the center of the Spermosaurs line, driving through with a powerful cage spearheaded by Bob the Troll, hobgoblin Pastry Boy running for the end zone with the ball with two Bakers riding shotgun. Now playing catchup at the middle of the first half, the 10 line-elves of the Spermosaurs set up for a return drive, long-legged line-elf XWorm exploiting a hole created by his teammates to sprint for the goal line.  Amazingly keeping his feet despite being mobbed by two bull centaurs and two hobgoblins, XWorm proceeded to trip up trying to dodge away from the pack. After hobgoblin tenderloin fumbled the ball trying to pick it up, XWorm tried again, once again tripping up as he tried to dodge away from Tenderloin. This time the Bakers mobbed the ball, only yards form their goal line, and played safety until the clock ran out on the first half. Now reduced to seven due to Pusher being ejected for fouling and Nagiox still out cold, the Spermosaurs nevertheless prepared thier 2nd half offence against the full strength Bakers. Thing almost fell apart again as XWorm once again was tripped up trying to dodge past the Bakers defence, but a blocking error by Bob the Troll allowed the Spermosaurs to recover, IosII blitzing to the end zone, scoring after successfully evading the the last ditch Bakers defensive play. With plenty of time remaining in the half, and still with a four man advantage over the Spermosaurs, the Bakers drove forward confidently, bull centaur Bloodshot carrying the ball after a bad kick allowed the Bakers a touchback. A desperate Spermosaurs defence paid dividends, however, as the Bakers bogged down completely inside the Spermosaurs half, actually losing the ball after a daring [Ed: some would say insane] block by IosII knocked the ball out of Bloodshot's hands and into line-elf Ashbit's. Ashbit went down immediately afterwards but the delay was enough, neither team able to retrieve the ball successfully before the final whistle made a 1-1 draw game official. An impressive showing under extreme adversity by the Spermosaurs!
 

Supersonic Sweep: Sonics 3 Dervishes 0

The fifth place Sylvan SuperSonics moved up to 3rd in Dragon conference after a solid 3-0 shutout against the 6th place Hoary Dervishes. With Dervishes treeman Wesley missing the match after a pre-game incident in which an unknown assailant ambushed the tree as he slept in his grove, sorely injuring him, the omens were not good for the Halflings. Receiving first, the Derivishes commenced a running play  which suffered a setback as catcher Greenwood the Great took an unassisted run at ball-carrier Joe, the two of them going down in a heap together and the ball rolling loose. This seemed just the start of the Dervishes problems, as the drive quickly bogged down after Flowers was dragged off with a self-inflicted concussion. Within minutes, two more halflings were badly hurt and two unconscious after being knocked into the stands, and ogre Percy knocked prone and stunned by repeated fouls (which also resulted in two Sonics line-elves being sent off). Line-elf Laurelindorien nabbed the ball and carried it easily to the end zone to make it 1-0. The Sonics, now three elves short, kicked to the Dervishes who drove forward in a knot around Percy, knocking line-elves flat and engaging in a little fouling of their own, the ref turning a blind eye. Once again things went south as Billys Brother stumbled trying to get to prone catcher Orgopher (to give him a kick to the head...) and fell hard enough to crack a few ribs. With time running out, Percy hefted Sven with the ball and flung him deep, but Sven went down on landing, losing the ball which was promptly picked up by thrower Thranduilseed and fired off to Orgopher just across the line of scrimmage, Orgopher making a spectacular sprint to score a second Sonics touchdown just before the halftime whistle. With seven players out due to various injuries, the Dervishes were reduced to 6 players on the pitch to defend against the nine player Sonics squad reinforced by treeman Slothlorien. An ineffectual Dervishes blitz was followed by a confused melee, neither side able to hold the ball for long, the Dervishes without a doubt doing a remarkable job of holding back the Sonics with their dwindling roster, down to 4 at the middle of the half. As the clock ticked away, the Dervishes dwindled even more, Percy being knocked into the stands by Slothlorien and Greenwood the Great finally getting a firm grip on the ball and running clear as the rest of the Sonics surrounded the remaining halflings, beating upon them mercilessly, sending two more off badly hurt and leaving only Sven curled into a fetal ball on the pitch as Greenwood scored the third Sonics touchdown with a minute to go. Enough Halflings recovered for the Dervishes to field seven for the final kick, but a flubbed pickup ended any hopes of a last ditch fling play, and the final whistle blew on a 3-0 Sonics victory, the Dervishes counting themselves lucky to have escaped from such a debacle with no permanent injuries, save Wesley who's recovery from the vicious pre-game assassination attempt will likely never be 100% satisfactory. The Sonics obvious penchant for beating up midgets seems to underscore a darker side to the Wood Elves, who most assume (inaccurately it seems) to be honourable children of light.  What would Manwë say??
 

Hosting Change Imminent: Forum Posting Freeze!!

The migration is happening as we speak and it is hoped that all will be complete by the weekend.  Therefore as of 6:00pm tonight I am locking the forums so that the database can be dumped and migrated.  You will still be able to view the forums, just not post.  The site itself may become unavailable for a day or two if things do not go as smoothly as anticipated, but panic not!  All normal operations WILL resume within a couple of days!

I strongly recommend that you get the email address of your next opponent so that scheduling of matches is not delayed or otherwise hampered.
 

Manic Monday: Monday Dec. 1st

Self-Fulfilled Prophecy: Hunt 2 Barnacles 0

The Wild Hunt broke their 3 game losing streak on Monday night, sweeping to a 2-0 victory over the ailing Blistering Barnacles. With Sceolan sitting out for the first half, the Hunt opted for a very deep, reactive defence that left only 3 very scared line-elves near the line of scrimmage. After a strange ball error left saurus Thulsa Doom holding the ball delicately in his clawed hands, the Barnacles drove deep into the Hunt end, but the ill-supported drive was soon smothered by the Hunt who waited until the last moment to engage. After a short, fast moving melee, Thulsa Doom went down to Wychwethyl's powerful block and the ball passed to the Hunt's control, Cantea handing off to Lemenya2 who quickly outstripped a lackadaisical pursuit. The Barnacles vented their frustration on the aptly named Attea4 "The Doomed" who was caught, surrounded, and knocked to the ground by no less than nine lizardmen, skink Sqwerman Norman savagely ripping his throat out as his teammates held the helpless line-elf down. The Hunt ran down the remaining before Lemenya2 scored at the end of the first. Suffering from casualties but reinforced by Fangorn the treeman who finally woke up for the 2nd half and Sceloan who was finally ordered on to the pitch, the Hunt fielded 10 against the Barnacles full squad. The Hunt received, but Fangorn was evidently still a little sleepy as he repeatedly overbalanced himself, swinging his limbs wildly and knocking himself down twice in just a few minutes [Ed: two double skulls on two block attempts in three turns!]. The treeman's flailing seriously disrupted the Hunt offence, even though Fangorns tough hide proved too much for kroxigor Ever-Loving Bulk. With the Hunt out-muscled at the line of scrimmage, they reverted to speed an agility, Sceolan receiving the ball from Skaw2 and rushing up the wide zone, nimbly avoiding his opponents, scoring the second Hunt touchdown as the half waned. Facing the same, deep defence and with only minutes to play, the Barnacles final bid to score ended in failure after error saw line-elf Lemenya2 get his hands on the ball, passing it out of reach. With that the final whistle blew on the 2-0 Hunt victory, bought dearly at the cost of an, admittedly doomed, Elf's life. [Attea4 became the 4th of his line to die... many now mutter about "the curse of Attea" much in the way that Ori Ori's orignal bloodstained #6 jersey is viewed with justifiable suspicion.].
 

