Countdown to DragonBowl II: Playoff
Update!
Bunky Dragoncharmer, Cabalvision Sports
The Frog Machine consolidated their top spot in A Division Dragon Conference with a solid 5-0 victory against the Wild Hunt who were already locked into 5th place in the Frog Conference. Their victory also locked the Frothy Steins into 2nd and coach Fleetfoot's fearsome frighteners, the Short and Surly were already well in hand of 3rd position. 4th position was clinched by the Creeping Flesh who edged out the Avelorn Paladins after a victory against the Blue Blighters. The Flesh will face off against coach Nullset and his legendary Frog Machine in first round action while the Steins will wage war on the Short and Surlies in what promises to be a clash of the (very short) titans!
In the Frog conference the Mass Killers have a firm choke hold on 1st place and not a threat standing for miles, the next 3 spots are definitely going to the Blue Blighters, Brimstone Bonestealers and Blood Drakkar but their final order is still undetermined.
In B division Dragon conference, the top three spots are locked by 1st place Slicers and Bad Dicers with the Straight to Videos taking 2nd. The Drakehead Smashers have 3rd and the Lustria Divas currently in 4th could see themselves knocked into 5th by a Screaming Vikings week 16 victory!
In Frog Conference the Rage Sharks and Rongeurs Flamboyants have settled into their final standing, far ahead of 3rd place Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds, the Rongeurs emerging in the lead. The Mad Howlers recent victory against the Smashers consolidated their 4th place standing. The Rongeurs will face off against the Howlers in first round action while the Sharks do battle against the Boozzhounds.
In C Division Dragon conference, the Bloodpie Bakers locked up first place after a previous dark elf scandal involving 2 referees and a Bull Centaur named Paco. Second place Spermosaurs are also locked in. The Funeral March are currently in 3rd but should they lose to the Dead Zone they will see their position upset by the Nipply Cadavers should they mange to overcome Get Shorty. However, if the Cadavers lose and the Sylvan Supersonics win and score more touchdowns than the Cadavers did in THEIR game, the Supersonics will claim 4th! Oh the drama! CAN YOU FEEL IT BLOODBOWL FANS?!?! THAT'S EXCITEMENT!!!
In Frog Conference, the Noir Desir who participated in "Darkelfgate" with the Spermosaurs has 1st place all sown up with a minimum 10 pt lead over 2nd place Vikings who are beyond the reach of the 3rd place Dead Zone who should not get too comfortable, being in a position to be sent to 4th by the Dead-On Balls Inaccurate, still vying for 3rd place.
So to recap, here's what we know.
Division A Dragon Conference:
- Frog Machine (244) vs Creeping Flesh (234): No Handicap at this time.
- Frothy Steins (265) vs Short & Surly (226): 2 Handicap rolls for the Surlies
Division A Frog Conference:
- Mass Killers (290) vs TBD
- Blue Blighters (235) vs TBD
Division B Dragon Conference:
- Slicers and Bad Dicers (209) vs TBD
- Straight to Videos (202) vs Drakehead Smashers (200): No Handicap at this time.
Division B Dragon Conference:
- Rongeurs Flamboyants (239) vs Mad Howlers (208): 2 Handicap rolls for Howlers.
- Rage Sharks (238) vs Putrid Swamp Boozzhounds (252): 1 handicap roll for Sharks.
Division C Dragon Conference:
- Bloodpie Bakers (195) vs TBD
- Spermosaurs (202) vs TBD
Division C Dragon Conference:
- Noir Desir (236) vs TBD
- Screaming Vikings (181) vs TBD
Well keep you updated as week 16 Thunders to
a close!!
From the Den, I'm Bunky Dragoncharmer reporting.
Clash of the Allstars! Allstar Team Coaches Announced
The votes are in! The All-star coaches for each Division are as follows:
A DIVISION:
- Dragon: Soapyfrog
- Frog: Stork
B DIVISION
- Dragon: Martin Scoreseasy
- Frog: Phil Vermine
C DIVISION
- Dragon: Buttercup
- Frog: Baboune
Please submit your rosters to me by the 3rd of March so they can be approved and posted. All All-star games should be scheduled and played before the 7th of March.
All-star
roster creation rules can be found
here (section 6)
Rejoice! JavaBowl 7.4 Released!
Perfect Defence no longer quite so Perfect. Get it in the downloads section here!
- This build should work under JRE 1.3.x again.
- During a PERFECT DEFENSE you can no longer move players into or out of the dugout. You are stuck re-arranging players already on the field. This prevents players getting to return early from heat exhaustion, running late, morley's revenge, etc.
- PERFECT DEFENSE no longer negates the use of BRIBE THE REF to get 12 players on the field.
- Added the option to change languages. You select the language from a list of available languages in the options dialog. By default the language will be English. (Right now this only affects the language used on the setup and options dialogs).
- Probably a few more fixes in Bugzilla I can't recall at the moment.
