Arch-Nemesis: Hunt 1 Boozzhounds 1

The Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds and the Wild Hunt, two teams between whom racial hatred simmers deep down and echoes forth out of untold millennia fought each other to a 1-1 standstill in a match that proved to be the ultimate test of strength vs speed.  The Boozzhounds opted to kick to the one-elf-short Hunt in the first half, which proved to be a good choice, as the initial Hunt drive was shut down quickly by the Boozzhounds defence with goblin Hyney Ken picking up the loose ball.  The Boozhounds drove up the pitch in a strong cage which the Hunt, even further reduced by KO's to only 7 elves standing, nevertheless manage to break thanks to the efforts of wardancer Wychwethl, who ran down the now unprotected Hyney Ken, knocking him over and regaining control of the ball.  The success was short lived, however, as line-elf Attea2 was knocked over by line-orc Mole Son who grabbed the ball in turn, only to be blitzed by Wychwethl.  The loose ball this time went into the crowd and was thrown back on in the far wide zone close to the Hunt end zone.  With most of the Hunt players on the ground or KO'd, Wychwethl made one last ditch attempt to stop line-orc Lar Batt (who had recovered the ball) by attempting to leap out of the crowd of Orcs who were attempting to pin him down.  Sadly he mis-timed the leap and kinda landed "funny", you know, and was subsequently carried off the field whimpering, not to be seen again.  The way now clear, Lar Batt made the touchdown for the Boozzhounds.  With only minutes remaining in the half, the Hunt played safety and backed off to avoid getting clobbered, and the half whistle blew.

Still only able to field 7 players at the start of the second half, the Hunt kicked to their full-strength opponents and started praying to their gods for deliverence. The Boozzhound assault was swift as they moved to delver what they thought was a coup-de-grace to the suffering Elves.  And indeed, as the Hunt players tried to use their speed to maximum advantage, line-elf Lemenya2 tripped over a toadstool while sprinting and knocked himself cold, reducing the Hunt presence on the pitch to only six Elves.  Overconfident, the Boozzhounds moved forward, but neglected to cage around their diminutive ball-carrier Hyney Ken.  Seeing the opportunity, line-elf Enquea leapt to his feet, nimbly dodged away from the clutches of line-orc Lar Batt, and blitzed Hyney Ken, knocking him over and the ball loose.  Veteran catcher Sceolan then eluded his pursuer, the hulking Black Orc Johnny Blue and made a spectacular sprint across the field to recover the loose ball and take it up the wide zone into Boozzhounds' territory.  A group of Orcs made a last effort to stop him, but he was too quick for them, dodging handedly around them and running into the Boozzhounds' end zone to tie the game at 1-1.

Refreshed from their coup, the Hunt managed to field 9 players on the next drive and were able to blitz the Boozzhounds, almost recovering their own kick.  A fierce struggle erupted deep in the Orc's end of the pitch, with Elves nimbly dodging this way and that and Orcs swinging their big meaty fists in an attempt to bring them down.  The ball changed hands repeatedly, but in the end neither team could gain an edge on the other before the clock ran out and the final whistle blew.

Although a tie games does little for either team's standings (both holding their positions at 7th and 8th place), the Hunt are quite delighted that none of their players died, in spite of the best efforts of the Boozzhounds who seem to have an embarrassingly difficult time causing casualties, for an Orc team!!
 

JavaBowl 6.4b Released!

Now available in the downloads section is a JavaBowl 6.4b patch.  There are a few fixes including:

• Now exp OFAB options is saved in the save game files. This prevent the problem where you might load the game with different options and thus end up having a mixture of the old OFAB and exp OFAB rules being used.
• Pogo stick and sprint no longer combine to give you 5 GFIs.
• No longer get SPPs for a completed pass to an opponent player.
• The sync function now syncs rerolls and turn counters. This should help those games where the turns or rerolls get out of sync somehow.
• These is now an option to turn off the drawing of the coords in the top left of the field. The coords are turned off by default.
• Failed GFI or dodge onto the ball that results in an injury that removes the player from the field will now properly scatter the ball. Also, if the apoth is used to keep the player on the field the ball should also scatter properly.
• Added command line parameters to pass in setup info. See readme.txt (Sect 49) for details.
• The new positions.ini file included uses Luke's red and blue background images for orcs and humans. This is just to show you how you can make the circle icons look a little better without sacrificing easy player type recognition. If you do not like it just edit the positions.ini file and remove the extra entries under the [orc] and [human] sections. This does not affect players using the image icons.

