Expansion Time: The Woody Invasion

Team rosters for six of the new expansion teams have been posted in the locker room.  The new team lineup includes not one but TWO Wood Elf teams, the Angry Trees and the Straight to Videos. Also joining the league is Creeping Flesh, an Undead team, the Nipply Warthogs, a Human team, the Midgard Mashers, a Norse team, and the Blue Blighters, a Skaven team.  A seventh coach has commited but not yet submitted a roster, and an eighth expansion slot remains open to any willing to grasp the opportunity to join the league.  The pre-season BuBBL invitational qualification tournament kicks off Friday August 1st.  All rosters must be submitted and locked by that time.
 

Water, Water, Everywhere: Steins 2 Divas 0

Like the Blargburg Bluebutts the day before, the inability to ball handle in these poor conditions was to plague the Divas for the rest of the match, as their reception at the start of the 2nd half resulted in a wildly bouncing out of control ball.  Repeated Divas' attempt to grab it and move it up field failed, with tragic results, as rookie ogre Bloodmember came out of his daze just long enough to grab passing Divas catcher Daniella and break her neck, amazingly the only serious (or even mild) injury of the game which saw some of the most aggressive and reckless blocking in League history.  Again the stolidity of the dwarves won through in the slugging match and the Steins were able to take control of the ball once more, and veteran runner HarryPalms shrugged off Divas' linewoman Molly's last attempt to stop him before the final whistle and scored his second touchdown of the match, for his 4th and 5th career touchdowns.  Said Coach Steve in a post match interview:

"We basically won because we were able to pick up the ball..."

Crypt Carnage: Crusaders 4 Bluebutts 0

The second half saw little better, as the Crusaders were able to capitalize on a quick blitz to score again, despite losing ghoul Eaton Run to a concussion after a notable block by line-elf Moron.  The final kick went deep into the Bluebutts half, where Shit Head amazingly failed to pick it up on the first try, ending any hope of a Bluebutts score. Finally grabbing it and holding it up triumphantly, Shit Head delivered an on-target pass to Sum Dizzy Bitch who proceeded to... drop the ball   And with that last piece of bitter irony, the final whistle blew.

When asked for comments, Coach Blargson put our sports reporter in a hammerlock and delivered a string of verbal abuse directed at Coach Dragon (accompanied by rhythmic punching) that I am afraid we cannot reprint here (because or sports reporter is suffering amnesia due to blunt trauma, you see).
 

More Chaos Action: Faeries 1 Killers 1

The seocnd half saw further brawling, but the Faeries were able to exploit a hole in the Killers defence and line-elf Greyeagle managed to evade all attempts to bring him down to spike the ball in the Killers' end zone.  The Killers then received and were able to push forward with heavy protection for their ball-carrier Sara Fat, inflicting further casualties on the Faeries as The Jackal threw line-elf The Farzan, causing him to sprain his groin.  After a grueling defensive battle, Sara Fat pushed through to teh exhausted Faeries' end zone and brought the score to 1-1... and with that, the final whistle blew on a tough match.  Coach Stork of the Mass Killers had this to say:

"The crowd was not really pleased with our last game so they started to throw rocks at us but we soon pleased them by killing opponent and doing lots of injuries. The next game is a must see because there will be a lot of death... If not satisfied, we will return your money back."
 

Blood for the Blood God: Machine 2 Babes 1

In the 2nd half, the Machine were able to open up a hole in the Babes defence and Skratsquick Terzo was able to carry the ball to within a few yards of the babes end zone once more, but the Babes caught him just short after Rendflesh Salivar took himself (BH) and Poison Ivy (KO) off the field while trying to fight clear of Babes players who surrounded him.  Turbochik (once again) managed to grab the loose ball, and at that the Babes drove steadily back down the field in the face of limited resistance from the mere six battered Machine players, who at this point were more than a little nervous about going anywhere near large concentrations of beastwomen.  Turbochik ran the ball into the Machine endzone shortly before the final whistle, scoring the first Babes touchdown of the season and effectively ending a match that stands a major moral victory for the Babes.