Orcs Dazzled by the Ladies: Harem 3 Howlers 1

The Mad Howlers struggled through their 4th consecutive defeat Monday, losing 3-1 against the Harem. The 'zons of the Harem used their agility to good effect, nicking the ball from thrower Blackheart during the first drive after a daring solo blitz by linewoman Michelle, converting possession and using a spectacular series of passes to get the ball up-field, lineowman Sharon retrieving a slightly wild throw to score for the Harem at the middle of the half. The harem kept the momentum up with a blitz on the next kick, flooding through the undefended wide zones, and then exploiting a wild throw from thrower Blackheart to firmly seize control of the ball before the Howlers offensive line could get more than one punch in edgewise, thrower Val delivering the ball accurately to catcher Alis Sister who nipped across the goal line to make it 2-0. A last ditch Howlers scoring attempt before the end of the half failed after blizter Skullcrakk knocked himself out with a nasty fall while going for it, the Harem nearly converting it their own touchdown, averted after blitzer Haidee bounced off lineorc Gazbagg.  The Harem's drive in the second half almost went south after Val stunned herself on a go for it and lost the ball, but a similar error by Skullcrakk (again) allowed the 'zons to recover, blizter Myra ultimately collecting the ball and running for the third Harem touchdown. Suitably frustrated, the Howlers received and drove forward in a powerful cage right up the middle of the field, but the Harem circled them and drove into them, Skullcrakk (who carried the ball) being jostled to the edge of the formation where he was knocked flat, the ball picked up by Michelle. Harem possession did not last long however, as the orcs charged in, stunning Michelle, the ball bouncing wildly away from her prone form and wedging itself under nearby rookie troll Bunky Ledbutt's chin. Closing ranks around the confused big guy, the Howlers hustled Bunky to the end zone, urging him on with cries of encouragement, keeping his eyes focused low on them so that his chin did not left. Bunky lumbered in to the end zone where the cheering crowds caused him to lift his head, "spiking" the ball and bringing the score to a final 3-1. [Ed: congrats to Bunky for being the first Really Stupid player to score a touchdown!] A loss for the Howlers, but a moral victory for Bunky, who showed that Trolls really aren't that bad, after all!
 

Dark Desire Fulfilled!! Desir 4 Inaccurate 1

With 31,000 fans littering the stands, the Noir Desir kicked off to the Dead-On Balls Inaccurate on Monday night. The Inaccurate got off to a scary start as thrower Judas flubbed the ball pickup and got rushed by the Desir defence... nevertheless he made an incredible recovery, dodging away from his pursuers to launch an accurate pass to catcher P.D. at the line of scrimmage who took off into the Desir's undefended back field, recovering quickly from a nasty hit with a little help from his teammates, grabbing up the ball once more and scoring to give the Inaccurate an early lead. It was all downhill form there, hwoever, as the Desir return drive cut through the wide zone defence, line-elf Nasser El Barbudo receiving and running to the end zone to tie the game after a short, sharp fight. Another failure by Judas resulted in a second touchdown for the Desir, blitzer Vlad El Negro knocking Judas to the ground and taking the ball, staying on his feet and racing in to score. With only a minute on the clock before halftime, Judas AGAIN failed to pick up the Desir kick, but the halftime whistle blew before the Desir could capitalize on the error. The Desir offence at the start of second was almost derailed by a daring blitz by blitzer Comet, but was soon back on track, witch elf Claudia Demonia faking toward the wide zone before fading back to hand off to thrower Vlad Terpes who completed a long pass to witch elf Angela Del Meurta in the end zone to score the third Desir touchdown. With Judas having the ball placed in his arms due to a touchback, the Inaccurate drove forward in cage, bit the Desir crushed it before it corssed the line of scrimmage, the ball bouncing loose in a close quarters melee. Fortune favoured the Desir as Claudia Dmeonia delivered a fatal blow to lineman 2, and the ball bounced into Vlad El Negro's waiting arms and he blitzed his way clear, dashing to the inaccurate end zone to spike the ball just before the final whistle, bring the game to it's final 4-1 Desir victorious conclusion.
 

When Will the Hurting Stop? Steins 2 Blighters 1
Coach Plaguelord Puswort, Blue Blighters

Straight to Video Clips: Pics of Your Favorite Cinematic Elves!

The second set of custom player pics, a full set of none other than the Straight to Videos, has been uploaded and linked to the Player Pictures Tutorial page. Collect them all!!
 

More Vintage Noskull: Follow the Bloodstained Road

Unbelievably, Noskull Rierohl survives the DragonBBL Season II opening banquet.  Read about his adventures on the red carpet, a veritable who's who of the DragonBBL world...
 

Press Release: Flicks Ditch Ogres, Pick up Trolls

"At this point in time, the Picken Flicks are in a position to make the necessary changes to our roster in order to be compliant with the official rules for the following season. We have sold the contracts for ogres Gates and Olga, who have now gone independent.

I can't talk about the specifics of their careers but I've heard that Gates may be picked up by an Ogre team in the FUMBBL league. Olga has decided to pursue her modeling career and rumor has it that her next business venture will be a cosmetics line labeled "Olga's Naked Butt", targeting Ogrish women in the teen demographic."

The sale of both contracts have been very lucrative for the Picken Flicks, which has allowed us to hire two new Troll players for our roster. Troll Nadia will be a fine addition to the team, and rumours of her being freakishly strong have been substantiated. Troll Marcella is a newcomer to the sport of Bloodbowl but her natural talent is immediately apparent and she shows great promise.
 

New Chefs: JavaBowl 6.9c Released!

JavaBowl 6.9c has been released in all it's glory and is now available in the downloads section...

• VER C: Adds support for the Rules Review (RR) changes for the Halfling Chef. On by default. See section "51. Wizards" in the readme.txt file to see how they have changed.
• VER C: Fixes WILD ANIMAL being able to blitz when prone without a WA roll.
• VER C: Adds the ability to mark up to 5 squares by holding SHIFT and clicking on a square. This is just a visual marker and has no affect on the game. Remove the marked by holding SHIFT and clicking on the marked square. See section 52 in the readme.txt file.
• VER C: The optional "spectatorname" entry in the options.nfo file will now be used for all chats (in game and spectator). Spectating a version 6.9c game with an older version will result in weird chat messages and colors.
• VER C: Adds optional "spectatorcolor" entry in the options.nfo file to set the color of the chat text.

Remember for DragonBBL play, uncheck the LRB Halfling Chef option.
 

Week In Review: Tuesday Nov. 25th - Saturday Nov. 29th

Mummyspotting: Killers 2 Flesh 0

89,000 fans crammed the stands to watch the 4th round cross-conference matchup between the Creeping Flesh and the Mass Killers. The Flesh were trying to break a string of bad luck and unfortunate casualties, having lost two mummies in the first three games of the season, a loss which has eaten away a significant chunk of their Spike! Trophy winnings. Needless to say it was an anemic Undead team that set up to kick to their fit-as-a-fiddle Killer opponents.  The end result after 100 minutes of play was a predictable 2-0 victory for the Killers, the Flesh's cursed mummies suffering once more as Rigor Mortis went down with a fractured leg after being hit hard by ogre Paul Pot in the opening moments of the match. A more complete account of the match can be found here.
 

Beaten to a Pulp: Steins 2 Barnacles 2

With Coach Cobra Commander on a rest cure, the Blistering Barnacles took the field under temporary management, battling the Frothy Steins to a painful 2-2 tie in the last match of 3rd round DragonBBL action. With kroxigor Ever-Loving Bulk out nursing a sore neck, the Barnacles were a little short on muscle against their thickset opponents. Although the Barnacles quickly scored at the start of the first, the remainder of the half was a painful grind that exhausted much of their strength, losing sauruses Garygantuan Gecko, Thulsa Doom, Leisuresuit Larry and skink Sqwerman Norman all badly hurt with Crocodilius Maximus and Fleix Forktongue out cold before Steins' runner Bumpy crossed the goal line with seconds to spare in the first to tie the game. With only two sauruses and five skinks fit to play at the second half kickoff, the Barnacles managed to stage a spectacular blitz, recovering their own kick which fell just inside the line of scrimmage, Lerkin Sneek running the gauntlet to score his second touchdown of the match, at the cost of skink Gila "Doc" Connors suffering a fractured arm running interference, and two more skinks knocked out cold. Down to six on the next kick, the Barnacles could not resist the Steins drive, a frustrated Rowdy Rod Reptile further weakening the team after being caught out trying to foul stunned trollslayer Ooglie. The Steins drove forward against almost non-existent opposition to tie the game 2-2. Reduced to five effectives, the Barnacles nevertheless set up a desperate running play with the few minutes remaining to them, Lerkin Sneek making a mad dash down the sideline, only to be knocked harshly to the ground by Longbeard Sturm, ending any further hope of a touchdown as the clock ran down to the final whistle. Post-match, the semi-retirement of Coach Cobra Commander was announced, the Barnacles management bringing in Coach Zarkad in an attempt to revitalize the team.
 

