Interviews and Bookies: Noskull Rierohl Reports Live!
Our first feature columnist is up and running... Noskull Rierohl's debut interview with Coach Blarg Blargson of the Mad Howlers (formerly of the Blarburg Bluebutts) can be read in Noskull's Corner, and more is sure to come from the plucky investigative reporter and gadfly of the Bloodbowl world.
Also note
there is now a link to the
Bloodbowl Bookie on the navigation pane on the left.
Juggernauts: Allstar Rosters Set
The
rosters for the two allstar teams have been posted in the
locker room
in preparation for the big game. The Dragon Allstars weigh in at TR
306, and the Frog Allstars come in as featherweights at TR 270. The
Clash of the Titans occurs at 9:00pm, Wednesday night, so get your
spectacles on, there will be blood, tonight!!!
More Tweakin': JavaBowl 6.7c Released!
JavaBowl 6.7c has been released, addressing MAC
problems and some wizard related stuff. Get it in the
downloads section. Not critical, but probably good to have... get 'em, boys!
Stealers Win the DragonBowl! Bonestealers 2 Crusaders 0
The ultimate match of the DragonBowl I Playoffs occured on DragonBowl Sunday, as the two Undead conference champions, the Brimstone Bonestealers and the Crypt Crusaders, battled it out for supremacy in a 3 hour match before the eyes of 66,000 fans and countless more watching on Cabalvision. The Crusaders pulled out all the stops for this one, hiring once more the legendary Count Luthor von Drakenborg, who cleverly palmed the coin, requiring the Bonestealers to kick first. The Stealers first kick flew wide and the Crusaders got a touchback, pushing up the wide zone with their mummies leading the way. The Stealers' mummy Dus "Liverburst" Nel-Etgath lumbered over and threw himself against Crusaders' mummy Bhandayd, but bounced off his stronger opponent. The Crusaders caged around Decom Poze, advancing only a little bit as Bhandayd and Dus Nel-Etgath wrestled on. The Stealers defence deliberately crushed in the Crusaders' cage, mummy Anoth "Big Mummy" Tset exposing Decom Poze to attack by crushing wight D. Stroy's chest with a sickening crunch [Ed: D. Stroy regenerated from this near fatal wound while in the dugout and was able to take the field again in the 2nd half]. Stealers' star wight Murken Shadowspike exploited the opening, hitting Decom Poze from behind, knocking him flat, the ball flying inot the hands of rookie Stealers' wight Rackis Skullrattle, who moved off to the sideline, pushing Crusaders freebooted ghoul into the crowd [Ed: he made it back to the dugout ok]. The change in possession was temporary, however, as Count von Drakenborg swept in to bowl Rackis in turn into the crowd [Ed: he made it out ok too]. Helpful fans lobbed the ball back in close to center field, right into the arms of Crusaders' skeleton T-bone, who, to everyone's amazement, managed to keep a hold of the ball. The struggle for the ball relocated to this new location, both sides pushing and shoving to gain an advantage. Stealers ghoul Scarbrow Spleenlicker dashed in to hit T. Bone, stunning him and knocking the ball loose. Thereafter the tide turned in favour of the Stealers, as the knocked the Crusaders to the ground, ghoul Fangmouth Earchewer grabbing the ball and speeding off unopposed towards the Crusaders' end zone. Crusaders' Ghoul Tins Dago Bump chased after him but could not match his speed, tripping and falling just a few yards short, knocking himself out cold. Fangmouth ran the ball into the Crusaders' end zone with seconds to spare on the clock, as the two teams continued to brawl far behind him, bringing the score to 1-0 at the half..
The Crusaders kicked off at the start of second to the roaring cheers of the fans. The Bonestealers opened up their offensive with a possibly decisive coup, as Anoth Tset took a swing at Count von Drakenborg, who was apparently caught off guard, the mummy's fist connecting solidly with his head, and the star player was carried off the field unconscious. Seconds later, however, tragedy struck the Stealers as wight Karsk Fellfinger attempted to dodge away from the Crusaders' scrimmage line, but was tripped up by Bhandayd, falling hard on a sharpened root that happened to be sticking through the turf. The living wood passed straight through the wight's heart and his evil life force fled his physical body. Coach Dragon took the opportunity to raise the dead, and the corpse of Karsk Fellfinger rose up off the ground and walked to the Crusaders dugout to take his place with his new teammates, now a mindless zombie. In the meantime, the Bonestealers drive developed slowly against strong Crusaders' resistance, penetrating only a few yards across the line of scirmmage with Scarbrow Spleenlicker in possession. Fierce fighting continued with players being carried off on both sides until finally Crusaders' wight Dee Khay managed to blitz Scarbrow Spleenlicker to the ground, ghoul Boo Gheeman dashing into to recover the loose ball and running around the mass of fighting players. Boo Gheeman headed for the open side of the field with only minutes left on the clock, but as he dodged away, Stealers' skeleton Twingle Phalanges executed a diving tackle, knocking Boo Gheeman to the ground face first and rendering him unconscious, dashing the Crusaders' hopes to tie the game before regulation time ran out. Scarbrow Spleenlicker grabbed up the loose ball, and as the final minute of the game expired he sprinted into the Crusaders' end zone to make it 2-0. The two teams set up for the formality of the final kick with less than 30 seconds left on the clock, the Crusaders driving forward and venting their frustration on the three Stealers' skeletons at the line of scrimmage, knocking them all unconscious.
