2:00pm Monday, May 24th, 2004 | |
Valkyries Claim Valkyrites: Six Dead in Ten Games |
|
A |
The Mass Killers are back on top of their game after early season growing pains, defeating the Brimstone Bonestealers 1-0 on Friday, then going on to crush the Frog Machine 2-1 on Monday. Although the Killers had a tough time inflicting casualties on the Undead Bonestealers, they had no such difficulties against the Skaven Machine, inflicting 6 casualties and putting themselves back in the race both for Frog Conference leader and bashiest team. Their main competition in the bashy department are the Blood Drakkar, who they face later this week. That's the game to watch folks!
The Slicers and Bad Dicers also had two
games in relatively short succession, battling to a 1-1 draw vs the
Frothy Steins on Saturday, a no-holds-barred brawling match in which
HarryPalms was very nearly killed (saved by the quick action of the Steins
Apothecary) and then soundly defeating the Blood Drakkar 3-0 on
Sunday. The Drakkar suffered mightily at the hands of the Orcs, veteran
lineman Harald Ilsefclaf slain by black orc ShagHigh Beef as the game wound
down, amongst other injuries. The only serious injury suffered by the Dicers
was goblin Spring, Roll and Score who suffered a career ending damaged back.
The Dicers now find themselves tied with the Steins for 1st in Dragon
Conference. |
B |
The Spermosaurs woes continued with a 4-3 defeat at the hands of the Banner Guard Bloods. A fast paced game, the Bloods picked up an early 2-1 lead, after which the two teams traded touchdowns until the final whistle, the Spermosaurs never quite able to make up the deficit. This match extends the battle-weary Spermosaurs winless streak to 6 games, although it should be noted that Coach Candyman was not present for the game, having some pressing "business" to attend to, his place being filled by fellow Dark Elf coach Les Paul. The Mad
Howlers effected a narrow 2-1 victory over the Horny Babes
on Saturday, managing to come back against the Babes 1-0 lead, scoring twice
late in the 2nd half after attrition started to take it's toll on the
outnumbered Babes. Despite considerable on-pitch violence, the casualties
were relatively light, both teams being heavily armoured, but what few there
were fell in favour of the Howlers. A close game with a nail-biting
finish... The Howlers then went on to defeat the True Panzies 3-0 in
a brutal game of "Smash the Elf", causing line-elf CreamPuff to become a
tragic fatal casualty. |
C |
Wedneday night Bloodbowl saw the Deadman Duo + Band held to a 2-2 draw by the Avenging Mutants, who managed to make a miraculous comeback from a 2-0 deficit in the last quarter of the game. Following a lightning touchdown by beastman Koz to make it 2-1, the Mutants kicked to the Deadmen. Werewolf Franz fumbled the pickup, and the beastmen stormed through the scrimmage line of zombies to push Franz aside and dominate the ball, beastman Blozej picking up the ball, keeping his feet in the face of frenzied forays by the furious Franz. He then broke away from the groaning undead and handed off to the waiting Koz, who sped into the end zone to tie the game with seocnds to spare. Truly a sight to behold! The Lords of Entropy narrowly defeated the Orcish Anatomical Anomaly 1-0, ending the Lords four game winless streak. A riot that lasted for much of the first half preceded a see-sawing brawl between the two teams that ended the 1st half without score. The Lords were on top of the game in the 2nd, however, managing to strip away the ball form the receiving Anomaly and physically dominate the field, scoring the winning touchdown late in the half. During the fighting the Anomaly took a hard loss: their experienced blitzer Ulcerating Papules had his larynx crushed under the hob nailed boot of notorious dirty player Ator Vastatin, an injury that proved fatal. Coach Dr. Nasty of the Anomaly has been known to hold a grudge... these two teams next meeting will undoubtedly prove interesting!
A disastrous game for the Valkyrie High
Schoolgirls, Coach Big Boss regretfully conceding the match against the
Syzygy Oxymorons after only 1/3rd of regulation time and 3 deaths.
