Swimming With Sharks: The Loanshark Rules

Are now posted and linked from the Season Rules page. Check 'em out! I am sure you guys who have been borrowing money want to know exactly what you have been risking!
 

Side of Beef: Smashers 3 Babes 0
Coach Dreadlord Edwin Fairfax IX, Nipply Cadavers

Classic Monday night Bloodbowl saw plenty of spillage as the Drakehead Smashers took advantage of a cool, breezy late-autumn evening with plenty of sweet birds singing and the smell of delicious baking in the air to rampage through villages and bring death and carnage to all form of farm animal and childrens' pets on their way to play the Horny Babes, who themselves had just finished off a large buffet with a centerpiece of a whole herd of venison all stuffed with garlicky gnomes. As gnome-breath and the wails of panicked chickens swarmed through the air, 53,000 ready and typically unable fans filled the stands to watch two teams of titanic brutality face-off on the pitch. Hosting, the Babes won the coin toss and received the kick to much glee only to twist around and find the Smashers blitzing their way hot on the heels of the kick. The blitz quickly saw Beastwoman Wulfspider knocked out cold by bruiser saurus Godisdead and Gora the Impaler, the Babes' illustrious Minotaur and easy-male predator, taken off the field wailing and gnashing her teeth over a smashed knee, vowing "Blood! Vengeance and... Just give me some DAMN children-patties! I'm hungry!". Doctors say that while Gora will be alright overall, she will likely feel the effects of the injury for the rest of her life, in addition to her previous injuries. Some Babes fans could be overheard in the stands saying that this could be the beginning of the end of the Minotaur's career, but they were quickly taken away by security and turned into fresh pizza sauce.

After the blitz, the Babes tried a quick return as their frontline pummeled into the Smashers defense, though with little success and the Babes poor luck continued when Beastchick Cutey Groteska, the most angri-beautiful beastchick on the field, fumbled the ball, giving the Smashers advantage. The lizrdmen elected not to touch the ball and instead set up a strong defensive cage in front of it, giving great headaches to the Babes team. To add insult to injury upon injury, the Smashers Saurus Hector squealed in grotesque delight as his clawed ripped the heart straight out of beastchick Gutsy Gutripper's chest, sending her to a long stay with the Chaos Gods. Finally, the Smashers raced the ball into the Babes end zone for a perfect score of 1-0. For the next drive, the horny ladies received once more, this time taking it to the Smashers though not before a group of traveling Smashers fans had lobbed a rock onto the head of poor Wulfspider, ensuring that her short-lived recovery from knockout #1 was followed by another, making her an instant collector of head-bumps. Cutey Groteska, angered by the game's events so far, took a quick hand-off from beastchick Meatpuppet who had retrieved the ball and dashed into the Smashers side while Sydney Viscious tried to lend a hand with a swift knockout attempt on JustGod, managing only to dink her own head and have herself dragged to the benches for some sleep. With a little help from his friends, Skink Godspeed blitzed Groteska and knocked the ball into teammate Godgiven's hands. The babes retaliated unsuccessfully and the Smashers were soon able to begin moving the ball forward after George had cleared Cutey Groteska into the stands and onto the Seriously Injured lists. The Babes game continued to flounder with an ever decreasing volume of players able to take to the field. Their only retribution in the first half coming when nearly-legendary pounder Poison Ivy laid it out on Saurus Godflesh and the Smashers suffered their first badly hurt casualty. It would not be enough to stop the score from becoming to 2-0 with a few minutes remaining in the half, however, as Godgiven the skink shook his little tail and scurried for the end zone. With no hope for further scoring, the half ended in a painless-melee.

In the second, the Lizardmen received kickoff with a decent punt. Quickly grabbing up the ball, George ran forward and handed off to Godbless, one of the teams best runners, who ran forward and enmeshed himself in slippery lizard teammates, breaching the Babes line of scrimmage. While the Babes attempted to inject some chaos fervor into their efforts, the little Skink managed to dodge danger and in a magnificent sprinting effort took the ball straight to the edge of the end zone and, for reasons unknown, elected to jump into the air just as he entered the end zone where a swarm of hungry buzzards descended upon him, thinking him a delicious morsel of jumping dessert, nipping at his flesh and beating him senseless, tearing the ball from his hands and rendering the Skink unconscious all in one swift motion. The moans from the lizard bench were loud but the game went on with ball flying into the crowd on the Babes' south side and miraculously coming back into play on the north-side after having made a full tour of the stands where each and every Babes fan spat and bled upon the pig-skin for good luck.

Unable to make use of their fortune, the Babes' Warrior UNHOLY TERROR slipped on some marbles as she tried to remove Saurus Godzilla from a threatening position, and the Smashers made way to regain possession and retry their scoring efforts. Unfortunately, skink Godspeeds hands were still a little bit sweaty from hand-shaking with fans prior to the game and the ball jumped away from him as he cursed his bad luck. The Babes endless misfortune was ceaseless, however, as beastchick after beastchick tripped over themselves in a desperate effort to clear the way to the ball. Given the go-ahead, Godspeed leaned forward to pick up the ball once more, but not having wiped his hands on his shirt in the intervening seconds, he managed only to caress it as one would an unreachable dream, and the ball continued to hop away as though possessed by maddened frogs. Finally given some leeway, the Horny Babes moved into defensive mode, as Meatpuppet and UNHOLY TERROR approached the ball without touching it in order to make it very hard for the Smashers to get a hold of it again. Not hiding their fury, the Smashers swiftly knocked out both TaeraTak and Sydney Viscious and with a little bit of dodging and fast feet, Godspeed scored the team's 3rd game touchdown.

The Babes were none too happy but with little they could do, set off to hurt the Smashers (as they always attempt to do anyhow) on the following drive. Poison Ivy quickly laid out Skink Goddamnyou with a rough uppercut, causing him to limp off with a sore back and fractured nose, and Beastchick Meatpuppet wrapped the ball into her meaty armpit and running in zigzags to throw everyone off, including her own team! Babes possession was stopped where it had started, though, as the barreling power of the Smashers' bruisers surrounded the Babes' ball-carrier. As she attempted to dodge away, Meatpuppet tripped over Kroxigor Mecha-Godzilla's long toe. (Mecha-Godzilla was later said to have been looking skyward while whistling an innocent tune with his leg extended 4 feet in front of him, though he denied this and offered to sing 'I want To Know What Love Is' for his screaming and adoring fans).

With the tripping, the game wound down the and the final whistle blew a few minutes later on a 3-0 Drakehead Smashers win over the unfortunate Horny Babes.
 

Horny Babes Waiting for You: Exclusive Pics!

The first set of custom player pics, courtesy of the Horny Babes, has been posted on the Player Pictures Tutorial page. Download 'em and spice up your JBB experience...
 

Short People: Flicks 3 Shorty 0
Coach Dreadlord Edwin Fairfax IX, Nipply Cadavers

Another fine day for DragonBB League play Monday evening found the Picken Flicks digging for big boogers to hurl at the Get Shorty, hosts of this evening’s game. Doc Hott, the Shorty coach, could be seen fervently rolling his lucky dice before the game in the hopes that his band of stompy bearded fellows would pick up the pace a bit and find a bit of extra-tasty gristle in their goblin stew to pump them towards victory. After a solid 59,000 bristling fans had filled the seats, the teams took to the field for a match of – if not wits – gruff belching and neck-wringing.

Having won the coin toss, the Shorty received the game’s first kick and managed to execute a quick snap which only saw dwarf Zvektor move to flank Gates the Ogre in a desperate attempt to evade her direct breath. The ball wound up deep in the Shorty zone and hobgoblin Mog quickly put his feet to the dirt to retrieve it and pass forward to Nog, who then moved behind bull centaur Fritz in the wide zone, handing the ball to the hoofed grinder. With a loud snort, fellow centaur Gritz cleared the minor goblin defensive structure out of the way for Fritz to rumble quickly towards the Flicks end zone with the ball soundly speared on one of his horns. Unfortunately, as Fritz played heroics, teammate Krom decided to begin the scrimmage line’s push into the Shorty’s opposition with a well-placed nipple twist on Gates. Already feeling insulted by Zvektor’s breath-snubbing, Gates was not impressed with Krom’s efforts and soundly attempted to invert one of the chaos dwarf’s helmet horns through his ear. Fortunately her aim was off and the team doctor, after some quick examinations, was able to patch Krom up and send him to the Wood-Elf pen for some pick-me-up snacks before the next drive.

The Flicks, seizing the opportunity, picked up their moccasins and as one stinking goblin mass, blitzed Fritz into the stands and out like a cow-fat candle. Attempts to grab the ball up immediately were hampered by too many goblins sticking their hands where they shouldn’t have been and the ball slipped loose and over their heads. As the mass scrambled, Flicks goblin Jeffrey calmly scampered over and took the ball under his wing while the frontline continued to pummel the hapless chaos dwarf scrimmage line. Gritz, not happy with Fritz’s early departure, fancied himself as the most elegant of bearded skaven-eating dwarf angels floating on cloud nine and attempted a fancy but short-lived move towards Jeffrey and past goblin Christien, tripping over one of his shoes which he’d forgotten to hammer in properly. Though the Shorty slowly recovered, they had difficulty returning to form as a protective cage of giggling goblins stormed the Shorty end zone. Brushing off a blocking attempt by hobgoblin Pog and Nog having been shoved into the stands where he was quickly returned to the bench under a collective “EWW!”, Jeffrey wandered the Shorty end-line. The rest of the teams’ players fought it out on the pitch, Pog going the same route as Nog and, strategically timing their touchdown, the Flicks scored with only a few seconds to spare in the first half while the chaos dwarfs played Maypole around the Ogres Gates and Olga, only rarely tripping them up and chaos dwarf Dvorak going off with a bruised face where Olga had head-butted him soundly.