No Stew For You: Blighters 1
Bonestealers 0
Coach Plaguelord Puswort, Blue
Blighters
Just as the ref was about to blow the whistle and end the game and his own life, Dus Nel-Nagath lurched to his feet, hands outstretched and mumbling something about 50 maidens of virtue true and stumbled to the field. The game began with the now outnumbering Blighters taking the ball and trying to delay scoring to keep their numerical advantage. Beastmaster Whippit Gouda was pleased to see his creation Mittens start the game off by sinking his huge paw into the gut of unlucky Ghoul Barrowbreath Bonesplinter and badly hurting him. Encouraged, the rest of the Skaven engaged the lackluster remnants of the Bonestealer line (mostly former opponents it should be noted). A solid round of blocking and avoiding Dus-Nel continued as the two teams shoved each other around, Dus-Nel making for Mittens in an oft-repeated attempt to disrupt the Skaven offence. However the Rat Ogre managed to push the huge mummy into a throng of his teammates who took Dus Nel down. In the meantime, Gutter Runner Slipps hung on to the ball safely out of blitzing range after an initial close call.
The mob of Blighters kept kicking the feet out beneath Dus Nel-etgath and the rest of the defense fell apart faster than a zombie's smile. A dirty kick to the downed mummy was caught by the ref and both teams saw their numbers dwindle as Ghoul Fangmouth Earchewer was blitzed harshly and sent to the dugout to get a fresh spleen.
With time ticking away and with Dus Nel-etgath still unable to get to his feet, Mittens pounded a skeleton into dust (later rematerializing in the dugout) and linerat Stukkins mangled the reanimated form of Olaf Cenotaph, the rest of the team formed an impenatrable cage that the four remaining Undead couldn't hope to get to. Slipps ran out the clock for the first half and scored as the six missing undead players arrived in the stadium licking the bones of their former Skaven "guide".
Both teams started off with only nine players on the pitch as both mummies were still off in their waking dream and muttering to each other how totaly slutty the Lustrian Bathing Slaves were dressed and how great the beer was in the great beyond. The reinforced Bonestealers whomped the sacrificial Skaven line of scrimmage and sent Skippy out to the infirmary with a bad case of cowardice. The undead formed a cage in the lower wide zone away from the rampaging Mittens. The cage became bogged down and the ball was blitzed loose from Rakis Skullrattle's hands but the Blighters failed to pick up the ball. Blitz and counter blitz saw the ball bobbled about the pitch until two Skaven linemen were shouldered into the stands. Ghoul Mad Dog Marrowlips sprinted away from the scrum only to be caught by the faster Blighters. The Bonestealers made a desperate attempt to surround Mittens and cause a turnover but the Rat Ogre would have none of it and swatted skeletons about the pitch like dry, hard, crunchy rag dolls.
Gutter Runner Slipps snatched the ball after teammates opened the way but got greedy and found himself with no protection and was trapped on the sidelines and finally blitzed by Scabclaw Buttmunch. The two Wights tried a passing play but were unable to execute a catch-able throw. A desperate and ultimately unsuccessful long bomb by new Blighter thrower Snarky landed at his own feet as time ran out and the Blighters win it 1-0.
Post game Coach Plaguelord Puswort was heard saying "If they can't be bothered to show up on time, that's no concern of mine..." as he was flushing several documents labeled "Plan #435 Undead Travel Plans" and "Report #998 -Effects of Warpstone on Mummified Sensory Organs" down a drain-pipe and winking broadly to unidentified persons in the crowd.
And We're Off Down the Alphabet! JavaBowl 7.3c Released!
Hopefully this will address the game start difficulties some people have been having. Get it in the downloads section here!
- Ver C: I stripped out the language stuff because it seemed to be causing the game setup window not to open for some people. If you had this problem with 7.3a or 7.3b, please try this patch and let me know if it works for you now.
Smoooth.
When We Were Dodgers: Noskull's Corner Interviews the Videos
Noskull Rierohl
finally publishes the last interview ever given by Straight to Videos
greats "I love it when a plan comes together..." and "Run, Forrest Run"
before their tragic, untimely dodge-related deaths during the Videos vs
Divas match in round 11... Check
it out!
Hot on the Heels: JavaBowl 7.3b Released!
S'more. Get it in the downloads section here!
- Ver B: Fixes the problem of players disappearing or being left on the field at the end of the half.
- Ver B: Fixes the luck displaying as 1%
Seems like it would be good to... um... use it....
Patchy Patchy: JavaBowl 7.3a Released!
More fixes... Maybe it'll fix some of the spectator issues... Get it in the downloads section here!
- Fixes Cheerleaders.
- Fixes allowing a spectator connecting to a game the client has temporarily disconnected from.
- Found a problem with the way I was drawing the graphics introduced sometime around the 6.2 patch or so. Those who noticed the cursor crawling along should see it return to pre 6.2 performance. Hopefully…
- Start a new build process. This build includes some of the language strings for the setup screen only. Right now there is no option to change the language from your default system setting, but the main game should still all be in English. Let me know if anyone actually sees the other languages appear on their machine.
Download it and cherish it...
Frostbite: Howlers 2 Bloods 2
Bunky Dragoncharmer, Cabalvision Sports
Good afternoon Bloodbowl fans and welcome to Spinesnapp Stadium in Brokenskull where 73 000 fans have braved the weather to come cheer their Mad Howlers as they take the field against commander AresMars and his high elf squad of Banner Guard Bloods. The elves are looking a little uncomfortable as a storm moved in over Brokenskull. Kicker Blucher has been removed from the roster complaining about the cold. AresMars won the toss and opted to receive. By kick off time, the wind was howling like a frozen banshee and the cold was all teeth, biting at everything.
As the kick surrendered to the wind and sailed off erratically towards the Bloods zone, a brave and sacrificial high elf fan launched a stone right into Skullcrakks head, knocking the star Blitzer unconscious. The thrower probably never even saw the results of his throw as he was set upon by fans and passed around the crowd until he landed roughly in the Howlers dugout where coach Blargson tore him into tiny little striplets of gore-pickled flesh.