The initial Oxymorons drive left a trail of dead Amazons all the way to the
Schoolgirls end zone: first string blitzer Sidney Bristow and experienced
linewomen Cherry Lips and Seven Ofboob all savagely kill by the rampaging
Dwarves. The concession ended the game at 1-0 for the Morons, the
colour announcer crying "Oh, the Humanity" as the fallen Amazons were
carried reverently from the field. Although a hard loss for the Schoolgirls,
their healthy bank account ensures that a good part of their lost womanpower
will be made up quickly, although morale is undoubtedly now a serious
problem in the Valkyrie High locker room... |
6:00pm Saturday, May 22th, 2004 | |
Tongue-tied: Toys 2 Tongues 1 |
|
C |
YOU ARE WATCHING GSN, the Groupie Sports Network...Sports, from the Groupies perspective. Lana is on assignment, your host tonight is Peaches de la Creme. Peaches is curled up between Abs of Steel and Strong Hands. She giggles and whispers a few words to both players. Cameraman politely coughs and finally gets her attention.
Suddenly Madame Heidi walks in covered in feathers.
Camera suddenly flashes to the Tongues locker room. Lana is sitting by Cutter John's bed, nursing his wounds.
|
6:00pm Wednesday, May 19th, 2004 | |
Elves Get Trounced: Everyone Gets a Turn |
|
B |
The Funeral
March defeated the True Panzies 2-0 Tuesday night, adding to the
unfortunate High Elf teams' now 3 game losing streak. The much heavier and
more experienced March dominated the field quite solidly, blitzers Unholy
Hooker and Dim Witted scoring one each for the team, although the Panzies
put up a good struggle. Although warriors Timid and Pussy wound up nursing a
concussion and a fractured arm respectively, the Panzies were able to escape
any more lasting injuries. |
C |
The Marauders had the honour of ending the Filthy Whoresons' 5 game unbeaten streak, narrowly defeating them 2-1. The Whoresons rookie blitzer Sopinka scored an early touchdown, and managed to shut out the Marauders for the rest of the half, but the second half was all downhill. Already four players short, the Whoresons suffered 3 KOs in the first few minutes of the 2nd and were unable to prevent blitzer Cletus from scoring a tying touchdown. Blitzed on the following kick, the weakened Whoresons were overrun, and after a protracted melee Human thrower Carl scored the winning touchdown with a minute to spare. A big game for the Marauders, who show what they are capable of after a lukewarm season start. The Dirty
Bastards soundly defeated Guitarmageddon 2-0, overrunning the
Dark Elf team in 94 minutes of play. 45,000 fans looked on as the Chaos
Dwarves caged around Disgraziato and pushed inexorably to the Guitamageddon
end zone. The 2nd half was a wild melee for control of the ball as it
repeatedly changed hands at center field... however is was the Bastards who
came out of it in control, and Disgraziato rushed into the end zone to make
his 2nd touchdown with minutes to spare. As the final whistle blew Coach
Carlo the Despoiler was heard screaming across the field "That's payback
for the 'S' you *CENSORED CENSORED*"... |
3:00am Tuesday, May 18th, 2004 | |
Bloody Olaf: Blood Drakkar Top the Bashy List |
|
A |
The Blood Drakker defeated the lukewarm Brimstone Bonestealers 2-0 in the first game of a iron man double header, outmaneuvering and out-hitting the former Dragonbowl champions. Star catcher Bjorn Bellegaf did the honours on both touchdowns for his team, while his teammates put the smack down in the undead. Zara the Slayer made her first ever DragonBBL debut to the thunderous cheers of half the crowd and the booing hissing, spitting, shrieking and wailing of the other half. Zara was ejected at the half, however, for possessing illegal weapons on the pitch. The Drakkar nevertheless scored 5 casualties while suffering only 1 in return, so it seems like they had things well in hand without the extra muscle. The Blood Drakkar then immediately went on to lose a nail-biter of a match 2-1 against the Rongeurs Flamboyants. The two teams went at each other like ravenous weasels, seemingly intent on mutual destruction. The game tied 1-1 until the final moments when the Rongeurs pulled a surprise ball robbery and relay to Rat ZeMotte, who scored the winning touchdown on a clean breakaway in the final moments. The casualties were heavy on both sides (7 against the Skaven, 6 against the Norse), with veteran Norse thrower Heidrun Vraimentpaf getting killed late in the 2nd half by Fier à Rat's mighty blow, and, seconds later, Rat Vageur tripping over a Norse beer bottle and fatally snapping his own neck. A truly exciting game which was up in the air until the final moments...