The second half began with the Flicks up 1-0 and receiving the kick, the welcoming Bretonnian-skin gloves of Narc the goblin snatching the ball up and taking it forward into another Flicks offensive cage. The chaos dwarves, having filled their bellies with fresh Skavenade and Araby Sea-Elf crackers, returned to the field for some vengeance, electing to make further attempts at pummelling Gates and Olga into the ground with minimal success. Behind the scenes, hobgoblins Nog, Mog, and Pog, all awake enough to take the field once more, set-up for a defensive coverage as the goblin hordes once again pushed forward. Apparently having forgotten to loosen their game jerseys, however, the hobgoblins seemed to freeze up when the time came to give chase and the might goblin Phil promptly scored the Flicks’ second touchdown, brining the score to 2-0.

Doc Hott’s temper could be seen rising as his team received kickoff for the game’s 3rd drive, his ranting being rumoured to have included the words “damnable”, “turkey-legs”, “no fish sodas for you anymore”, and even “…mighty potatoes from heaven!” He gave coordination to his team to do anything but drop the ball on a hand-off, and hobgoblin Pog, gaining the ball upon a touchback from the Flicks kick, roundly tried to pass to Mog but lost the pig-skin between his fingers, dropping the ball 10 of yards off-target and having it land in a soft pile of goblin boogers which the Flicks may have placed in their pre-game warm-up. As the rest of the goblin and dwarf teams laughed at Pog, who in turn was sweating bullets as he spared glances at Coach Hott sharpening his “Big Pointy Spike Chair” at the benches, Ogre Olga decided to run her fist through hobgoblin Mog’s frontside. To her dismay, Mog’s sexual awareness of the hulking Ogre in front of him had reached new heights and Olga quickly found herself squeezing her hand in pain from striking Mog’s Field-Chastity trousers too hard. The Shorty, given a moment of surprise as the Flicks stared on, ran for the loose ball and watched in dismay as it flipped between hands like a big piece of freshly-baked Tilean Grease-Biscotti and out into the open once more. The ball continued to flop around until halfway through the second half when through good-fortune, Narc of the Flicks managed to whisk it up make a dash for the Shorty end zone. With little resistance from the Shorties, and Gritz finding that his hoof-shoe nails were repeatedly giving out on him during wild dashes through the arms of goblins, the Flicks waited once again until the last possible moment before Narc sealed the deal and scored their 3rd touchdown of the game. With only minutes left to play, the two teams went through the required set-up with little happening before the final whistle blew on this Picken Flicks 3-0 Division C victory over the Get Shorty.
 

Leave a Good Looking Corpse: Dervishes 1 !! (Cadavers 5)
Coach Plaguelord Puswort, Blue Blighters

Before a massive crowd of 81000 fans, the diminutive Hoary Dervishes faced off against the ghastly Nipply Cadavers in what was anticipated to be a gruesome match Monday night.

The Dervishes received a well placed kick and tried to defend their ball carrier Sven. Alas, line-fling Tad was clotheslined and rendered unconscious by mummy Toopleye as he tried to get away from the line of scrimmage. The Undead marched forward, knocking out Butch and surrounding Sven. With two Halfings already in the infirmary the Dervishes fought back, with treeman Wesley pounding an expendable skeleton into dust. Dreadcoach Fairfax wiggled his fingers and regenerated the sack of bones on the spot. The rotund Halflings managed to shove some undead around a bit and with an audacious lack of self preservation, little Lars and his buddies ganged up on mummy Toopleye and knocked him over! The pustulent Cadavers thereafter oozed toward the Dervish ball carrier, with mummies trying to take down Ogre Percy to no avail, but contenting themselves with surrounding the frail halfling cage. Fighting back, Percy punted wight Kleenz into the Cadaver's dugout out cold. Trying desperately to egress the wall of putrecence around them, Billy Joe and Lars managed to make a hole for Sven who made a beeline for the wide zone as if it were a hoagie covered in mayonnaise. Yummy mayonnaise.

Frustrated with trying to hit the slippery little hobbits, wight Washiz finally lassoed Petunia with a spare bandage then stomped on her, smashing her knee which had been unprotected with the trademark pigfat-soaked kneeguards. Limping off to the dugout's buffet, Petunia was delighted to see sausage rolls dripping in glutinous bear gravy. With ineffective blocking by both Percy and Wesley Sven was forced to make a run for it on his own down the sideline, but but hemmed in, he was brought down by Ghoul Chewlips who picked up the loose ball and handed it to Spitunias, who ran nimbly down the pitch to score while both mummies and a skeleton tossed Billy Joe around like a balloon, badly hurting him. The hurting failed to stop for the Devishes as their star player Deiter was badly hurt and joined the growing mass of bodies around the buffet.

The Dervishes set up for the "revenge drive" with ample time remaining in the first half but their bad luck continued as the Cadavers blitzed the unwary hairyfoots, stunning Sven and recovering the kickoff. Ghoul Chewlips picked up the short kick, forcing the Dervishes to defend another undead drive. An attempt to surround and slow the rotting ball carrier succeeded only in getting Sally Ann getting barred for a blatant (and unsuccessful) foul. The Cadavers easily shoved the halfling defence out of the way to score again, leading 2-nil. Refreshed from a good nosh, the unconscious halflings rejoined their team for the final drive of the half. Another short kick left most of the halfling team out of position but a desperate "fling" play was attempted by both a sprinting halfling and a running ogre but the windup for the long bomb proved too much for Butch who was flung straight into the ground by a winded Percy.

The second half began on a now-familiar note as disaster followed when a zombie horde roamed onto the field, hunger piqued by the pints of halfling blood on the pitch and the smells emanating from the injury pit, badly hurting no fewer than three halflings and stunning Ogre Percy. Depleted beyond recovery, the Dervishes regrouped their surviving teammates together in an attempt just to live out through the half and not be forced to concede! Unmolested the Cadavers scored again showing contempt and some mercy to their beleaguered opponents. A quick snap allowed the desperate Devishes to try a fling play but Lars landed poorly winding himself. With the unnaturally poor luck they had seen all game, the ball popped itself into ghoul Chewlips' rotting hands who again sauntered towards the goal line surrounded by his cackling teammates. Too much pumpkin pie had clearly taken its toll on the Dervishes who waddled clumsily about the pitch, knocking themselves out cold. The Cadavers pummeled The Fridge into the infirmary where he began helping himself to condolence pie baked especially for him by his Nana.

Showing pluck and courage far beyond their abilities would warrant, Druth dodged through a veritable forest of undead while Mindy was thrown by Wesley and attempted a gutsy blitz which, like all else tried today by the hapless halflings, ended in disaster with Mindy being knocked out and tossed into a bucket of pickles where he was quite content. Chewlips scored again, signing a endorsement contract in the end zone with Pustulent Vault Ichor. As the last turn of the game approached, the bored Cadavers only fielded three players, the rest having sauntered off into the graveyard for an early kip. Perfect defence was used to avoid damage from the now-pumped Wesley and Percy, leaving them with no choice but to try one last fling play! Sven picking up the ball and handing it to Lars who flew long-range from Wesley's trebuchet-like arms, and scored at the dying minutes of the game, final score: 5-1 Cadavers.

The crowd punished the plucky halflings for their indifferent effort, and rewarded the brave and mighty Cadavers with fans leaving the happy Halfling supporters and joining the Cadavers' glorious horde. The elevated gate brought plenty to both sides, however, taking the edge off a hard-fought game.
 

The Best of the Best: Hall of Fame Returns!

On your left you will be pleased to note the return of the career statistics for the top players in various categories.  The Hall of Fame will be updated periodically and hopefully expanded...
 

Weekend in Review: Thursday Nov. 13th - Sunday Nov. 16th

Graves of Wrath: Bonestealers 2 Hunt 1

The champion Brimstone Bonestealers faced off against the raw star power of the Wild Hunt on Thursday night as 76,000 fans paid a premium to watch the struggle. Confident of their victory, the Bonestealers benched many of their best players, most notably leading casualty-scorer Anoth "Big Mummy" Tset and the Stealer's top scorer Scarbrow Spleenlicker not even dressing for the match. Their confidence seemed well placed as the Stealers received in the first half, a Hunt attempt to flank their drive failing badly as ghoul Scabclaw Buttmuch travelled the length of the field with the ball. In the course of the drive, the Hunt suffered a severe setback as skeleton "The Shadow" Nose brought down rookie wardancer Wychwethyl with a tremendous blow to the head that was later diagnosed as a serious concussion.  He was shortly afterwards followed off the field by thrower Skaw2 who was badly hurt as Scabclaw blitzed into the end zone for the touchdown. The Hunt's troubles did not end there, as on the return drive, star wardancer Wychwethyl was carried out of the game, badly hurt by ghoul Mad Dog Marrowlips.  As the Hunt drive collapsed and Sceolan found himself being rushed by Stealers, he turned tail and ran, making no effort to move the ball up-field much to the disappointment of the fans. With the Hunt in full retreat, the halftime whistle finally blew. Treeman Fangorn finally waking up for the second half, he immediately made his weight felt as the Hunt received the ball, encouraged by the reinforcement. Staying concentrated, the Hunt drove up the flank in a phalanx, protecting ball-carrying Sceolan, succeeding in breaking clean through, Sceolan scoring easily at the middle of the half. Having lost one wight badly hurt and one unconscious, the Bonestealers suddenly found themselves fighting on more equal terms.  Receiving, ghoul Fangmouth Earchewer carried the ball forward for the Stealers as they ground forward against unexpectedly tough opposition. The Hunt smothered the drive halfway to the end zone and managed to wrest control of the ball away, Sceolan grabbing it  fading back and looking for a way to dump the ball up field.  before he could get rid of it, however, the Stealers broke through, "The Shadow" Nose blitzing Sceolan to the ground, Scabclaw recovering the loose ball to score in the dying seconds of the game, netting the Bonestealers a narrow 2-1 victory. Despite the photo finish, fans were generally disappointed on the one hand with the lack of death and maiming normally associated with Bonestealer games and on the other with Sceolan's somewhat lackluster performance... is this a sign of decline for each team?  Time will tell...
 