The kick was short and to the right and the Bloods slammed through the right side and started moving with military precision into the Howlers territory. Pheonix warrior Wellington recovered and followed in behind his teammates. The Howlers picked themselves up and moved in on the elves but an over excited Braynzpilla underestimated the training of line elf Davout and was sent slamming to the ice, stunned. The Banner Guard were quick to knock down all orks in the vicinity and Wellington moved up and handed off to line elf Barbarossa who broke away from the pack to break the ice, pardon the pun, and put the Bloods on the board at the second stone.
The Bloods lined up quick and kicked maintaining their heavy momentum, blitzed into Howler territory, chasing their kick as it battled the winds. The Howlers were caught completely off guard and Hartzblud rushed in to recover but fumbled the ball as several Bloods closed in on him. Rommel moved in as Frederick sent the ork thrower flying as Sun Tzu kicked it into high gear, snapped up the ball and made the score 2-0 on the 3rd stone!
The Bloods wasted no time in setting up and kicking into the Howlers zone and again, they roared and surged forward at the kick blitzing into the Howlers territory. The Howlers, looked no longer sure who were the orks. Blargson roared from the dugout and troll Bunky slammed Devout at the line, knocking him unconscious. The Howlers started punching back and Blackheart recovered and moved into position to fire a short pass across the frozen pitch, right into Skullcrakk arms, the Blitzer having recovered from his previous unconsciousness. The Bloods doubled back and slammed into the Blitzer sending the ball flying across the icy pitch. The rest of the half was a frozen brawl as both sides wailed on each other relentlessly the battle staying close to the scrimmage line as both teams vied for control of the ball and waged war on the icy field and the wind howled and the snow came at them sideways. The officials had to take the field to stop the fighting as no one could hear the whistle above the storm.
The second half saw the Bloods kicking to the Howlers and refusing to drop a good thing, Blitzed a third time into Howlers territory. Coach Blargson had decapitated his goblin waterboy and threw his head at the small altar to Nuffle at the end of the dugout. The Howlers let lose a “WAAAAAAAAAAAARGHH!!!” that gave the wind pause and shook the nearby mountainside causing an avalanche that could not be seen but who’s rumblings shook the very earth. Blackheart recovered and fired across the pitch to Skullcrakk, his powerful arm challenging the wind. Skullcrakk caught it and took off down the left side breaking away from everyone. The Bloods broke from the melee to run down the blitzer but try as they might could not knock the ork down. Agamemnon (the elf) tried to join his friends in chasing down Skullcrakk but that entailed turning his back on Nekkcrakka who knocked the line elf unconscious. Skullcrakk shoved Sun Tzu out off his heels and broke away from the elves to finally put the Howlers on the board, 2-1.
The Howlers kicked into the wind and it grabbed a hold of the ball and sent it deep into Bloods territory, bouncing down into the end zone. Napoleon waste no time recovering the ball and firing a pass to Wellington who ran up to the line to join his teammates who were pushing through the right side. The Howlers redoubled their attack and Throatrip caught Sun Tzu by the throat and applied a vicious head butt, badly hurting the dragon warrior. The elves tried to get organized but Barbarossa slipped on the ice and threw their plans into disarray. The Howlers attack continued as they increased the pressure on the cage. Spleenlik came in from the outside and slammed into Wellington, sending the ball into the melee to fall behind the few elves left standing. The Bloods chain of command started to fall apart against the relentless wind, their apparently inexhaustible energy had faded. The Howlers recovered and caged heavy around Skullcrakk. The elves refused to stay down however and Napoleon dodged away from 2 Howlers only to come up on the losing end of a clash with ball carrier Skullcrakk, who raced away, taking his time along the goal line, stalling until the 7th stone before crossing and tying up the score.
The depleted Bloods lined up with the wind still screaming in their ears as they could not but throw a few blocks into the Howlers line as the whistle blew, final score Howlers 2- Banner Guard 2.
Coach Blargson had these words to say as he brought his boyz in from the blizzard:
“Lovely weather wasn’t it? I was rather certain this kind of weather would slow elves down, not give them wings! I’ll give commander AresMars credit, I don’t know what he told his boys to get them riled up, but I’ve never seen a team take a 2 pts lead by the 3rd stone…IN A BLIZZARD!!“
Some Wardancers Should Just
Stay Home: Spermosaurs 2 Sonics 1
Coach Candyman, Spermosaurs
An
unstable weather day at the SylverParadis seemed to have got Slothlorien the
treeman to tentatively repolish his leaves back home. The Sonics couldn't
ignore all their pain from last games as 2 of them couldn't shoe up. The 2
coaches barely had time to fields their guys, when most of the 49000 frenzy
fans couldn't keep a hold of themselves. Referee Smithy had to count up to 6
stones until the crowd settled.
The Sonics reacted quickly by driving through the opposite defense although,
Woody tentatively tried to lace his shoe while catching the ball. The darkers patched up, then Woody had a chance to clean the ball, but tripped
on that lace, to put an end to the half.