It's a nice list of fixes, and 6.4b beocomes mandatory for all league games as of now, barring massive unforseen bugs destroying the eastern seaboard and moving inland like an unstoppable pestilent swarm of giant ravenous insects.  Oops!  Time for the meds!
 

Turn Off the Bubble Machine! Videos 3 Warthogs 1

More BuBBL Invitational action last night, as the Straight to Videos went up against the Nipply Warthogs, beating them 3-1 in a fast-paced match that had Warthogs fans storming and out and demanding ticket refunds by the end. Despite a Videos' blitz on the first kickoff, the Warthogs got off to a strong start, passing the ball up to catcher Raoul "Grands Pantalons" Demeux who exploited a hole in the Videos defence created by his teammates.  Raoul easily evaded his pursuers and spiked the ball in the Videos end zone for the first touchdown of the match.  Things quickly went downhill form there however, as one after another, Warthogs players succumbed to the astounding heat of the noonday sun.  The Videos, seemingly much more comfortable in their lighter padding and taking advantage of the larger surface area of their ears for more efficient heat exchange, nimbly exploited the weakening Warthogs defence, passing the ball up to catcher "I love it when a plan comes together" who scored the tying touchdown.  On the next drive, Warthogs ball-carrier "Meat Glove" Peilings Kinninbownes was knocked into the crowd and badly hurt, the ball being thrown back in to midfield by helpful Videos' fans.  The Videos came out on top of a brief struggle for ball control, and the passed the ball up to waiting line-elf "Theyre here..." who ran in for the winning touchdown with just a minute or two to spare in the first half.

In the second half, the Warthogs staved off the first Videos scoring attempt, knocking out "I love it when a plan comes together" after a successful passing play and regaining control of the ball.  After a short struggle, blitzer Erik "Gibspacio" Dutmut fumbled a throw up the pitch and was quickly mobbed by Videos players, and another struggle for the ball erupted.  Finally the Videos extracted the ball form the mess, delivering a short pass to line-elf "Pretty fucking good milkshake" who was waiting in the Warthogs end zone to score the third Videos touchdown of the match. Able to field only 7 players on the next drive against the Videos' full squad, there was little the Warthogs could do.  Several passing plays were tried but all failed, and another Videos touchdown was only narrowly averted when the time ran out on the match and the final whistle blew.

The now last place Warthogs are suffering a bit of a popularity crisis after their inability to beat up on the wood elves who are widely considered to be "sissies".  Coach Edwin is going to have to pump his boys up to inflict a few more nasty injuries on the opposition if they want to retain the crowd's support...
 

The Bitches are Back: Bluebutts 3 Surly 0

The Bargburg Bluebutts seem to have recovered form their mid-season slump as they trounced the Short & Surly 3-0 last night in front of a slavering crowd of 58,000.  The Bluebutts scored early, with thrower Shit Head delivering a well executed long pass into the hands of with elf Sum Dizzy Bitch, who had nimbly dodged away from her Surly opponents to get into the open.  Easily brushing off a last ditch blitz by hobgoblin Fucker, she ran into the Surly end zone and spiked the ball dramatically.  It was the start of a difficult half for the Surly, as the Bluebutts blitzed on the next drive, exploiting holes in the Surly front line to sack the Surly ball carrier.  The ensuing melee for control of the ball saw witch elf Sum Dum Bitch picking it up, and, assisted by the blocking of her teammates, sprinting it into the end zone to make the score 2-0.  But the half was not over there!  The Bluebutts blitzed AGAIN, once more wresting control of the ball away form the Surly, blitzer Fat Ass breaking free of the fracas with the ball and nimbly dodging into the Surly end zone to score just shortly before the half whistle.

In the second half, the Bluebutts fans expressed their joy and admiration for their favorite team by invading the Surly half of the pitch and badly hurting bull centaur Hoofgrinder, and stunning minotaur Agamemnon the Horny and 2 other Surly players, rendering the Surly 2 men short.  Despite this further setback, the Surly fought tenaciously and moved the ball deep into the Bluebutts half, coming within 10 yards of scoring a touchdown.  The struggle lasted almost the entire half, with the Bluebutts finally regaining control after the ball after putting hobgoblin Dipshit out of the game with a damaged back. The Bluebutts moved the ball back to midfield but had insufficinet time to score, despite the fact that only 5 Surly players remained on the field to oppose them.  The final whistle blew on a scoreless second half and a 3-0 Bluebutts victory.

The immensely popular Bluebutts remain as strong contenders as ever with this victory.  Their next matches will be pivotal, as they fight their direct competitors for playoff spots.  Certainly they have the crowd on their side, and in Bloodbowl, that is no small thing!
 