The Bonestealers claim the DragonBowl after a
hard fought match, inflicting the first-ever defeat on the Crusaders,
ironically their last game before heading into retirement. Coach
Nygrell was hoisted aloft the shoulders of his mummies with the DragonBowl
in hand, and they shambled around the field in the slowest victory lap
ever... by the time they had finished, the Stadium was three-quarters empty,
only the die-hards remaining to continue the celebration in to the wee
hours. Congratulations to Nygrell and the Bonestealers, the ultimate
prize is theirs!!
Mates Claim the Soapy Cup! Mates 2 Surly 1
42,000 fans watched the final match of the Soapy Cup playoff tournament. The two teams, the Styg's Mates and the Short and Surly were closely matched, both teams having upset their favoured-to-win semi-final opponents to reach the final, and the Surly hired Hthark the Unstoppable, Chaos Bull Centaur of renown, to give them an edge. The Mates lost the toss and kicked first, but executed a blitz, decimating the Surly offence and recovering their own kick. One-Eyed Willy sprinted deep with the ball as the Mates streamed past the prone Surly players on the line of scrimmage, following behind the speedy catcher. Bull centaur Doom Charger, playing safety, charged after the soft pink human with bad intent, nostrils flaring mightily, but as he sped into the attack, he got his front legs and his back legs mixed up and collapsed heavily just short of his target, who was being distracted by hobgoblin Shitless. Shitless was knocked flat by blitzer Francis Drake, clearing the path for One-Eyed Willy to complete his run into the end zone and get the Mates on the scoreboard early in the first half. The Surly received again and drove forward with revenge in their hearts, caging loosely, but after hobgoblin Assmonkey was ejected for fouling, blitzer Henry Morgan spotted a hole in their screen. Dodging past the Surly blockers, he blitzed hobgoblin Fucker who was in possession of the ball, knocking him out cold. One-Eyed Willy sprinted forward to grab the now loose ball, but the moon's gravitational pull yanked him off his feet near the end of his sprint and he fell hard, stunning himself. The Surly reacted quickly, Henry Morgan knocked flat by bull centaur Hoofgrinder, while Doom Charger managed to pick up the ball and move it forward. Despite Mates closing in on him, Doom Charger dodged away and sprinted down the sideline, but was corralled by the Mates defence and knocked down, the ball rolling into the crowd. With only seconds left in the half, the fans threw the ball back in at centerfield where thrower Dread Pirate Roberts picked it up, running forward and passing to One-Eyed Willy who sprinted like a madman into the Surly end zone to spike the ball just as the halftime whistle blew, bringing the score to 2-0.
Seething with fury, the Surly worked themselves into such a frenzy that they blitzed the Mates on the 2nd half kickoff, Hthark and Doom Charger galloping into the back field while the rest of the team pummeled the Mates at the line of scrimmage. The ball landed next to Doom Charger, and One-Eyed Willy tried to dash in under his nose and pick it up but the ball eluded him, and he was driven back and knocked flat by the onrushing minotaur Agamemnon the Horny. The Surly Surged forward, and Shitless grabbed up the loose ball, well protected by his teammates. Suddenly a wizard (in Mates colours) who had previously gone unnoticed unleashed a fireball from the sideline, which exploded in the middle of the cage, knocking down Shitless and Agamemnon. The ball was loose once more, but the Mates were not able to exploit the confusion caused by the burst of flaming magical energy, and hobgoblin Really Scared braved the smoke and smouldering turf to recover the ball and run for the Mates end zone to score. Then disaster struck for the Surly, as they were setting up to kick, a riot broke out, sweeping the stadium end to end, as Mates fans battled Surly fans. The Surly players watched in frustration as the clock ticked away, and finally when order was restored and the dust cleared, there was barely time for the ball to sail through the air and the two teams to exchange pleasantries in a flurry of blocks, blows and blitzes when the final whistle blew, ending the game a 2-1 Mates victory.
With the disappointed Surly taking the runner
up prize, their comeback spoiled by the rioting fans, Coach Stygmata
accepted the Soapy Cup from league officials and was carried around the
pitch on the shoulders of his teammates in a victory lap. And there was much
rejoicing!