The Short and Surly shut out and shut
down the Frog Machine, beating them 1-0 in a match truncated
by rioting in the first quarter, as Chaos Dwarven hooligans mistook a large
group of Skaven supporters for a live buffet. Although the Surly were
(uncharacteristically) unable to inflict any casualties whatsoever on the
Machine [Ed: possibly due to Ag the Horny taking a long nap for the
duration after suffering a light tap to the noggin in the first played turn
of the first half], they did (again uncharacteristically) nearly
completely deny any Skaven access to the ball. Skaven players touched the
ball on only two occasions during the match, in both cases failing to pick
it up entirely [Ed: I delusionally thought maybe I had held the ball for
a short time, but on reviewing the replay I see that this is false.
Never held it, not even once...]. The entire rest of the time, the ball
remained solidly in Surly possession, the Machine unable to do anything
about it as they floundered about the field as though all their bootlaces
had been knotted together. As hobgoblin Shitless crossed the line for the
winning goal and the final whistle blew, the Machine players dragged
themselves off the pitch, thanking Nuffle they were all in one piece... |
B |
The Sylvan
Supersonics scored a decisive 3-1 victory over the Horny Babes,
boosting themselves into the number 1 spot in Dragon Conference. The Sonics
came out in good form, rapidly running the score up to 3-0 in the 1st half,
but slowly the heavier Babes started to make themselves felt, and as the 2nd
half dragged on the Sonics found themselves with half their players in the
dugout nursing blows to the head, neck and chest. Against this grinding
attrition, the Sonics could make no further progress, the Babes owned the
field, scoring a touchdown of their own late in the game. A solid debut for
the Babes rookie minotaur Kalima, and a good sign that the Babes are
returning to good after a tough streak of injuries and deaths. |
3:30pm Monday, May 17th, 2004 | |
I Cry For Quenya: Weekend Bloodbowl Action |
|
A |
Saturday saw the Screaming Midgets break their 4-game slump by defeating the Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds 2-0, breaking that team's 3-game winning streak. Midgets star runner Longjohn Steammy was in fine form, picking up both touchdowns for his team. The Hounds play was somewhat lethargic, possibly from a certain sense of overconfidence, a sense that must surely have been shattered with the death of 39 game veteran Hounds blitzer Jimmy Beam, who was pushed into the crowd at the end of the first half and mauled to death. Despite this tragedy, the heavily muscled Orcs seemingly unable to make an impression on the armoured Dwarves in return. Seems like this may have been a much-needed shot in the arm for the Midgets!
Sunday night heralded another Dwarven victory
as the Frothy Steins administered a sharp 2-1 defeat on the
Wild Hunt, earning the Steins a 2nd place spot in Dragon Conference.
Elven mobility proved fruitless against the Dwarven juggernaut, the defeat
made more bitter by the death of veteran line-elf Quenya at the hands of the
berserk troll slayer Ooglie. Solid Steins ball control kept the Hunt from
picking up more than 1 touchdown, scored by mega-star Sceolan, while equally
mega-star HarryPalms picked up both touchdowns for the Steins. |
B |
The Specialists of Acrobatic Warfare, guest coached by General Taoli, managed to soundly defeat the Anatomical Anomaly 3-1, although a mere 15,000 fans were on hand to witness it. The victory came at some cost as the weak Specialists suffered further injury at the hands of the vengeful Orcs, Swashbuckler out with a fractured arm, and Knight suffering a possibly career-ending broken neck. The Specialists, with their 3-1-1 record are going strong, but are still seeking to fill their Head Coach position on a permanent basis. It was battle of the High Elves as the Banner Guard Bloods went to town on the True Panzies, beating them 4-1. The play was fast and furious, both teams hitting hard, but ultimately it was the more experienced Bloods who were able to convert the opportunities to touchdowns. A tough game for the Panzies, who are so far struggling this season against the better developed teams of B Division, and aside from the bumps and bruises, line-elf Cream Puff came off the field early with a badly smashed hand. One of the newer Bloods lion warriors, El Cid, was seen to be limping after the match as well though he has suffered no discernable injury during play. The
Spermosaurs played a double header Sunday night, suffering two defeats
in the row, losing to the Old Ones 2-1 and then going straight into a
match vs the Funeral March and losing 2-1 against them. The
Old Ones took full advantage of the weak state of the Spermosaurs, waging
attrition warfare and controlling the ball and the clock to score the
winning touchdown in the final seconds of the match. The Funeral March
used similar tactics, ending the 1st half tied 1-1, but controlling the ball
for the entire second half, grinding down the Spermos and scoring the
winning touchdown at the tail end on the half. Fortunately for the
Spermosaurs, no additional permanent injuries were suffered by their already
badly battered roster. |
C |
The Dark Elven Darkness defeated the
Light Elven Durengard Bombers 2-1 in a close fought match Sunday
night. Rookie witch elf Metalmiser the Smasher was the star of the evening,
scoring both Darkness touchdowns and earning the team MVP. Both teams
managed to avoid any serious casualties, a fact well appreciate by the
Bombers who have had a dreadful series of deaths and injuries early this
season. |
5:30pm Saturday, May 15th, 2004 | |
Wouldst Tell Wood Elf? Specialists Seek New Head Coach |
|
Due to time constraints, Admiral Zarkad is stepping down as Head Coach of the Specialists of Acrobatic Warfare. If you are an out of work coach seeking employment, this opportunity may be for you! The Specialists have merely 4 games under their belt and are in excellent condition... view their roster here. All applications please address themselves to admin@soapyfrog.net. The only restriction that applies is that you must not already be coaching a DragonBBL team, and are willing to adhere to the schedule and rules posted upon this site.