Stealers Hit the Wall: Killers 2 Bonestealers 1

The earth shook as two of the most powerful teams in the league crashed together, the Brimstone Bonestealers battling with the Mass Killers in front of a tremendous crowd of 88,000 rabid, frothing, bloodthirsty fans. Right from the Bonstelaers initial blitz it was clear the the game would be an epic brawl, and quickly the two teams were battling for ball control until it was knocked into the stands and was thrown back in deep in Killers territory where it was retreived by beastman Chupacabra, who immediately ran up the far side.  Intercepted halfway towards the end zone, he was knocked flat by wight Dagoth Shiverspine, joining an increasing number of Killers knocked out in the dugout.  In the ensuing struggle, the Killers returned the favour, knocking out ghoul Mad Dog Marrowlips and finally achieving local superiority, beastman Ben Laden recovering the ball and running into the end zone to score, putting the Killers on the scoreboard first in the last minute of the first half. With no time to score, the Bonestealers nevertheless took advantage of the short time remaining in the half to lay into the Killers line of scrimmage, mummy Dus "Mummybane" Nel-Etgath delivering a crushing blow to beastwoman Marge Allright which ripped her head clean off her shoulders, sending it bouncing away as the headless body stood there twitching until it was animated by the dark magicks of necromancer Nygrell Grimskull, retrieving it's head to shamble over to the Bonestealers' bench. Receiving in the 2nd half, the Bonestealers grabbed the Beastman by it's horns and advanced straight up the center of the field, battling their way forward through the main strength of the Killers. Despite losing Dus Nel-Etgath (who had to be carted off to the dugout to regenerate from a particularly nasty hit), the Stealers managed to break out their cage, and after a brief scuffle with beastman Sara Fat playing safety, mad Dog Marrowlips was able to scoop up the ball, only to trip over Nuffle's foot as he sprinted into the end zone. Beastman Dens B. Lair swept in to collect the ball but completely fumbled an attempted pass up field, allowing Scarbrow Spleenlicker to blitz him to the ground and steal the ball, finally scoring the tying touchdown for the Stealers. The Killers hit back hard on the return drive, decisively breaking through the Stealers' defence and relaying the ball up to beastman the Jackal who raced in to the end zone to score the winning touchdown. With only a few minutes remaining on the clock, the Bonestealers were not able to create another scoring opportunity against the powerful Killers lineup, and the the game ended an upset 2-1 Killers victory, and the first Bonestealers defeat in 12 games and ending a 7 game winning streak.
 

Keel Hauled: Surly 2 Barnacles 0

The ever-heavier hitting Short and Surly took on the Blistering Barnacles on Saturday, scoring a 2-0 victory over the favoured home team. The Barnacles were having difficulties very early on as a fumbled pass allowed the Surly to thoroughly disrupt their first drive, the Surly inflicting important casualties in the form of saurus Dances-on-Dwarves badly hurt and kroxigor Ever-Loving Bulk being dragged, writhing in pain, off the pitch, complaining of a broken neck... although no one could actually find his neck to confirm. The Barnacles drive turned into a comedy of errors as the lizardmen could not seem to get their hands on the ball, the Surly finally overpowering the skinks deep in their own zone, hobgoblin Shitless taking the loose ball and running to the line of scrimmage where he was stopped cold, but the Barnacles could not delay for long as bull centaur Hoofgrinder managed to blitz the saurus aside and amazingly, recover the ball, sprinting the rest of the way to the end zone to score just before halftime. Fearful of the potential damage to the team with 1/3rd of the Barnacles heavy-hitting power neutralized, coach Cobra Commander fielded only 7 players for the 2nd half, the Surly receiving and driving forward at full strength to predictably dominate the second half of the game. The Barnacles fought with determination but in the end the tables had turned too heavily against them, and, as hobgoblin Fucker loitered with the ball at the goal line, their on field roster dwindled from seven to three with skinks Little Tokyo and Rowdy Rod Reptile, and saurus Lerisuresuit Larry badly hurt and skink Gila "Doc" Connors knocked out cold. Fucker final scored in the final minute of the game, ending the match a decisive 2-0 Surly victory.
 

Amazons Beat Elves: Harem 2 Bloods 1

A record-breaking crowd of 96,000 turned out to watch the confrontation between the Banner Guard Bloods and the Harem. The two well matched teams look like they may be the big rivalry to watch in Frog Conference, as no hold were barred during the 84 minute game. Fielding only nine players against the harem's full squad, the Bloods first drive was a minor disaster as the harem exhibited superior fighting qualities on the line of scrimmage, badly disrupting the Bloods' gameplan. As the offensive line crumbled, the Harem rushed phoenix warrior Wellington, causing him to hurriedly pass up to lion warrior Charles, who, despite catching the ball, was in the middle of a serious scrum with no easy way out. The Harem blitzed him to the ground and the ball bounced into the hands of linewoman Sharon who handed off to thrower Val.  Val fumbled a pass to waiting catcher Alis Sister and the Bloods had the opportunity they needed, Wellington retrieving the ball and again completing a pass to Charles who, this time, was in the clear, and, despite temporarily dropping the ball as he was harried by the Harem defence, successfully recovered it, dashing into the end zone to score. With little time left in the half, the Harem used their numbers to drive up both flanks simultaneously, but things went awry as linewoman Sam badly hurt herself on a missed block, and line-elf Xerxes making a dramatic interception at the line of scrimmage of a long pass from Val in the back field.  A confused melee topped out the half, neither team getting anywhere close to a scoring opportunity. The Harem came out swinging in the second, executing a qucik snap and cutting the Bloods defence to ribbons, Val completing a short pass to Alis Sister who sprinted in to score a tying touchdown before the middle of the half. The Bloods received the next kick, relaying the ball up to Charles who made a weak drive up the wide zone escorted by two line-elves which the harem defence easily crushed, taking possession of the ball. Linewoman Jen broke free of the melee with the ball and ran across the pitch to toss a wild pass to catcher Ali, but the Bloods could not capitalize on the error, and with three players knocked out and most of their team prone were in little position to prevent Ali from recovering the ball and running into the end zone to score the winning touchdown. With only minutes remaining in the match, the Bloods fans hurtled various objects at the Harem defence, stunning Sharon, but, fielding only seven players the Bloods were not able to create a scoring opportunity in the time remaining ans the final whistle blew on a 2-1 Harem victory.
 

Amazons Beat Elves, Again: Divas 3 Videos 1

In a second Amazon vs Elf confrontation on the weekend, the Lustria Divas trounced the Straight to Videos 3-1 in front of a much smaller crowd of 47,000. The Videos received first but repeated passing errors caused a quick turn over in control to the Divas, leading to protracted melee just inside Videos territory. The Videos got the better of the fight, knocking out five Divas and reagaining control of the ball, catcher "I love it when a plan comes together" running easily into the Divas end zone to get the Videos on the board first.  With minutes left in the half, the Divas quickly organized a weighted drive up the wide zone that allowed them to relay the ball to linewoman Sable 3.0, who dodged past the Videos last line of defence to score to score just slightly before the halftime whistle blew. The Divas were energized in the second half despite the awakening of Videos' treeman "Not so Tiny Tim", executing a quick snap driving hard on the flank, thrower Stacey fading back with the ball to prepare for a passing play.  As the Videos were sucked in towards Stacey in the back field, their defence was stripped bare and Stacey easily maneuvered to throw a pass to blitzer Trish, who handed off to linewoman Terry who ran to the Videos' goal line completely unopposed to loiter there, protected by nearly the entire Divas roster.  Suddenly realizing their opponents were 100% behind them and in possession of the ball, the Videos conducted an about face, Coach Scores-Easy blushing angrily as he shouted instructions from the dugout. Fortunately for the Videos the Divas opted not to run down the clock, and Terry stepped into the end zone to score the winning touchdown.  With plenty of time left but now two elves short, the Videos received the ball and feinted up both flanks. The plan went awry as "I love it when a plan comes together" was knocked into the stands and rendered unconscious and subsequently the ball was fumbled by line-elf "Are you sure it was a book?" when he tried to pass up to wardancer "These go to Eleven" who had snuck past the Divas line. The Divas capitalized on the error, blitzer China 2.0 grabbing the loose ball and throwing a pass across the field which was intended for catcher Dawn but which amazingly got caught in the upper branches of "Not so Tiny Tim". The Videos rallied around the treeman and he shook his mighty limbs, causing the ball to drop into the waiting arms of "These go to Eleven". The wardancer was subsequently hit from behind by Trish, the ball flying from his grasp and bouncing away on the pitch, where it was reclaimed by China 2.0 who dashed into the Videos backfield loosely screened by her teammates, sprinting in to score the 3rd Divas touchdown with less than two minutes on the clock.  No time left to score, the final whistle blew shortly after on a dramatic Divas 3-1 victory.
 