The Skaven Invasion: Racers 3 Mashers 1

Still more Skaven action yesterday as the Rat Racers tackled the Midgard Mashers in front of 43,000 bloodthirsty fans, defeating them 3-1.  Both teams came out swinging in the first half, with a struggle taking place on the line of scrimmage which saw Racers' storm vermin Biff blindsiding lineman Sven Sonderson with a full-body blitz that fractured the Mashers player's arm.  Blitzer Ymir Earthborn responded by badly hurting linerat Guzlag, and then both teams got down to brass tacks, with the Racers gutter runner attmpting an end run but falling over and losing the ball before even crossing the line of scrimmage.  Ymir grabbed the loose ball and got a clean breakaway into the undefended Racers end zone while the rest of the Mashers beset the Racers, robbing them of any hope of stopping the victorious run.  At the middle of the half, the score sat at 1-0 Mashers, with both teams short handed.  The Racers received but quickly lost the ball to the aggressive Ymir Earthborn, who subsequently had an unfortunate mishap, knocking himself out trying to blitz the ball out of the crowd of Racers players that were trying to bring him down.  The Racers regained control but due to an effective Mashers defence were unable to score before the half whistle blew.

Both teams were still short handed at the start of the 2nd, but things took a turn for the worse as a rat ogre fan of the Racers in the crowd heaved a 2 ton boulder at lineman Fjall Foeborn, crushing him flat.  Now 3 men short, the Mashers nevertheless went on the offense, quickly reducing the Racers also to 8 rats on the field with.  Disaster befell the Mashers hwoever when thrower Sven Windchaser, hard-pressed by Racers gutter runners, tried to throw the ball and fumbled, allowing gutter runner Rat Face to grab the loose ball and sprint into the Mashers end zone to tie the game at 1-1.  The Mashers woes were not over by a long shot, however, as on the next drive, catcher Aric Eagleborn had an unfortunate encounter with rat ogre Headsplitter that left him stunned and the ball loose.  Sven Windchaser attempted to remedy the situation by grabbing the ball and passing it to midfield, but his inaccurate pass landed the ball at the feet of Racers thrower Hurler, who subsequently passed it up the pitch to a rookie gutter runner who has not yet earned his name, who sprinted into the Mashers end zone for the winning touchdown midway through the half.

The Mashers could get no love from the crowd, as on the next kick a  mob of Racers fans invaded the pitch and managed to gouge Ymir Earthborn's eye, knocking out Sven Windchaser, and stunning 4 others before being beaten back.  This left the Mashers with 6 players, 4 of whom were stunned, against the Racers' 9. Despite the odds, Aric Eagleborn made a dash for it with the ball, only to be intercepted once again by Headsplitter and knocked into the crowd by the frenzied rat ogre, who wound up with the ball in his hands.  Headsplitter tossed the ball to linerat Sour, and inevitably, Sour scored the Racers' third touchdown of the match just before the final whistle, the four remaining Mashers players on the pitch unable to intervene.

With the loss of Fjall and the multiple injuries, the Mashers personnel problems have become acute.  With little money in the bank, it seems likely that they will have to seek outside financing or field a very short-handed squad at their next match against the aggressive and bloodhungry Rage Sharks...
 

Lets do the Time Warp Again! Blighters 1 Sharks 0
Plaguelord Puswort, Coach, Blue Blighters

An intense match played out Wednesday between the Blue Blighters and the Rage Sharks with both teams needing a win to advance to second place in the Spike! Invitational Tourney. After the Blighters kicked off, the Sharks wasted no time in wasting a few rats, sending a lineman to the dugout with a concussion and a charging beastman put his horns to good use opening a hole for the Chaos line.  A dubious response from the ratmen found them out of position and reacting to the Sharks solid defensive formation.  The Rage Sharks lived up to their name putting 2 more rodents on their backs to the delight of the fans and screaming disapproval from Guest Coach Blarg Blargson who yelled "Blood you maggots! I demand BLOOOOOOOOD!"

The Skaven responded with plan B which was to litter the Chaos' teams way with bodies and to cling to their ankles and bite furiously at any dent in the sturdy Sharks armor. As the Sharks ball carrier got a little ahead of the slower Chaos Warriors an opportunity arose and the Blighters were able (with some luck and dodging) to cause a turnover. Out-muscled and outnumbered the Blighters' carrier was quickly surrounded, felled then fouled resulting in another KO. Bad luck latched on to the Sharks as the ball managed to remain in Skaven hands while beastman Smashy came out on the losing end of a melee and ended up seriously hurt.  The Blighters gutter runner Slipps, in an effort to distance himself from the hulking Chaos linemen stranded the ball carrier who was duly driven into the turf, losing the ball. A furious tornado of fur, teeth and gristle ensued as both teams vied for the ball which was bouncing like a goblin fanatic on Madcap Mushrooms. The Sharks ended up with the ball but too far out of position and out of time to score ending a grueling first half.