Don't Drink the Water: Paladins 3 Mates 1

The Avelorn Paladins fought their way to a 3-1 victory over the Styg's Mates in 4th round Division A action on Friday, the match well-attended by 72,000 fans. The Mates strength was compromised by linemen Captain Hook and Rackham Le Rouge out with bowel difficulties from bad drinking water, compounded by blitzer Francis Drake going down badly hurt in the first seconds of the Paladins offence, which swept to the Mates end zone, line-elf Gwendolphe receiving a last minute handoff to score. The Mates return drive had a rocky time getting through the Paladins defence, blitzer Barbossa brought down right on the Paladins goal line after a confused melee, the Paladins then taking control and passing the ball to midfield, lion warrior M. K. Klaw receiving the handoff to score in the closing minutes of the half. Finally fielding a full squad in the 2nd half, the Mates received but lost control of the ball after a catching error by catcher Vallo. After a frantic melee, hwoever, the Mates recovered and Vallo was able to redeem himself with a 13 square rush, lineman Mad Dog Bonney finishing the job by scoring  shortly after the midpoint of the half. Both teams shorthanded, the Mates hopes for a draw were dashed as the Paladins carried off an impressive passing play to dragon warrior Copy Fish who scored the final touchdown, putting the game out of reach. A final qucik snap-boosted scoring bid by the Mates was torpedoed by yet another catching error by Vallo, his third in the game.  With that, the final whistle blew on a 3-1 Paladins victory.
 

Blood, Sweat and Toil: Drakkar 2 Machine 2

As the sun beat down and temperatures soared to levels that would kill a Fire Salamander, the Frog Machine took on the Blood Drakkar on Wednesday, 70,000 fans attending despite the sweltering heat. The match got off to a rocky start for the Machine as thrower Rikek Sesto flubbed the kick reception, the Machine's heavily wieghted offence allowing catcher Bjorn Bellegaf to rush Rikek, bowling him over so hard he was carried off with a concussion. Having lost the initiative, the Machine nevertheless managed to narrowly recover the ball, linerat Heskit Quindezimo and gutter runner Skrequal cooperating to outwit the Drakkar defence and give Skrequal a clear path to sprint in for the touchdown. The furry Skaven suffered cruelly from heat exhaustion and injuries in the remainder of the half, losing three linerats knocked out, both storm vermin badly hurt, and thrower Hrishak Quinzo out with a smashed hand before the Drakkar finally managed to score a tying touchdown. With only a minute remaining in the half, the Machine set up for a quick score but were foiled by a Drakkar blitz which completely disrupted the attempt. Receiving in the 2nd, the Drakkar quick snapped and drove in, but an unexpectedly fierce Machine defence held up the play for a little while before the Drakkar finally broke the deadlock, Bjorn Bellegaf receiving the handoff to run in and score his second TD of the match. The Machine, reduced to five players by heat exhaustion and injuries, further suffered another Drakkar blitz, endangering the ball and reducing them to four effectives, linerat Viskrin Novo getting carried off badly hurt. The speed of the gutter runners saved the day, as Skratsquick Terzo shook off all attempts to bring him down, scoring the tying touchdown in the last quarter of the half. Reinforced to seven players, the Machine managed to hold off the final Drakkar drive, the Drakkar themselves, exhausted and unused to the heat suffering from severe ball handling difficulties that crippled their chances to score, thus the game ended a 2-2 draw.
 

Play for Today: Flamboyants 2 Divas 1

The Rongeurs Flamboyants continued their unbeaten streak on Tuesday, defeating the Lustria Divas 2-1 in a drawn out slugfest. The Divas came out of the gate strong, receiving the Flamboyants kick and quickly opening up the wide zone to allow a relay play to catcher Dawn who sprinted in to score, getting the Divas on the scoreboard early. On their next kick, the Divas presented a serious challenge to the Flamboyants offence, preventing the ball from crossing the line of scrimmage, turning over the Skaven play and coming with a hairs breadth of scoring. However, a desperate Flamboyants defence paid dividends as with minutes to spare the Flamboyants recovered the ball at their own goal line, Dilate La Rate receiving the handoff to make an impressive 20-square dash to score with seconds on the clock. The second half Divas defence started strong but quickly crumbled under the weight of casualties, losing four players (including blitzer Lita with a serious concussion) in just a few minutes, making the Flamboyants' touchdown, brought in by Dilate La Rate once more, an inevitability.  With the score sitting at 2-1, the Divas were now two players short against a full strength Flamboyants squad, who managed to smother the Divas offence, poor Divas ball handling helping to end their scoring chances before the final whistle made the Flamboyants' 2-1 victory official.
 

Sharkbait, Wuhaha: Sharks 1 Midgets 1

The struggling Screaming Midgets and the bloodthirsty Rage Sharks fought each other to a 1-1 standstill on Wednesday night, the sparse crowd of 34,000 nevertheless making lots of noise in appreciation of the considerable on-pitch violence. The two teams spent the bulk of the first half slugging it out toe to toe at the line of scrimmage, the fearless dwarves taking on the stronger chaos warriors with a grim determination common to their race. The Rage Sharks slowly managed to gain a positional advantage that allowed beastman Rend to run to the goal line and run down the clock as the rest of the team administered beatings on the Midgets, finally scoring with a minute left in the half. The second half was similar to the first, the Sharks managing to blitz the Midgets offence. Keeping control, the Midgets tried to force the wide zone, but lost the ball and once again it was a brawl, longbeard Herr Mutt going down under the hooves of minotaur Strongbad, suffering a gouged eye. The brawl spread out, longbeard Ferdinand Krafty making a dramatic successful recovery of the ball and long bomb up-field, equally dramatically intercepted by chaos warrior Anger Shark on the sideline. Within seconds, both Ferdinand and Anger were shoved into the stands, suffering broken ribs and a serious concussion respectively before being pulled free.  The ball was thrown back in by Midgets fans, and was recovered by speedy runner Longjohn Steammy (the fastest Dwarf alive), who shrugged off the three Sharks who tried to mob him, dodging away to score a tying touchdown in the dying minute of the half. Thus ended a spectacular game in a dramatic last minute 1-1 draw.
 

Lizardbreath: Smashers 1 Harem 0

Securing their spot at the top of Division B Dragon Conference, the Drakehead Smashers narrowly defeated the Harem in an all-Lustrian contest that saw some dramatic casualties. The initial Harem drive ran into a determined Smashers defence, slowly working their way up the wide zone until the effort broke down within yards of the end zone, the Smashers stealing possession of the ball late in the half.  After a brief struggle, the halftime whistle blew on a scoreless first half, the cost of stopping the Harem drive not inconsequential with Smashers' skink Godbless out with smashed hip after being pitched into the stands and skink Godzouky carried of badly hurt. The Smashers now shorthanded, they received the opening second half kick and advanced against a Harem deep defence, caging strongly.  The Harem showed their muscle again by beating up on the little guys, with tragic results as blizter Haidee drove her knee into skink George's head so hard that the skink's skull was crushed, killing him instantly. Seconds later, the Smashers breached the Harem defence and skink Godspeed scored the match's only touchdown. The death and score sparked a massive riot by Smashers' fans which effectively ended the match, the crowd having handed the Smashers a 1-0 victory.
 

Bloodless Victory: Boozzhounds 2 Bloods 1

The Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds and the Banner Guard Bloods struggled for dominance on Saturday in a game charged with racial tensions. 79,000 fans showed up for the Bloods kickoff, the Hounds immediately going to work on their Elven opponents. Ball handling errors quickly led to a wildly bouncing ball and a quick, confused melee, but it was the Bloods who came out on top, lion warrior Charles racing into the end zone to receive a perfect pass from phoenix warrior Napoleon [Ed: and there were those who said they could not work together!!], making it 1-0 early in the half. The Bloods tried to maintain pressure with a blitz on the next kick, but overextended themselves, the Hounds getting to the ball first, thrower Shooter completing a long pass to goblin Hyney Ken, who the Bloods defence now found themselves playing catch-up with. Hyney Ken outdistanced his pursuers to score his 10th career touchdown, tying the game with the half not yet at the midpoint. The Bloods next drive saw Charles making a break for it all alone, only to be brought to the ground by blitzer Jimmy Beam, the Bloods suddenly finding themselves on the defensive as Jimmy Beam passed the ball up. The Bloods narrowly smothered the Hounds play inside their own half and the halftime whistle blew. Receiving in the second, the Bloods drove forward, seeming to prepare a cage, but Charles must have missed the signal becuase he ran straight past his teammates and deep into the Hounds backfield, completely along once again. Once again he was punished for it, as blitzer Dewar stripped the ball out of his hands, lineorc Gy Ness catching it before it even touched the turf. Suddenly on the defence once more, the Bloods were crippled by Charles, dragon warrior Guderian, and line-elf Xerxes being knocked unconscious in quick succession, the Hounds caging and driving forward against desperate opposition, Jacky Dee finally scoring the winning touchdown after a last ditch Bloods defensive play almost stopped the drive at the goal line. With no time remaining for significant action, the final whistle blew on an amazingly casualty free 2-1 Hounds victory.
 

