11:30pm Thursday, August 7th, 2003

Evil Dead: Bonestealers 3 Killers 1
  The Brimstone Bonestealers continued on their bid to show that they are a force to be reckoned with after their early reverses, beating the Mass Killers 3-1 in another violent Thursday night game.  Although the Killers were able to tie the score at 1-1 in the first half after the Bonestealers initial lightning score, the Bonestealers rapidly made their weight felt and attrition took it's toll on the Killers.  Although the Killers resisted ferociously, short-handed though they were, they were not able to hold back their opponents and a Bonestealers touchdown early in the 2nd was followed by another in the closing minutes of the game.

This victory is further vindication for the Bonestealers who suffered badly under proxy coaches in their first two games.  It looks like they mean to be contenders, however, climbing to 4th place in the conference by dint of their efforts in the last two games.  The Killers on the other hand appear to have developed a popularity problem.  Perhaps they should stop eating their fans?
 
10:00pm Thursday, August 7th, 2003

Attack of the Plague Vermin: Machine 4 Surly 0
  It was a stunning tour de force as the Frog Machine soundly defeated the Short & Surly 4-0 this evening.  The Surly were not at their best, missing several key players such as their minotaur Agamemmnon the horny, who's presence certainly would have helped alleviate the stunning success of the Machine's offensive blocking which reduced the Surly to 6 players on field by match end.  The Surly had no luck and no love... the crowd was against them, with Ori Ori Ori being knocked over by a well-aimed brick in the second half, and the refs, clearly intimidated by the overwhelmingly pro-Machine crowd, allowed the Machine to foul with impunity while at the same time ejecting Surly hobgoblin Shitless.  The Chaos Gods also seemed displeased with the Surly players, who found themselves being tripped up by particularly dense patches of crab grass at inopportune moments, or being blinded into incapacity by random flashes of light coming off the armor of the Machine players.  In short it was a bad day to be Surly.

Veteran gutter runners Skratsquick Terzo and Skrittar Quarzo picked up two touchdowns each, while the heavily engaged rat ogre Rendflesh Salivar accounted for two casualties.  Despite the high rate of attrition on the Surly side, no serious injuries were suffered (perhaps the Chaos gods are saving them for something else), thanks in part to the efforts of the Surly apothecary.  When asked for comment after the match, coach Fleetfoot simply said:

"Bah."

Frog Machine's popularity continues to skyrocket their legions of fans are coming to be a menace to every team who takes the field against them, and the endorsements are rolling in.  How long can they maintain their success? Will their popularity survive an unsuccessful playoff bid?  What is team captain Gnawdoom Segundo's favorite brand of cheese?  Find out the answers to these questions and more in "The Frogs Who Aren't", a documentary article available exclusively in next month's issue of Spike! magazine.  Buy it or YOU AREN'T COOL AT ALL!
 
9:30pm Thursday, August 7th, 2003

Nipples Galore: Sharks 2 Warthogs 0
  The two rookie teams the Nipply Warthogs and the Rage Sharks came together on the pitch this evening with a sound much like that of a locomotive hitting a heavily reinforced concrete and limestone wall at a speed of, oh, say, 90km/h.  Oh yes and the locomotive was shaped like a giant iron Bloodbowl ball. And it was on fire. Anyway it was violent.  The humans quickly lost control of the ball in the first half and their fragmentary defence was swept aside by the Sharks who treated them like a peasant village that they were raiding for fun on a lazy Sunday.  The Sharks whiled away the minutes of the first half, not deigning to score until the very last seconds, while the number of Warthogs players on field rapidly dwindled to a very bruised looking five, who spent most of their time trying to stand up after being knocked repeatedly to the ground.  You gotta admire their courage though!!

The Warthogs chances weren't improving either as they were able to field only 6 players at the start of the second half.  Although the Warthogs put up a spirited resistance, going after the ball carrier like a small but plucky Chihuahua might try to tackle a Doberman Pincer, the Sharks once again dominated, preferring to to simply inflict more damage on their hapless, soft, pink, fleshy human opponents.  Having reduced the Warthogs to only four walking players (who were still proudly putting up a fight), the Sharks scored with minutes to spare bringing the tally to 2-0. The game ended with the Warthogs trying to get some payback on the final kickoff but the only thing they managed to accomplish was Warthogs lineman Kazimeil "Blood Pudding" Sorvannes impaling himself on the spikes of chaos warrior Anger Shark's armor.  Sorvannes was seen being carried off in extreme pain form what our resident expert apothecary said looked like a pinched nerve, something that is likely to trouble him for the rest of his days... Well we salute the pluck of this rookie human team.  Never say die!  Chin up!