Crusaders March On: Crusaders 1 Barnacles 0
The turnout for the Crypt Crusaders vs Blistering Barnacles semi-final match sparse, attended by 33,000 of the most hardcore of fans from both sides, due primarily to a running battle which erupted between the two team's supporters outside the stadium. The massive brawl spilled over into the stadium and onto the pitch as the teams prepared for the first kick, and it was not until three quarters on the first half had already elapsed that some sort of order was imposed and the remaining fans who had survived the full-scale warfare settled down to watch the match. The Barnacles kicked to the Crusaders, who scrambled to get a play going in the short remaining time before the half ended, but unfortunately wight Decom Poze who had recovered the ball, fumbled a pass, leading to the ball being recovered by Barnacles skink Little Tokyo. Little Tokyo was subsequently knocked flat by wight Dee Khay playing safety, and possession of the ball passed to him. The two teams spent the remaining minutes shoving each other before the whistle blew, ending the brief, and scoreless, first half.
The Barnacles received in the 2nd half, and drove forward, kroxigor Ever Loving Bulk astonishing everyone by nimbly dodging past wight D. Stroy. After skink Sqweramn Norman missed a pass from skink Stil Slitherin, wight Decom Poze rushed in to try to grab the loose ball but proved unable to get his hands on it, and was then stunned silly by saurus Dances-On-Dwaves. Sqwerman Norman picked up the ball and lurked behind his teammates, waiting for them to create the opportunity he needed. The Barnacles caged and drove deliberately forward, taking their time, but suddenly found their progress impeded as D. Stroy dodged past Ever-Loving Bulk to hit Sqwerman Norman, knocking him down and the ball out of his hands. Ever-Loving Bulk turned and flattened D. Stroy with one swipe, and skink Lerkin Sneek took up the ball, only to be knocked out by wight Rig R. Mortis charging in from the other side. The ball bounced away form his unconscious body and towards the Crusaders, ghoul Tins Dago Bump grabbing it from under the nose of Ever-Loving Bulk and dodging away to run along the sideline, crossing the line of scrimmage into Barnacles territory. Covered by Decom Poze, Tins Dago blitzed forward, stunning Stil Slitherin who was in his path and racing for the end zone unopposed. With the Barnacles completely tied down, Tins Dago ran along the goal line to kill the time on the clock, scoring with just a minute left on the clock. With no time left to score, the final kickoff was a mere formality, with the two sides taking a last swipe at one another on the line of scrimmage before the final whistle.
The Crusaders 1-0 victory continues their
undefeated streak and gets them into the DragonBowl Final match against the
Brimstone Bonestealers, a match which is being commonly referred to
as "Undead Bowl".
The Best of the Best: The All-Star ProBowl!
It's almost time for the inter-conference All-Star Game!
Each of Frog and Dragon conference will field an All-Star team to play against each other to detrmine which is the greatest conference.
Each coach in Frog and Dragon conference must vote for the coach (in their own conference) who they would most like to see coaching their conference's allstar team (just email admin@soapyfrog.net with your vote, voting ends Sunday, ties will be dtermined by a second vote off).That coach must select two players from each team in the conference to play on the all-star team, following the following guidelines:
- 0-4 Specials: Black Orc, Mummy, Saurus, Troll Slayer, Chaos Warrior, Bull Centaur
- 0-4 Blitzers: Blitzer, Dragon Warrior, Wardancer, Storm Vermin, Wight
- 0-2 Throwers: Thrower, Phoenix Warrior
- 0-4 Runners: Runner, Catcher, Gutter Runner, Lion Warrior, Skink, Goblin, Halfling, Witch Elf, Ghoul
- 0-12 Linemen: Lineman(woman, elf, rat, orc), Hobgoblin, Chaos Dwarf, Longbeard, Chaos Beastman(babe), Skeleton, Zombie
- 0-1 Big Guy: Minotaur, Ogre, Rat Ogre, Treeman, Kroxigor, Troll
In addition, you cannot have more of a specific player type than is allowed on that race's original roster (e.g. 2 mummies max).
- The FF of each team will be the FF of all teams in the conference added up and divided by two (so, high!).
- Each team will have the average number of rerolls, cheerleaders, and assistant coaches of their conference, rounded to the nearest integer.
- Each team will have 1 apothecary.
- The game will be played with overtime.
- All SPP gained during the match will be kept by the players who earned them.
- ALL INJURIES (and effects thereof) WILL BE ERASED after the match. This is because every team sends their own apothecary to tend specifically to their player's needs.
- Lastly, the 10k tribute paid by each team to the DragonBowl winner will be waived. Instead, the winnings of the All-Star game will all go into the DragonBowl winner's purse.
In future
seasons, we will squeeze the allstar game in after the regular season but
BEFORE the playoffs begin.
Everyone get to voting!
S'More Fixes: JavaBowl 6.7b Released!
JavaBowl 6.7b has been released to address yet
more fireball stuff. Get it in the
downloads section. Well, we all expected teething problems...