Despite the loss, the Horny Babes raked in a healthy 80,000gp form the 63,000 screaming fans, and more importantly executed their raison d'etre by greasing the Blood God with Skaven blood, and adding their first skull to the Skull Throne.  Said Coach Destroyer Zhul:

"That was soooooo much fun!"
 

New JavaBowl 6.2 Full-Install Package

Now available in the downloads section is a JavaBowl 6.2 full install package that will hopefully help people who have been having wierd invisible field glitches when trying to play network games.  Download it and unpack it, overwriting your existing installation.
 

Soft Pink: Drakkar 2 Mates 0

In the second half the Drakkar received the ball at midfield and immediately pushed it up the wide zone, aggressively blocking.  the Mates could only intervene the two catchers and against the ball carrying Norsemen, and they came away the worse for the encounter as One-Eyed Willy received such a blow from cacther Odin Bellegaf that his skull was fractured, whereupon Bellegaf jumped over his unconcious and twitching body to bring the ball to the Mates end zone.  On a solid roll, the Drakkar again managed to blitz the receiving Mates making a strong drive for their thrower Dread Pirate Roberts, sacking him just as he was getting ready to pass up field, knocking the ball loose only yards form the Mates end zone.  Mates catcher Jean Lafitte made a heroic effort and dashed in to grab the ball and heave it up-field.  There the Mates were able to regain possession and run the ball into the enemy half, where Drakkar catcher Bjorn Bellegaf was able to bring down ball-carrier Mad-Dog Bonney, knocking the ball loose and ending any hope of a Mates score.  The final whistle blew on a 2-0 score, the Mates first loss of the season.
 

Killers get the Chair: Rats 2 Killers 1

In the 2nd half the Killers were able to take advantage of a major hole in the Rats' defence and a wild melee developed deep in the Rats' half with both sides trying to gain control of the ball.  Eventually beastman (beastwoman?) Sara Fat was able to grab the wildly bouncing ball and dash into the Rats' endzone bringing the score to 2-1.  The Rats then received the last kickoff of the game and were able to play safety until the timer ran down and the final whistle brought them sweet victory.

The crowd was reportedly disappointed with the lack of serious injuries and deaths which have come to characterize games of late, and many left grumbling that they'd only be attending Horny Babes, Wild Hunt and Lustria Divas matches from now on.
 

Updated Handicap Table and House Rules

A JavaBowl-friendly Handicap table has been posted which may be used for all handicap rolls by coaches using the JavaBowl client to play their matches.  In face to face play the table form the Living Rule Book v2.0 is to be used.  Additionally the House Rules have been updated and refined.  Please peruse them at your leisure, or live in continual ignorance.  The choice is yours, really.  You can hardly blame me.
 

Pop Will Eat Itself: Divas 2 Surly 0

The initial Divas drive turned into a mad scramble for the ball a few yards from the Surly end zone after veteran (and very dangerous) bull centaur Hoofgrinder knocked the ball from Divas catcher Dawn's clutches, who was subsequently knocked into the crowd.  Hoofgrinder in turn lost the ball as he was mobbed by 5 Divas, and Divas thrower Stacey was able to scoop up the ball and deliver a short pass to linewoman Terry who was jumping up and down in the Surly end zone screaming "I'm OPEN!!! I'm OPEN!!!".  In the 2nd half, the Divas were able to wrest control of the ball from the Surly and score a second touchdown, and then shut down the final Surly drive well short of the end zone.  In a post match interview Coach Fleetfoot was heard to remark:

"Ori Ori has been killed. The Surly would like to thank the Divas for taking care of the little bastard. He was really getting on our nerves."

Coach Fleetfoot also announced the newest addition to the Short & Surly roster, Chaos Dwarf Ori Ori Ori, reportedly the deceased's brother.
 