Aptly named Coach Carlo the Despoiler gave the following statement post match:

"DEATH DEATH DEATH! We are pleased."

Which was odd because although there WAS a LOT of pain, there was really no death to speak of.  Eh, you know, Chaos, eh?
 
6:30pm Thursday, August 7th, 2003

Waaaaaargh!! Boozzhounds 1 Mates 0
  The Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds came up with their first victory today against the favoured Styg's Mates.  The match was a closely fought 1-0 battle which took everything form both sides.  The first half featured a Mates drive that ran into heavy resistance at the line of scrimmage.  Both teams put their backs into it, the Mates looking for an opening and the Boozzhounds blocking them at every turn.  The Mates however were not at all intimidated by the orcs' size and strength and fearlessly took the fight to them with great success, with blitzer Erik the Viking delivering a solid uppercut that shattered the jaw of lineorc Mole Son.  As the half wore on the aggressive blocking of the Mates opened up a small hole in the Boozzhounds defence through which slipped catcher Jean Lafitte, going long for the pass.  However just as thrower Dread Pirate Roberts was trying to find a clear spot to pass up, a black orc by the name of Johnny Red broke free of the melee at midfield and sacked him.  Lineman Mad Dog Bonney then recovered the ball and attempted to pass it up to the waiting Jean Lafittte but he fumbled and was subsequently KO'd by Boozhounds' thrower Shooter who took possession of the ball.  And circled back to play safety.  In the waning moments of the half, Mates lineman Jack Sparrow managed to knock the ball loose again but was not able to get a hold of it, and so the whistle blew on a scoreless 1st half.

The second half saw a determined Boozzhounds drive up the center of the pitch but the aggressive Mates defence was able to knock the ball loose and throw the issue in doubt... however the ref caught lineman Captain Hook punching the prone Johnny Red in the kidneys and ejected him... in the confusion that ensued, Shooter was able to collect the loose ball and complete a neat pass to goblin Hyney Ken, who was cherry picking behind the last line of defence, and the Boozzounds scored the winning touchdown.  With a quarter of the game to go, the Mates attempted to effect a comeback but were stymied almost tragically by Jean Lafitte's butterfingers.  The exhausted Lafitte could not seem to grab the ball... every time he bent down to pick it up he accidentally kicked it away.  As he fumbled about the Boozzhounds managed to break through the Mates center and lineorc Jaime Zon came running up to push Jean Lafitte out of the way, but he too could not get a handle on the ball.  Finally Lafitte regained some of his vigour and dodged in to snap up the ball but then fumbled it trying to pass it up the pitch.  Fortunately for the Mates, Jaime Zon again could not recover the loose ball and, these evolutions having eaten up all the time left on the clock, the game ended before a second touchdown could be made.

This was a big win for the Boozhounds who had found themselves sitting at the bottom of the standings in need of a boost to their flagging morale.  After the match, the always loquacious Coach Jyst Dave was heard to exclaim:

"I would 'azard a guess dat stretching Hyney's arms on the rack really paid off. Drinks are on me lads! We're all gunna go out get hammered and then paint the town red! 'opefully we will be sober enuff fur our match against the Drakkar."
 
11:30am Thursday, August 7th, 2003

Crossing Over: Crusaders 2 Machine 2
  Frog Machine faced off against the first place and undefeated Crypt Crusaders last night in a three hour marathon match in front of 46,000 screaming, frothing, and moaning fans.  The Machine game plan was to use rat ogre Rendflesh Salivar to bludgeon a hole in the Crusader's wide zone defence and sprint through it with a ball carrying gutter runner protected by a phalanx of storm vermin and linerats.  The Crusader's defence proved to be more flexible than anticipated, as ghoul Tins Dago Bump was able to sprint in to knock over gutter runner Skrittar Quarzo, the loose ball bouncing into the crowd and being thrown back at midfield.  The ball was picked up by wight Rig R. Mortis, who blitzed the flimsy Machine defenders out of the way to clear the pitch ahead for his victorious run in.  On the next drive, the Machine refined their plan somewhat to cope with the Crusaders' fast movers.  Amazingly the Crusaders' defence again demolished the offensive as Tins Dago Bump again knocked the ball loose from gutter runner Skratsquick Terzo.  This time, however Skratsquick was able to recover the ball and move it up the pitch a little more before being again knocked over by wight D. Stroy.  The ball did not stray far though, and after some scrambling, the Machine managed to clear the way and thrower Kaskat Sesto managed to deliver a quick pass to Skratsquick in the end zone to make the score 1-1.  With no time left in the half to score the two teams simple exchanged blows at the line of scrimmage before the half time whistle blew.