Whoopsie: JavaBowl 6.7a Released!
JavaBowl 6.7a has been released. There
was a thing with fireballs that killed people ALOT. Get it in the
downloads section. Better get it, especially if your opponent plans to hire a wizard...!
Oh, My, God: JavaBowl 6.7 Released!
JavaBowl 6.7 has been released, with WIZARDS!!!
HEY EVERYONE WIZARDS!!! You know how we were just talking about how
Undead get their wizards for free and that sucks because everyone else's
wizards can't be used because they are not implemented in JBB and THAT sucks
becuase they would really be much better??? Well it's spooky, but now
Wizards are implemented! Quick download it before they change thier
minds! Get it in the
downloads section. And it's got squarage too! SQUARAGE!!!!
The Ballad of Ori Ori Ori Breath: Surly 1 Bluebutts 0
Ori Ori Ori Breath woke that morning with a grim premonition. Inside his thick skull he heard the voices of those who had gone before, his brethren who had previously donned the #6 jersey. "This is the day" one whispered... "I'm hungry!" said the other... Ori Ori Ori Breath shrugged and went about his morning ablutions [Ed: you don't want to know], dismissing the voices as the result of some bad Halfling he had for dinner last night. The day was unpleasantly sunny and bright as the Short & Surly made the journey to face off against the Blargburg Bluebutts in the Soapy Cup semi final match. Hours later in the locker room, Or Ori Ori Breath and the team dressed for the match. As he pulled the bloodstained #6 jersey over his head he noticed the "6" on his chest gave him an intense burning sensation that, while pleasurable, seemed somehow ominous. Still, the feeling faded, and he and the team gathered around Coach Funky for the inspirational consumption of raw dark elfmeat (culled from some fans swiped from the queue outside Blargburg Stadium) before filing out onto the field.
The tumultuous roar of 63,000 fans greeted the two teams' ears as they the captains stepped up to the center of the field for the ceremonial coin toss, which the Bluebutts won, undoubtedly through some sly trickery. Ori Ori Ori Breath moved to his place on the right flank wide zone and braced for impact. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the referee go down in a sea of Bluebutts fans as the ball sailed through the air into the Bluebutts end, and he knew then it would be a rough game. The Bluebutts charged forward, and Ori registered a blur of movement as witch elf Sum Dizzy Bitch raced past and in a flash was far behind him. On his left at midfield the Bluebutts were in hand to hand with his teammates at the line of scrimmage, while line-elf Wanker who had caught the ball, handed it off to the thrower, Shit Head. Ori wasted no time, leaving the witch elf behind hi to the deep defenders, he charged in head to head with the Bluebutts, distracting blitzer Fat Ass while Caleb Crotchmangler knocked him to the ground. A cheer went up from his team and Ori saw that Shit Head had fumbled the ball attempting to pass it long to Sum Dizzy Bitch who had made it into the end zone, and he turned in time to see her go flying backward into the stands behind the end zone after bull centaur Hoofgrinder hit her hard on a blitz. Ori shook his head with disappointment as he saw she landed in a clump of Bluebutts fans who saw her safely back into the dugout. Things were happening quickly as hobgoblin Really Scared retrieved the ball only to be stunned out of his tree by blitzer Dumb Ass, the ball going into crowd and thrown back in deep in the Surly zone, and Ori found himself fighting off three Bluebutts simultaneously, but he put his head down, dug in his feet and held them at bay until line-elf Brad hit him hard from the side and sent him sprawling on the turf. When he looked up next the Blubutts had got into scoring position, Shit Head getting to the ball first and tossing a lateral pass to line-elf Loser, who was quickly knocked to the ground by bull centaur Doom Charger who was following him. As Ori got to his feet, he saw that Doom Charger had actually managed to catch the ball in his stubby arms as it bounced from Loser's hands, and the Surly was on offence once again. As Doom Charger sprinted forward, Ori found himself in a right scuffle with the nearby Bluebutts, giving and taking blows, and before long the Dark Elf population on the field had dwindled from 11 to 6, and Doom Charger shrugged off his last opponent to score with little time left in the half. The Surly kicking again, Ori once again took up station in the wide zone, only to see the craven Bluebutts quick snap and flee as fast as their elfin legs would carry them away from the line of scrimmage. Ori joined his teammates in howls (and much of the stadium) of derisive laughter and insults before the half time whistle blew.
At half time, dark elfmeat leftovers were passed around by the hobgoblin slaves and Funky exhorted them to even greater violence, demonstrating a particular organ-bursting technique on a nearby hobgoblin towelboy, which the team then ate for extra fortitude. The team was in good spirits, but then Ori heard the voices again... "This is the hour" said the first one... "My feet hurt!" said the other. Ori was disturbed. Maybe the stories were true... maybe he was doomed... or maybe that Hobbo didnt go down quite right. Ori drained a flagon of mead mixed with elf blood, and felt better.