The second half started admirably for the Blighters who managed to knock out a Chaos Warrior driving the Skaven fans into a frenzy. The Blues followed up the left flank with a deft play and solid blocking for a Gutter Runner Tag Team hand-off scoring! After the officials stopped the two runners from their end zone victory dance (the very vulgar "Crotch Romp") the teams set up for the Sharks return.  The Sharks pounded the weaker rats into the dirt knocking out two of their number only to have their beastman Frumpy Thistlebottom sent off to the infirmary. Coach Blargson did not waste their apothecary on such a minor injury and felt that a dislocated shoulder and a pit of leeches would do the lineman some good. The Skaven line become a bloody and broken mess (but not broken and bloody enough for some!) at the hands of the Sharks. A Blighter lineman knocked himself over sprinting into the back line of the chaos team giving the Sharks an opening.

Suddenly a freak warp storm enveloped the field, causing confusion and not a few fans to run screaming from the stands. The chaos gods, clearly angered for some half remembered slight, forced a temporal rift and sent the Chaos team a few moments back in time to rectify whatever it was the dark gods found displeasing.  Shaking their heads from the "blessing" of the gods the Sharks resumed their drive up the left flank only to have the ball carrier get ahead of his teammates. Skaven line backer Gnashit signaled to his teammate Slipps to kneel behind the unwary beastman and was used as a fulcrum to be pile-driven into the pitch and stunned. The Runner picked up the ball and tried to hide behind his larger teammate but the lack of conscious Skaven boded poorly and only the clock was on the Skaven side...

Infuriated, the Chaos favorite Trogdor put his head down and ran a full 50 yards before sending Slipps into the crowded infirmary, out cold. A second beastman wasn't so lucky, being tripped up as he tried to get into the scrum near the sideline. The Blighters tried to blitz Trogdor but even assisted, the huge Beastman caught the puny Skavens fist in his own ham sized hand and head butted him with a ferocity that addled his brains and sent the rat to the pile of twitching bodies in the dugout.  The Chaos gods showed favor then merciless, merciless cruelty as a blocked Skaven flew bodily into the ball which popped almost magically into Trogdor's hands. Bellowing "Blood for the Blood God and My Various Endorsement Deals!", Trogdor wound up a tremendous punch to send the few remaining Skaven in his way into low orbit only to have teammate "the Crusher" crush his own instep during a miserably failed block ending the half to the collective sigh of the Blighter fans and conscious team members.  A joyless victory it seemed for Coach Plaguelord Puswort who was heard commenting:

"What fun is it to berate and flay your pathetic team when half of them can't feel a thing..."
 

Men or Mice? Rats 1 Mates 1

The second half started badly for the Rats, with the Mates taking advantage of rat ogre Tasstoi Dla going down to drive forward, with lineman Captain Hook knocking linerat Mohamed to the ground so hard that he was pulled out of the game  with a damaged back.  Nevertheless, the Mates aggressive advance had stripped their defence, and rats Thrower Passla Bouboule (who shortly thereafter suffered a serious concussion at the hands of Barbossa) retreived the ball and delivered a perfect pass into the hands of linerat Peste at midfield, who then sprinted on a clean breakaway into the Mates end zone to score.  The Rats were two rats short now, but managed nevertheless to blitz the Mates defence on the next kick, almost recovering the ball.  A mad struggle erupted at midfield, with blitzer Barbossa eventually grabbing the loose ball as it dribbled to edge of the mass of struggling players, whereupon he was able to get a clean breakaway to bring the score to 1-1.  With minutes left to go, the Rats made a classic wide zone drive with gutter runner Ramen Bouboule sprinting like mad for the Mates end zone along the side line.  The Mates defence just barely managed to catch him, though, with blitzer Henry Morgan knocking him to the ground.  the loose ball went into the crowd and got thrown back in at midfield, where the Mates picked it up... with insufficient time to score.  This did not stop Henry Morgan from fouling stunned gutter runner Ramen Bouboule near the Mates end zone, stomping repeatedly on his head while the ref was not looking causing a serious concussion.