The second half saw some of the most dramatic plays of the game yet to come.  On receiving the ball, the Crusaders moved forward aggressively but quickly ran into trouble as wight Decom Poze proved unable to pick up the ball.  Taking advantage of the lop-sided Crusader offence, the Machine made a dash for the ball deep in the enemy half, with Skrittar Quarzo grabbing the loose ball, only to lose it to an amazing blitz by wight Rig R. Mortis.  Decom Poze then attempted to get the ball (now surrounded by Machine players) again, but tripped and fell on it, sending it bouncing into the arms of Kaskat Sesto, who ran into the end zone for the Machine's second touchdown.  Receiving again, the Crusaders almost met with total disaster, as wight Decom Poze once more demonstrated his inability to handle the ball.  The Machine rapidly exploited the situation and a melee erupted around the loose ball quite near the line of scrimmage.  The Crusaders managed to rectify the situation however, and in the ensuing minutes managed to knock most of the Machine players down, with mummy Bhandayd grappling with Rendflesh Salivar, who bounced off the veteran mummy (widely hailed as the strongest player in the league) giving Tns Dago Bump the opportunity to grab the ball and run deep into the Machine's undefended half, scoring the tying touchdown.  With too little time left to score, Skrittar Quarzo received a hand off and made a remarkable sprint that showcased the fantastic speed of this young rat, coming within a couple yards of the Crusaders' end zone when the final whistle blew.

And so the Crypt Crusaders remained undefeated with the 2-2 draw, but there is much to be said for the plucky Frog Machine who beat the bookie's odds and engaged the Crusaders on even terms.  The fans showed their appreciation for the fiesty under-rats, and the Machine, despite their mediocre record that leaves them fighting hard for a playoff spot, have become one of the most popular teams in the league.  The Machine's carefull avoidance of heavy contact except at the critical moment shows that they have learned well from their brutal handling at the hands of the Horny Babes.  The Machine may well be the dark horse to watch, sportsfans!!!
 
2:00am Thursday, August 7th, 2003

Dead Alive: Bonestealers 2 Boozzhounds 1
Nygrell Grimskull, Coach, Brimstone Bonestealers
 
The Brimstone Bonestealers didn't steal any bones, but did steal a victory from the rough & tumble Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds.

The formidable orcs' initial assault down the gridiron took the Bonestealers by surprise, with the goblin runners ("greased watermelons") slipping through everyone's legs and the Black Orc blockers taking advantage of the resulting confusion to chew up the Stealers' defensive lines, resulting in a touchdown by goblin Becks before the first half was half over.  The Bonestealers must have had a little supernatural assistance, though, when a drive that shouldn't have succeeded resulted in a brilliant touchdown by none other than ghoul Mad Dog Marrowlips, who made the drive of his (un)life for nearly three quarters of the field, dodging no less than three Orcs who had moved to intercept, to sprint into the Boozzhounds' end zone with mere seconds left on the half-time clock.

The second half started with the Stealers receiving, and a touchback gave ghoul Scarbrow Spleenlicker possession of the ball. A strong drive along the sidelines by the Bonestealers left the Boozzhounds' flank in disarray, including an initial blitz by a Stealers skeleton knocking out the one goblin who had been fielded. An orc linesman succeeded in intercepting Scarbrow, however, knocking him into the crowd (who promptly rendered him unconscious) and the ball was tossed back into play not far away. The Bonestealer drive was strong though, with more Boozzhound players ending up on the sidelines through injuries. Ghoul Mad Dog Marrowlips made a run for the loose ball, but fumbled it - leaving the Bonestealer drive in a strong position, but without possession. The drive continued downfield, with Mad Dog "Butterfingers" Marrowlips fumbling the ball right to the touchdown line before finally picking it up and stepping across, while the Orcs tried valiantly to rally their players but -- outnumbered -- failed to stop the Bonestealers from scoring.

The players lined up for another kickoff with hardly any time left in the game -- perhaps fortunately for the Boozzhounds, who suffered a number of injuries during the second half. The Boozzhounds made an impressive reception and drive, though, with the two goblins running through holes in the Stealers' line created by the potent Black Orc blockers, and the crack Orc thrower Shooter made a fine pass to one of them before the clock ran out. Coach Jyst Dave had this to say, post-match:

"Felt like those mummies were swinging tree trunks out there. I could here the lads' bones breaking from the dugout! If it keeps up like this I'm gunna 'afta feilfd myself!"
 