The two teams took the field once more, the Surly players laughing and talking about how many elves they would eat and interesting games to play with their food, and Ori Ori Ori Breath took his accustomed place in the wide zone once more, this timed ready to charge forward as the Bluebutts kicked the ball. The Surly were quick on their feet and got the jump on the Bluebutts, and as Ori held his place waiting for minotaur Agamemnon to lumber forward to join him, he watched as the Surly suged forward like a (very short) tidal wave, leaving line-elf Tosser badly hurt in their wake, hobgoblin Assmonkey aiming a vicious kick at the head of prone line-elf and professional damage sponge Goit, breaking his jaw. The Bluebutts counterattack fizzled as Sum Dizzy Bitch threw herself at Agamemnon, bouncing off his tough hide and landing heavily on the ground. Enraged, Agamemnon took an over hasty swing at blitzer Kissmy Ass and missed completely, spinning around and accidently punching himself in the head, knocking himself out cold. Deprived of the big guy's support, Ori was pushed back along the sideline as the Bluebutts pressed forward, Sum Dizzy Bitch leaping to her feet and charging past him into the backfield, knocking hobgoblin Shitless out cold and menacing hobgoblin Fucker who had the ball in his grip. The two bull centaurs charged back to push the witch elf away, and Fucker was off running like a fucker, heading for the Bluebutts unguarded side. Ori pushed back hard against Kissmy Ass and forced his way away from the sideline, but found himself suddenly badly outnumbered. "This is the minute!" the voice in his head suddenly said... "JOIN US #6" the other voice screamed, as blitzer Kissmy Ass pushed him back again, and line-elf Brad came up on his unguarded side, taking advantage of his distraction to grab his head and force it around with a fast twisting motion with a strength belied by the lithe elfin hands that gripped him. There was a sickening crunching and poping of bone and tendon as Ori Ori Ori Breath's neck broke, and his body was pushed back into the seething crowd. As his life fled from his broken body, the last thing that Ori Ori Ori Breath saw was his fellow Chaos Dwarves surrounding him, looking down... as vision faded and the light left his eyes, the last thing he heard was Balin Bloodbrewer say "I ain't eating that!"...
[Ed: The remaining 40 minutes of game consisted of a brutal brawl, the Bluebutts managed to stun Fucker in their own end and Shit Head made a beautiful pass up field directed at Sum Dizzy Bitch, which was perfectly intercepted by Assmonkey who had just been trying to foul Loser. The Surly were able to run the remaining time out and prevent the Bluebutts from getting a tying touchdown, ending the game in a 1-0 Surly victory. The upset victory will pit them against the Styg's Mates in the Soapy Cup final in a battle of the dark horses]
Postscript: The Surly hired a replacement for
their dead (and probably tainted) kinsman, a chaos dwarf blocker by the name
of Not Ori Ori, in the hopes that his name will distract the vengeful
spirits of the bloodstained #6 jersey. A hobgoblin slave suggested
they simply replace the jersey and retire the number, but he was eaten.
The End.
Extra Goo: Post-Season Extension and Team #32
The League welcomes the Funeral March, an Orcish team coached by Marcon, bringing the total number of teams in the league to 32. The league will accept up to four more teams, so get recruiting everybody! New teams should be submitted on or before Oct. 29th.
Speaking of October 29th, that is the new
post-season end date, so everyone has an additional 8 days to finish up
their playoff and exhibition matches. Get playing fellas!!
Ground Bone Bread: Bonestealers 1 Rats 0
The elite of Frog conference battled it out last Sunday in a narrowly contested match between the Brimstone Bonestealers and the Rats de la Boule in front of 54,000 fans, primarily made up of Bonestealers fans (the Rats still being one of the most reviled teams in the league). The rats fielded famed rat ogre Star Headsplitter to bolster their line against the Undead powerhouse. The Bonestealers lost the first toss and kicked to the Rats, skeleton kicker "The Shadow" Nose dropping the ball just over the line of scrimmage on the Rats weak side. Rats thrower Envla Dlaronde recovered the ball, tossing it back to gutter runner Hab Il Dlabal who ran over to the wide zone to hand off to fellow gutter runner Mulot Ratatoin. Mulot followed in the wake of rampaging rat ogre Tasstoi Dla and the Rats caged conservatively on the sideline some way into Bonestealers territory. Tasstoi Dla had overextended himself, however, and quickly became enmeshed by the Bonestealers defence. As the rat ogre flailed at his surrounding opponents in a frenzy, Multo Ratatoin ran a reverse around the blocking Bonestealers, dashing up the middle of the field, only to trip over his own tail as he sprinted forward, losing his grip on the ball. The Bonestealers got to the loose ball first, ghouls Scarbrow Spleenlicker retrieving it and dashing up field, while his teammates tried to pin Tasstoi against the sideline, only to have "The Shadow" Nose badly hurt as the rat ogre broke free and ran towards centre field. Scarbrow raced forward, leaving the meleeing players in his dust, to score the winning touchdown late in the half. With scant time remaining, the Bonestealers kicked to the Rats who pushed up the empty wide zone which the Bonestealers had neglected to guard, but Mulot failed to catch the pass from Envla Dlaronde, and the Bonestealers counterattacked, evening up the casualties by badly hurting linerat Ebola Zemice. With only a few minutes remaining, the Rats attempted an unorthodox play, Tasstoi Dla lured into the Bonestealers end zone by a large piece of gorgonzola wrapped in carrion planted there by Rats staff, whereupon Envla Dlaronde grabbed the ball and ran forward, emitting a piercing whistle to get the rat ogres's attention and firing an accurate pass directly at the big guy. The lure had worked too well, however, and Tasstoi was still gorging on the tasty mix when the ball glanced off his shoulder and bounced away. The Rats had to endure the beatings of the Bonestealers for just a few more seconds (thankfully without injury) as the clock finally ran down and the half time whistle blew.