March in the Zone: March 2 Zone 1

As the rain came down in buckets, the Dead Zone challenged the Funeral March on their own turf, a huge crowd of 81,000 bloodbowl enthusiasts turning out for the Division C cross-conference action. With water streaming off of the players and pooling on the field, the March received and drove into the Zone defence, the two teams struggling back and forth across the line of scrimmage until the March thrust decisively up the wide zone, lineorc Gruumsh scoring the first touchdown of the match late in the half. With little time left, the Zone nevertheless launched an aggressive wide zone drive of their own, caging around ghoul Viper who used the path cleared by his teammates to sprint to the March end zone to tie the game 1-1 seocnds before the halftime whistle. The Zone's 2nd half drive got into trouble early as ghoul Charger slipped in a rain puddle, dropping the ball and sparking a ferocious brawl at center field.  The scales tipped dramatically as Charger, reacquiring the ball, attempted to pass out of the melee to Viper who was free and clear, but, amazingly, block orc Haunting Nightmare snagged the ball out of mid air with one enormous hand. The reversal cost the Zone the game as Haunting Nightmare proceeded to hand off the ball to blitzer Bone Crusher at the edge of the melee, Bone Crusher making a beeline for the Zone end zone, scoring late in the half with Charger nipping at his heels [Ed: some say Charger actually propelled Bone Crusher into the end zone]. The Zone hopes for a draw were dashed after Viper fumbled a throw after receiving the March kick, there not being sufficient time to recover form the error. The final whistle blew on a 2-1 March victory, propelling the lossless March to 2nd place in Dragon Conference.
 

Before a Fall: Cadavers 2 Vikings 1

Elsewhere it was quite nice out as 54,000 fans watched the Nipply Cadavers administer the first setback to the previously undefeated and un-scored upon Screaming Vikings. The Cadavers wasted little time in grinding forward. applying pressure to the Vikings defensive line until it broke decisively, the faster members of the Cadavers pushing into the Viking's backfield, retaining control of the ball despite the Viking's best efforts, wight Kleenz "In You Spleenz" Anbrytenz scoring at the midpoint of the half. Shocked and dismayed by the first season touchdown against their beloved Vikings, 1000 angry norsemen stormed onto the field form the stands, wreaking havoc amongst the Cadavers as they set up their defence, knocking out one mummy and stunning the other along with three other Cadavers before finally being beaten off the field. The Vikings wasted no time in taking advantage of the Cadavers' disarray, thrower Pitchlaballson completing a long pass to catcher Runforrestrunson who was sprinting past the stunned defenders and into the backfield, scoring late in the half. With mere minutes left in the half, the Cadavers made a last ditch bid to score, ghoul Spitunias "Gummi Chunks" Snees tripping over a discarded battle helmet at the culmination of his dash to the end zone, end the first half in a 1-1 tie. With the Vikings receiving in the second, the Cadavers made a dramatic play to steal the ball after ogre NogNogUzDer knocked himself over trying to hit a mummy, wight Washiz "Beef Carcass" Avekjavell grabbing the ball before getting swarmed by Vikings and becoming the centerpiece in a stand-up fight. The two teams fought intensely, control shifting back and forth until finally Spitunias managed to get his hands on the ball and make a run for it, only to be knocked flat at the sideline, the ball bouncing into the crowd to be thrown back to centerfield, where is bounced into NogNogUzDer's sporrin.  Urged on my the cheering, the ogre charged for the end zone until suddenly he stopped, having apparently completely forgot where he was.  As he gazed around in confusion, a group of Cadavers caught up and surrounded him.  Annoyed, he took a swing at one only to overbalance and fall backward, the ball bouncing free. With mere seconds on the clock, the Cadavers reclaimed the ball and completed an unbeleivable passing play to Spitunias, who ran it in for the winning touchdown. With the 2-1 victory, the Cadavers take the top spot in Dragon Conference, while the Vikings remain narrowly at #1 in Frog Conference.
 

Sonic BOOOM!! Sonics 3 Shorty 1

With the roar of the 27,000 strong crowd in their ears, the Sylvan SuperSonics emerged victorious over the embattled Get Shorty. It was the debut game of treeman Slothlorien, who was actually awake and perky as he took the field in the first half, the Sonics receiving first.  An error by catcher Orgopher handed the initiative to the Shorty who charged forward, and Orgopher soon found himself figting alone against three of the Shorty, including bull centaur Gritz. Amazingly chaos dwarf Dvorak managed to recover the ball, clutching it close to his chest as he ran forward on stumpy legs to the nearby Sonics end zone, becoming the first chaos dwarf blocker (or longbeard for that matter) to achieve a touchdown. The Sonics next drive almost ended in disaster once more as thrower Thranduilseed fumbled a long pass, but the elves recovered, Thranduilseed getting the ball back to throw a long pass across the field to wide-open Orgopher. Despite the pass missing it's mark, Orgopher scooped up the loose ball and dashed to the Shorty end zone to tie the game. With all failed pass putting Shorty scoring hopes out of reach, neither team had time to score before the halftime whistle. Receiving in the 2nd half, the Shorty had a dramatic setback as bull centaur Fritz sprinting up the wide zone with the ball threw a shoe and went down, control passing to the Sonics. The Sonics offense picked up steam as Slothlorien finally started to make his presence felt, minotaur Mucnhkin knocking himself out trying to bring the stout treeman, subsequently swinging his leafy limbs like haymakers, giving chaos dwarf Zvektor a concussion and smashing chaos dwarf Krom's collar bone. Amidst the mayhem, catcher greenwood the Great picked up a touchdown after an impressive sprint to the Shorty end zone to make it 2-1. Poor Shorty ball handling gave the Sonics another dramatic touchdown, winning the fight for ball control deep in Shorty territory, Greenwood the great dashing in to score after much trial and tribulation. With too little time left for any serious plays, the final whistle blew on a 3-1 Sonics victory.
 

Hot Fix: JavaBowl 6.9b Released!

JavaBowl 6.9b is now available in the downloads section, adds some much needed bug fixes...

• VER B: Fixes the MIGHTY BLOW use with the new PILING ON.
• VER B: Fixes the REALLY STUPID and BONEHEAD end turn problem.

Get it!  But dont forget to uncheck the options as per the previous News Item...
 

Big Wheel Keep on Turnin': JavaBowl 6.9a Released!

JavaBowl 6.9a is out, covering at least some of the Rules Review changes, and can obtained in the downloads section...

• VER A: Just fixes a problem with the PILING ON ALWAYS FALLS option.
• Adds support for the newest Rules Review (RR) changes for PILING ON, WILD ANIMAL, and HYPNOTIC gaze. These are on by default. You can turn them off in the options dialog. (FUMBBL rosters should automatically start enforcing these selections with no changes necessary to the FUMBBL site).
• Also adds the new RR specification that LEADER does not give a reroll in overtime.
• Also adds the new RR specification that FOUL APPEARANCE does not affect HAIL MARY PASS.
• Thing NOT yet done for the new RR. Halfling chef, Rune Smith, Sweltering Heat rolls at half, Less than 3 players rule. These are next on my list so no need to add Bugzilla bug entries.
• I've changed to using a new build process with this patch. The jar seems to be working okay on my system….but there are so many kinds of systems out there we will have to wait and see. Let me know if you see anything really out of wack (particularly, check the keyboard shortcuts to see if they still work).
• See bugzilla on the FUMBBL site for more bug fixes in this patch.