After a brief discussion between coach Blueberry and Slothlorien, the Sonics
kicked off the field. Some ingenious work, which some would call a classic
Spermosaurs play, brought blitzer NotSaint in good position. Then Dances
with Ents took a bad fall, from Xworm's block, though after a successful
electric pump the crowd started breathing again. Then guess who tries to
Stop NotSaint from scoring, Captain Wild Woody who tripped again as it seems
he spent most the half-time arguing with Treeman instead of lacing his shoe.
Then the Spermos placed a nice kick far from thrower Thranduilseed. As the
Spermos then stole the ball from the Sonics hand, IosII made Dance with Ents
take his last fall, as the electric pump was out of batteries. It is said
that a long (400y) twisted love story, from one of those tentative Dark/Wood
bachelor parties stimulated some nerves between Ents and the two brothers
Xworm and IosII.
Then Woody tried to get into catching position to give the game another
twist, but this time tripped on some spectator's dog leftovers! As violence
continued, GrandPa went and gave Smurfette yet more hope, to follow her
GrandPa's lead.
Then the kickoff landed right next to Woody, who seemed to have finish
cleaning up his shoes.. close but no cigar, an attempt to pick the ball
failed miserably as he had "muddy" hands. Although the next turn, the ball
got to thrower Thranduilseed which he niftily used put the Sonics on the
board close the to the end.
Carrion Kings: Blighters 4 Barnacles 2
Coach Plaguelord Puswort, Blue
Blighters
The humidity was clearly getting to the Blighters having two linerats out with a very gross fungal infection. The Skaven were not hydrating themselves properly in the sweaty stadium as they were caught off guard by a surprise play by the Lizarmen. Stuart Runin started out with a tremendous forearm smash that pinched a nerve in hapless linerat Krunked's leg and opening a wide hole in the center. Two more rats fell to the pitch befuddled, while Gutter Runner Snukkit was knocked out. With four members out in the opening seconds of the game it looked bleak as Skinks Stil Slitherin and Hengrymijett crowded rookie Thrower Snarky who bobbled the ball in his first ever Blood Bowl play ensuring a tremendously painful post game briefing.
More casually than needed, Hengry picked up the ball between his toes and sauntered into the end zone scoring and taunting the Skaven fans mercilessly with the "Skinky Dink" dance.
Now in the second stone the Blighters were already down to 9 effectives. But since Plaguelord Puswort's cat o nine tails was especially effective during the time-out the Blighters dashed into action getting a quick snap. A simple looking hand-off was executed giving long legged Gutter Runner Slipps the ball who sped through a hole in the Lizardmen's line and scored before the Barnacles could even react, tying the game.
The Barnacles return was stymied by a classic Skaven "Get the hell outta harms' way" defensive maneuver. But a trio of skinks cautiously brought the ball forward as both teams attempted to maim each other.
However the balance shifted as a Kroxigor met Rat Ogre with Mittens being dashed to the pitch and stunned, throwing the Skaven defence into disarray. A sharp whistle from Coach Puswort sent two burly bodyguards to Packmaster Whippit Gouda's tent where the resulting screams and pleas for mercy had the intended effect of spurring on the rest of the Blighters. Unfortunately for the Barnicles, Kroxigor Ever Loving Bulk spent the next 3 stones taunting the supine form of Mittens, daring the Rat Ogre to get up but forgetting about the rest of the game! This allowed a daring (and lucky) blitz by Slipps to knock down Lerkin Sneek and pick up the ball after a fortuitous bounce.
The plucky Slipps was obviously trying to make up for his last two scoreless games and subsequent tutoring (involving a waist deep bucket of Tiger-Leeches) as he shook off a block by an imposing Saurus and blitzed his way past a interferring skink to fend off a counter blitz by Stil Slitherin and score the go-ahead point.
The fans were loving the fast scoring game which saw three touchdowns in the first half. The anthems coming out of the crowd seend to send both teams into a very aggresive mindframe. The Barnicles set a huge wall of rippling Saurus muscle on the line of scrimmage and pummeled the Blighters, seriously injuring a Stormvermin and knocking out a lineman. The Barnicles slid past a few enterpirsing Skaven to do a sweet looking handoff to Felix Forktongue who bolted away from his teammates up the wide zone. Unfortunately he was not out of blitzing range and was taken down harshly by Linerat Gnashit who punted the poor Skink in the belly and snatched the ball out of mid-air as the little lizard fell to the pitch. The Barnacles were out of position as the Blighters amazed the crowd by getting the ball accross almost the entire length of the pitch with a hand-off/pass combination to Slipps who scored his third touchdown of the match.
Unbowed, the Barnacles smashed another hapless rat into the infirmary as the Bighters defensive line became thinner and thinner. However a failed pick up by Skink Sqwerman Norman allowed Linerat Skrichtit to snatch up the ball and edge towards the goal line. A three Skink pile-on felled Skrichtit but the ball bounced into the end zone, out of reach of the Barnacles. Skrichtit dusted himself off and dodged away from the Skink pile and jumped onto the ball scoring!
The Barnacles put their best claw forward and lined up again for the return, trying an experimental 9 player cage. A attempted blitz by the Blighters had both sides drop a player but the Barnacles recovered faster and handed off to Felix who was in scoring position and sped off at tremendous velocity to lessen to point spread as time ran out.
The Blighters end their losing streak but pay for it with 3 players out for their next game against the dreaded Skaven mangling Bonestealers. The Barnacles shed no crocodile tears and go off full strength against the Paladins.