Although the game was a tie, the Rats suffered badly in casualties and were unable to inflict any in return.  Despite the one-sidedness of the casualty score (or perhaps because of it) many fans leaving the match said that they would certainly be attending all future Rats games, and would be recommending them to their friends, marking a sudden surge of popularity for the much reviled Skaven team.
 

Phyrric Victory: Faeries 2 Bonestealers 1

The second half opened with the Faeries two elves short, as both their KO'd players form the 1st half had not yet recovered.  Receiving the kick, catcher Laz F. Rocket made and unsupported drive deep into the Stealers half, only to be mobbed from behind and knocked over, giving up possession of the ball to ghoul Fangmouth Earchewer.  In total disarray, the Faeries tried to delay the inevitable as the Stealers drove mercilessly forward, but to no avail, as Fangmouth made it to the Faeries end zone about midway through the half, bring the score to 1-1... the drive almost resulted in the death of line-elf Thorndyke, whose heart stopped beating after a violent encounter with skeleton Tragically Hipbone, but the Faeries' apothecary was able to revive him, and miraculously he was able to keep playing. The next drive turned into a massacre for the Faeries, as they received the ball but quickly started taking casualties, as skeleton Twinkle Phalanges lived up to his name by smashing line elf Freddy's hand, followed by Anoth Tset delivering another trademark haymaker which took veteran catcher Greyeagle out of the game with a nasty pinched nerve, and shortly after badly hurting line-elf Gwendolphe.  Despite the mounting casualties, Faeries' phoenix warrior Alex Hapsburg managed to complete a pass to dragon warrior Grimrod, who successfully scored the winning touchdown.  The trials of the Faeries did not finish here, though, as with only a short time remaining in the match, the Stealers once again exacted a bloody toll, with wight Murken Shadowspike ripping the still beating heart of experienced line-elf Mr. Extraordinaire clean out of his rib-cage.  Finally the curtain fell on a blood soaked pitch, a nominal Faeries' 2-1 victory, which moves them into first place in Frog Conference.  Coach Pat had these words to say at a post-match press conference:

"Getting to the TOP is very, very expensive. Blood sweat and many tears. As of now we are changing the name of our team to the Paladins. This will from now on dispel the notion that we are to be trifled with."

Will the name change bring the Faeries cum Paladins good luck?  Time will tell...
 

Vertical Challenge: Steins 1 Babes 0

In the second half, vicious fighting broke out at the line of scrimmage after the Steins received the kick.  Troll slayer Booglie managed to knock over chaos warrior Poison Ivy, subsequently jumping on her with full force, which resulted in extensive back injuries that will probably plague her for the rest of her career.  Slowly but surely the Steins pushed up the pitch against a hard fighting Babes defence.  Finally, spotting an opening, runner Flash sprinted for the Babes end zone, only to be brought down from behind in a last minute tackle by chaos warrior Bloody Bombshell.  The loose ball dribbled into the end zone as Steins players hurriedly tried to move up to reclaim it.  Bloody Bombshell got their first, however and scooped up the ball, only to be blitzed into the crowd by HarryPalms.  This turned out to be a blessing in disguise for the Babes, for the sympathetic crowd threw the ball back in much further up the pitch, where it bounced into minotaur Gora the Impaler's hands.  Not knowing what to do with the object, Gora fortuitously ambled over and gave the ball to beastwoman Sydney Viscious (who she had a crush on), who then sprinted off down the field.  Again, however, the clock betrayed the babes efforts as the final whistle blew with Sydney still twenty yards short of the Steins end zone with a completely open pitch in front of her.

A somewhat disappointing game for the Babes due to the lack of inflicted casualties and Poison Ivy's injury.  Indeed their fans were less than impressed as well, with many grumbling that Gora the Impaler had lost her appetite.  For the Steins, the 1-0 victory brings them 1 step closer to a guaranteed playoff spot, although tough opponents still lie ahead in the shape of the Bluebutts and the Barnacles, both also in close contention for playoff spots.
 

Suspense Thriller: Flesh 1 Warthogs 0

The second half threatened to continue the scoreless trend, but over an hour of combat had taken it's toll on the Warthogs who had 3 players out badly hurt, and after catcher Raoul "Grands Pantalons" Demeux lost possession of the ball trying to dodge past the Flesh defence, the tide turned against them.  To compound their manpower problems, lineman Kazimeil "Blood Pudding" Sorvanes suffered a groin strain trying to dodge away from the outstretched arms of Flesh zombies, leaving the Warthogs with only six effectives on the field. Nevertheless a last ditch effort by Warthogs' blitzer Erik "Gibspacio" Dutmut put ball carrying ghoul Disturbed out of the match, knocking the ball loose... wight Plagued nabbed the loose ball and ran for the end zone only to be knocked to the ground yards short by the herculean efforts of blitzer Adolph "Spleeen-Tease" Barfolonew, who recovered the ball .  Then, to the crowds astonishment, with only seconds to spare, the Flesh offence recovered and knocked down Barfolonew, with wight Poxie recovering the ball and sprinting into the Warthogs end zone for the winning touch down.