Dead Drunk: Zone 1 Inaccurate 0

With 46,000 fans in attendance and eager to see blood, the Dead Zone took on the Dead-on Balls Inaccurate on Saturday. They were not to be disappointed as the Zone received the first kick, driving forward straight through the center of the Inaccurate defence in battalion square formation. The Inaccurate quickly showed they did not lack for courage as the engaged the Undead in hand to hand, making daring (some would say foolhardy) attacks which, amazingly, disrupted the Zone advance for a time.  The Zone ball carrier, ghoul Viper, did an amazing job of keeping his feet despite repeated attacks by the Inaccurate defence, until the superior weight of the Undead started to make itself felt, Inaccurate thrower Pete Rose being carried off with a broken neck and rookie blitzer Rudolph the Drunk killed as he attempted to dodge away from skeleton Sigourney, falling flat on his face with such force his nose bone was driven back into his brain.  To the horror of the humans, Rudolph newly dead corpse was raised by the necromantic skills of Coach Dead Man Walken and indeed they were forced to play the remainder of the game opposed by their former teammate, his face contorted in the rictus of death.  With Inaccurate resistance broken late in the half, Viper dashed for the end zone to make the score 1-0 for the Zone. Due to technical problems, the remainder of the Cabalvision is audio only, so a detailed account cannot be given.  In brief, the Inaccurate drive failed, suffering further casualties with lineman 4 suffering a damaged back after being broken upon the knee of wight Barry, but nor could the Zone make any progress against the tenaciously defending humans.  The clock wound down on a 1-0 Zone victory.
 

Dark Desire Denied: Zone 2 Desir 1

The Dead Zone were back on the field the next day, facing the Noir Desir in 3rd round Division C action. Winning the coin toss, the Zone received and drove forward in their familiar tortoise formation, inflicting casualties as they slowly advanced, line-elf Georges Malacquis being carried off with a concussion. The Desir returned the favour, witch elf Claudia Demonia viciously fouling wight Barry, smashing his knee, and injury which refused to regenerate. The Zone could no more be stopped than a freight train, and, as line-elf Nasser El Barbudo went down badly hurt the Zone swept the last of the Desir defence aside, ghoul Charger running into the end zone unimpeded to score.  The Desir received and drove back without hesitation, witch elf Angela Del Muerta blitzing former Inaccurate lineman zombie Rudolph the Drunk aside to push up the wide zone. Thrower Vlad Terpes cleverly faked a failed handoff with Claudia Demonia, sucking the Zone defence in, allowing Anglea to frenzy her way clear of the last line of defence so she could receive Vlad's pass which he completed as soon as he had picked up the ball again. Angela easily evaded the last ditch defensive play by the zone and handed off the Claudia who had caught up with the play, Claudia delaying the touchdown until the last second of the 1st half. The score tied at 1-1, both teams set up for the Desir's 2nd half reception, but just as the ball was kicked, a horde drawn from the Zone's burgeoning fan base rushed the pitch, attacking the Desir, knocking out both witch elves and line-elf Rack Courci and stunning Vlad Terpes and blitzer Vlad El Negro. Reduced to seven players on the pitch, it was all the remaining Desir players could do to stay alive as the Zone conducted their onslaught, the crisis deepening as line-elf Sha Itan tripped up trying to dodge out of contact with the advancing Zone and having to be carried from the field, doubled over in pain from a pinched nerve. The nimble dark elves managed to avoid complete encirclement, Vlad Terpes getting free with the ball, but misfortune struck again as he fumbled the ball trying to pass it to line-elf Gege Laspic who had managed to dash deep into the Zone's undefended half. The Zone quickly took control of the ball, wight Snow blitzing Vlad to the ground and grabbing it up. All hope lost, Coach Baboune of the Desir called a timeout and crossed the field to parlay with Coach Dead Man Walken of the Zone. After a brief discussion, Dead Man Walken nodded his assent and as regulation time started up again, neither team moved, keeping their positions as the clock ticked away until finally as the the referee prepared to blow his whistle, Snow walked into the Desir end zone and spiked the ball, ending the game at 2-1 for the Zone. The Zone have done much to repudiate their 1st round loss against the Hoarey Dervishes, demonstrating that they will be a force to be reckoned with in as the season progresses.
 

Noskull Does it Again: The Burden of Being Beautiful

The execrable Noskull Rierohl has done it again with this exclusive peek into the locker room and dainty under-things of the up and coming Cfoo's Harem. Read all about it!
 

Conference Trophy Changes: Individual SPP Bonuses Replaced by 2 MVPs

Due to administrative difficulties that make the +1 SPP per player bonus for the conference trophies too difficult to maintain, they are being replaced (retroactively as well) by two MVP awards that the coach may give to two separate players of his choice.  The changes are now reflected in this and last season's rules.
 

Can You Dig It? Sharks 3 Howlers 0
Coach Blarg Blargson, Mad Howlers

It was a perfect day for some Bloodbowl as the underdog Mad Howlers hosted the far more experienced Rage Sharks fresh off a highly controversial game against the Harem. Having lost the coin toss, the Howlers kicked to the Sharks who just started tearing the Ork line apart, casting the Orks to and fro like sacks of hobbit heads. Chaos Beastman Maim was quick to recover the ball and start up the right side of the pitch. The Howlers tried in vain to stop the Sharks but with vital skills lacking and Nuffle feeling frisky, could do nothing against the superior Sharks who merrily tore through the Ork team, knocking Blitzer Spleenlik unconscious and running Maim cleanly into the Ork territory.  Desperate to halt the unimpeded Maim, a few Orks dusted themselves off and rallied around Blitzer Krotchkik, allowing him a hole through which to run and throw himself into Maim, knocking him down and leaving the ball on the ground at his feet. Sadly, with nary another Ork in sight for miles, The Crusher slammed his fists down onto Krotchkik’s head, stunning him, allowing Maim to hop back to his feet, pick up the ball, and continue towards the Howlers goal line. The Sharks continued to administer a sinister thrashing to the Howlers who couldn’t get up let alone try to get anywhere near Maim, who had settled on the goal line for a spot of tea. Having broken into two distinct melees, the Howlers tried every trick they had and just as Black Ork Bonecrusha was about to launch himself upon the highly feared Frumpy Thistlebottom, coach Blargson downed a tall mug of frosty Grubweiser ™ and let loose with a belch of such proportions as to cause the crowd to fall silent and all eyes to turn towards the Howlers dugout, all eyes but two that is, those of Black Ork Bonecrusha who with a flip of his wrist, bitchslapped Thistlebottom’s jaw, leaving a mysterious puncture wound some 4 inches deep, seriously injuring the Shark. The Sharks continued to pound the Howlers into the grass, trying to exact vengeance for their fallen brother but the highly resilient Orks denied them the pleasure until the last few seconds of the half were running out and Maim, packed up his portable tea set and with a yawn and a wave of his tail, scored. The Howlers, exhausted, threw a few less than brilliant blocks after the Sharks kick and the whistle blew, ending the first half.

The second half opened with the Howlers receiving the kick. The Orks applied a few effective blocks into the Sharks line. Under the protection of Lineork Gazzbagg, Blackheart picked up the ball and fired a long bomb across the width of the field into the waiting arms of Blitzer Krotchkik who was fresh from a long first half nap. Krotchkik tried to plow his way through the line but was forced to retreat behind the safety of his brothers upon realizing he would have no cover if he entered the Sharks zone. The Sharks jumped back to their feet and resumed beating the Orks into the pitch, Beastman Rend quickly scurrying around the Ork line to knock Krotchkik flat and send the ball to the floor. The Howlers, intent on recovering the ball began to throw themselves like madmen at the Sharks. At this point, some sneaky gits and snottlings had apparently stormed the cabalvision booth and attached some bizarre device to the main speakers, blasting the stadium with an ancient and highly feared necromantic incantation “Livin’ La Vida Loca”, as everyone hit the dirt and covered their ears, Black Ork Bonecrusha who apparently for medical reasons was wearing earplugs, once again fell upon unsuspecting Beastman Maim, who perhaps sluggish from too much tea in the first half, fell to the floor with another mysterious puncture wound to the chest, removing him from the game. The Sharks redoubled their effort to break the Howlers, mashing them deeper into the pitch into what coach Blargson would fondly refer to post game as “our trenches”. Beastman Rend picked up the ball and broke away reaching the middle of the Howlers zone. Ork Blitzer Krotchkik, refusing to give up, pushed himself and closed the distance between him and Rend. It was a relatively effortless thing for the Sharks to exclude warrior  Kharlo No Ess from the beatings, allowing him to charge forward to assist Rend in knocking the Ork to the floor and dashing off to score.

The Sharks kicked to the Howlers once again. The Howlers, eager for a chance to dish out a little vengeance, took the line. Black Ork Legsnappa applied a double hammer fist to warrior Kharlo No Ess as Black Ork Nekkcrakka did the same to warrior Otto Khannon, both warriors ending up unconscious. Blackheart dashed off, picked up the ball and closed up behind his front line, hoping for a little protection from the Sharks who were now screaming for blood. The Orks were once again unable to contain the raging Sharks who smashed through their line and sacked Blackheart, allowing Rend to swoop in and again, snatch up the ball. Lineork Trollbreath tried in vain to catch up to Rend but tripped over a snotling that had fallen out of his jersey (the padding). Rend sauntered up to the goal line and lit up a Dunghill ™ brand cigarette, pausing for a few deep flavorful drags as the Sharks continued to pound the Howlers into the pitch while still the Howlers refused to stay down. With the seconds ticking away, Rend languidly walked across the line, bringing a 3-0 score to this mockery of the sport.