Tset Bashes to #1: Bonestealers 2
Machine 1
Coach Nygrell Grimskull, Brimstone
Bonestealers
Fearing the famed "one turner" Skrittar Quarzo, the Bonestealers played classic attrition tactics perfectly. Choosing to kick off to the Machine, the Bonestealers tried to delay and destroy as much as possible until the Machine scored the inevitable Skaven touchdown late in the first quarter.
Then receiving, the Bonestealers went into "crunch" mode, tearing apart the Machine scrimmage line and sending off player after player to the casualty box. Anoth Tset brushed aside the scrimmage linerats allowing Dus Nel-Etgath to rush forward off the drive to engage Rendflash Salivar in close quarters. The raging Rat Ogre threw himself on the stronger Mummy, and was felled with a crushing blow to the hand. Without their pillar of strength, the Machine was unable to fend off the rampaging Mummies.
The Bonestealers bashed away until the very last second of the first half when Scabclaw Buttmunch evened the score, leaving only a handful of Skaven on the field. A few recovered from knockouts for the second half, but with the Bonestealers having kicked the first half they received a second time in a row and continued their slow pace and general carnage. A few valiant attempts by the never-say-die (well, one did) Skaven were not enough to stave off an 8th-stone touchdown by Wight Dagoth Shiverspine. Despite their best efforts, though, the Bonestealers were unable to do more than stun Skrittar Quarzo, leaving the Machine with an 8th-stone scoring threat on the last kickoff of the game.
The Bonestealers set up carefully near the end zone, out of reach of any assistance from linerats. Hrishak Quinzo almost fumbled the pickup (good thing for Sure Hands!), almost missed the pass to Skrittar (good thing for Pass!) who almost didn't catch it (good thing for Catch!). Skrittar blitzed forward at rookie Wight Barrowbreath Bonesplinter, sensing the easiest route through the tackle zones spread across the pitch. The plucky Gutter Runner delivered a glancing block (2d red, skull/pow and pushback) to the Ghoul, who rather than get pushed back took it in the face, getting knocked out but preventing Skrittar from following up his blitz and thus eliminating any chance of the Machine scoring, leaving the Bonestealers in the lead 2-1.
Pumilius Chaosium: Inaccurate 3 Shorty 2
Bunky Dragoncharmer, Cabalvision Sports
Good evening folks and welcome to Sportsdesk, I’m Bunky Dragoncharmer and earlier last week in C division action, I dropped in on the Dead On Balls Inaccurate as they visited the mines of Oohlalaa where they were greeted by Mayor and Coach Doc Hott, 26 000 screaming fans and Get Shorty. The weather spell decided to grace the large cavern with sunlight, which, in hindsight was cruel to this sportscaster and his acute vision, as some things should never be seen by the light of day and turns out quite a few of them live in Oohlalaa.
The Rosters were a little light however, as Minotaur Munchkin and bull centaur Fritz were recovering from previous injuries while in coach Narcs camp, Ogre Wartnose was convalescing while Russell succumbed to old injuries, acting up in the dampness of the mines.
Coach Narc won the toss and chose to receive. Get Shorty opened with a short kick, which barely cleared the Inaccurate line. Catcher P.D. swooped in as Thrower Judas backed up towards the center to receive the pass, which in all his throwers catching skills, he dropped behind him. Bull centaur Gritz wasted no time in using this loss of momentum to his advantage. He blazed into DOBI territory and recovered the ball, quickly followed by hobgoblins Tog and Mog who were screaming and slobbering all over the place. This whipped fellow hobgoblin Nog into a frenzy and he charged like a demon towards Blitzer Donner who had seen this change in momentum strand him deep in Shorty turf. Donner, known for his fearlessness, tilted his head to the side and observed the frenzied hobgoblin. Nog ducked, rolled, leapt and slammed face first into Donners fist and landed unceremoniously on his rump. The melee raged on in the Inaccurate zone but nothing could stop centaur Gritz, who broke away from his guards to put Get Shorty on the board.
Hott’s squad kicked again and the Inaccurate performed their signature “load up the wrong side” and the kick landed on the left. Unwilling to compromise, the Inaccurate broke through the right side, flattening the Shorty defenders. Thrower Pot recovered and made his way to the line behind the cover of his invading teammates, but as he tried a ridiculously short pass, he dropped the ball giving the dwarves enough time to menacingly surround the Inaccurate. Pot ducked in and snapped up the ball, firing a quick pass to lineman Bob who was unable to get a hold of the throw, which fell into the melee. The fighting resumed and the ball bounced wildly around the brawl for several stones until Bob, eager for redemption, threw himself onto the ball only to miscalculate and kick the ball out of the melee and back into DOBI territory. Bull centaur Gritz, a little too eager to repeat his previous exploit, charged down the field but in his rush to recover the ball, tripped and slammed into the pitch. Thrower Judas doubled back in a flash and recovered the ball but as he grabbed it, dwarf Krom plucked the ball from his hands and attempted to insert it into his mouth. When Krom bit down the ball sprung out and landed in Hobgoblin Mogs hands and Mog tore downfield to make the score 2-0.
With 2 stones left, the Inaccurate continued to dazzle the fans by loading up the left side and having the kick land at the line, on the right side. Catcher P.D. swooped in to recovered but kicked the ball into chaos dwarf Jehosophat, off his helmet and behind him, giving pause to, with great irony, Inaccurate dreams of scoring. Bull centaur Gritz ran in and recovered the ball while Get Shorty pushed in along their left side, knocking P.D. to the floor where Jehosophat, annoyed at having been pelted in the melon with the ball, savaged the fallen catcher, badly hurting him before officials could peel him off and ban Jehosophat to the loud objections of coach Hott who got into a shouting match with officials until he was banned himself. The Inaccurate fell back and formed a line barring the centaurs way and with the 8th stone ticking away, Tog tried to skirt by Pot only to be slammed to the pitch, forcing the centaur to hold until the whistle blew and the first half came to an end.