A spectacular end to a game that was a showcase for the thrills and spills we should expect from Dragon League Bloodbowl!
 

Road Rage: Sharks 2 Racers 0

With no let up in the temperature, and still able to field only 6 players, the Racers attempted to get the ball into the hands of their rat ogre Headsplitter, who unfortunately fumbled it, giving the Sharks the opening they needs to charge in and reclaim the ball, badly hurting Headsplitter in the process.  A second Sharks touchdown followed shortly afterwards, with Rend getting another score, there being only four Racers remaining on the field, effectively powerless to stop the Sharks offence.  At this point, the fans took matters into their own hands, and a massive riot broke out on the stands and spilled over into the pitch, disrupting play for the remainder of regulation time.

Unusually vigilant referees at this match helped to increase the Racers' headcount problems as two players were ejected for roughing, along with the Racers Coach.
 

Together Now, With Feeling: Crusaders 2 Surly 0

The second half was primarily a brawl between the two teams, with the Crusaders quickly gaining the upper hand, veteran mummy Tutenkarnage adding to his list of victims by smashing Gloin Goldfillingseeker's hand, and injury that will surely plague him in the future.  Wight Rig R. Mortis followed up by hitting ball-carrying bull centaur Doom Charger hard with a lateral tackle that broke the Surly player's jaw. Chaos dwarf Dorin Kneecrusha retaliated by putting ghoul Eaton Run out for the duration.  A mad scramble erupted around the ball in the Crusaders' end of the pitch, with the Crusaders just narrowly averting a Surly touchdown.  The Crusaders were just able to run the clock down to ensure victory after an incredibly violent half that left only 4 Surly and 6 Crusaders players standing on the pitch at the final whistle.

Despite the massive amounts of crowd pleasing violence in the match, the gate was exceptionally low for both teams, due in part to their relative unpopularity... performances like this one, however can hardly fail to please, and this commentator imagines there are a few more Crusaders and Surly fans out there today.
 

The Sorrow of the Tree Nymphs: Mates 2 Hunt 1

Four elves short handed going into the second half, the Wild Hunt were nevertheless able to recover the ball on their own kick and score rapidly, with Nelya2 getting into the Mates end zone for the score. On the next kick, however, the Mates were able to drive through the failing Hunt defences, with rookie ogre Polly the Cracker Parrot leading the way and, in a tragic turn of events for the Hunt, crushing line-elf Nertea's chest cavity with a single swipe of his meaty fist. Jean Lafitte then scored again for the Mates, his 4th career touchdown.  With only minutes left to play, the clock wound down on a 2-1 Mates victory.

The death of Nertea brings the death toll in the Hunt to five for the season, equal to the loss suffered by the Divas but in just over half the games played.  One thing is for sure, the Wild Hunt is going to have trouble recruiting elves if they can't reverse this dreadfull trend!
 

Yet Another Dice Server

For those unable to access either of the first two, and yet for some reason also unable to find another one by their own volition.  The third server can be found here and is also linked on the left.  Stop worrying and learn to love it!
 

The Bitter Pill: Smashers 2 Mashers 0

One wonders what this means for the Mashers.  With their winnings sacrificed and barely any money in the piggy bank, it is difficult to see how they mean to replace a valuable blitzer, to say nothing of the probable damage in revenue from the loss in popularity such a move generally entails... certainly other teams have suffered far worse without a thought of such an extreme move.  Coach Skullsplitter's moment of weakness may have cost the team far more than just a loss on their record.  Many commentators say that a coach who is not willing to absorb some casualties for the good of his team is hardly a bloodbowl coach at all!  Coach Tyrannicus Rex of the Smashers seemed phlegmatic about the entire affair.  When asked for comment, he said:

"Truly the Old-Onesss where with pleasssed and their hunger for death was sssated by the death of the horned pink thingy....until the next game..... "

The Corpse Bites Back: Bonestealers 2 Rats 0

This match demonstrates the danger of using an insufficiently protected wild animal on offence, particularly when your opponent has the will and the strength to stand up to him.  Although many teams are seduced by the size and power of big guys like Rat Ogres and Minotaurs, all too often these potential assets become horrible liabilities.
 

