La Garde Recule: Two Dead
The Wild Pestilences fought the
Temps to a 1-1 standstill on Monday night, managing to hold their own despite a weakened roster following a disastrous first round match. The Temps took the lead in the first half, but mounting casualties by the enraged Nurglites allowed the Pestilence to own the
second half, tying up the game near the final whistle. The Elven Temps suffered several injuries, including a near death experience which was averted by the newly hired apothecary.
The Garde Impériale
were not so lucky, as two beastmen were killed during the course of their 1-0 loss to the Khemrian Inept
Automatons. The massive crushing weight of the Automatons center line overwhelmed the Garde, and they even managed to somehow get the ball into the Chaos teams' end zone just before the end of regulation time.
Jusyfrutland Chronicle Sports Headlines: Gibsmackers 2 Saints 1
On a day that didn't see a speck of rain, a loose cobble, or even an uneven patch of dirt,
Jusyfrut's Gibsmackers took it to the Silvercrest Saints on Saturday night and continued taking it straight on through their torsoes, pelvises, limbs, and craniums in their third game of the Dragon League's first Farm League season in season IV. The elves, dodging willy nilly appeared to be doing well but it was on the crucial plays and passes that they floundered, often being seen picking crudmawks out of the ground for mid-game snacks and such.
Following a Quick Snap that was anything but quick, and with the first kick-off going in their favour, the Gibsmackers began a slow but steady drive forward under the sound of crunching feet and lethargic moans. With three successive blows, the Gib mummies pounded the elf scrimmage line, the
third by Betty "Henuch Shenuch and Eunuch" Iufankh III landing solidly on Line Elf Fedir's pinky finger, causing the elf to be dragged off to the KO pit with dreaming-moans of
"My Ukelele... I'll never strum again, oh woe..." Seconds later, and with a dirty play, skinny skeleton Apoutit "Sandy Skull" Ubastet drove his hard, boney knuckles sharply into the knee of Line Elf Trido as he concentrated on the play right-afield, causing him to be hurried into the surgery room for some serious injury care. The Saints' apothecary, so startled by the rapid succession of injuries, was caught off guard still chewing on some pre-game cupcakes, which he promptly spewed in shock into Trido's screaming mouth as he was carried by. The apothecary's attempts to placate the now irate Trido failed as he connected his tough toes with the doctor's dangly bits and knocked him out cold.
The Saints quickly exacted some revenge on the Gibs, knocking out skeleton Oelph "Most Pancreatic, 412 B.C." Panehsy and niggling Meketre "Runny Nose" Tutenkrusti who managed to regenerate. Play continued with great misfortune on the Saints' part, however, as their highly successful dodging continued to little advantage for many turns, only succeeding in knocking another skeleton into the crowd while a blitz on ball carrier Apoutit quickly caused the ball to squirt high into the air in the melee and land with a soft *thwock*, skewered on the helmet-spike of mummy Diane "Temple Whore" Meryptah V who, rather obliviously, continued her march towards the Saints' goal line.
Slowly play progressed, with another Saints player KO'd and Line Elf Pradil feeling the force of a mummy blow to the sternum, sending him to the Badly Hurt room. With dodges failing like a balsa bridge under the weight of a tribe of orc buffet tourists, Diane slowly but surely scored the game's first touchdown in the top of the 7th stone. With little time remaining in the first half, Lineman Gelan promptly shut down the Saints hopes with a phat trip on a small piece of pie thrown from the crowd, and the half ended without further event.
The second half began with promise, however, as the Saints repeated the last drive attempt from the first half and succeeded finally in
discoordinating the Khemrian line, as Lion Warrior Manawil scooped up the ball and hurled it forward to Dragon Warrior Keladon who, which a bold play, blitzed a defending skeleton and dodged past another into relatively safe territory. A desperate attempt to halt the run by blitzing mummy Mae "The Colostomizer" Ankh-hori IX ended with her on the ground bent in two. Local skeletons were guided in to help her up just as the saints badly hurt Siptah, the Gibs so-far star skeleton, who regenerated, and the Saints' ball-carrier drove home to tie the game at one apiece at the top of the 2nd stone.