Coach Dragon of the 1st place Crypt Crusaders stepped in to take charge of the Brimstone Bonestealers (in Nygrell's continued absence) in their match against Styg's Mates.  The Bonestealers lack of proper practice in their Necromancer's absence showed through as did Coach dragon's unfamiliarity with these particular members of the dearly departed, as on two seperate drives he left skeleton Twinkle Phalanges snooozing in the dugout.  After the Mates first highly successful drive, the Bonestealers were unable to take advantage of possesison to score in the first half, but did make a remarkable short-handed (3 men down) touchdown in the middle of the 2nd half, tieing the game up.  Still 3 men short, the Bonestealers' best efforts were not able to prevent the Mates winning touchdown, although they came breathtakingly close to a scoring opportunity in the final moments of the match, which was averted by Mates' thrower Dread Pirate Roberts knocking Bonestealers' wight Murken Shadowspike down causing him to drop the ball.  When asked for comment coach Dragon said, somewhat cryptically:

"Sometimes a corpse has gotta do what a corpse has gotta do..."

The moderately well attended match saw no serious injuries.
 

The 2nd half saw the Barnacles two lizards short in the first drive due to various players still recovering from the loving affection of the fans, but the Steins' defence failed them and skink Sqwerman Norman received a hand-off to run in and score the matches first point.  The Steins then received and attempted to move the ball up the pitch with a strong right side drive against the now full-strength Barnacles, but lost control at midfield.  Another wild melee erupted as each side in turn tried to get their arms around the loose and madly bouncing ball.  Finally, Steins' runner Flash got a grip on it, ran past the mountainous bulks of Bruntosaurus and Bloodmember (who had just blocked each other senseless), jumped over the unconscious body of skink Stil Slitherin (who had just been firmly blocked by blitzer Numskull), and ran the ball into the Barnacles' end zone with only seconds left on the clock.

Interesting side-note, despite his frequent fumblings on the pitch today, Steins' runner HarryPalms has become the richest player in the league, signing several lucrative endorsement deals.  Even though he does not have the stats of some of the other players in the league, he has become an announcer favorite, with his face gracing (or rather rendering difficult to look at) the cover of this month's issue of Spike! magazine... HarryPalms is one rising star who seems to have it made!
 

With the casualties streaming in, the Hunt tried to delay the onrushing Drakkar drive... finally lineman Marcus Paraf dropped a hand-off and the few Hunt players left on the pitch were able to put the legendary Wood Elf nimblness to good use... wardancer Wychwethyl scooped up the loose ball, and, easily avoiding the attempted grapples of the Drakkar players, handed-off the ball to catcher Scoleon who was off like a arrow form an bow down the field deep into the Drakkar's totally undefended half.  Tragically, just before Scoleon ran in for his 2nd touchdown of the match, tying the score, Hunt thrower Skaw was killed instantly by Drakkar thrower Olaf Cenotaf, who delivered a textbook double-fisted hammer blow, crushing his victim's skull like an eggshell.  The loss of Skaw, who was last match's MVP and had made two successful completions this match was well, made the successful comeback turn bitter in the mouth of Hunt coach Skarloc, the Hooded One.

Casualties have dogged The Wild Hunt this season, now with 3 deaths in two games.  Such losses are not quite crippling, and indeed they recall the trials of the Lustria Divas in the opening games of the Dragon Conference.  Skarloc will have to spend his money wisely, and perhaps, just maybe, reign in his over-eager players who seem to have little regard, however commendably brave that may be, for their own skins.
 

The Crypt Crusaders chalked up another win, this time against the Horny Babes, putting them solidly at the top of the standings.  The game was characterized by heavy violence on both sides... the Babes initial line of only 9 players was quickly reduced to 6, the numerous casualties including the corpse of Bloodkitten, fouled by Crusader's notorious rougher Fhal Apart, and then raised as a zombie by Necromancer Coach Dragon, and to add insult to injury, awarded the Babes' MVP.  As the Crusader's characteristic aggressive blocking and fouling took it's toll,  they were able to use their 5 man-advantage to score 2 touchdowns in the 1st half and another one early in the 2nd half... however midway through the Crusader's 4th drive, the Babes staged a remarkable comeback, knocking 4 Crusaders from the pitch and carrying the ball to within yards of the Crusader end zone.  A last desperate Crusader defensive play managed to get the ball to midfield safety, however, and the final whistle blew on what had become a startlingly exciting match.  Final score was 3-0, but the Babes walked off the field knowing that when push came to shove they could give as good as they got.