As the two teams prepared for the 2nd half kickoff, the Bonestealers fans attacked and killed the ref, who was then quietly raised as a zombie to return to officiating the match with a distinctly jaundiced (pus-filled, actually) eye. The Rats kicked to the Bonestealers who set up a weighted offence, the ball dropping just across the line of scrimmage on the Stealers' weak side in a mirror image of the first half kickoff. Scarbrow ran forward to get the ball but could not get his hands around it and it eluded him. So intent was he on the ball that he did not noticed Tasstoi charging forward like a locomotive until it was too late and down he went, having to be carried off the field unable to play further. Mulot Ratatoin retrieved the ball and dashed forward along the sideline with nary a Bonestealer ahead of him, but ghouls Mad Dog Marrowlips and Scabclaw Buttmunch made a terrific effort and got level with him, Scabclaw knocking him solidly to the ground, stunning the little guy. The Rats charged forward to reclaim the ball, Tasstoi Dla knocking wight Murken Shadowspike onto the ball sending it rolling off towards the sideline, where Hab Il Dlabal picked it up and ran for the end zone, the Bonestealers managed to surround Tasstoi once more, however, and down he went struggling against 5 opponents... in the ensuing confusion, a few Bonestealers were able to get free of the morass and catch up to Hab Il Dlabal, blocking his way. With the Stealers closing in, Hab Il Dlabal turned and handed off to rookie gutter runner Vlad Lachance, but the inexperienced Vlad tipped the ball with his thumb and dropped it. The Bonestealers were quick to take advantage of the error, pushing the gutter runners roughly aside and surrounding the ball, Mad Dog Marrowlips grabbing it up, but as he moved forward he was knocked to the ground by storm vermin Mustapha El Rata, and the ball rolled into the crowd. One of the few Rats fans around hurled the ball back in before being swamped by Bonestealers fans and it sailed straight into the arms of storm vermin Batolo Casimor, who was unfortunately standing right next to mummy Anoth "Big Mummy" Tset. Anoth swung mightily at Batolo (and Tasstoi stunned himself trying to head butt the mummy to no effect), but the storm vermin dodged and parried and kept his feet until wight Dagoth Shiverspine came up and hit him from the side, knocking him down. Murken Shadowspike scooped the loose ball off the ground and tossed into the arms of Fangmouth Earchewer who ran up-field as the clock ticked away, but the Bonestealers were not destined to score again as Headsplitter dashed over to blitz Fangmouth to the ground. Murken Shadowspike recovered the ball made a last ditch effort to move the it up to the cherry picking wight Karsk Fellfinger, but the sun got in his eyes and he lost his footing, going down in a stunned heap. The Rats tried their own last ditch play, but an attempted hand off to Headsplitter went awry as the rat ogre did not know what to do with the unfamiliar object being handed to him, and tossed it away in disgust after trying to take a bite out of it. Seconds later, the final whistle blew on a narrow 1-0 Bonestealers victory.
It was a heartbreaking game for the Rats, who
had three golden opportunities to tie up the game, but just couldn't seem to
translate them into an actual score. The Bonestealers squeaked by on
this one, and advance to the DragonBowl Final match to play against the
winner of the Crypt Crusaders vs Blistering Barnacles Dragon
conference semi-final. Stay tuned, sportsfans!