2:30pm Wednesday, August 6th, 2003

Midget Wrestling: Steins 1 Surly 0
  The Frothy Steins took the field against Short & Surly in a battle royale last night, winning 1-0 and affirming their 2nd place position in the 8th round of Dragon Conference.  As is to be expected, the match rapidly turned into a brutal grudge match between the two philosophically opposed dwarven teams.  The first half kicked off with the Surly receiving, though they were less concerned with the ball, per se, than eating their opposition alive.  A rugged shoving match rapidly developed at midfield as the Surly unchained their minotaur, Agamemnon the Horny who rapidly waded into into the fray but suceeded only in fracturing his own arm on the helm of Steins' longbeard Sturm.  Having lost their heavy muscle, the Surly drive lost some momentum and a struggle developed around the loose ball (previously knocked form the hands of hobgoblin Shitless) at midfield.  Hobgoblin Fucker recovered the ball, and ran it back into the Surly half of the pitch in order to protect it (or possibly he was confused about which end zone was which), however longbeard Shorty broke free of the morass and pursued him knocking him senseless with a well executed head-down blitz. At this point things went a little awry for the Surly as veteran runner HarryPalms, his way cleared by some precise blocking by his teammates, ran for the ball, and despite some initial fumblings was able to scoop it up and run clear into the Surly end zone to score the winning touchdown very shortly before the halftime whistle.  In the meantime as Harry ran for the score, the brawl continued unabated with Steins runner Flash viciously fouling bull centaur Doomcharger, taking him out of play for the rest of the match with a nasty charlie-horse, while in retaliation, bull centaur Hoofgrinder trampled longbeard Drago, paying special attention to his groin area.

The second half was another straight up brawl, with the Steins trying to force their way up the wide zone into Surly turf.  A long fight centered around control of the ball erupted as both Steins runners in turn, and then Surly hobgoblin Shitless, lost control of the ball as bodies went flying left and right in the scrum. Finally, with no time left to score, the Steins got control of the ball once more and covered up, and the final whistle blew making it a 1-0 Steins victory.

With his touchdown this match, HarryPalms reaffirms his place as the league's biggest rising star... commentators noted, however, that he is looking a little the worse for wear as the season progresses.  Will he survive the rigors of stardom?  Time will tell...
 
3:00pm Tuesday, August 5th, 2003

Site Stagnating for 11 Days, 8th to 18th August
 

The League Commissioner, Soapyfrog Nullset, will be disappearing to the Cayman Islands to enjoys the fruits of his numbered Swiss Bank Account, but never fear he shall return!  The Commissioner will be absent form the 8th-18th of August, during which time this website will not be updated.  Please continue to play your matches on schedule, sending all results to admin@soapyfrog.net as before.  The results backlog will be dealt with upon the Commissioner's return, in the meantime please continue to play according to the posted schedule.  Assistance in updating team rosters if necessary can be obtained by Assistant Commissioner Evil Bob, or from any one of the numerous knowledgeable bloodbowl types that haunt the forums.

If possible, finish up any matches due for this week of play before Thursday midnight plus any changes to teams so that the results can be compiled and posted and the rosters updated as far as possible before the Commissioner's departure.  Thanks you for you cooperation, and stop looking at me like that... I SAID STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!!  I WILL CUT YOU!!!!
 
3:00pm Tuesday, August 5th, 2003

Oh the Humanity: Rats 4 Faeries 2
  The offence dominated in last night's Frog Conference 5th round match between the Rats de la Boule and Pat's Faeries.  Both teams were highly mobile and it showed, as the Rats opened the scoring with a fast drive up the wide zone with rat ogre Tasstoi Dla clearing a path along the sideline for gutter runner Ramen Bouboule to score, putting line-elf Silvermane out for the match with a vicious backhand. The much-despised Rats suffered at the hands of the fans as just after the ensuing kick, a mob of Faeries fans ran onto the field, dancing about and viciously slapping the Rats players, knocking out thrower Vlad Labelle and stunning two linerats.  The Faeries were able to capitalize on the confusion and get the ball to lion warrior Greyeagle who made the touchdown, although storm vermin Mustapha El Rata put experienced line-elf Gwendolphe out of the game during the drive. Maintaining momentum, the Faeries blitzed the Rats defence on the next drive, and a frantic struggle for the ball erupted at the midfield sideline, with both sides having players knocked into the crowd and Tasstoi Dla being knocked out by a combined effort led by dragon warrior Grimrod. The ball was thrown back in to midfield where the struggle for control resumed.  Finally, with seconds left on the clock, the Faeries grabbed control and managed to complete a beautiful passing play to lion warrior Greyeagle who made a beautiful touchdown to bring the score to 2-1.