Coach Blargson spoke with us after the game, when asked about the mysterious disappearance of Beastman Fritz the Blitz Grabba Grabba who never showed up for game and the multiple mysterious puncture wounds received by the Sharks, coach Blargson who was sitting on a large chest that moved of it’s own accord and picking his teeth with a freshly bloodied stiletto expressed his disbelief:

“ I’ve seen a lot of crazy things on the Pitch over the years and most of them go unexplained, I for one, am stumped.”

Do You Enjoy Photography? Custom Player Pictures How To

Nudge Nudge, wink wink! Coach Martin Scores-Easy of the Straight to Videos has taken the time to prepare a quick custom player picture tutorial which can be found in the new tutorials section (also linked in the navigation pane under features).  Check it out!  No, really!  Check... it ... out!
 

Midgets in the Mist: Smashers 2 Midgets 1

The Drakehead Smashers ground their way to a hard fought 2-1 victory over the Screaming Midgets last night. Despite a hard-hitting game, the heavily armored opponents were able to make little impact on one another, the only serious casualty in the course of the game was longbeard Slapping Smithy of the Midgets who suffered broken ribs. Unfortunately, the cabalvision replay was mostly destroyed when it was left the Midget's locker room lavatory and mistaken for hygenic bathroom tissue. Only the last quarter of the game was rescued, which at least captured the dramatic conclusion of the game, a confused struggle for the ball culminating in the last second winning touchdown by George the skink. A strong showing by both teams, both turning a good profit at the gate.
 

Four Dead: Tuesday Nov. 11th

Unholy Terror: Divas 2 Babes 1

No one expected what was to happen as the Horny Babes took the field against their conference-mates the Lustria Divas, before a seething crowd of 71,000 mostly Lustrian fans. The Babes kicked first, but the Divas seemed to be a little off their game as the drive quickly fragmented into hand to hand combat, linewoman Sable 3.0 hanging back with the ball waiting for an opening as the two teams clashed. The usually nimble Divas had a great deal of trouble keeping their feet, as linewoman Molly, having tried to run into the clear, was driven back into the Babes end zone by the frenzied attacks of minotaur Gora the Impaler. Gora pushed her a full 24 yards, lobbing her into the crowd behind the end zone with a flick of her horns where Molly sustained a smashed hand before escaping to the dugout. The Divas situation went form bad to worse as Sable 3.0 handed off to blitzer Victoria 3.0 who's attempted pass up to catcher Dawn was dramatically intercepted by beastbabe TaeraTak, who promptly took off up the field.  Seconds later Poison Ivy delivered a mighty blow to linewoman Xena 2.0, killing her instantly and sending her body flying backwards. TaeraTak ran down the field furiously with nothing to stop her but herself, as she caught a hoof on an old pelvis that was lying half buried in the field, going down in a heap and losing the ball.  The Divas lost no time in turning the play around once more, linewoman Terry getting to the ball first, launching a successful pass to Sable 3.0 at the line of scrimmage, who then ran forward to hand off the ball to Victoria 3.0 who dashed into the Babes end zone before any of them could move a muscle in defence.  The remainder of the half was engaged in a fruitless battle at the line of scrimmage.  In the second half, the Babes received and, despite some confusion caused by Gora stunning herself trying to hit a Divas linewoman, the Babes managed to recover their offensive, doing a reverse passing play that sent a pair of beastbabes dashing up the opposite wide zone, unopposed by any Divas, beastbabe Cutey Groteska scoring to tie the game at 1-1. With the Divas exhausted and starting to suffer from attrition, the increasingly agitated fans suddenly invaded the pitch in force to rescue their favoured team. The Babes disappeared under a wave of Lustrian fans, fighting back hard... when the dust cleared, several babes were knocked out or stunned, and, most tragically chaos warrior Sally Splugorth and beastbabe Turbochik lay dead, surrounded by heaps of slain Lustrian fans who had finally overwhelmed them... both players were 17 game veterans who had been with the Babes since the beginning. Suddenly with the numbers advantage the Divas, Victoria 3.0 ran in to te Babes' end zone and received a pass for her second touchdown of the match and the winning touchdown. The remainder of the game the Babes beat furiously upon their opponents, knocking out 3 Divas before the final whistle, whereupon they turned as one and headed for the stands. Spectators fled in terror as the chaos warriors and beastbabes invaded the stands, slaughtering indiscriminately. In the words of Head Coach Led Piper as he spoke to our reporter against a backdrop of total carnage:

"We are now kicking their heads around the field, ripping their bodies asunder, eating their children and setting fire to their grandparents!!! Fingers for snacks! Ribs cracked back and the still beating hearts squashed to pulps! Eyes chewed while still attached! AAAAAARRRRRR!!!!"

Word has it that the Babes have hired chaos warrior UNHOLY TERROR to replace Sally Splugorth...
 

Die Young: Dervishes 1 March 1

The Hoary Dervishes went on the road to visit the Orcish Funeral March as the team runs the gauntlet of it's biggest, meanest opponents in the first few games of the season. The game kicked off in front of a huge turnout of 75,000 fans, many lured by the enchanting smell of the Halfling Master Chef, specially hired by the Dervishes to cater the game. Some of the Orcs of the March could be seen with mouths watering, licking their lips, but it is not known if this was because of Master Chef's cooking or because of the plump Halflings lining up to receive the first kick. perhaps roused by the cooking smells, treeman Wesley was quite awake in the first half, taking his place at centerfield.  The kick received, the Dervishes made several feints through the March's line, screening ball-carrier Sven from attack as the huge Orcs attempted to crush the wildly dodging little halfers. Unable to find a good opening for a running play but having sucked the March to close quarters, the signal to pass was given by coach Buttercup, and ogre Percy stepped over to Sven, hefting him in his huge hand, then sauntering forward, craning his neck to find a clear spot.  Percy hauled back and threw Sven in a perfect arc, landing him halfway to the March end zone.  Sven hit the ground running and and sprinted into the end zone, giving the Dervishes a 1-0 lead as the crowd went wild.  As the middle of the half approached, the Dervishes kicked to the March and the Orcs began their return drive. The Dervishes put every ounce of energy they had, buoyed up by snacks passed out into the field from the sumptuous buffet, to delay the March's steady advance, even challenging the March for control of the ball.  Their delaying tactics were dearly bought, however, as halfling Betsy was crushed by blitzer Unholy Hooker as the drive progressed and halfling Tad was knocked into the stands, badly hurt after a group of snotlings set upon him where he lay stunned.  The Dervishes returned some of the favour when Percy smashed the hand of lineorc Gangrena, and, slowly giving ground, they ran down the time on the clock until finally the March were stopped within mere feet of the Dervishes end zone. The first drive of the second half played out very similarly to the last drive of the 1st half, in that the March received the ball and drove slowly up the field.  With twice as much time this time, however, the halfling delaying tactics were futile to prevent a march touchdown which finally occurred late in the half, the March themselves switching to delaying tactics, hoping to keep the Dervishes to a tie-game.  With the score 1-1 and minimal time remaining in the game, the Dervishes attempted a fling play, Wesley throwing Mindy, who successfully landed but, too far from the end zone, was caught by the March defence and stunned silly Wesley threw one more halfling to try and pick up the loose ball, but although the throw and landing were flawless, halfling Joe stumbled as he ducked in to pick up the ball from under the nose Unholy Hooker.  With that, the final whistle blew on a 1-1 tie game, remarkably, the Dervishes second match unbeaten...
 

Boot to the Head: Vikings 2 Flicks 0

The other stunty team of Division C took the field that same night, the Picken Flicks squaring off against the Screaming Vikings. The match started amidst a raging blizzard, and, despite receiving the ball first, the Flicks lost control quickly to a failed hand off, although they managed to scatter the Vikings counterattack, regaining the ball shortly afterward.  The Flicks offence suffered another setback as ogre Olga missed a haymaker and spun herself around so violently she lost consciousness. The shivering Goblins pressed on, their opponents seemingly oblivious to the snow, hail, and sleet (in fact they seemed to positively enjoy it). Again they lost control, the ball bouncing into the hands of lineman Frasierson, who made for the end zone, badly hurting goblin Glenn who tried desperately to blitz him, and scoring in the closing minutes of the half. With minutes to spare, the Flicks attempted a throwing play, goblin Steve bravely suiting up for the attempt, but the slippery conditions prevented him from making a good landing and down he went, losing the ball just before the halftime whistle blew. With no let up in the weather in the second half, the Vikings received and after a slow start rolled methodically forward. Suppressing the stunty Flicks as much as possible, the Vikings broke out their cage with blitzer Kicklescouillesson in possession and running easily through the accumulating snow towards the Flicks end zone, scoring unopposed late in the half. Again with minutes remaining, it seemed like the Flicks were going to try the throwing play, but the Vikings pre-empted them with a blitz, charging through the snow to knock Olga unconscious once more. Their plan in tatters, the two teams melees for the remaining minute on the clock until the whistle blew on a solid 2-0 Vikings victory.
 