Be all that you
can be! Coach DragonBBL! |
|
5:30pm Saturday, May 15th, 2004 | |
Fresh Blood for Killers: Kolvin Dragonsbane Sworn in as Killers Coach |
|
After Head Coach Stork's willful abandonment of his pack of murderous thugs, the Mass Killers, the reigning DragonBowl champions found themselves leaderless after a lackluster (scorewise, anyway) 2-0-2 Season III start.
Head Coach
Kolvin Dragonsbane, formerly of the lizardmen Drakehead Smashers, and
also owner of the War League squad, the Exalted Celestials stepped up
to the challenge of harnessing the bloodthirsty energy of the heavily armed
Chaos squad. Although having some initial teething (fanging?) problems,
Coach Dragonsbane's commitment to maintaining the stellar violence of the
Killers gameplay is sure to yield spectacular results. We can only
watch with a mixture of dread and glee... |
|
4:00pm Saturday, May 15th, 2004 | |
Dielectric Vestibule:
Oxymorons 3 Toys 0 |
|
C |
YOU ARE WATCHING GSN, the Groupie Sports Network...Sports, from the Groupies perspective. Here are your host Peaches de la Creme and Lana Banana.
|
4:00pm Saturday, May 15th, 2004 | |
50% More White Meat: Whoresons
3 Guitarmageddon 2 |
|
C |
What a wild and woolly game, sports fans!
52000 fans rose in support from their elf-tunnels to watch elf versus elf
action, vanilla versus chocolate (dark that is) in the razmatazz game of
Division C. The musicians versus the cartoon author judges... |
4:00pm Saturday, May 15th, 2004 | |
Check Mates: Mates 2 Steins 1 |
|
A |
The Steins showed up without HarryPalms, who
was so confident in a Steins victory, decided to take an extra week off to
rest.. regardless the Steins came out hitting hard, KO'ing 1 and BH'ing a
few more before the game was a few turns old... Fielding only 2 ag 2 players, the Steins fumbled their way up the pitch, slowly advancing after losing and recovering the ball several times (curse you, Barbossa!!) before finally crossing the goal line with 2 turns to play... big mistake! Styg's Mates came back in full force and with speed, streaking down the sideline and bh'ing Chugger (Harry's latest understudy) before One Eyed Willy tied up the score with only seconds left on the half. Receiving the ball in the second half, the Mates attempted a similar play and again speed won out over sheer stumpiness! By turn 3, One Eyed Willy again crossed the Steins line, putting the Mates ahead 2-1. Down to a single ag3 player, the Steins offence was limited in options.. this time around, the Mates kicked the ball deep and swarmed the Steins side of the field, marking as many dorfs as possible.. the ball changed possession pretty much every turn until the 7th, when the Steins suddenly had a glimmer of hope to still tie the game, with trollslayer Ooglie running down the pitch screaming like a banshee... unfortunately some poor coaching decisions and a pinch of Nuffle kept the Steins from completing the comeback attempt, with Ooglie unable to catch the ball in the clear, with seconds left to play. Neither team suffered any lasting injury (except for Dread Pirate Roberts, who now has a wonky hip), and Harry's decision to sit this one out spread out the SPP, which was sorely needed for the Frothy "One Man Show" Steins. |
4:00pm Saturday, May 15th, 2004 | |
Death and the Skaven: Rongeurs 3 Machine 0 |
|
A |
The Rongeurs Flamboyants defeated the
Frog Machine 3-0, hitting "Steins" on the Bashy index, falling
just short of a "Drakkar" level drubbing. Thankfully it was a long