Always Pay the Piper: Machine 3 Steins 1

The second half saw the Machine generating a classic drive up the wide zone, using the trademark Skaven speed to rapidly and decisively penetrate the Steins defence.  Gutter runner Skrittar Quarzo, aided by efficient blocking by his teammate scored quickly, and the Machine prepared to kick to their worthy opponents.  The return Steins drive quickly ran into trouble though.  A deep kick slowed the formation of the inevitable cage around HarryPalms and the nimble Machine manage to disrupt it sufficiently that HarryPalms wound up face-planting again in an effort to get to safety.  Blocking interfering Steins players out of the way, the Machine managed to make enough space for linerat Krasslik Setzmo to make a successful and very daring bid to retrieve the loose ball form under the nose of Steins ogre Bloodmember.  Krasslik was off like a shot with an open pitch before him, handing off the ball to gutter runner Skratsquick Terzo in the Steins end zone to bring the score to 3-1.  With insufficient time on the clock to score, the whistle blew to end a hard fought battle.

With this game, the contention for the 4 playoff spots becomes ever more fierce.  When asked about his teams chances to secure a playoff spot, Coach Soapyfrog Nullset answered cryptically:

"It's like a game of musical chairs, and Coach Dragon is already sitting down..."

Head on a Pike: Divas 2 Babes 0

In the second half, Gora was at work again, badly hurting linewoman Torrie Wilson, fracturing linewoman Elle's leg, and finally gouging out catcher Daniella's eye.  Gora's tour de force almost eclipsed China 2.0's second touchdown which brought the score to 2-0 Divas.  Now 3 amazons short, the Divas nevertheless attempted a third touchdown, robbing possession of the ball just after the kickoff, although the attempt came to naught and the clock finally wound down on a bloody pitch.  After the game, Coach Destroyer Zhul was heard screaming:

"BLOOD, SWEAT, and CHEERS!!"

Speed Demons: Blighters 2 Videos 2

The Blighters were not done yet, however, and on their reception in the second half drove strongly up the field.  After a short battle for possession near the Videos end zone which the wood elves got the worst of, line-rat Skrabby grabbed the ball and ran it in for the score.  Now two elves short, the Videos tried again to use their speed to score, but were stymied when "I love it when a plan comes together" lost possession of the ball.  The Blighters then drove up the pitch and through the weakening Videos defence with Storm Vermin Leapsies carrying the ball to score the tying touchdown.  With no time left for a scoring opportunity, the whistle blew on a 2-2 draw match.
 

Alternate Dice Server

Due to the up-and-down nature of the first dice server I linked, I have found a secondary one which can be used for any and all die rolling.  It is located here and is now linked in the navigation bar on the left as well.  Use it, love it, lick it...
 

Alligator Shoes: Barnacles 1 Bluebutts 1

Not to be deterred, the Bluebutts received in the second half and drove a powerful wedge up the left side wide zone, where Shit Head redeemed himself by completing a short pass to witch elf Sum Dizzy Bitch who ran into the end zone for the tying touchdown.  The Barnacles rallied for another push, but unfortunately skink Stil Slitherin getting stunned by a fan-flung cinderblock and the Barnacles suddenly found themselves playing defence in their own half as the aggressive Bluebutts managed to gain control of the ball.  However, after blitzer Fat Ass fumbled reception of a hand-off, the Barnacles regained possession and skink Sqwerman Norman took off down the field as fast as his little legs could carry him.  In her haste and frenzy to bring him down, witch elf Sum Dizzy Bitch did a low tackle which totally missed the speeding skink and suceeded only in knocking herself senseless.  It seemed like nothing could stop him... his legs were a blur as he sped forward.  But wait, who's that?  Witch elf Sum Dum Bitch, eager to avenge her sister's failure, jumped up from her prone position from the sideline, and dodging away from saurus Leisuresuit Larry, she ran down the little ball carrying skink, catching him mere feet from the end zone, knocking him out cold with a double-forearm block to the back of the head.  The loose ball trickled into the Bluebutts endzone, where the Barnacles made a last ditch effort to score, as skink Rowdy Rod Reptile ran in to grab it, but to no avail; he could not get his tiny hands on the ball and it bounced away, mockingly.  The Bluebutts defence then came in in full force and Sum Dum Bitch moved the ball up the pitch in a cage to safely run out the remaining minutes on the clock.  And so the game ended a 1-1 draw.  The only comment that could be extracted from Coach Lord Slitharus was:

"Hisssssssssssssssssssss"

The draw game makes the battle for playoff spots in Dragon Conference that much more intense, with 4 teams contending for 3 spots.
 