With little or no Saints players coming back to consciousness and 3 players in the infirmary, however, the Elf team could do little with their meagre lineup of 6 players to hold the wall of flesh and bone moving towards them as the Gibs took control on the follow-up drive. Siptah, once again the ball-carrier for a third game, found himself the target of a well-aimed blitz by Lion Warrior Manawil who promptly smashed into the skeleton and knocked himself out on a rib. With that, so-far-silent mummy Edith "Twisty Camel Testicles" Nespakashuty VI grabbed hold of Manawil's blitz-helper Padil's leg and twisted it 3 or 4 times around, snapping his knee and sending him to the infirmary to lie next to Trido, now enjoying cupcakes with the apothecary as each apologized profusely to one another, spraying
crumbs everywhere.
Play once again moved on as Siptah advanced the ball, delaying slightly to help the Gibs' victory, and just long enough to watch more elves trip and slip until finally scoring at the end of the 6th stone. With little time left, the elves attempted another late-half play but with similar results as the first half, the ball slipped to the ground. With delight under the greatly pleased
"maaaaahs" and "gnerrrrrrrs" of the home-town crowd, the game felt almost complete, the victory at hand, until Mae "The Colostomizer" Ankh-hori IX, the ever-excitable mummy, began tromping around and swinging her arms in joy - so much so as to cleanly remove the still-gawking head of Line Elf Linas, giving the crowd a solidly-batted souvenir and the infirmary a corpse for the morgue to nearly wrap the game up with the requisite death, though Edith "Twisty Camel Testicles" Nespakashuty VI, not to be outdone in victory, badly hurt Lion Warrior Manawil as the final whistle blew on a rather horrific Saints loss.
The Jusyfrut Gibsmackers are now 3-0 for the farm season, each mummy picking up skills so far, while their were post-game
murmurings that the Silvercrest Saints could fold after the farm season without a vast improvement in performance.
Also heard to murmur this catchy ditty (perhaps in despair), was Coach
Nygrell:
"Jusyfrut, he's gonna bruise ya
Break some jaw, crush and contuse ya
Beat you down till you're black and black and black and black and blues, yeah...."
A good game, nonetheless, was enjoyed by all, and most importantly, the fans left
happy.
-
Coach King Jusyfrut II - Gibsmackers
Weekend Nufflage: Death Rate Drops
The weekend brought some slight relief to the carnage amongst the rookie teams of the FarmBBL, with only 2 players dying in 5 games.
In Dragon Conference action, the Pandemic managed to hold the Krasny Armiya to a
1-1 draw after suffering a fearful beating at the hands of the human team. First half action saw several injuries and KO's in the Pandemic lineup, but a nimble beastman and a lucky bounce put the ball into Pandemic hands, allowing them to score as the remaining players managed to stonewall the Armiya squad for a few critical minutes. The second half saw the the Armiya solidly dominating, easily taking the ball away from the weakened Nurglites and tying up the game. With only 6 beastmen to field in the final drive, it was only a matter of luck that the Armiya offensive was stopped on the goal line, ending the game in a draw.
The Fell Swamp Mudhoppers carried off a 2-1 victory against the
Fiery Sphinxters, amazingly avoiding any serious injuries or deaths against the Khemrian team, although a succession of lizardmen were sent off badly hurt or unconscious. Nevertheless the superior speed and ball handling of the Mudhoppers paid off, and the hard fought victory was assured by the end of the 2nd half.
In Frog conference, the Chosen of Sotek came out victorious against the
Drunk Miners, beating the Dwarves 2-1. The Dwarves were not able to stop their speedier opponents, despite
out-blocking them by a considerable margin. The two heavily armoured teams escaped any serious injuries.
The Cowboys from Hell outmaneuvered the Khemrian Inept
Automations, scoring yet another victory for agility over raw power with a
1-0 win. The Automatons extracted their price in casualties in the 2nd half, as attrition thoroughly decimated the Cowboys' ranks,
however the Inept were unable to capitalize. The Cowboys showed themselves to be tough opponents in the physical arena as well, with the Automatons losing one skeleton, fractured beyond repair, to a solid Dark Elven block.
Draw! Saints 1 Sharks 1
The Silvercrest Saints and the st_RA_n_GE Sharks fought to a 1-1 tie in a heavy-hitting game. With 1 death (thanks fans!!) in the Saints roster and the Sharks receiving a Gouged Eye, it was full of tension from start to finish.