Though they were able to snag a lucrative Bloodweiser contract before the match, financial woes still plague the Horny babes, but at least they are much closer to fielding a full squad with the recovery of the three injured players from the Surly vs Babes match.
 

Kicking off in the sweltering heat, the exhausted Blargburg Bluebutts went into their 2nd game of the evening, butting heads with the Frog Machine.  The Machine was able to score early by exploiting the high speed of their gutter runners, following up their early success by converting Bluebutts possessions on an incomplete pass to a short-handed Machine touchdown.  As a result, enraged Bluebutts fans attacked the pitch, badly hurting linerat Trask Undezimo and knocking out or stunning 4 other Machine players.  The weather alleviated in the 2nd half, and with it the Bluebutts made a significant comeback against the short-handed Machine, scoring with a beautiful passing play early in 2nd.  The Machine drove back with another touchdown, using their new Rat Ogre Rendflesh Salivar to cause terror and mayhem while the gutter runners again made a run down the wide zone.  Injuries were starting to catch up to the Machine, however, as Bluebutts lineman put another player off the field by breaking several of linerat Vermek Tredezimo's ribs with a vicious block, and the Machine found themselves playing a delaying action 3 men short of a full squad.  The Bluebutts translated the advantage to a 2nd score, but with Machine possession in the closing minutes of the 2nd half, the score remained at 3-2 in what was certainly a very challenging match physically and mentally for both sides.  Said the ever-loquacious coach Blargson:

"We actually did a lot better out there than I thought we would. That...THING is the most disturbing creature I have ever seen on a Bloodbowl pitch, there's no WAY that's Skaven, they glued little ears on a mutant Ogre, errr thing...and that tail didn't even LOOK real, I've logged a complaint with the officials and called for my mommy, I won't be sleeping for a few weeks."

Our reporter in the Frog Machine locker room trying to get some face-time with rookie Rat Ogre Rendflesh unfortunately got mistaken for a post-game snack.
 

The rookie teams Mass Killers and The Wild Hunt faced off in Frog conference action this evening.  In a remarkably close match, the Wood Elves of the Hunt played perhaps a more aggressive blocking game than might normally be expected.  Rumours had it their punch had been heavily spiked, and it showed on the pitch! Moments after the start of the match, Hunt line-elf Nelya had delivered a strong block to Killers beastman Dens B. Lair, cracking several of his ribs.  The rest of the first half devolved into a mid-field brawl with several players on both sides being knocked unconcious and Hunt line-elf Toldea being ejected for fouling.  The tenacity of the defence was such that despite the Killers clinging to possession they could not manhandle (or beasthandle, if you will) the ball into the Hunt's endzone.

The seocnd half again devolved into a brawl, albeit a smaller one with both sides able to field only 8 players at kickoff.  Attrition started to take it's toll on the lightly armored wood elves, however, and culminated tragically with rookie line-elf Lemenya impaling himself (herself? One is never sure...) messily on the horns of beastman Bushwaker.  After this tragic event, the Hunt started to play a little more cautiously, and tried a delaying action with their 4, and then shortly thereafter 3, remaining players agianst the Killers' 6.  Finally very late in the half, beastmen Ben Laden was able to run into the endzone for the only score of the game.

The excesively violent game was a crowd pleaser, and although poorly attended  with only 28,000 fans in the bleachers... still one wonders how these teams are going to last the season if they are willing to embrace this level of attrition...
 

Exhaustion and sheer attrition finally caught up with the Blargburg Bluebutts, who, in spite of heavy casualties were able to hold Frothy Steins down to a 1-0 score as the two teams battled it out in front of 84,000 fans.  Even though the Bluebutts lost 5 players knocked out and 1 badly hurt in the first half, the Bluebutts blunted a Steins drive in the first half, preventing any score.  However, able to field only 6 players at the start of the 2nd half, the Bluebutts defence gave way and the Steins came through with a touchdown by veteran runner HarryPalms at the middle of the half.  Reviving somewhat, the Bluebutts were able to field 8 players to receive the Steins kick, but had no oppotunity to move it forward as lineman Asshat seemed unable to get a solid grip on the ball.  The Bluebutts managed to struggle to the final whistle playing a desperate safety which prevented any further scoring.  Said coach Blargson, post-match:

"Well it was a bloody miracle we'd gone undefeated this long, we were due for an ass kicking and the Steins stepped up to the plate, I'd love to say we fought hard and it made a difference, but we fought hard and the grass tasted funny..."