The second half started with a bang as angry DOBI fans stormed the field and attacked the dwarven line, stunning several players and almost permanently injuring Tog if not for the dark incantations of coach Hotts apothecary. The kick landed mid zone and the chaos dwarves quickly got the ball to Mog and fell back to protect him. Coach Narc gave the order to charge, seizing upon the disarray that followed his loyal and well-paid fans attack and the Inaccurate rushed in, sacking Mog and recovering the ball. Get Shorty regrouped and attacked, forcing Blitzen back but unable to shake the ball lose from his hands. Blitzen quickly stepped away from his attackers and handed off to Rye, who bolted into the Shorty zone and brought the score to 2-1.
Get Shorty received and Nog recovered, passed off to Pog who ran forward and handed off to centaur Gritz. Blitzen charged Gritz however and flattened him, sending the ball flying towards the center where Rye recovered it and ducked back behind his teammates. The chaos dwarves counter attacked and Mog broke through and sacked Rye who was stunned but luckily handed the ball up to Mack N. Uptha-Numbaz as he fell. Mack tried to break down and around but could shake Mog who shadowed him for several yards before taking him down, the ball floating lazily into lineman Bob arms. Get Shorty went wild, attacking from all sides. Chaos dwarf Dvorak knocking Pot unconscious with a vicious clothesline to the groin. Get Shorty wailed relentlessly on the humans knocking the ball lose where thrower Judas ran in and snapped it up and fired a cannon over the entire melee and straight into the arms of blitzer Donner who had raced off ahead at coach Narcs behest. Well within range and completely unopposed, Donner jogged in and tied up the game.
With 4 stones remaining the Inaccurate kicked and the entire team charged in, surprising Get Shorty with a swift blitz that brought them in to recover their own kick. Spreading out to cover Bob, the Inaccurate did a splendid job of keeping the dwarves at bay and Bob raced in to Get Shorty’s zone but as he pushed himself to cross the line, he fell and dropped the ball in scoring position! Nog lunged forward, desperate to reach the ball but as he ran with wild abandon to get the ball, he tripped over Bob and the crowd gasped. Mack N. Uptha-Numbaz would have to step in and put an end to the Vaudevilleries and at the 7th stone; it had all turned around as the Inaccurate took the lead. With only 1 stone to go and not a skaven in sight, the two teams clashed one more time to no great effect as the whistle blew and the sun spell started to slowly fade to black, the dust settled on a spectacular comeback, Dead On Balls Inaccurate 3, Get Shorty 2.
With Cabalvision sports, from Dead Man arena in fabulous <cough> Oohlalaa,
this is Bunky Dragoncharmer and that’s the way it happened.
Chariots of Fire: Machine 4 Surly 1
Bunky Dragoncharmer, Cabalvision Sports
Afternoon Bloodbowl fans! Welcome to Surlydome here deep within the mines of Threefootfouria where the hometown menace Surlies are facing off against coach Frog and his renowned Frog Machine. The Surlies received the first kick but the Machine swiftly blitzed, sacking the hobgoblin receiver, and, on the second stone, Gutter Runner Snikkit Terzo crossed the goal line and put the Frogs to an early lead. The Frogs' next kick went wild, the Surlies touched back to Doom Charger and he barreled down the field. Linerat Malkrit Dezimo barely had a second to regret his decision to try and stop the massive bull centaur before he was run down and certainly would have shed this mortal coil if not for the timely intervention of Machine apothecaries. Sadly, Doom Charger got a piece of spleen wedged in his front hoof and moments later, pushing himself at full gallop, he slipped and landed flat on his face the ball dropping to the ground halfway down the Machine zone. The Machine moved in quickly hoping to capitalize on the chance but Snikkit Terzo dropped the handoff. The Machine managed to hold the Surlies at bay just long enough for Snikkit to gather his senses and snatch up the ball and break down the right side at breakneck speeds, a point well punctuated by linerat Hakflem Dodezimo who, while trying to keep up, damn near broke his neck and was carried off the pitch with a broken jaw. Snikkit, suddenly alone and deep in Surly territory, looked over his shoulder to see two screaming hobgoblins bearing down on him, Damage Sponge grabbed a hold of the runner and Shitless slammed headfirst into Terzo, badly hurting the gutter runner and launching the ball into the stands where it bounced wildly, only to reenter the pitch in the Machines zone. Assmonkey recovered with legendary #6 protecting him, which visibly made him very nervous and urged him to accelerate desperately trying to stay away from the dwarf before the appointed hour, expected any second now, came calling. Yards away from the line with nothing but a large melee behind him at the scrimmage line, Asmonkey looked poised to even the score. Gnawdel Segundo would let it be however and broke from the melee and charged into the Hobgoblin sending him flying and knocking the ball loose at the line. Assmonkey would however not be denied and leapt to his feet, shoved the storm vermin aside, grabbed the ball and dove across the line, putting the Surlies on the board and tying the game up at 1-1. With still 2 stones left in the half, the Surlies kicked deep down the right side. The Machine offense moved with it’s legendary speed, Hrishnak Quinzo recovered and sped off to hand off to thrower Rikek Sisto who charged to the line and lobbed a short pass to waiting runner Skrittar Quarzo. All this running gave the storm vermin enough time to shove key members of the Surly defense out of place and open a hole that Skrittar charged through to demonstrate the legendary 1 stone down. With only 1 stone remaining, the Surlies roared and slammed into the hapless rats that had been left to defend the line. Linerat Heskit was quickly surrounded and Assmonkey tried to place kick his head but missed, getting flagged and kicked off the pitch by officials. Enraged at the attempted foul, Rendflesh charged forward and knocked hobgoblin DamageSponge unconscious as the whistle blew to end the half.