Panic at Sylvan Stadium: Bakers 2 Sonics 1

The inexperienced Sylvan Supersonics and Bloodpie Bakers faced off against each other last night in a tumultuous match. It was the second profession league game ever for both teams, but it did not lack for excitement as the Sonics received the first kick under very sunny skies.  The Sonics got off to a shaky start as line-elf Enthugger bounced off his opposite number on the line of scrimmage, the Bakers exploiting their two man advantage to charge thrower Thranduilseed, who dodged away from onrushing bull centaur Red Eye and took the ball with him to the middle of a hasty Sonics cage in the wide zone.  The Sonics catchers fought to penetrate into the Bakers' backfield as the Sonics maneuvered their cage slowly forward, fending off the advances of Bob the Troll, who seemed to be having some difficulty focusing on the game... every so often he'd just sit down and start playing with the turf and cleaning his various orifices until the screams and pleading shouts of his teammates finally brought him back to the game. The two catchers Orgopher and Greenwood the Great finally broke into the Bakers' zone, Greenwood heavily covered by three opponents, but Orgopher breaking free and printing forward, turning slightly to watch over his shoulder for the pass... and the pass indeed came, Thranduilseed breaking out of the cage to run into the clear, and, using one arm to shield his eyes from the blazing sun, hauled back to fire off a perfect long spiral into Orgopher's waiting arms just before getting hit hard from behind by Red Eye charging in, and having to be carried, badly hurt, from the pitch. Orgopher didn't look back, outpacing his pursuers easily to score and put the Sonics on the board at 1-0. The Sonics, down to a mere 7 players, kicked to the now 9 player Bakers' offence.  Fatigue told on the Sonics as the Bakers drove quickly ahead, intent on scoring in the closing minutes, ball-carrying hobgoblin Surloin the Hobby moving up protected well by his teammates and fending off the last desperate Sonics attempts to stop him, sprinting around the few remaining defenders to score the tying touchdown just before the halftime whistle. As the seven players of the Sonics set up to kick to the bakers in the 2nd half, the loyal fans of the Bakers rushed onto the pitch and savagely attacked them, Orgopher going down badly hurt, line-elf Ramdir knocked unconscious, all four remaining line-elves on the pitch stunned before stadium security finally forced the blood-maddened chaos fans back into the stands. It seemed the last straw for the Sonics, especially as a minute later, Greenwood the Great getting tripped up by chaos dwarves Sausage Maker and Meat Cleaver falling hard enough that he could not walk off the pitch unaided, effectively reducing the Sonics to four prone line-elves on the pitch. Enthugger got to his feet and, despite the odds, charged in to try and hit hobgoblin John Dough who was running forward, heavily escorted, towards the end zone with the ball, but he was beaten to the ground again by the Bakers heavy hitters.  john Dough dashed into the end zone to score the winning touchdown, and the two teams once again took up positions on the pitch, the Sonics reduced to 6 line-elves total against the 9 bakers... however as the Bakers prepared to kick, the Sonics' fans now came to the rescue of their beleaguered team, attacking the Bakers fans in the stands, sparking a massive riot that effectively ended the game, order not restored until long after regulation time had expired.  The Bakers were much buoyed by their victory, and the Sonics were somewhat consoled by a decent haul at the gate and small endorsement contracts for Thranduilseed and Orgopher, although the cost to the Sonic's fan base was severe, nearly 20% of their paying fans killed or incapacitated in the extensive rioting during and after the game.
 

Supplementalicious: BSI Season I in Review Supplemental, Part I

A dry statistical analysis of Season I has begun... Part I, covering global statistics, can be found here.  If you have any suggestions for what statistics you would like to see extracted from last season's games please feel free to email suggestions to admin@soapyfrog.net.
 

The Small Hours: Monday Nov. 10th

Smoking Sneakers: Machine 3 Steins 2

It was a clear day for bloodbowl as the Frothy Steins and the Frog Machine prepared to do battle in front of 76,000 fans. Having caught wind of the incredible sprinting speed records chalked up by Machine gutter runner Skrittar Quarzo in practice, the Steins opted for a VERY deep defence on the first kick of the game, setting up only 2 longbeards and ogre Bloodmember on the line of scrimmage.  As the kick flew threw the air, the officiating referee disappeared under a wave of determined Skaven fans, and the Steins knew they were in for a very rough half indeed. With total superiority at the line of scrimmage, the Machine knocked Bloodmember flat, mercilessly fouling him, leaving him stunned, until the rest of the Steins could rush up from their own end zone to assist.  With the Steins advancing, their defence fragmented, and the Machine took advantage of a yawning gap on the Steins left side, gutter runner Skrequal Sedizimo fading back to hand off to Skrittar, who stretched his long legs in a mighty sprint, looping around the Steins defence, dodging away from HarryPalms who was running to intercept and scoring the first touchdown at the midpoint in the half.  The Steins drove back, progressing slowly against the cautious Machine layered defence, finally breaking through decisively late in the half, HarryPalms rushing in to score the tying touchdown.  With only 30 seconds left in the half, the Steins lined up their deep deep defence once more.  A bad Steins kick put the ball in the hands of Skrittar Quarzo who shot down the pitch, turfing smouldering in his wake, dodging to the sideline as he neared the Steins line and nipping past troll slayer Ooglie to enter the Steins end zone and spike the ball to bring the score to 2-1. A 2nd half blitz by the Machine ended in disaster after star gutter runner Skratsquick Terzo was tripped up and stunned by a longbeard, and subsequently fouled cruelly by longbeard Fudd, suffering a smashed knee.  The discombobulated Machine defence was dominated by the Steins who swept down the field, fending off the increasingly desperate piecemeal Machine attacks, HarryPalms handing off the ball to Bumpy in the end zone to tie the game again. The Steins tried to maintain the pressure by blitzing on their next kick, but a bad kick gave the ball to Skrittar once more, and, after dodging past the Steins line of defence, his way was clear to race into the end zone to score for a personal hat trick.  Increasingly short handed, the Machine fought a losing battle for the remainder of the half, the Stiens staging an impressive drive that saw HarryPalms sprinting forward from almost the Steins end zone to hand off to blitzer Numskul, who dashed forward towards the Machine end zone with seconds to go, unfortunately slipping on a small pile of Skaven droppings just as he was crossing the line with the ball held high in victory.  As the ball bounced away form his outstretched fingers, the final whistle blew, ending the game a 3-2 Machine victory.
 

Equal and Opposite: Mates 2 Killers 2

The increasingly bitter rivals Styg's Mates and Mass Killers met in their 4th career matchup, the Killers swearing vengeance for their dashed Soapy Cup playoff hopes last season. In a torrential downpour and to the raucous cheering of 53,000 fans, the Mates kicked off to the Killers and braced for impact. The two teams smashed together on the rain soaked pitch, the Killers making good progress on the Mate's flank. The fighting became general as both sides struggled for position.  Finally the Mates slipped a couple of players through the struggling mass to hit beastman Dens B. Lair who went down stunned, dropping the ball. There was a brief scuffle during which Mates catcher One-Eyed Willy managed to nip in and grab the ball form under the noses of the nearby Killers despite the slippery conditions, and make off with it towards the Killer's end zone, outpacing his pursuers to put the Mates on the scoreboard early. As the rain let up and the sun came out, the Killers were out for blood on the next drive, overrunning the Mates defence, resulting in lineman Davey Jones being carried off with a smashed knee and One-Eyed Willy following, badly hurt.  Having broken clean through Dens B. Lair handed off to beastman Ben Laden who ran for the end zone, pushing blitzer Barbossa out of the way to get there and tie the game at 1-1. With little time remaining in the half, the Mates attempted a daring passing play which almost succeeded before being squelched by the Killers' defence.  The Killers kicked in the 2nd half, the receiving Mates opening up the wide zone for catcher vallo to receive the ball and run through the Killers defence, avoiding their attacks and dodging away to score early in the half. The Killers, playing catch-up once again, failed a pass to a midfielder on the next drive sparking a massive struggle for the loose ball, either side seeming able to keep their hands on it... during the fracas, lineman Mad Dog Bonney went down with a concussion, and the Killers steadily drove the Mates back towards their own end zone, control of the ball see-sawing back and forth until finally it was sent flying into the crowd, thrown back in my Killers fans into the Mates' end zone where beastman Sara Fat picked it up to tie the game at 2-2. With only a few minutes left in the half, the Mates received but the Killers beat them to the punch, Ben Laden retrieving the Killers' own kick, sprinting like mad for the Mates end zone unobstructed... but, unused to such speedy movement, he noticed too late that his laces were loose and as he approached the end zone he became hopelessly entangled, yelling "Ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh not today" as he fell flat on his face, knocking himself out.  And so the game ended a 2-2 tie...
 

Dances With Minotaurs: Sharks 3 Harem 3

Under the brightly shining sun the veteran Rage Sharks took the field against the up and coming ladies of the Harem. Receiving in the first half, the Sharks set up a heavily weighted offence and executed a quick snap, driving hard up the wide zone, blowing through the Harem defence like a locomotive through wet kleenex, the sleek and powerful Frumpy Thistlebottom giving the ball to Rend who dashed in for the early score. The Amazons returned the favour without batting an eye on the Sharks subsequent kick, blasting up the wide zone and sweeping aside the lone beastman foolish enough to get in their way. With the score tied at 1-1 and less than a quarter of the game elapsed, the Harem found themselves again kicking.  The kick went out of bounds, thus the Sharks took the ball and wedged it tightly in the harness of minotaur Strongbad who was pawing the ground and snorting at the line of scrimmage in anticipation being let loose.  With a slap on one massive haunch, Strongbad was unleashed, galloping towards a mesh bag full of slaughtered halflings that lay, dripping, in the Harem end zone where members of the Sharks coaching staff had flung it. The Harem recognized an unstoppable menace when they saw one and made no attempt to break through the screen of Sharks who covered the minotaur's charge, and Strongbad reached the end zone unopposed settling down to munch happily on halfling bits as his team celebrated around him. The Harem struck back without hesitation once again, the ball run all the way up the wide zone by linewoman Sam, scoring the tying touchdown as the last minutes of the 1st half drained away. In the second half, the Harem took the lead as two linewomen ran up the wide zone, the Sharks suspiciously making no special attempts whatever to obstruct their progress, linewoman Vicki carrying the ball into the end zone to make it 3-2. On the next kick the Sharks again used the lure technique to get Strongbad into the end zone, this time planting a live lizardman skink secured tied to a stake in the Harem end zone, it's plaintive cries drowned out by the appreciative roar of the crowd. The kick was good this time, however, but nothing could hold Strongbad back as he charged forward to secure his dessert without waiting for the ball. The Sharks rushed back to get the ball while keeping a lane clear to Strongbad who quickly reach the end zone to feast on his reward. The Harem put up only limited resistance as beastman Narf Nancy-Boy Narfson retrieved the ball and ran up to the goal line to reach across and quietly tuck the ball into Strongbad's harness, giving him credit for a second touchdown. The remainder of the match consisted of linewomen Sam and Jen passing the ball back and forth near the Harem end zone as the Sharks rampaged through the Harem's front lines. Strangely, no attempt to score was made despite ample time remaining.  With fans grumbling about the lack of casualties and the lackluster 2nd half, the final whistle blew on a 3-3 draw... 
 