The first half, the Sharks received the kick and seemed to get off to a good start - the Saints fielding only 10 players after their first Farm League game, and then throwing away an initial Blitz with a failed dodge. However, the Sharks had a hard time advancing the ball downfield, as the Saints kept blitzing the ball carrier (however not being able to muster enough force to do anything with the loose ball), despite tossing one Saints player to their fans in the crowd (who tore him limb from limb) and knocking out several other Saints, leaving the beleaguered High Elves with a mere 4 players on the field at the end of the drive. The Sharks finally managed an 8th-stone touchdown, snapping up the loose ball and running it in to the Saints' end-zone with no rerolls left.
The second half saw the Saints receiving, and while they seemed to get off to a very good start, captain and Catcher Manawil seemed to have some vision issues and miscalculated the distance to the endzone in a mad sprint - leaving him wide open to the return blitz which knocked him into the crowd. The Saints' fans threw the ball back deep in the Shark zone, however, and the Saints managed to battle through (losing a few more players to the crowd in the process, fortunately nobody injured), pushing towards the end zone as the ball changed hands multiple times, and finally snapping up the loose ball in the end zone from under the noses of the crowding Beastmen at the 6th stone.
The Sharks set up for their late-half drive, moving aggressively to score in the little time left to them, however a poorly executed block gave the Saints a golden opportunity which they made the most of, bursting through the center of the scrimmage line and surrounding the loose ball.
The Sharks were quick to react, and moved to try and recover, but the advantage was the Saints' to lose -- which they finally did, after an impressive string of dodges and blocks, fumbling the crucial final dodge and pickup which would have led to a touchdown sprint.
- Coach Nygrell Grimskull - Saints
Clash of Steel: Blades Stalemate Garde, Khemri Triumphant
Jusyfrut's Gibsmackers tore the heart out of the Devil Doormen Tuesday night with a convincing
2-0 win as the Gib Mummies badly hurt one Orc player and Smashed the hip of another, Patibulair, who is said to be moving a little more slowly after the game. Skeletons carried the game with 2 touchdowns by 2
separate bone-brains, one by rising skeleton star Siptah "Mister Mrs." Sutymose (though no one is holding their breath that she will survive the season). The Doormen played well and hopefully their future will solidify with some better luck and bloody punches thrown in their favour
over the next few games.
-
Coach King Jusyfrut II - Gibsmackers
In a hard fought battle, the
Harlequin Blades surprised their opponents, the Garde Impériale,
not losing to the rampaging Chaos horde in a 2-2 tie game. Lineman Katar made the supreme sacrifice, knowing that a skull trophy might distract
their opponents enough to eke out a tie game, generating equal experience and the
swelling the Blades fanbase to boot! The Garde fanbase, disappointed in just a skull as a prize, decided to skip the next couple games and rampage elsewhere....their money all ready spent on various 'things'.
<don't go there!>
The Blades coach Incubus was overheard saying; "Show me the money! Where is the freaking money! How am I suppose to coach a team with no MONEY!" and then
proceeded to destroy the Blades locker room yelling "Hire that stupid Apothecary, we met last week...yea, the one with the big tits! She is cheap - we need that....<diatribe deleted>".
-
Coach Incubus - Blades
Death Toll Mounts: 2 Dead in Halloween FarmBBL Action
The FarmBBL death toll mounted on Sunday with two deaths in two
separate games.
The Fell Swamp Mudhoppers defeated the Devil Doormen 2-0, taking an early lead in the first, and then extending that lead to two late in the second half. Additonal tragedy struck the Doormen, as rookie blitzer Sarko, la Terreur, tripped over skink Mervin Greencrest near the sideline and was upended into the stands, where he was mauled to death by Mudhoppers fanatics. The loss of a critical position player and the disappointing gate proceeds will likely put a crimp in the Doormen's season.
The Temps decisively defeated the Harlequin Blades 3-1, the nimble Elves outmaneuvering their Human opponents. The Blades got off to a strong start, but the Temps took over as the game war on, evening up the score at the trailing edge of the 1st half. After lineman Gladius was killed in the opening scrum of the 2nd half the Temps dominated, putting the game well out of reach with two more points. The Temps' dynamic duo of blitzer Dean Diaz (who struck the fatal blow against Gladius) and catcher Larry Thurston may be the ones to watch this season...
All Chaos Spectacular: Nurgle vs Khorne
In the first of two All-Chaos games, the Garde Impériale tore a long fleshy strip off the Wild Pestilences, beating them 2-1. The Nurgle team suffered badly at the hands of the Garde, losing two beastmen dead in the punishing scrum. The Pestilence took an early lead with a touchdown by Chicken Chaser, but form there on out it was all downhill as the casualties mounted. Pestilence beastmen Last n Least ad Los Goatee both were slain in the tumultuous 2nd half as the Garde tied and then beat their reeling Nurgle foes. A painful game for the Pestilence, and a clean victory for the Garde, who got off without a scratch.