The Rats were not done yet however, and on the first kick of the 2nd half they managed to blitz the Faeries defence and intercept their own kick, gutter runner Hab Il Dlabal managing to dash along the sideline to accomplish this feat, and with timely assistance from his teammate, eluded the Faeries defence and sprinted into the Faeries' end zone to even up the score. The weather turned nasty in the second drive and rain came pouring down in buckets.  In these difficult conditions the Faeries (playing one elf short due to a third badly hurt line-elf) attempted a strong drive up the right side, however Rats storm vermin Griffe Dla managed to blitz dragon warrior Grimrod and take possession of the ball a little way past the the line of scrimmage.  The Rats managed to clear a path for Griffe to make the long run to the Faeries' end zone. Griffe was protected by efficient blocking and managed to shrug off a last ditch blitz by lion warrior Laz F. Rocket to score the winning touchdown.  With only minutes left on the clock, and with Tasstoi Dla finally recovered and back on the field, the Faeries deployed way back to minimize any further damage they might receive.  However the aggressive Rats blitzed once again intercepting their own kick for the second time in the match, gutter runner Ramen Bouboule managing to skirt the Faeries hastily thrown together defensive line to sprint in for the fourth Rats score of the game. And so the whistle blew on a very high scoring game, 4-2 for the Rats de la Boule.  After the game Coach Pat was heard to mutter (somewhat obscurely) under his breath: . :

"44% frickin' luck, at least we are off for two weeks..." 

The Rats de la Boule continue to earn the enmity of the crowd, despite their spectacular successes, being the most unpopular team in the league.  Maybe it really is true that no-one likes to see an Elf get beat up.  Probably it has more to do with their fantastically poor hygiene, or their outrageous French accents...
 
8:00pm Monday, August 4th, 2003

Brawn Beats Brains Out: Mashers 2 Videos 1
  The first game of the BuBBL Spike! Invitational Tourney kicked off as the Midgard Mashers battled the Straight to Videos. Turnout was good, 45,000 fans showed up to cheer on the rookie teams (perhaps hoping for some fresh blood... rookie games are developing a sanguinary reputation). The game started out with the Mashers receiving and displaying that characteristic Norse aggressiveness that has come to be expected.  A solid drive up the left flank netted them 3 unconscious wood elves and a clear field for catcher Aric Eagleborn to score the first touchdown of the Tourney.  Now woefully short-handed (fielding only 8 line-elves), the Videos struggled to stave off total disaster in the face of a Mashers blitz. Despite a fumbled pass, the Videos managed to run the ball into the Mashers' half, but suffered further casualties as Lute "The Lutefish" Snorri delivered a haymaker to line-elf "And so it begins..." that broke his neck. The Videos were unable to make further progress before the half time whistle.

In the second half, having recovered two unconcious line-elves, the Videos received the ball and immediately ran it quite recklessly forward against a Mashers defence-in-depth. That drive was easily stopped and play devolved to a midfield brawl which rapidly ended in the Masher's favour, leaving the field open for lineman Fjall Foeborn to run into the Videos' end zone for the second Mashers score of the game.  Finally, Videos' catcher "I love it when a plan comes together" recovered enough form his first half beating to take the field, and once again the Videos were able to field 9 players against a full squad of Mashers.  The Videos used their superior mobility to keep the ball out of the Mashers reach but suffered yet more damage as Aric Eagleborn fractured the leg of line-elf "Are you sure it was a book?" and lineman Jormungand GameEnder fouled line-elf "These are not the droids you are looking for..." putting him out of the game.  Finally the Videos were able to pass the ball off to "I love it when a plan comes together" who ran the ball into the Mashers' end zone late in the second half to make it 2-1 Mashers.  After the match, Coach Skullsplitter was heard to remark:

"Damnation! Do those Wood Elves coat themselves in grease? My guys couldn't keep their hands on them if their lives depended on it." 
 