Orc Day Afternoon: Boozzhounds 2 Howlers 1

It was Orc vs Orc as the two antagonists, the Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds and the Mad Howlers clashed on the pitch Monday night.  The Hounds had the advantage of a season worth of experience under their belts, and despite the strength of the up and coming Howlers, that experience told on the pitch to give the victory narrowly to the Boozzhounds. The Hounds gained the upper hand quickly, receiving the 1st half kick and driving forward, inflicting an early injury on the Howlers with blitzer Skullcrakk dragging himself off the pitch with broken ribs. The Howlers contested the Hounds advance every step of the way, but ultimately could not prevent HyneyKen from getting clear and receiving a hand off to run into the end zone, giving the Hounds a 1-0 lead. With the touchdown, the barely restrained crowd of 41,000 went wild, supporters of each team clashing with one another, sparking a tremendous fungus-beer fuelled riot which delayed the next kick until there was merely 30 seconds on the clock remaining in the first half. At the start of the second half, the Howlers tried to make up for lost time, receiving the ball and smashing their way forward, blitzer Krotchkik employing his patented crotch-kick to render lineorc Lar Batt unfit to play the remainder of the match. Despite their strong forward drive, a wild throw by thrower Blackheart put the ball in jeopardy as it bounced loose at centerfield. The Hounds briefly took possession after the ball bounced into the arms of blitzer Macallan, but quickly he became the center of a huge scrum and was knocked the flat. The Howlers regained control as blitzer Spleenlik managed to grab the wildly bouncing ball at the edge of the melee, turning and dashing for the unprotected Hounds end zone. Hounds blitzer Jimmy Beam made a supreme effort and managed to catch Spleenlik, stripping the ball away form him, but it was too little too late as Spleenlik hit back knocking his adversary to the ground, and Blackheart gathered up the loose ball and sprinted into the end zone to tie the score. The Howlers kicked off and executed a blitz, but after Trollbreath took himself down trying to hit black orc Johny Blue, the Hounds retook the initiative and drove forward with a vengeance.  With the time running out, thrower Shooter tried a long pass to lineorc Slee Mon who was all by himself running for the end zone, but the ball went wild.  Fortunately, Howlers blitzer Throatrip, racing to intercept, stumbled and fell before he could threaten the lone lineorc, and Slee Mon was able to retreive the ball from where it lay, sprinting in to score the winning touchdown. With another good round of punching each other at the line of scrimmage, the final whistle blew on a 2-1 Hounds victory. 
 

Live Fast: Dervishes 2 Zone 0

The much anticipated 1st round matchup for the Hoarey Dervishes finally got played late on Monday night against the Dead Zone. The Halflings were eager to prove their mettle in league play and they could not have done so better than with a resounding 2-0 victory over the feared Undead. The Undead faced serious manpower shortages throughout the match, mummy Seka being knocked unconscious as the first drive progressed. nevertheless the Zone, in possession of the ball, drove deep into the Dervishes end until, within a dozen yards of the end zone, ghoul Viper was tripped up by a halfling and went down stunned, losing the ball. Control of the ball passed to the Dervises and halfling Lars gathered up the ball and dashed up the field a fast as his little legs could carry him, his teammates swarming around the Zone offensive line, preventing them from taking effective action to bring down the plucky little ball carrier. Ghoul Charger was carried off the pitch badly hurt after a solid block from ogre Percy, and the Dervishes tragically suffered their first casualty as skeleton Sigourney upended halfling Billy as he tried to dodge away, landing on his head and breaking his neck... the team apothecary could do nothing for the little guy. Two more Zone players ended up unconscious in the dugout, followed by skeleton Kate, regenerating form a serious injury, and wight Barry badly hurt and unable to continue play, reducing the Zone to only four players on the pitch. As Lars finally got to the goal line with seconds remaining in the half, he decided at the last moment to hand off to his buddy halfling Dieter who had run into the end zone ahead of him, but Dieter's little hand could not grasp the ball and it fell to the pitch, the handoff incomplete, just as the halftime whistle blew. With the first half scoreless, the Zone, with only eight players able to take the field against the full Dervishes squad, kicked to the Dervishes. Dieter received the ball and the halflings ran a running play, treeman Wesley spearheading a drive up the flank, badly hurting skeleton Kate on the way. Dieter completed a pass to halfling Flowers who ran to the end zone, handing it off back to Dieter for the touchdown. The Zone, now only six, received the next kick and started forward, mummy Seka taking a terrible swing at halfling Gino and missing the ducking halfer, but the force of the missed blow caused Seka to lose his balance, falling forward like a knotted pine, crushing Gino like a bug underneath... again there was nothing the apothecaries could do, and Gino's remains were carted off the pitch. The Dervishes took advantage of the confusion to knock wight Snow to the ground, halfling Sven bravely volunteering to be thrown by Wesley to get him within range to steal the ball. Now in possession, the halflings advanced against their exhausted foe, who made no further attempt to obstruct them, Sven scoring the second Dervishes touchdown shortly before the final whistle. A tremendous showing for the Dervishes, despite the tragic loss of two players, humbling one of their most dangerous adversaries, and demonstrating that quantity has a quality all it's own...
 

Beer on the Pitch: Drakkar 3 Blighters 2
Coach Plaguelord Puswort, Blue Blighters

A tense and well fought game before 52 000 fans between the Blue Blighters and the Blood Drakkar took place Sunday night in the stinking sewer stadium that the Blighters call home. After "winning" the coin toss the Blighters received the ball and made a decisive scurry down the wide zone. However the slight rats couldn't make as much headways as they would like due to poor blocking against the burly Norsemen. The Drakkar surrounded the Skaven cage and tried to block the path of the wily gutter runner Snukkit. The Blighter's rat ogre Mittens drove a mighty fist deep onto the gut of psychotic Darrkar Blitzer Bjorn Cinamatograf who was taken off winded for the rest of the game. Linerat Skrichitt blitzed a hole open for Snukkit along the sideline and the speedy rat legged it to the end zone with a quick touchdown.

The Norsemen cracked their knuckles and swore death oaths on the oblivious Skaven who didn't understand the gutteral northern language and were used to death threats in casual conversation anyway. It turned out to be a distracting ruse letting the Drakkar get the jump on the Blighters with a quick snap. A path was cleared right down the middle of the field with Odin Bellegraf blitzing aside a line rat to get into an easy scoring position while the other Norsemen tried to swamp Mittens in an attempt to derail the Blighter defence. Mittens managed to keep his own against 3 Norsemen while a failed blitz cornered Odin along the sideline. Adding more muscle eventually brought down Mittens and effective blocking by the rest of the Drakkar found all but 2 Skaven on the ground. Despite their best efforts the Skaven were unable to drop the ball carrier who sauntered into the end zone with the game tied still early in the first half.

On the Blue's reception a shadowy figure dashed out of the crowd, threw off a black cloak and tossed a handful of small triangular shapes at Geirroed Epitaf who chuckled at the puny darts until the Clan Eshin poison on them started boiling his blood. The Drakkar apothecary ran onto the field screaming "Get this man a beer quickly! For Crom's sake does anyone have a cold beer!". 26,000 fans threw their beer steins to Geirroed who avoided his namesake and sat prone on the pitch happily smashed to the gills. The confusion let Mittens blitz a hapless Bjorn into the crowd who melted away with the rest of the norse fans to get a refill before heading to the dugout. Distracted by the beer and soggy pitch the Drakkar were unable to stop Snukkit as he dashed by three Norse defenders to score. With little time left the Drakkar pounded their way through the Skaven defence but couldn't make it far enough up the field in time before the whistle blew for the half.

With their return the Drakkar again showed their superior blocking skills, KO'ing one line rat and stunning two others to make a solid line which the scrawny Blighters couldn't dent. Poor blocking sent thrower Skuppers off to join 2 others in the recovery area. They were latter seen playing cribbage while coach Puswort's eyes were averted. Seconds later Gnashit was sent there as well by the screaming berserker Geirroed in revenge for the assassination attempt. A bridge game was said to have ensued. The rest of the Skaven on the field were trying to surround the Norseman ball carrier and managed to KO a lineman as well. Again this was to no avail as Odin Bellegaf shoved a rat out of his way and scored, tying the game.