Some commentators pointed to the absence of Necromancer Nygrell Grimskull as the cause of the Bonestealers' failure on the pitch... hopefully the team will be able to pull it together before his return from collecting fresh necromantic material in the Mountains of the Damned, 10 days hence.
 

The new Wood Elf team in Frog Conference has finally found it's identity after much searching.  In homage to their struggle for self, they will be called The Wild Hunt.  The addition of the Hunt to the league means that all the species of Elves are now represented, in a true rainbow coloured march of pointy-eared pride.  Hooray for everyone!
 

Hard on the heels of their Sunday matches, the arch-enemies Pat's Faeries and the Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds butted heads in front of 53,000 fans, the biggest Frog Conference draw to date.  This time the Faeries had their act together and converted Boozzhound possession to score a touchdown midway through the first half.  Despite aggressive blocking by the Boozzhounds that left the Faeries 4 men short on the pitch by the end of the 2nd half, the Faeries managed to hang on to their 1-0 lead, shutting down a late game Orkish drive with skill.  The match was a real crowd-pleaser, as these grudge matches usually are... if this is any indication of the rest of the season, it's going to be a nail-biter!  Coach Jyst Dave of the Boozzhounds had this to say:

"My lads 'ad a wee bit o' bad luck puttin' the ball in the air. 'ad we made one blimmin catch we mighta tied it. I guess I'll 'afta put Hyney on the rack to stretch 'is arms so 'e can reach fur a little further for doaths catches."

Simultaneously, a Dragon Conference fifth round match between the Short & Surly and the Horny Babes resulted in near disaster for the embattled Babes.  The initial Surly drive resulted in no less than 7 Babes players being knocked out of action, including Chaos Beastwoman Schlongripper who was badly gored, and then swallowed by Agammemnon, the Surly's Minotaur (also credited with seriously injuring two other Babes) and soon after succumbed to her wounds while lying in the Minotaur's intestinal tract.  The trail of woe for the Babes did not stop there however... desperately fighting a delaying action against overwhelming numbers, the Babes were reduced to only two players standing at the end of the 2nd half.  Amazingly, however, they managed to limit Surly's scoring to two touchdowns.  The match's grisly outcome raises questions about how the Horny Babes will fare in their next match against the unbeaten Crypt Crusaders... their 1 death and 3 serious injuries (including their own Minotaur, Gora the Impaler, who suffered a smashed ankle which may leave her with a permanent limp) means they will only be able to field 8 players at their next kickoff.  Coach Zhul will likely have to acquire a source of outside financing if the Babes are to field a full squad...
 

In the first game of the Frog Conference match-ups on Sunday, Stygs Mates defeated Pats Faeries 2-0.  The rookie human team were able to capitalize on the mistakes of a high elf team clearly suffering from first-game jitters.  The hard-hitting Mates were able to to complicate the Faeries' situation by quickly rendering them short-handed, causing havoc with their offensive and defensive plays.  When asked about the Faeries' inability to get it together on the field, Coach Pat said:

"No, f!#$%^& comment"

Later that same day, the Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds came back against the Rats de la Boule to tie the game 1-1 after a seesaw struggle which saw very few injuries despite the heavy hitters on both sides.  The Boozzhounds were ultimately unsuccessfull in stopping the fast moving Rats from scoring in the first half, but after receiving in the 2nd half they were able drive to the Rats end zone by using sheer mass.  Said Coach Jyst Dave:

"Oy they were slippery Devils they were! Kept runnin' fur their lives though! The lads got their fingers on one of them though. I hope he's ready fur the next time we scrap it out on the pitch."