Note the bit about turning off the PILING ON, WILD ANIMAL, and HYPNOTIC GAZE off... we're doing that bit!
 

The Rules Review: How We Are Handling It

Without further ado, here is how the DragonBBL league will handle the the rules review (The new LRB and Update can be found on the downloads page) and have been added to the season rules:

[1] New Rosters:

• Teams that now possess prohibited big guys or excess position players will not be forced to give those players up immediately; they have the following two options:
  • (1) The team may keep those players on their rosters until they die or the season ends (whichever comes first). If such a player dies he may not be replaced.
  • (2) The team can "sell the contract" for that player, losing the player in exchange for the team rating value of that player x 10,000gc.
  • If that player had 51 SPP or more at that time they will be added to the offical list of Star Players. This option may be taken at any point before the end of the season.
     
• At the beginning of next season, all teams must conform to the new roster structures. If a prohibited player has not been sold, killed, or retired by that point he must then be immediately sold off according to option (2) above.

[2] New Rules:

• The new rulings re: Wild Animal, Pro, Piling On etc. will not be implemented this season. The rest of the season will be played under the same ruleset (LRB v1.3) that it started.
• Changes to skills: With the knowledge of the changes being done to Wild Animals, Piling On, Hypnotic Gaze, and Pro, coaches who no longer want to keep their players with these skills can sell their contracts for the value of the player (team rating value x 10,000gc) at any time before the start of the next season.
• The new rulings for changed skills WILL be played according to the new LRB rules as of NEXT season. Those who choose to keep their players will have to adapt to the changes as best they can.

[3] Errata and Clarifications:

• All Clarifications from the Q&A section of the review go into effect immediately, where JBB allows.

[4] JBB:

• For the remainder of the season, uncheck LRB Piling On, LRB Wild Animal, and LRB Hypnotic Gaze in the options dialog until the start of Season III
• When Halfling Chefs and Runesmiths are supported they will also have to be disabled until the start of Season III.
   

Monday Night's Alright for Fightin': Monday Nov. 24th

Rock of Golgotha: Bloods 3 Babes 1

With 76,000 fans cheering them on, the battered Horny Babes took the pitch to challenge the home advantage Banner Guard Bloods. With the Babes in a weakened state, playing one chick short and missing horned bruiser Gora the Impaler (out nursing a smashed knee), the Bloods received the first kick and fended off Babes' attacks as they drove up the wide zone, catcher Charles making an unconventional passing play up to line-elf Barbarossa who had gone deep. Barbarossa blitzed beastchick TaeraTak out of the way to clear his own path into the end zone, scoring easily. The Babes were caught off guard by a Bloods blitz on the next kick, dragon warrior Guderian making a daring push with a group of lineman to sack Babes ball-carrier Meatpuppet, allowing Charles to grab the loose ball and score to make it 2-0, only at the midpoint of the first half. Beastchick Wulfspider having been ejected for fouling, the Babes found themselves down by 2 both in players and touchdowns. Caging conservatively, the Babes tried a wide zone drive that the Bloods tried to smother, but ultimately the Babes were their own worst enemy as chaos warrior Bloody Bombshell tripped over an a squid and dropped the ball, ending the Babes effort to score as the clock wound down to halftime. Coach Ledpiper must be quite the motivational speaker becuase the Babes came out swinging on their second half reception, Poison ivy stepping forward and punching line-elf Ajax so hard that his cheek bone was shattered and driven into his lower brain and his jawbone unhinged and ripped partially off... needless to say there was noting the apothecaries could do as Ajax was pronounced dead at the scene. The babes then knocked out Guderian and line-elf Xerxes in quick succession, and suddenly it was the Bloods who were at a disadvantage.  the Babes beat off every challenge to beastchick Meatpuppet's control of the ball, two more line-elves going down unconscious as she drive in victoriously to the Bloods end zone to score. With only eight effectives against the Babes nine and with about a quarter of regulation time remaining, the Bloods pulled off a spectacular passing play despite a near-turnover which left Guderian badly hurt. Charles went long and after a brief scuffle, dodged away from the Babes defence to sprint for the end zone and catch a perfect long spiral thrown by phoenix warrior Wellington, bringing the final score to 3-1 in the last minutes of the game.
 

Ancient Foes: Videos 3 Boozzhounds 2

With darkness in their hearts, the Orcish Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds took on the Elven Straight to Videos, drawing a modest 44,000 fans. The fans made their allegiance quickly known as a heavy rock lobbed from the crowd hit black orc Johny Blue behind the ear, stunning him, just as the Hounds kicked off to the Videos. The Videos were having some trouble getting their passing play in order with a few errors that culminated in a wild pass recovered by Hounds blitzer Jimmy Beam requiring wardancers "Run Forrest Run..." and "These go to Eleven" forced to go through some acrobatics to knock Jimmy Beam down, only to be shoved into the dugouts behind the Hounds end zone after failing to reacquire the ball. With both wardancers hors-de-combat (but fortunately uninjured), the Videos nevertheless managed a startling recovery, with line-elf "Royale with Cheese" capitalizing on poor Hounds ball-handling to score. The Videos kicked deep, and once more, repeated Hounds ball handling errors resulting in rookie thrower Tequila being pushed into the dugouts as he fumbled helplessly to pick up the ball, "Run Forrest Run..." demonstrating Elven superiority in manual dexterity by picking up the loose ball and scoring to make it 2-0... This sparked a riot which ran out the clock on the first half. Eager to redeem their failures in the first, the Hounds fought their way to the Videos end zone, blitzer Dewar scoring the first hounds touchdown of the match. The Videos sought to put the game out of reach, but "These go to Eleven" gave himself a concussion as he flubbed a landing after somersaulting over the Hounds defence line, compromising the Videos offence. The Videos recovered, however, and the ball was relayed up the field to "Run Forrest Run..." waiting in the Hounds end zone, bringing the score to 3-1. With victory now an impossible dream, the Hounds nevertheless rolled forward, the Videos quickly challenging control of the ball, but the Hounds recovered enough for Tequila to find some redemption in a completed pass to goblin Hyney Ken who scored the second Hounds touchdown. With the time running out, the Videos played safety, pulling back and covering the ball until the final whistle made their 3-2 victory official.
 

Size Matters: Inaccurate 2 Dervishes 1

The beleaguered Dead-on Ball Inaccurate took the field against the pint-sized Hoarey Dervishes, scoring their first career victory in front of a 51,000-strong crowd. The Dervishes got off to a poor start with treeman Wesley snoozing in the dugout, as the receiving Inaccurate drove forward with a heavily weighted offence, badly hurting Billy's Brother. Despite a quickly recovered ball-handling error, with Inaccurate efficiently cleared a lane for catcher Rye to sprint for the Dervishes end zone, handing off to catcher P.D. and scoring early in the half. The inaccurate took advantage of a perfect defence and poor halfling motor control to try to stymie the Dervishes return drive, inflicting dreadful damage with Lars being carried off with broken ribs and little Tad's dead body carted away after being crushed under the bulk of ogre Wartnose who had de-balanced on to the poor little bugger. With another 3 halflings unconscious, the Dervishes nevertheless managed to reacquire the wildly bouncing ball, Ogre Percy hefting ball-carrying Butch in the air and lobbing him  almost 30 yards into the Inaccurate back field, where the little halfling managed to land on his feet and dash for the Inaccurate end zone to score a tying touchdown with mere seconds on the first half clock. The 2nd half saw the Dervishes receiving and attacking aggressively despite their casualties, however blitzer Comet managed to stun Dieter, knocking the ball from his little hands to be picked up by catcher P.D. The game rapidly degenerated into an unequal brawl, Flowers being rolled off, badly hurt, and lineman 4 fracturing his arm against Wesley's might trunk.  P.D. broke free of the morass to dash for the Dervishes end zone, scoring the winning touchdown late in the half. The final minutes saw further violence, P.D. badly hurt and Mindy suffering  broken ribs after the Dervishes attempted a failed last ditch fling play, the final whistle at the end of regulation time solidifying a 2-1 Inaccurate victory.
 