The Blighters return was shorthanded as a poker game heated up in the infirmary. Mittens failed to make any headway with a blitz as Agier Bathyscaf planted his feet and absorbed the blow, stalling the Skaven drive. A mighty scrum broke out with Snukkit failing to get into scoring position. Surrounded by ever more Drakkar and attrition taking its toll the Blighters tried to maneuver for a reverse play. Mittens was clearly tiring as a weak punch was again absorbed by the hardy Aegir. Unable to make a hole a botched handoff/pass play occurred as Snukkit got his signals crossed. Finally the Norsemen brought numbers to bear on Mittens who went down with a mighty roar, gnashing in futility as brawny arms held him down. Thrower Skuppers was knocked into the crowd and badly hurt by the Norse fans who threw the ball back at the Drakkar's feet. The fans screamed in frenzied excitement as with the clock running out the Drakkar snatched the ball and passed it upfield where Odin Bellegaf ran to scoring position. The plucky Blighters attempted a gutsy blitz but failed to take down Odin who shouldered his way through, dodged away from and sprinted into the end zone into the arms of 5 comely wenches of virtue fair. With the post game party starting earlier than normal the whistle blew and the Drakkar win it, 3-2.
 

All Play and No Work: Sunday Nov. 9th

All Tied Up and Nowhere to Go: Paladins 2 Flesh 2

The Avelorn Paladins took to the pitch against the Spike! champions the Creeping Flesh Sunday evening in front of a huge crowd of 83,000.  The Flesh were fresh from their tragic first round match were fielding a rookie mummy Stiff; the Paladins had had a similarly unfortunate first round game, losing their newest line-elf Bolgar the Hunter, the 2nd Paladins line-elf to die in as many games... for this match they had hired replacement line-elf The Replacement. The Flesh received first and immediately started having problems with ball handling, the teams two ghouls fumbling the ball between them. Getting the ball under control, ghoul Disturbed moved the ball up to the line of scrimmage with his teammates providing protection, insufficient as it turned out, as the Paladins dodged around the back of the Flesh formation and blitzed the ball carrier, stunning him and knocking the ball loose. The two teams struggled to recover the ball at the line of scrimmage, pushing this way and that, neither side able to get their hands on it until finally the Paladins popped it loose and dragon warrior Silent Service grabbed it up and dashed for the end zone, scoring the first Paladins touchdown. The next kick came with minutes left on the clock, the Flesh receiving but again demonstrating their ball-handling difficulties as Disturbed threw a wild pass up field, allowing the Paladins to recover the ball and mount a drive of their own, which came within a hair's breadth of generating a scoring play before the halftime whistle blew. Receiving in the second, the Paladins pulled off a very complex passing play, lion warrior Greyeagle receiving the ball and racing into the Flesh end zone to bring the score to 2-0. Playing severe catch-up, the Flesh took to the offensive on the next drive, breaking Disturbed out of the cage early to run along the sideline where he successfully fended off dragon warrior Copy Fish, wight Slacker blitzing a path for him to run in and put the Flesh on the scoreboard. With two Paladins out with injuries, the Elves took the field shorthanded with the intent of putting the game out of reach for the Flesh, but their drive was smothered by the Flesh defence, losing control of the ball, which eventually bounced into the arms of wight Scurvy.  After Scurvy kept his feet despite the best efforts of the Paladins, he extracted himself from the melee and raced up the wide zone to fire off a pass to ghoul deranged which went wild... the Paladins recovered the ball but line-elf the Farzan dropped the pass from Alex Hapsburg and the Flesh put in a last burst of energy as the time ticked away, knocking interfering Paladins out of the way to recover the ball and relaying it up the wide zone to Deranged, who made up for all previous ball-handling errors by successfully receiving the ball and running into the Paladins end zone to tie the game at 2-2. An amazing comeback for the Flesh and a bitter pill for the Paladins to swallow, the light casualties little consolation..
 

Slaughter of the Innocents: Flamboyants 4 Bloods 0

A large turnout of 61,000 fans was on hand to witness the up and coming Rongeurs Flamboyants sweep to 4-0 victory over the equally promising Banner Guard Bloods. Tragically the first 3/4s of the Cabalvision replay were spoiled after the reel was accidentally dropped in a Skaven cesspool [Ed: and was recovered by a brave intern who was subsequently overcome by fumes and passed away after extracting the damaged crystal]. The Bloods had a rough time of it, no doubt about it, the team apothecary simply could not keep up with the flood of casualties that came off the field from the middle of the first half onwards, with dragon warrior coming off with a pinched nerve first, soon followed line-elf Blucher with a damaged back, and then finally and most tragically, line-elf Murat was carried off after being subjected to the frenzied attack of rat ogre GrrRaaaT, and succumbed to his wounds soon after.  The Flamboyants were the dominating force on the pitch, keeping the Bloods continually off balance with blitzes and perfect defences and taking advantage of every error to score repeatedly.  By the final scoring drive, the Bloods had been reduced to eight effectives, further reduced to six as line-elf Rommel was knocked out cold and lion warrior Charles went down badly hurt trying to evade GrrRaaaT.  The remainder of the team was prone or stunned and surrounded, and able to provide no resistance as gutter runner Dilate La Rate picked up the loose ball and ran into the end zone to complete a personal hat trick. A tough lesson in pain for the Bloods and a feather in the festering cap of the Flamboyants, especially sweet as the victory netted them a full 100k in profit from ticket and merchandise sales along with a flood of endorsement contracts...
 

Dodging Centaurs: Desir 4 Shorty 0

The Dark Elf Noir Desir hosted their ancient rival Chaos Dwarf team Get Shorty, defeating them in a 4-0 shut out. The Shorties demonstrated some lack of cohesion compared to their better drilled Elven counterparts, indicating that the fledgling team has not yet found it's feet. The Shorty received first but quickly lost control as the Desir defensive line managed to trip up bull centaur Fritz as he tried to dodge past, allowing witch elf Angela Del Meurta to run in for the first touchdown at the middle of the half, well protected by her teammates. On the next drive, bull centaur Gritz lost his footing after a block and went down before his team could get a good handle on the ball, and subsequently Fritz was knocked bodily into the stands by onrushing Desir, where he was quite badly handled by the crowd.  Angela having again stolen the ball, Gritz turned on prone line-elf Bel Zebuth in frustration, attempting to trample him where he lay, but the ref interceded before serious damage could be inflicted, and Gritz was ejected from the game.  Now at a serious disadvantage and fielding only eight players, the Shorty could not prevent Angela from scoring again in the 1st before the halftime whistle. The second half did not bring an improvement as the Desir quick snapped and in the ensuing drive the Shorty were further reduced in strength as hobgoblin Tog was carried off badly hurt and the Desir swept aside the Shorty defence, line-elf Ma Lhin scoring the 3rd touchdown early in the half.  Receiving, the embattled Shorty seemed to be having more and more difficulty, as hobgoblin Pog ran to the sideline and attempted to pass to a chaos dwarf blocker struggling on the line of srimmage with Desir line-elves.  The pass predictably bounced off the back of his helmet and in the ensuing confusion the derive completely dissolved, chaos dwarves Vinnie and Zvektor being knocked out by the Desir counter-attack and witch elf Claudia Demonia stealing the ball. Pog bravely rushed Claudia and knocked her over temporarily but the respite was brief, blitzer Vlad El Negro taking up the ball and racing deep into Shorty territory with it, scoring the fourth Desir touchdown. The Desir almost scored a fifth touchdown in the closing minutes of the game, but Angela tripped on a blade of grass as she rushed into the Shorty end zone with seconds on the clock, and so the game ended a 4-0 Desir win.
 

Death Becomes Them: Cadavers 4 Spermosaurs 1

The Nipply Cadavers scored their first league victory facing off against the Spermosaurs last night. The 4-1 victory was a great boost to the morale of the Undead team, as anyone familiar with their lineage would know. The injury plagued and short-handed Spermosaurs had difficulties right form the start as the receiving Cadavers managed to break through their defence, ghould Chelips "Fresh Fresh" Spurty gathering up the ball after some mishaps to run in to score at the middle of the half.  Things went from bad to worse as Cadavers fans (many of them ex-Warthog fans) invaded the Spermosaurs' pitch in jubilation, badly hurting line-elf Ashbit and knocking out line-elf Nagiox who joined witch elf GrandPa Smurf (knocked out in a close encounter with a mummy in the previous drive) in the dugout. The six remaining 'Saurs made the best of it, but the Cadavers shortly covered them like a disgusting undead meat blanket, and after line-elf Pusher tried and failed a desperate pass out of the morass, Chewlips again recovered the ball and ran in for the second touchdown. Fielding 7 at the start of the 2nd half, the Spermosaurs demonstrated they weren't finished yet, pulling off a quick snap and getting the ball to GrandPa Smurf (who had recovered during halftime) who blitzed up the wide zone, her long legs carrying her into the Cadavers end zone before the Undead could catch her, bringing the score to 2-1. Still outnumbered, however, the Spermosaurs could not hold back the Cadavers onslaught, and once again Chewlips raced with the ball into the Spermosaurs' end zone leaving beaten and battered dark elves in his wake, scoring yet another touchdown. Receiving, the Spermosaurs showed inevitable signs of exhaustion, losing the ball to the Cadaver onslaught, Chewlips again coming through for the score, his fourth in one match.  As the two teams setup for the last drive, with only minutes left in the game, a group of dedicated Cadavers fans invaded the pitch, seemingly intent on maintaining the 3 point spread, knocking out line-elf IosII and stunning Pid... but there was not enough time left anyway, and with a few more desultory blows traded, the game ground to a halt with the final whistle.  Although they were beaten 4-1, the Spermosaurs managed to avoid any serious casualties and, drawing good profit form the gate, look to be back at full strength for their next match.
 

Incriminating Video: Dicers 1 Videos 1
Coach General Taoli, Slicers and Bad Dicers

Read All About It: BloodSports Illustrated Issue 2 Up!

Bloodsports Illustrated Issue 2 containing a weekly recap, highlights, and predictions has been posted here.  Read it!  Love it!  Lick it!