way off from a dreaded "Surly". And the score. Ouch. DAMN SKAVEN! (er, not you froggy fellows of course). Slitha did a great job of zipping around the field horning people, but when it came time to REALLY hustle and score, he invariably went down flat on his face. Even Skrittar seemed out of sorts, tripping over GrrRaaaT's tail at the end of the 1st half. It was brutal... the high pitched squealing of frog-suited Skaven filled the air, until the team was reduced to three desperate players, back to back against the sideline, frothing madly, eyes wild in terror... Coach Nullset was seen hiding in a barrel of gator aide, while more than half the team feigned unconsciousness. Malkrit Dezimo, 37 game veteran, was reduced to a bloody pulp under the mighty fists of GrrRaaaT... the Machine apothecary Vilebroth refused to venture on to the field to try and revive the mangled linerat, for fear of getting overrun by the still frenzying rat ogre. The only real casualty suffered by the Rongeurs as they performed their blender routine was a rookie linerat who accidentally impaled himself on Viskrin Novo's stiletto as the heavily clawed veteran cowered in fear. Novo didn't celebrate long before coming off the field with a sore jaw, claiming he just couldn't play through the pain, and needed a nice vacation in the South Sewers... In short, a miserable showing by the Machine, and a bloodsoaked end to their 3-game bloodsoaked winning streak. |
4:00pm Saturday, May 15th, 2004 | |
Even Flow: Mutants 1 Toys 1 |
|
C |
(In the Boy Toys lockeroom, Madame Heidi
takes a look at her bruised players and announces:)
(TB doesn't say a word, lowers his head in shame. He raises his eyes to Madame Heidi...)
(The Boys lower their heads, they apologize to each other.)
(The locker room erupts in cheers) |
4:00pm Saturday, May 15th, 2004 | |
Illegitimacy Contest:
Whoresons 2 Bastards 1 |
|
C |
In a close but critical-luck-impaired game,
the man-short Filthy Whoresons managed to defeat 2-1 the tough
on block dice but cursed on GFI-dice Dirty Bastards in the fight to
the bottom in C division. |
4:00pm Saturday, May 15th, 2004 | |
Undead-Fuelled Blender: Stealers 2 Rongeurs 0 |
|
A |
The Brimstone Bonestealers continue
their rather bloody record against Skaven teams with a 2-0 massacre
(literally) vs the Rongeurs Flamboyants: 6 Casualties caused (none
permanent), although with the poignant (re-)passing of Bonestealer Skeleton
Tenphut Radius. While immensely pleased with the solid win, coach Nygrell
Grimskull was heard to express disappointment that he wasn't able to acquire
one of the Rongeurs players for his own lineup. Some very nice and daring plays were to no avail for the Rongeurs, who in addition to being mauled by Bonestealer players also managed to knock out or injure themselves dodging on multiple occasions. The (sentient) Bonestealer players will have nightmares about AG 6 gutter runners for some time, though. (Hats off to the remarkable body crew at the RongeArena who managed to clear all the unconscious and injured players off the field without getting in the way!) |
11:00am Friday, May 14th, 2004 | |
Cement Galloshes: The Return of Noskull Rierohl |
|
The
lugubrious Noskull Rierohl has come out from hiding... er... returned from
sabbatical to give us a rare peek into the shadowy underworld of DragonBBL
oddsmaking. The only known interview with the elusive and sinister Johnny
Goldtooth can now be read in
Noskull's Corner. A fascinating read... don't miss it!!! |
|
6:30pm Tuesday, April 30th, 2004 | |
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes! JavaBowl 7.8 Released & LRB 3.0 to Boot! |
|
A significant patch. Changes made to the way JBB interprets the rules, and the revised Wild Animal & Hypnotic Gaze... Additionally, the revised LRB 3.0 has been released, and that's pretty important since them's the rules we are supposed to using, folks! Get them in the downloads section here!
Ouf! Fifteen days without a news update! Sorry guys... well as
you well know the season is proceeding apace. Plenty of action!
I will try and bring everything up to speed over the weekend. |