Chaos Gone Soft: Mates 3 Killers 1, OT
A sold turnout of 56,000 fans turned out to see the semi-final Soapy Cup playoff match between the Mass Killers and the Styg's Mates. The Killers were the heavy favorites for the match, their team in perfect fighting trim after getting a by to the semi-final round, whereas the Mates had had an casualty plagued end of season which weakened them considerably... however the Mates had shown real chops in the quarter-final shootout victory vs the Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds, and it was fully expected that they would put up a stiff fight. The Mates received the first kick and drove a strong wedge into the Killers defence, thrower Dread Pirate Roberts hanging way back with the ball. The Killers struggled to prevent catcher One-Eyed Willy from getting into the clear as Dread Pirate Roberts advanced up the field, screened by his teammates, looking for a clean passing opportunity. The two teams clashed, the Mates showing their muscle by sending beastman Rumsfled out of the game badly hurt. Although stunned during the melee, One-Eyed Willy regained his feet and dodged away from the ruckus and dashed into the clear. Linemen Black Barty and Davey Jones beat the Killers away from Dread Pirate Roberts, who ran forward to fire a short pass into the arms of Willy, who then dashed into the end zone to score. With slightly less than half the first half remaining, the Mates kicked and executed a perfect defence. The Killers pushed forward strongly, trying to use their muscle to break down the Mates defence, knocking out the Mates' safety, Barbossa, but the Mates fought back hard, blitzer Erik the Viking dashing in to hit ball-carrying beastman Dens B. Lair in the wide zone, knocking him down and the ball loose. The Killers quickly knocked Erik down and Dens B. Lair recovered his feet and the ball, handing off to beastwoman Sara Fat who made a dash for the end zone. She did not make it, though, as blitzer Francis Drake dodged handedly away from beastman the Jackal, sprinted after her and tackled her from behind, and she was carried off in pain, unable to continue. The ball loose once more, it was grabbed up by One-Eyed Willy who fumbled it trying to dump it up the field, and as the Killers struggled with their opponents the clock ran down and the half-time whistle blew.
A brief riot instigated amongst the fans created a 10 minute delay of game as the Mates prepared to kick to the Killers in the 2nd half. The Mates held the Killers at the line of scrimmage, the two teams engaging in a shoving match that went nowhere as Dens B. Lair recovered the ball and moved it up. As the Killers tried to muscle their way forward, a small opening presented itself... Dens B. Lair handed off to beastwoman Marge Allright, but the opening proved too small as Marge was tripped up by lineman Rackham Le Rouge. The two teams battled over the loose ball, as it bounced this way and that, until One-Eyed Willy tripped over ogre Paul Pot's toe, stunning himself and knocking the ball into the clear, where Dens B. Lair grabbed it up, dashing forward as the two teams grappled, handing it off to beastman Ben Laden. Ben Laden dashed to the end zone, shoving blitzer Henry Morgan out of the way to score the tying touchdown. The Mates received the Killers next kick with a quarter of the half to go, but their hopes to score were dashed when One-Eyed Willy tripped up trying to sneak past Ben Laden on the sideline, losing the ball, and so regulation time ended in a 1-1 tie and the two teams prepared for overtime.
The Killers lost the toss in overtime and the Mates received, driving hard up the wide zone, caged around One-Eyed Willy. The Killers threw their defence in heavily, and so Willy ran a reverse play, dashing across the field and handing off to Black Barty who ran deep. He was not screened well enough, however, and chaos warrior Gorsky charged in and knocked him flat, the ball bouncing into the crowd and being thrown back in nearby. The Mates quickly recovered, and, after chaos warrior Adolph Thitler had his ribs broken by the intrepid Erik the Viking, there was nothing to stop Henry Morgan from picking up the ball and sprinting into the end zone to score the winning touchdown. The Killers were starting to really feel the effects of a very one-sided hitting game, amazingly reduced to only 9 players facing the Mates full squad on the next kick, with a total of six players out unconscious or injured compared to no injuries for the Mates and one lineman recovering form a slight bump on the head. Exhaustion told heavily on them as they pushed forward in a lacklustre fashion, ogre Paul Pot just standing thier in a daze, picking his nose, and Dens B. Lair capping off a poor showing by failing to pick up the ball where it lay in the backfield. The Mates pushed back with energy, knocking over a healthy portion of the Killers on the line, and rushing the backfield. Dens B. Lair recovered the ball and dashed up the sideline in an attempt to get into range to pass it up to beastman Bushwaker who had got clear in the Mates end, but his tired legs could not carry him far enough and he collapsed, stunned, before getting off the throw, the ball falling from his hands to be picked up by Barbossa. Barbossa shrugged off the last ditch attempt of beastman Jack the Ripper to blitz him down, and ran in to score the second Mates OT touchdown. back up to 10 players but with voctory pretty well out of reach, the Killers nevertheless drove forward with a quarter of OT time remaining, but had not enough time to score, and so the game ended a 3-1 Mates victory.
The Mates upset of the Killers puts them into
the Soapy Cup Final round, to face the winner of Blargburg Bluebutts
vs Short & Surly. The Mass Killers head for an early vacation, and
search for exhibition opponents to vent their frustrations on...
Flesh Clinch Spike!