New JavaBowl 6.3e Patch

Now available in the downloads section is a JavaBowl 6.3e patch.  Amongst the fixes are:

• Fixed an Exp OFAB problem.
• Added die roll tallies near the end of the log file.
• I'm sure there are a few other fixes, but things have been so crazy for me I really don't remember what they are.

Concise, isn't he?  Anyway it's the latest greatest, so USE IT!!
 

Slaughterhouse 5: The Week in Recap

Dragon Conference

Contention for the playoff spots in Dragon Conference continued, with the Crypt Crusaders maintaining a solid grip on the lead position by defeating the third place Frothy Steins 2-1, who surprised everyone by fielding the Death Roller, the first use of a special weapon in league matches so far.  Fans were deeply disappointed, however, as, in the very first minute of the match, veteran mummy Bhandayd lumbered forward and punctured the boiler of the Death Roller, putting out of action immediately.

The Blistering Barnacles won their round 8 match against the Lustria Divas 2-1, in a hard fought game that saw Divas blitzer Victoria 2.0 killed tragically trying to birng down skink Foyl Ed Green, the first death in the league in 10 days and a harbinger of a violent week to come.  The Barnacles were not done yet, however, as they secured 2nd place in the standing for themselves by beating the Horny Babes 3-0.  The Babes were using a different scoring method, however, and their efforts resulted the death of veteran skink Freddy Forktongue on the horns of beastwoman Turbochik. Freddy has the dubious (and posthumous) honour of being the most experienced bloodbowl player yet killed in the course of league play.

The immensely popular Blargburg Bluebutts slipped to fourth place in the standings after a drawn 2-2 match against the underdog Lustria Divas. The Bluebutts had overrun the Divas in their encounter in the first half of the season, but this time the Divas proved to be a vastly improved opponent.  Although the Divas are not a contender for this season's playoffs, it seems clear that they will not be bowing out of the competition without a fight.

Frog Conference

The first place Blood Drakkar played 3 matches last week, starting out by beating the Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds 2-0.  The crowd was a particularly unruly mob of primarily Drakkar supporters, which stormed the pitch shortly after the first Drakkar touchdown, killing line-orc Kok A. Nee and stunning or injuring several other Boozzhounds players.  Their next match was a 2-0 loss to Pat's Faeries who move up to second place in the standings.  Despite the agressive Drakkar tactics resulting in injury-heavy play, the Faeries were able to use their superior mobility to exploit the weak Drakkar defence.  Their 3rd game was a 1-1 tie against the Mass Killers, was yet another high attrition slugging match.

The Mass Killers, for their part, had just come off from fighting the Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds to a 1-1 standstill and, earlier, beating Styg's Mates 1-0.  The play was characterized by extreme violence, and the second half saw the death of Mates' lineman Ahoy Matey after a savage full-on block by chaos warrior Dogfish.  The Apothecaries could, tragically, do nothing for him.

The dark horse favorites Brimstone Bonestealers beat the struggling Wild Hunt 3-0.  The short handed Hunt suffered a further setback when Line-elf Nelya was killed by a solid open-hand blow to the face delivered by Stealers' ghoul Scarbrow Spleenlicker.  The Bonestealers victory carries them to 3rd place with two matches to play.

BuBBL Spike! Invitational

There were six games in the BuBBL Tourney this last week.  The Drakehead Smashers came out of the 2nd round as the winningest team thus far beating the Rat Racers 3-2 in round 1, and the Rage Sharks 1-0 in round 2.  The Blue Blighters kicked off their career with a draw 2-2 game against the undead Creeping Flesh, then going on to defeat their Skaven brethren in the Rat Racers 3-0.  Creeping Flesh defeated the nimble Straight to Videos in round 2, while the Nipply Warthogs worked to expunge the misery of their 1st round defeat at the hand of the Rage Sharks in a hard-fought 1-1 draw with the favoured Midgard Mashers.

All these rookie teams look very promising, and already some players are starting to distinguish themselves from the generic rabble.  It should be an exciting 6 weeks of remaining regular season play!!
 

I Have Returned, Site to Resume Normal Operation (Rejoice!)

Lo, Rejoice, for I am back. I have (mostly) caught up on the match accounting while I was away and the standings and schedule should be (mostly) up to date as of now. I see everyone played nice while I was gone.  Excellent.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Bloodbowl League.