War Piglets: Flicks 1 Spermosaurs 1

In more round four cross-conference action on Monday night, the Picken Flicks battled the Spermosaurs to a 1-1 draw amid the sweltering heat. The two teams slugged it out as the Flicks attempted to drive forward, the nimble Spermosaurs knocking the ball loose from their control as they fought at the line of scrimmage. The melee quickly tipped in favour of the Spermosaurs as three goblins wound up unconscious in the dugout and line-elf XWorm recovered the ball to hand it off to line-elf IosII who scored at the midpoint of the half. At this point the fans went berserk with heat madness, and it was not until the clock had run out on the first half that the stands had been sufficiently hosed down and order was restored enough to play.  The Spermosaurs received in the second half, but an ill-advised run up the sideline by XWorm was rewarded by three Flicks ganging up to knock him into the bleachers, the ball thrown back into Flicks territory by supportive fans. The tables having been turned, the Flicks reclaimed the ball and sent goblin Steve running forward with the ball, escorted and flanked by teammates, bypassing the disorganized Spermosaurs to score halfway through the second. Reduced to seven by heat exhaustion, the Spermosaurs tried to develop a scoring play but a fumbled pass allowed the the full-strength Flicks to seriously disrupt their offence. With their ability to hold onto the ball seriously questioned and time running down, line-elf XWorm dumped the ball deep into Flicks territory, preventing any further scoring.  Both teams had to to be satisfied with a draw game, although the absence of serious injuries or death was a cause for celebration by both teams even if the fans were a little put out...
 

Week in Review: Tuesday Nov. 18th - Sunday Nov. 23rd

Raw Aggression: Drakkar 2 Mates 1

With 46,000 fans thronging to the stadium, the Blood Drakkar hosted the Styg's Mates in the first all human contest of the season. Neither team spared any effort for the match, which proved to be fast and furious, both sides hotly contesting the ball. The Drakkar got off to an early lead after fighting their way through the Mates' flank, Odin Bellegaf scoring early in the game after a brief scuffle with the Mates' last ditch safety. The Mates drove back, having some trouble protecting catcher One-Eyed Willy from end runs by the Norse defenders. The two teams brawled until late in the half, when One-Eyed Willy made a break for it, but an attempted pass up went wild, and both teams spent the remaining time before the halftime whistle fighting over the loose ball, neither team able to get a solid grip. The first half had been a violent affair, costing the Mates blitzer Erik the Viking out with a smashed hand and rookie thrower Nemo badly hurt, and the Drakkar had two blitzers and a lineman carried off badly hurt, leaving them 1 man short for the second half. A ball handling error off the opening kick of the 2nd allowed the Drakkar to completely disrupt the Mates offence, but the ensuing turnover was converted back by a timely blitz by Henry Morgan, and the Mates regained possession, catcher Vallo running the ball up the wide zone to score in the late part of the half. With time running short, the Mates stormed forward after a blocking error by Drakkar ogre Grossebouf, but the Drakkar recovered, pulling off a fantastic passing play, thrower Olaf Cenotaf completing a long pass to Odin Bellegaf who ran for the winning touchdown with a 13 square rush that clinched the 2-1 Drakkar victory.
 

Cursed Jerseys: Surly 2 Flesh 1

It was a day laden with evil portents, omens, signs, and other ominous events. Black cats, awkwardly placed ladders, wandering prophetic madmen and strange atmospheric effects abounded as the Creeping Flesh took the field against the hosting Short and Surly at the Surlydome on Saturday in the sweltering heat. The game started out rough for the Surly, as the Flesh received and drove forward in a wall, mummies swinging, but after only making a few yards progress against stubborn opposition, the Flesh broke out ghoul Disturbed with the ball early. The Surly were on top of the game, however as bull centaur Hoofgrinder galloped in to knock the ghoul to the ground and retrieve the ball. A roar of cheering went up from the crowd, but they were not applauding the mighty Hoofgrinder, their attention was focused at the sideline, where chaos dwarf Not Ori Ori lay dreadfully impaled by a stalactite which had broken loose from the lip of the Surlydome.  Replays showed that the doomed chaos dwarf had fallen flat on the ground after being tripped up as he tried to dodge away from the wights of the Flesh when the stalactite, weakened by the sonic vibrations caused by the Surlydome record 83,000 fans who had packed in for the match, broke free and plummeted 85 feet to the pitch, perfectly skewering Not Ori Ori through the base of the spine, between his jersey and his belt, causing him to jerk spasmodically before dying of shock. There was nothing the team apothecary could, or even would do... #6 had claimed another victim.  As the attention of the crowd was fixated on the macabre scene, Hoofgrinder was mobbed by a group of of Flesh wights and ghouls and brought to the ground, sparking a wrestling match for the ball that lasted into the second part of the half when wight Slacker finally managed to grab the ball and nip into the end zone to score. Although both teams were now playing shorthanded due to heat exhausted players, the half was not finished for shocking surprises.  As the time on the clock slowly wound down, the Surly unsuccessfully trying to move the ball forward, chaos dwarf Caleb Crotchmangler found himself toe to toe with rookie mummy Stiff.  With the help of his teammates, Caleb bore Stiff to the ground, and then dropping the hammer in a vicious piling on maneuver, his armored and spiked elbow crushing Stiff's skull into dust.  The mummy's body twitched, shivered, and then lay still. The crowds were hushed as they waited to see if the mummy would regenerate, bursting into terrific cheering that shook the foundations of the stadium and threatened more structural collapse when it was apparent that he would not rise again. The Surly dragged the mummy's corpse (the second Flesh mummy to die this season) to their dugout to sample the aged meat, fair exchange for the reanimated corpse of Not Ori Ori who had crawled out of the dumpster into which his corpse had been thrown to join with the Flesh against his former teammates.

The second half saw a re-energized Surly squad making a terrific comeback, hobgoblin Shitless running a reverse play around the dwindling Flesh defenders (amongst the casualties veteran mummy Rigor Mortis knocked unconscious), getting the ball most of the way to the end zone where he was successfully tackled, but the Flesh could not keep the ball for long as the two bull centaurs working in tandem took it back, Doom Charger sprinting into the end zone to score a tying touchdown. Mummyless, the Flesh drove up the wide zone, but wight Scurvey was caught on the sideline with the ball and was knocked into the crowd by Agamemnon the Horny (who himself was pushed into the crowd and badly hurt by vengeful Flesh players), the ball thrown back in obligingly by a Surly fan behind Surly lines, where hobgoblin Fucker picked it up and made an impressive 17 square rush to score the winning touchdown with abot a minute to spare in regulation time. With no time left to score, the game ended a solid and bloodsoaked 2-1 Surly victory, Coach Fleetfoot announcing in a post-match interview the hiring of the next in line of the Ori clan, chaos dwarf Ori-oh...
 

Perfect Counterweight: March 1 Bakers 1

Amidst perfect Bloodbowl weather, 77,000 fans turned out for the Bloodpie Bakers vs Funeral March match. As expected the first half of the game was dominated by a terrific close-quarters brawl which broke into two as hobgoblin The Steak broke out and handed off to hobgoblin Dough Man, who subsequently tripped over his own feet as he sprinted for the end zone, sparking a somewhat secondary struggle for ball control deep in March territory. The Bakers came out on top, however, bull centaur Red Eye clearing the way for The Steak to pick up the ball and dash into the end zone to score.  With little time left in the half, the March could not get into scoring position before the halftime whistle, and instead had to settle for receiving in the second half. Coming out swinging, the March quickly dominated the Bakers defence, knocking down the entire defensive line and rendering Bob the Troll unconscious along with two hobgoblins. Despite their worsening position, the Bakers continued to fight back, The Steak making a wildcat blitz from a prone position to cold-cock blitzer Hard Hitter who was carrying the ball. The setback was purely temporary, however, as The Steak was quickly knocked down again, thrower Golden Arm recovering the ball and completing a pass to blitzer Bone Crusher who loitered on the end zone, coach Marcon apparently content with forcing a tie. The March continued to dominate physically for the last quarter of the half, Bone Crusher scoring the tying touchdown in the last minute of the game. With no time left to accomplish a meaningful play, the final whistle blew on a 1-1 draw.
 