7:30pm Monday, August 4th, 2003

Pandemonium: Bluebutts 2 Babes 0
  Sunday afternoon saw the first re-match of the season as the Blargburg Bluebutts faced off against the Horny Babes in the 8th round of Dragon Conference matches Sunday afternoon.  The Bluebutts were able to end their 3-game losing streak with a hard-fought 2-0 victory over the much improved Babes. The Bluebutts received the first kickoff, and, playing conservatively against the beefier Babes, managed to develop a powerful drive up the right-hand wide zone, culminating with witch-elf Sum Dum Bitch warding off the final attempts of Babes beastwomen to sack her and scoring the first touchdown of the game midway through the first half.  The Babes were quick to go on the counter-offensive, with rookie chaos warrior Racy Bitz breaking several of line-elf Tosser's ribs, amongst several other less serious stuns and knock outs.  However, once again the Babes displayed an inability to ball-handle as attempts to make progress across the line of scrimmage came to naught, and indeed turned disastrous as the Bitch sisters dashed into to retrieve the loose ball and score again close to the end of the 1st half.

The 2nd half was dominated by a confused melee for ball control, with the Babes coming very close to scoring after chaos warrior Bloody Bombshell broke free of the turbulent mass with the ball and ran for the Bluebutts end zone.  Unfortunately, she stubbed her toe on a toadstool and dropped the ball, which the Bluebutts recovered.  Despite being three elves short after the ruckus, the Bluebutts got a clean breakaway and were on the point of scoring when witch elf Sum Dizzy Bitch, instead of carrying the ball in for a third Bluebutts touchdown, attempted to hand-off the ball to her sister Sum Dum Bitch who managed to fumble it and was not able to recover it before the final whistle. All in all the Bluebutts had a great deal more trouble against the Babes on this outing as compared to the drubbing they gave them in the two teams' rookie game in round one.
 
7:00pm Monday, August 4th, 2003

The Pride of Elvendom: Faeries 3 Hunt 2
  The 27,000 fans were wearing all the colours of the rainbow as the first inter-elf match kicked off on Saturday afternoon as the Wild Hunt faced Pat's Faeries.  Both teams were carefully oiled up and read to go. At the start of the game, the short-handed Hunt were plagued by dexterity problems as catcher Sceolan chased after the wildly bouncing ball deep in the Hunt end.  Once he grabbed it, however, the veteran catcher made light the Faeries defence, and scored the first touchdown of the game midway through the first half (despite the Hunt now being two elves short).  The Faeries drive opened up against the signature weighted defence of the Hunt.  The Faeries feinted a passing play right but instead forced their way through the thickest part of the Hunt defence, with dragon warrior Grimrod scoring easily.  The final drive of the 1st half ended with not enough time for either team to make a play, but it did result in line-elf Mr. Extraordinaire bieng knocked out, bringing the two teams to an even footing, each fielding 9 at the start of the 2nd half.

At the start of the second half, the Faeries exploited the Hunt's lopsided defence and drove in strength up the right side and lion warrior Greyeagle received a pass and sprinted through the press of defending Hunt elves, aided by superlative blocking from his teammates, to score and bring the tally to 2-1.  The Hunt, however, not to be outdone, returned with an equally quick drive up the wide zone, with Sceolan making his second touchdown of the match at the 2nd half halfway mark.  With both teams now reduced to only 8 players each due to KO's, Greyeagle received a good pass from phoenix warrior Alex Hapsburg, and once again the excellent protection afforded him by his teammates led to his dash to score the winning touchdown.  The Hunt's hope for a tieing score were dashed when Sceolan slipped on a passing slug as he sprinted along the sideline, losing control of the ball and allowing the Faeries to smother any further progress.  So ended the first elf vs elf game played in the league, a 3-2 Faeries victory.  Said Coach Pat in a post-match interview:

"The game ended the way it should have."
 
6:00pm Monday, August 4th, 2003

Changes and Additions to League Rules
 

As of the week, two adjustments to the League Rules will take place:

1) Team Ranking: Teams shall be ranked by points.  If a tie results in the standings, rank shall be determined by most wins, then by touchdown differential + casualty differential.
2) Excessive Forfeiture:  Any coach that forfeits three matches in one season shall be disqualified from further play for that regular season and any post season competitions.  Readmission to the league of said coach will be subject to a vote of all league member coaches at the start of the subsequent season.

Anybody complaints regarding these changes can be addressed to Tony "Spleen-Chewer" Throttlegob, our resident Hill Giant and DragonBBL Complaints Department, who's motto is "When you're big enough, anything is a twist-top".  Never had an unsatisfied customer yet!
 
2:30am Saturday, August 2nd, 2003

BuBBL Spike! Invitational Tourney Kicks Off
 

With the addition of the Rat Racers, a Skaven squad, and the Drakehead Smashers, a lizardmen squad, the BuBBL Spike! Invitational Tourney gets under way with matches starting in the coming week.  Competition will be intense, no doubt, as the rookie teams compete for the Spike! Magazine Trophy with a 200,000 gc purse for the winner and 100,000 gc purse for the runner-up.  These eight teams will likely form the bulk of the league expansion in Season II, so keep a close eye on them. Good luck to all those fledgling teams!  May Nuffle smile upon you!
 