In more
hot beastman action, the Khornate st_RA_n_GE Sharks defeated the
Nurgle Pandemic 2-1. The Sharks solidly dominated the play, rudely
taking the ball away form the out-of-sorts Pandemic beastmen in the first
half and spiking it in the end zone to take an early lead. In the 2nd half a
badly depleted Pandemic squad managed to steal back their kickoff to score a
lucky tying touchdown, but with ample time on the clock, and seemingly
strengthened by a sudden downpour, the Sharks overran the Pandemic defence
and scored the winner in the final minutes.
A rough game, the Sharks paid for their victory with the death of of
beastman Joey johnson Jojo...joson...son...nes... accidently killed by a
blundering Pandemic player in the first half. The Sharks however paid back
the beatings in Spades, the Pandemic suffering two serious injuries and a
badly hurt (not including Prosatitis the Beast of Nurgle, who happily
managed to regenerate a third serious injury), as well as filling up the
dugout with unconscious players such that in the final minutes there were
but three Pandemic players left on the field. Both teams profited
extensively from fan excitement over the new season, attracting legions of
additional fans and earning good coin on the gate, winnings both teams need
sorely to boost their damaged lineups.
Oh Did I Mention? Javabowl 7.9a Released
In
a 1-2 punch, Skiijunkie updated Javabowl to 7.9, then 7.9a this week, in an
update that fixes several minor issues. Get it in ye
Downloads section.
Atheism Triumphs: Armee 2 Saints 1
The
Armee Rouge Centrale bloodbowl squad inflicted a sharp defeat on the Silvercrest
Saints in their first game, beating the High Elven team 2-1 after
inflicting numerous casualties. The crowd was really into the game, even
giving line-elf Cardo some congratulatory backslaps, when the Saints player
was pushed headlong into the stands, which left him limping badly after
escaping to his team's dugout. Both teams played well despite rookie jitters
on the Saints' part, and look to be tough competition for their future
opponents.
Mummy vs Mummy: Gibsmackers 1 Sphinxters 0
With
a great cacophany of moans and groans, Jusyfrut's Gibsmackers took
the field against the Fiery Sphinxters in an all-Khemri shoving
match. After 90 minutes of the sound of bones and desiccated flesh crashing
together, it was all over, the Gibsmackers had somehow managed to hold onto
the ball long enough to get it across the Sphinxters' goal line, winning the
game 1-0. The skeleton lineup of the Sphinxters suffered badly, with
two skeletons suffering considerable damage (one now with a permaent gimp)
and one, Marv Manubrium, totally disincorporated by a Gibsmacker mummy.
Still, the lucrative payout from the gate and the legions of new fans
ensures that the setback will be merely temporary for the Sphinxters, who
continue on to play the considerably squishier Fell Swamp Mudhoppers
in round 2...
One Game, One Death: FarmBBL Kicks Off
The
Cowboys From Hell defeated the Chosen of Sotek 3-1 in first round FarmBBL
action, the Dark Elves generally outmaneuvering and out-hitting their scaly Lizardman opponents. Despite their solid victory, the game ended in tragedy
for the Cowboys as angry Chosen fans swamped the field before the final
whistle, killing ironically-named rookie line-elf CemetaryGates, who had
earlier scored his first pro-league touchdown. Both teams are now offering
retainer contracts for team apothecaries...
FarmBBL Gets Ready to Kick Off: Lead-in to Season IV
The 16 rookie participating in the 1st Season of the DragonBBL's Farm Bloodbowl League have been finalized and the schedule posted. It's a heavy hitting lineup with the forces of Death and Chaos making a strong showing... with three Khemri teams (thats 12 mummies folks!!), two Chaos and two Nurgle teams, the actions will, without a doubt, be hard-hitting. The one Orc and one Dwarven squads will probably have the armour to compete with these monsters, but the two Lizardman, two Human, Elf, High Elf and Dark Elf squads will have to step lightly to avoid being crushed.
The
full schedule and rosters can be found linked in the navigation pane. I hope
everyone has had a nice vacation, because were about to put some noses to
some grindstones: It's time to hit the blood-soaked gridiron folks! Nuffle
be with you all...