Pride Goeth: Vikings 2 Inaccurate 0

The Dead-on Balls Inaccurate hosted the Screaming Vikings on Saturday before an eager crowd of 57,000 who were well acquainted with the Inaccurate's injury prone history. They were soon mystified by the highly unconventional formation the Inaccurate adopted on the field as they prepared to receive, consisting of a column of players 3 abreast weighted toward one wide zone, catcher P.D. in the middle caged by linemen. Thrower Judas received the kick and tossed the ball to catcher P.D. but the formation did not move forward, the blitzers on the line of scrimmage dodging out of contact. As the Vikings committed to envelope this strange formation, P.D. broke out across the field, passing the ball to catcher Rye, caging once more in the far wide zone. The Vikings quickly respositioned their defence, and, after Rye handed off to Judas and then tripped trying to sneak past the Vikings line on the sideline, the Vikings rushed in, blitzing Judas and stealing the ball after an extended brawl, thrower Pitchlaballson finally making the dash into the end zone with seconds to spare in the half. The Inaccurate manpower problems were exacerbated in the second half as lineman 2 was carried off badly hurt, reducing them to eight effectives against a full Vikings squad. Taking full advantage of their strength, the Vikings maneuvered their cage slowly up the pitch, the Inaccurate doing their best to slow them down, but inevitably it seemed, the Vikings scored their second touchdown, Pitchlaballson tossing the ball to catcher Catchlaballson in the end zone at a range of a few feet. Still 3 men short, the Inaccurate took advantage of a quick snap to fade back, passing the ball back and forth to waste time until the final whistle ended the game 2-0 Vikings, the teams' third victory and third shut-out in as many games in the season. The Vikings seem to have a bright future, solidly dominating Division C play thus far...
 

Sweaty Wrestling Orcs: Dicers 2 Howlers 0
Coach General Taoli, Slicers and Bad Dicers

Curdled Blood: Dicers 2 Midgets 1
Coach General Taoli, Slicers and Bad Dicers

Comedy of Errors: Blighters 2 Hunt 1
Coach Plaguelord Puswort, Blue Blighters

The Wild Hunt faced off against the Blue Blighters under sunny skies and in front of 64 000 fans Friday night, many of which were devotees of the various cults of Sceolan. Most prominent were the CoSWZ (Cult of Sceolan Wide Zone) and CoSRUTM (Cult of Sceolan Right Up The Middle) who were loudly engaged in the finer points of their beliefs. Betting scripts were exchanging hands and messengers sent to the bookie's fortified bunker as the Hunt were already down 2 elves from their previous game and to the Hunt fans dismay two others were not cleared by the team apothecary.

The Blighters won the toss and set up for wide zone penetration. The Hunt were well back on the field, trying to stay out of harms way. The smug Skaven were caught off guard by an incredible defensive play. Disaster struck (or in this case a treeman) as Rat Ogre Mittens found himself up against the stronger Fangorn. Unable to control himself, the beast lunged at Fangorn only to get tangled in his roots and smashed with an oaken fist the size of a doghouse and knocked out! The Skaven in disarray, were unable to stop the now aggressive elf line. Fangorn continued to cause mayhem, stunning storm vermin Leapsies. More successful blocking and a short kick allowed Skaw2 to pass to Sceolan who, to the delight of CoSWZ disciples, ran down the wide zone into a stout elf cage. The Blighters responded by shoving the Hunt around including Sceolan who was nudged into the center of the field proving for the CoSRUTM numerous ideological theories. These were short lived as the Hunt inched their way back to the wide zone trying to pick their way through the defence. A failed blitz and spectacular blocking sent 2 rats to be revived in the dugout and opened a hole to allow Sceolan to score sending the fans into a rapture of chanting and genuflection.

Again the Blighters were caught on their back paws as a Hunt blitz pounded their way right up the middle and surrounded the ball. Crucially, Lemenya2 Failed to pick up the ball which was retrieved by gutter runner Slipps who handed off to brethren Snukkit who dashed right past the over committed elves. In a fantastic display of agility by wardancer Wychwethyl, the sprightly elf leapt over ham handed Skaven and blitzed Snukkit who dropped the ball. A desperate grab by Wychwethyl was foiled by a tangle of rat feet and the wardancer slammed into the turf. Snukkit dusted himself off and grabbed the ball and scored, tying the game.

On the kickoff Attea4 lived up to his name of doomed after being brained by debris thrown by a blighter fan who screamed "I got a Woodie!" which emptied the neighboring seats. Again the Hunt caged up the wide zone. Rat Ogre Mittens, out to avenge himself blitzed line elf Quenya and crushed his dainty instep and took him out for the game. The hunt quickly revered the play followed by the Skaven who in an classic example of numbers over stregnth knocked over mighty Fangorn. A failed sprint to blitz Sceolan by Mittens allowed the Hunt to sashay up the field. Then in what would shake the foundation of the Cult of Sceolan to it's knees, Sceolan failed to handoff the ball to Wychwethyl! The air was filled with the peculiar sound of a collective gasp from the Elves and gleeful squeals from the ratmen! The whistle blew, ruining the Hunts chance to take the lead.

The second half saw attrition take its toll as the Hunt were only fielding 8 players. The elves again went up the wide zone despite the cries of protest from the CoSRUTM who noted the failed handoff occurred in the now taboo wide zone. The Blighters surrounded them quickly and a blitz from Skitters knocked over Sceolan and sent the ball bouncing away to be picked up by Nerta2. The Blighters pounded on the elves taking down Wychwethyl and exposing Nerta2. The wily treeman decided to take advantage of Mittens' unpredictable nature and ran up next to the monstrosity hoping for a replay of the first turn. Mittens was ready for it and found a soft area under the treeman's armpit and smashed the ent to the ground. After a pass to Wychwethyl the wardancer was stripped of the ball by crafty lineman Skars who drove a foot into the elf's ribs as he went down and sent the wardancer off, out cold. A brutal melee around the loose ball sent Skippy into the stands where he was beaten to a pulp by the CoSWZ devotees. Elf Otsea grabbed the ball and prepared to make a run for it. Fangorn's own considerable weight kept him down on the pitch allowing Mittens to shoulder Otsea into the stands where the cultists crowd surfed him back to the dugout. The Skaven happily beat up another elf and grabbed the ball.

With only 4 elves on the field and Fangorn struggling to get up the Blighters ran out the clock and scored, leaving the Hunt unable to respond, and win it, 2-1.
 

Better Late Than Never: Monday Nov. 17th

Let's Play Keep Away: Machine 4 Paladins 1

A respectable 70,000 fans came out to see the Avelorn Paladins get thoroughly trounced by the Frog Machine with a final score of 4-1. Kicking first, the Paladins employed a modified 3-3-5 defence in an attempt to put the breaks on gutter runner Skrittar Quarzo, the leagues #2 scorer and fastest sprinter. The Machine nevertheless managed to exploit a weakness along the wide zone line, but ran into friction when thrower Rikek Sesto muffed the reception. The Paladins attempted to close the gap, badly hurting storm vermin Throtvile Primo, but the Machine reopened the laneway, putting out line-elf Assassin badly hurt in exchange and knocking out dragon warrior Silent Service (in fact, he remained out cold for the remainder of the game).  Rikek redeemed himself by picking up the ball and running forward to chip it to Skrittar who was off and running, making a bee-line for the end zone to score. Already 2 players short, the Paladins made some progress in rectifying the numerical imabalance at the outset of their next drive by badly hurting linerat Trask Undezimo, but the drive bogged down against a solid Machine defence, lion warrior Greyeagle tripping up and losing the ball as he attempted to dodge away from the Machine line.  The Machine wasted no time, young gutter runner Skrequal Sedizimo grabbing the loose ball and dashing down the field, well-protected by his teammates. With Paladins completely unable to intervene in time, Skrequal ran triumphantly into the end zone to score the 2nd Machine touchdown of the game. Keeping the momentum and with minutes remaining in the half, the Machine wholeheartedly blitzed the Paladins on the next kick, but Paladins phoenix warrior Alex Hapsburg got to the ball first, delivering a perfect spiral up to lion warrior M. K. Klaw who caught it and ran forward into the now completely undefended Machine's half, scoring just before the halftime whistle to get the Paladins on the scoreboard. Down to eight players, the Paladins situation did not improve at all in the second half, as M. K. Klaw misjudged the distance Skaven could cover in a matter of seconds, subsequently getting sacked after receiving the ball in the Paladins backfield, Riskek Sesto catching the bouncing ball and running into the Paladins end zone to score. Increasingly playing catch-up but reinforced to nine (line-elf The Replacement finally reviving from a 1st half knock out), the Paladins tried a fast drive up the wide zone, Greyeagle blitzing with the ball, but with insufficient protection he fell victim to a solid defensive play, going down stunned. With Skrequal failing to pick up the ball, the Paladins reclaimed the ball only to lose it dramatically as line-elf Throndyke picked it up and as he threw the ball back to his teammates in the clear, linerat Malkrit Dezimo made a leap remarkable for a Skaven with normal length legs, snagging the ball out of the air despite interfering line-elf The Farzan. The Machine quickly rallied around Malkrit and caged, moving towards the Paladins end zone.  beating off the Paladins attempts to take the ball back, Malkrit handed off to thrower Hrishak Quinzo who became the new center of the cage. Coach Soapyfrog gave the signal for Hrishak to pass the ball to rat ogre Rendflesh Salivar [Ed: some say he was jealous of Rage Sharks minotaur Strongbad feat of being the first big guy in the league to score a touchdown] so that the wild animal could get the touchdown credit; but as Rendflesh dropped the ball in his excitement, the Paladins made one last attempt to stop the touchdown, phoenix warrior Alex Hapsburg dashing in to knock linerat Vermek Tredezimo out of the way and snatch the ball form under Rendlfesh's nose.  Enraged, Rendflesh charged forward, knocking Hapsburg prone and grabbing the ball in one clawed hand (a loud hiss coming from it as it deflated) he rushed into the end zone to score the Machine's fourth touchdown in the last minute of the game.  With no time left for any significant plays, the final whistle blew on a 4-1 Machine victory.
 