6:00pm Friday, August 1st, 2003

New JavaBowl 6.3b Patch
 

Now available in the downloads section is a JavaBowl 6.3b Patch.  Install it, use it, love it, lick it. Fixes the following problems:

  • Add new experimental OFAB option.
  • Fixed blunderbus not reloading.
  • Fixed problem when trying to skip interception.
  • Fixed chainpush problem with stand firm.
  • Fixed foul appearance not working when three squares away diagonally.
  • Fixed double turnover from ball & chain with failed block, then failed collapse roll.
  • This patch is for the 6.0 Beta. It can be used to update a pure 6.x beta
    •
11:30pm Thursday, July 31st, 2003

Ah, Where Are All the Lonely People? Rats 2 Drakkar 2
  Fourth round Frog Conference action kicked off tonight as the Rats de la Boule faced the Blood Drakkar, in front of a lack-lustre crowd of 17,000 which seemed to take considerably more enjoyment beating up the referee than actually watching the match.  The match got off to an exciting start, however, as Rats gutter runner Hab il Dlabal received the hand-off and shot off down the wide zone after the linemen had opened a hole.  The lightning play and the characteristic Drakkar disdain for defensive backs meant that Hab il Dlabal was a dot far downfield before Drakkar players were even able to bat an eye, and all they could do was throw a punch at their nearest opponent in frustration before the whistle blew signifying that a score had been made.  On the Drakkar's return drive, they were stopped at midfield where rat ogre Tasstoi Dla was able to wrest the ball from Drakkar catcher Odin Bellegraf only to get knocked off-field by the aggressive Drakkar counter punch that additionally put two other Rats players into the dugout unconscious.  The sizable Drakkar fan contingent threw the ball back into play on the Rats half, where gutter runner Ramen Bouboule tried to dump it up-field only to have it bounce into the arms of Lineman Duncan Paragraf who was able to make a well protected run into the Rats end zone to bring the score to 1-1.

The second half Drakkar drive again saw the Drakkar using their attrition tactics to thin the ranks of the smaller Rats players, enough so that by just after the middle of the half blitzer Knut Paf was able to manhandle the ball into the Rats end zone for a second Drakkar touchdown.  With little time left for a comeback, gutter runner Hab il Dlabal again exploited the wide zone and the lack of Drakkar defensive backs to sprint along the side and score with less than 3 minutes of regulation time remaining, tying up the game at 2-2.  Said Coach Grossebaf after the match:

"Holy crap these mice are fast... gotta put traps with cheese next time"

The match was a clear demonstration of the Rats de la Boule unpopularity problems.  Although there a couple of highly promising players on the team, they seem to be hard pressed to bring the fans to their matches and get the more lucrative sponsorships any team needs to survive.  One would think that the spectacle of a rat ogre rampaging in rookie matches would be enough to guarantee a good draw, but things have not been working out well for the Rats so far!
 
10:00pm Thursday, July 31st, 2003

Tragedy of Elfin Proportions: Angry Trees Consumed
 

Tragedy struck in the pre-expansion league today as the Angry Trees ran afoul of a marauding Chaos warband on their way to warm-up (the Angry Trees not the Chaos warband) and were unfortunately eaten to the last Elf.  This tragic occurence was somewhat offset when the leader of the Chaos marauders read the DragonBBL literature the Elves carried with them, and decided to organize his maruaders into a team and register for season play.  His decision apparently was heavily influenced by the number of soft pink edibles playing in the league.  At any rate the new Chaos team, the Rage Sharks, coached by Carlo the Despoiler, will be replacing the now defunct Angry Trees.

Which, really, is OK with us!
 