Trophy: Flesh 2 Blighters 1
Plaguelord Puswort, Coach, Blue
Blighters
A massive crowd of 71,000 frenzied Skaven and
drooling Vampire Thralls showed up early (some forsightful zombies were
reported to have buried themselves by the ticket counter some 3000 years
ago) for the highly anticipated Spike! Invitational Trophy final and
they were not to be disappointed! The undefeated Blue Blighters were
favored to win after their 5 game winning streak but were hurting with two
players out for the night, including their star Grutter Runner Snukkit. Able
to only field 11 players, the Skaven fans were counting on the incredible
speed of the seemingly unstoppable Slipps, the freakish mutated ratman who
scored three times in the semi-finals, a feat rivaled by few others in the
league. Their brutal opponents, the Creeping Flesh, were at full
strength, their roster stocked with zombies and skeletons (some say fomer
opponents). Suddenly a chill wind blew through the stadium, and even the sun
seemed to slink away under oily black clouds as the rightly feared and
dreaded Count von Drakenborg suddenly appeared out of the fog dressed in
Flesh colors! Taking his place front and center on the scrimmage line, he
bared his six inch fangs and cracked his knuckles.
The Blighters kicked off and with pluck and courage not seen often in Skaven
they blitzed the sluggish undead. But with a impregnable center line of two
mummies and the Count, the offense was short lived. The Flesh responded in
what was to be a harbinger for the rest of the game. Mummy Rigor Mortis
crushed the larynx of lineman Gnashit who was only saved by a quick
application of warpstone paste and a handy drinking straw. The Count von
Drakenbourg leveled his icy gave on Rat Ogre Mittens who seemed able to
shake off it's hypnotic effects but his will was clearly sapped as he swung
a blow at the Count who easily avoided it and spun a kick into Mitten's gut,
knocking him down. Notorious dirty player Decay fouled the recovering Gnashit badly hurting him but the ref spotted him and banned him from the
game! The Flesh's luck seemed to flag as, incredibly, veteran mummy Plank
was outfought by lineman Skippy and knocked over! The Blighters negotiated
around the Flesh's cage and were able to blitz their ball carrier and both
sides went down in a ball of dust, the ball bouncing away.
The Count made his presence known by fixing his gaze on linerat Skrabby and
while transfixed was cruelly brought down by the vampire with a high kick to
the temple. Roaring in delight von Drakenborg stiff-armed the revived Rat
Ogre who again went down in a massive heap! Clearly on a bloodthirsty
rampage, he then Ko'd gutter runner Slipps! Mummy Plank regained some honor
by driving a bandaged fist deep into the gut of linerat Skars, defensive
darling of the Blighters, taking him out for the game, badly hurt. All the
while, Ghoul Deranged sidled down the field, vampires and mummies clearing
the way and scored. With little time left and 3 players out cold or hurt,
including their runner, the Blighters steeled themselves for a return.
Disaster struck as the normally sure-handed captain Skuppers failed to pick
up the ball! The undead washed over him in a wave of putrescence! With only
seconds left to prevent a second touchdown of the half storm vermin Leapsies
threw himself at the ball carrier and knocked the ball loose where it
bobbled about on the pitch till the whistle blew. The relieved Blighters
staggered off the field.
The mostly revived Skaven set up to receive the kick and looked like their
old selves again with Mittens opening a hole in the wide zone. A stout guard
from three teammates protected Slipps from the clutches of the Count who was
surprised as anyone to be blitzed out of the way as the speedy rat scored,
tying the game. With only 8 players on the field the Blighters were hard
pressed to stop the ensuing undead advance. But to the delight of the
Blighter fans the scrappy ratmen surrounded the Flesh's cage and forced
Disturbed to drop the ball not once but twice! Luck left the Blues as a
fortuitous bounce saw the ball land at von Drakenborg's feet. Stabbing the
ball with a talon the vampire eased the ball forward into scoring position.
The Flesh slyly started running out the clock, seeing the depleted Skaven
were unable to get into position with the storm vermin behind a wall of
zombies and mummies and generally coming out on the losing end. But gutter
runner Slipps dodged away from his three screening ghouls and wights and
legged it head down towards the ball carrier Disturbed. The skaven fans were
on their feet cheering in a hysterical frenzy hoping to get a chance in
overtime, as the gutsy Slipps drove his shoulder into the ghoul but was
beaten back by Disturbed and von Drakenborg who walked over the limp form of
the gutter runner as the final whistle sounded!
The Creeping Flesh win the Spike! Magazine Trophy joining the other
Undead terrors in the league at the top of their division! They reap the
considerable monetary rewards of the Spike! Trophy and reporters from
Spike! magazine were on hand to interview team members and will
feature a full color centerfold of the team in all it's unearthly (and
unearthed) glory next month. The Blue Blighters go on to A division next
season as well and are not dismayed with their first defeat. They are said
to be training hard and their fans are as loyal as ever and looking forward
to seeing their troops in the "big leagues" next season.