Multisyllabic: Boozzhounds 3 Flamboyants 3

In a battle of longwinded team names, the Rongeurs Flamboyants challenged the powerful Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds. A classic contest between strength and speed, the Boozzhounds smashed their way through the Flamboyants' defence with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer hitting a lab rat. Despite the pounding they were receiving, the Flamboyants were able to take advantage of thrower Shooter exposing himself quite unnecessarily (perhaps betraying some overconfidence on the part of the Hounds?), knocking him flat and stealing the ball away, but as gutter runner Dilate la Rate faded back towards his own zone, looking for a way to get rid of the ball, he was chased down by two Hounds blitzers Macallan and Dewar, and, like a deer caught in the headlights, froze up long enough for one the two Orcs to plant a hobnailed boot on his tail, tripping him up as he finally tried to flee. With the ball loose, Dewar grabbed it up and stepped into the Flamboyants' end zone to score. The last drive having cost the Flamboyants linerat NecplusUlt Rat out with a gouged eye, linerat Rat Chitique badly hurt, and linerat rat Pierre unconscious, the Flamboyants received the next kick with some trepidation; but deciding to fight strength with speed they executed a quick snap, augering a hole in the Hounds defence that allowed gutter runner Bouge de Rat to receive the ball and dash toward the end zone to score in the final seconds of the half, amazingly fending off the last ditch blitz of Jimmy Beam who went down so hard he could not play the rest of the match. Quick snapping in the second half, the Flamboyants easily penetrated the Hounds 3-4-4 defence, sending Dilate la Rate up the wide zone with the ball well screened by his teammates, making it easy for him to hand off to Bouge de Rat for the unimpeded score very early in the half, the drive resulting in a groin strain for Macallan to boot. Facing the juggernaut again, now with no reserves, the Flamboyants nevertheless challenged control after an error by thrower Shooter, but the Hounds superior weight told, black orc blocker Johny Black charging into the melee to deliver a mortal blow to rookie linerat Queserase Rat, who died shortly after with a fatalistic look on his face, the words "Que sera... aaa... aatttt..." escaping his dying lips... Shooter regained the ball and handed off to goblin Hyney Ken who ran it in to tie the game once more. With the revival of Rat Pierre the Flamboyants managed to maintain a full strength squad, again utilizing their speed to full effect, Dilate la Rate carrying the ball all the way up the wide zone to score the go-ahead, evading the attacks of the Hounds' blitzers. With time running out, the Hounds launched a desperate play against the the Flamboyants' deep defence, Hyney Ken dashing forward with the ball protected only by blitzer Jacky Dee. In an incredible display of bravery, Hyney Ken stood up to rat ogre GrrRaaaT, biting the big guy's massive thumb (as his meaty paw came down to grasp him and rend him) with his sharp little teeth causing GrrRaaaT to recoil in pain. Subsequently surrounded by the Skaven defenders, teh two Hounds fought their way free, Jacky Dee smacking down linerat Rat Tonlaveur and opening the way for Hyney Ken to bowl over (in fact knocking unconscious) linerat Rat Pierre and race gleefully into the end zone to score the final tying touchdown with mere seconds on the clock. The dramatic last ditch play resulting in a 3-3 final score (and the general violence, mayhem and fast scoring) attracted many new fans to the Boozzhounds banner and checked the Flamboyants 2-game winning streak.
 

Don't Matter if it's Black or White: Spermosaurs 2 Sonics 2

The elves of Dragon Division C went head to head in the age-old contest of drak vs light, good vs evil, Sylvan Supersonics vs Spermosaurs. With a relatively small turnout of 29,000 for two of the most unpopular teams in the league and a full scale blizzard underway, the Spermosaurs kicked to the 1 elf-advantaged Sonics, thrower Tranduilseed receiving the ball, the Sonics caging conservative in their own zone, line-elf Andustar delivering a crippling kick to the crotch to opposing line-elf Pusher which saw him carted off the field in considerable agony. He was soon followed off, however, by Sonics' line-elf Ramdir who wrenched his back in an overextended and completely unconnected haymaker ostensibly aimed at Spermosaurs line-elf Tty. The gaff exposed Thranduilseed, who was bitch slapped to the ground by witch elf Grandpa Smurf, line-elf Petrol magna grabbing the now-loose ball to sprint across the increasingly treacherous pitch to score fr the Spermosaurs. With each squad reduced by 1 elf, the Sonics retained the elf-advantage, receiving and pushing forward a touch more aggressively, catcher Orgopher misjudging the slippery pitch ahead of him and winding up on his ass as he went long. The Spermosaurs rushed Thranduilseed again but he evaded them, running for the wide zone and squinting to see through the driving snow. Orgopher back on his feet and far off in the end zone was completely obscured, so Thranduilseed made the short pass to nearby catcher Greenwood the Great, who, well screened by his teammates, ran it forward until he could see Orgopher, tossing it to him to make the score 1-1. With plenty of time remaining, the Grandpa Smurf blew past the Sonics defence with the ball, mis escort easily brushing aside the thin last ditch defence, but instead of scoring Grandpa attempted a quick pass to Tty waiting in the end zone. the slick ball slipped out of her hands as she was about to toss it, and the ball bounced away across the icy pitch. Orgopher recovered it attempted to move it up field, but he too fumbled the ball as he tried to dump it up field, the errors continued as Spermosaurs line elf Fubar failed to pick it up and, time running out, the Sonics successfully smothered the play where it was until the whistle blew. With no let up in the horrendous weather, the Spermosaurs received and drove forward, opeing a hole through which they poured in force. Opposing line-elf Andustar took a spill on an icy patch as he raced to intercept, leaving him stunned and allowing Grandpa Smurf to take the ball out of Fubar's hands and run into the Sonics end zone to score. The Sonics responded with a fast drive up the wide zone, catcher Orgpher going out on a limb by running the ball unsupported up the wide zone, paying the price as Grandpa Smurf swept down on him, bearing him to the ground and leaving him unconscious.  The Sonics managed to recoever the situation, however, applying enough pressure to allow Greenwood the Great to recover the ball and score the tying touchdown [Ed: unfortunately this part of the Cabalvision replay is lost to us]. With a significant chunk of time remaining in the half, the Spermosaurs made their bid for victory, driving hard up the wide zone, but the tenacious Sonics defence bogged them down until a patch of ice delivered the coup de grace to the Spermosaurs drive, Grandpa Smurf going down hard on her tailbone and losing her grip on the ball shortly before the final whistle. The final score at 2-2 and the repeated fouling by the Sonics, who's intimidation of the ref in both halves gave them free reign, ensures that the next time these two teams meet it will be a settling of accounts!