The second half started with a short kick to the right side into Machine territory. The Machines Hrishak Quinzo snapped up the ball and got in range to fire a pass to waiting runner Skrittar Quarzo who quickly stepped through the opening made by Rat Ogre Rendflesh Salivar so score the Machines second 1 stone down. Down by 2 with the second half barely begun, the Surlies prepared to receive the kick when suddenly a pack of Skaven fans stormed the field stunning 4 of the Surlies front line. Shitless recovered the ball and took cover behind Doom Charger. The Skaven were too fast however and circled wide around the bull centaur to slam into Shitless, stunning him and sending the ball to the ground where runner Skrittar swooped in and picked it up. The Surlies tried to double back and break through the web of rats in their way but the rats pushed back and Wishes-He-Wasnt-Ori was shoved into the crowd but was pulled out by team mates badly hurt but still breathing much to their surprise, and mine frankly. Skrittar exploited the confusion to race to the Surlies goal line but skirted it’s edge, taunting the Surlies to try and stop him. The Surlies mostly ignored him and started wailing on the rats at the scrimmage line prompting Skrittar to step into the Surly zone and bring the score to 4-1.
With 4 stones left in the half, the Surlies received. Fucker recovered and the Surlies caged around the Hobgoblin while Agamemnon went on a rampage through the Machines line. The Skaven focused on the tentacled menace in their midst and brought the giant low, piling on top of him. Linerat Makrik Setzmo tried to step on the Minotaurs head while he was down but only succeeded in stunning the giant and getting thrown out by officials. The Surlies redoubled their efforts to score and Gloin Goldfillingseeker staked his claim on linerat Trask Undezimo and started panning for gold. The goldrush would leave Trask unable to finish the game and looking for a good dentist. The Surlies continued to drive down the right side while a small raiding party tried to eliminate the Skaven threat on the left side of the field. Caleb Crotchmangler forced storm vermin Gnawdel Segundo to the ground with a vicious flying head butt probing his name was no accident and rendering the vermin unable to go on with the game. The Skaven scattered, runner Skrittar looking like he was planning on making it back to “The Giant Bucket” before stones end. Rendfelsh Salilvar was not so lucky however and an angry Hoofgrinder caught up to him at the scrimmage line, applying a vicious double hoofed kick into the rat ogres back, badly hurting the giant rat. The unluckiest rat on the field, linerat Malkrit Dezimo was assigned the unpleasant task of trying to slow the Surlies drive and by some completely unfathomable mystery, not only succeeded in tying up the Surlies but also tripped hobgoblin Fucker, dashing all hopes of another Surly goal. The whistle blew ending the game with a final score of 4-1 for the visiting Machine.
We caught up with coach Soapyfrog after the game: “Other than genius breaking his jaw trying to keep up with a gutter runner, we came out bruised and battered but victorious and none the worse for wear… now if you’ll excuse me, we’ll be leaving these mines quietly out some back tunnels… nice talking to you, if anyone asks, we were gone when you got here...”
Coach Fleetfoot had this to say: “I’m very disappointed, mostly in myself. SIX casualties you hear me? SIX! Yet I am not happy, why is this? Because some rats crossed a line in the ground with a ball more often than we did?!? WHO CARES?!? SIX CASUALTIES!! In the olden days this would have put me in a great mood… you bastards have me caring about a little ball, I should kill you all!! I should…”
Sadly, the rest of that
sentence was lost to me as I was hurrying down the hall as quickly as
possible. Live from the mines of Threefootfouria, this is Bunky
Dragoncharmer reporting.
Heavy Weather: Bonestealers 2 Mates 1
Bunky Dragoncharmer, Cabalvision Sports
Welcome to Sportdesk, Bloodbowl fans! Bunky Dragoncharmer here, your man on the pitch, proud to say I’ve survived another exciting week of Bloodbowl coverage and even managed to score 13 casualties in an unexpectedly difficult report! The sun was grinning malevolently over Brimstone and thankfully the necrosorcerers of Brimstone coated the city with a generously thick dank fog, keeping the sun from killing any of the players or fans. Roll the clip Smashgud!
Afternoon Bloodbowl fans! We’re here at the start of the 4th stone and the Bonestealers have taken an early lead with ghoul Scabclaw Buttmuch scoring. Apologies for my lateness but it appears no one saw fit to mention to old Bunky that today was “Get the media” day here at the Mausoleum and I spent the first 3 stones fighting my way through the fans who were eager to cash in my head for a warm case of Puss Cola™. The good folks at Puss Cola™ were on hand and I was lucky enough to grab one and drag him kicking and screaming back to the Cabalvision booth. Noskull Rierohl is in fact at this very moment conducting a truly “in depth” one on one interview and I’m sure he won’t spare us the gory details!