5:30pm Thursday, July 31st, 2003

Busy Little Bees: Barnacles 2 Surly 1
  In the last game of Dragon Conference 7th round action, Blistering Barnacles took the field against Short & Surly, beating them 2-1 after a tense, grinding match.  Although the Surly controlled the ball on the first kick-off, the Barnacles grasped the initiative and rushed the ball carrier, creating a melee in the Surly end of the pitch.  Surly hobgoblin Fucker was surrounded and stunned, causing the loose ball to bounce into the arms of Barnacles kroxigor Bruntosaurus, who, to everyone's stunned amazement, caught it.  Nonplussed, Bruntosaurus stood there, examining the unfamiliar object that had (seemingly magically) come into his possession, as Surly and Barnacles players swarmed around him each trying to gain a positional advantage.  Jarred into awareness finally when Surly bull centaur Hoofgrinder bounced off his back in a failed attempt to tackle him, Bruntosaurus finally turned and (at the desperate urgings of his teammates) gave the ball to Sqwerman Norman who exploited an open spot and ran in for the first score of the game at the middle of the first half.  The Surly's subsequent drive drove deep into the Barnacles end and nearly scored a tying touchdown as hobgoblin Fucker grabbed up the loose ball and ran for it.  Unfortunately Fucker swallowed a bee just as he was sprinting into the Barnacles end zone, and he subsequently stumbled and dropped the ball.  With that the ref blew the whistle and the first half ended.

The second half opened with a lightning fast touchdown as the Barnacles executed a well timed passing play with Nefarious Ned running the ball through an opening in the Surly defence and firing off a remarkably accurate mid-range pass (for such a small guy, anyway) to Sqwerman Norman who caught the ball in the Surly end zone for his 5th career touchdown and the second of the match.  The Surly came back however, forcing their way up the wide zone, losing control of the ball, but it was hobgoblin Assmonkey who recovered it and ran for the Barnacles' end zone, holding his breath and closing his eyes to avoid any errant bees.  His touchdown brought the score to 2-1.  In the last drive of the game, Barnacles skink Freddy Forktongue literally leapt (with ball in hand) over the Surly defensive line and ran, seemingly on a clean breakway until amazingly, he too swallowed a bee which lodged in his throat, and down he went.  Fortunately a nearby Barnacles fan knew the Heimlich maneuver (or maybe it was actually a Surly fan trying to crush his ribcage, no one is quite sure) and Freddy  was later carried to the Barnacles dugout, unconscious but breathing, much to the crowd's disappointment.  However as a result of Freddy's maneuver, the ball wound up deep in the Surly end, leaving not enough time to for either team to score despite their best efforts, and the final whistle blew on a Barnacles victory.

The Blistering Barnacles victory moves them into 3rd place overall, tied in points with the Blargburg Bluebutts.
 
1:35am Thursday, July 31st, 2003

Updated Handicap Table
 

Some changes have been made to the JavaBowl-friendly Handicap table. Some Re-roll results were replaced with modified JavaBowl-friendly versions of the original handicaps, colour-coded green. They may be used if both players involved in a handicapped match agree.

Please feel free to make suggestions for handicaps to fill in the four remaining RE-ROLL!! slots on the handicap table.  Handicaps should be JavaBowl-friendly and ideally have something to do with the original handicap they are replacing, although this is not strictly necessary.
 
12:45am Thursday, July 31st, 2003

Zoot Suit Riot: Hunt 2 Rats 1
  25,000 fans showed up to the Wild Hunt vs Rats de la Boule match this afternoon in the sweltering heat, and it seemed as though every single Hunt fan in existence was showing the colours.  Immediately before the first kickoff, a well organized legion of fans stormed onto the Rats' half of the pitch, knocking out two players and stunning several more before they were beaten back into the stands.  Taking full advantage, the Hunt went after the Rats offence in their usual aggressive style and were able keep the Rats from getting out of their half, gaining possession after line-elf Lenquea knocked down gutter runner Ramen Bouboule allowing line-elf Toldea to scoop up the loose ball, handing it off to catcher Sceolan who made the touchdown.  The Hunt aggressive defence was enough to both attrite the Rats on field players and run the clock down until the half whistle blew.

Coming on strong again in the second half, the Hunt mounted an impressive drive that gave them another quick score very early in the half, Sceoleon's 4th career touchdown in only 3 games.  The Rats recouped quickly though and despite suffering more casualties at the hands of the overly-aggressive elves (who had finally found opponents small enough to push around with getting themselves killed) managed to carry the ball into the Hunt end zone to bring the score to 2-1 at the middle of the second half.  But the legions of Hunt fans that filled the stands, aware that the Rats were mounting an effective comeback, swiftly came to their favorite team's rescue, once again attacking the field and each other in an orgy of violence that did not abate until well after regulation time had ended.

While it was the Hunt's first victory, and indeed first match in which they suffered no casualties (let alone deaths), their fan base was much reduced as a very large number of dedicated supporters were killed, both fighting against Rats players at the start of the match, and in the sustained violence that erupted in the second half.  No doubt the extremely violent (and casualty prone) fan base the Wild Hunt is cultivating is a reflection of their playing style on field!