The Mates meanwhile are receiving the kick! It’s good, dropping down in the center of the Mates zone! The lines clash! Erik the Viking has just savaged Skullrattle and popped his eye out! That’ll take HIM out of the game! Vallo recovers and slowly starts up field from behind the cover of the Mates line which is now far more wave like that anything else! Now the Bonestealers are giving a little back to the Mates community! You just can’t help but cringe when those mummies wind up, but noo! Little skelly Twinkle Phalanges has just knocked the lights clean out of Mad Dog Bonney! Shoving match on the left side… Vallo pushes through and breaks for the goal line! The Mates are scrambling to erect a defensive web! The Bonestealers can’t get to Vallo! WAIT! Barrowbreath Bonesplinter dodges away and circles round to intercept Vallo! HERE COMES GHOULCHEWER!! VALLO IS UPENDED!! The ball flies high and over the melee landing at the scrimmage line! The Mates turn around and charge the Bonestealers line once more, Erik the Viking steps in to recover… he drops the ball!! The black tendrils of coach Grimskulls sorceries are dancing across the field as he gives orders and the Bonestealers move as one! They’re tearing down anything resembling a Mates claim to the ball! They’ve formed a web around the ball but the Mates are fighting back! What a melee!! OH EVEN I SAW THAT!! Han Solo applied a vicious knee drop to the fallen Tibia and the ref caught him! He’ll be cooling his heels on the bench and Tibia looks stunned but undamaged at the whistle, he’ll be fine after a few minutes I’m certain as the Mates hopes of evening the score are dashed and the first half comes to an end.
Today’s halftime show is sponsored by Puss-Cola™, for that refreshing, slow crawling, coated feeling, nothing beats Puss-Cola™!
15 minutes later…
Well there was suppose to be other stuff after the banner but obviously no one realized that putting a mummy at the head of the procession would seriously limit their forward mobility…nice banner though, wasn’t it?
We’re back and ready for 2nd half action as the Bonestealers kick to the Mates in this 1-0 game. The Mates are leaning to the right side, the kick is good, Roberts recovers, passes up to Vallo at the line. The Mates form a defensive web around their ball carrier. They look like they ganging up on mummy Dus Nel-Etgath, here comes Hook!! Nel-Etgath goes down! What a vicious hit! Nel-Etgath isn’t getting up! His animation spell has been disrupted! The Bonestealers are raising the alarm, a solid wall of death now stands between the Mates and their objective! Coach Styg calls for his Mates to switch to a left side offense and the Mates execute a clean relocation of their line further towards the center of the pitch! The Bonestealers try to compensate but are slower to react. Ghouls Buttmuch and Bonesplinter face point man Mad Dog Bonney, Buttmunch blitzes! OOOOH! I HEARD HIS SKULL RATTLE FROM THE BOOTH FOLKS!! Bonney slams to the pitch unconscious as Buttmunch follows through and makes it to Vallo and the ball! The Mates execute another reversal! WHAT A PLAY!! The Mates have disoriented the Bonestealers and ducked back into the right side! Vallo is on a mad dash for the goal line! He’s intercepted by Mad Dog Marrowlips! They connect! Vallo hangs on to the ball but now he has two ghouls in his path!! HERE COMES BARBOSSA!!! MARROWLIPS GOES FLYING! VALLO IS FREE!!!! VALLO RUSHES ALONG THE RIGHT SIDE!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLL!!!!!!!! What a play on this 4th stone and the crowd is deathly silent, but wait! Why there’s a fan running, err, well landing on the field, he appears to be naked and covered in something slimy, a few fans are already chasing him, there’s a banner behind him which reads: Me head is worth 2 cases of Grubweiser™ ! Boy I hope he can run faster than that! OH NO! He just ran into Anoth Tset! Look at the height he got off that! Hey I recognize him! Isn’t that the exec from Puss…where’s Noskull?
With 4 stones left in regular play, the score is tied 1-1 as Stygs Mates kick to the hometown favorites. The Bonestealers load up favoring the right side and the kick lands at the scrimmage line on the left side! Scabclaw Buttmuch comes charging up the left side at an amazing clip, he’s really pushing himself! He recovers! Fires a long pass cross field to Fangmouth Earchewer! The Bonestealers offense drives up the right to cover him as he enters the Mates zone! Vallo tries to stop him but he’s outgunned and slammed roughly to the pitch in a little puff of brown dust! Another Tset backhands Nemo and sends him to join his fallen team mate. The Mates are desperately trying to stop an advance that’s looking more and more unstoppable! Black Barty trips trying to push himself and slams headfirst into the pitch, knocking himself unconscious and again Anoth Tset backhands Barbossa sending him to meet his unconscious team mate in the land where sleeping pirates drink. Earchewer breaks for the goal line but wait! Here comes Roberts and Erik the Viking! Erik tackles Earchewer…HE’S SHOVED EARCHEWER OVER THE LINE! EARCHEWER HANGS ON TO THE BALL!! GOOAAAAALLLL!!! THE BONESTEALERS ARE BACK IN THE LEAD!! LISTEN TO THIS CROWN GO NUTS!!
**complete silence, sporadic moaning is heard in the distance**
With barely 2 stones left to try and even the score, the Mates are looking resigned to their defeat but eager to get some payback! The kick is good and the lines clash, big Anoth Tset gets knocked down and several mates are surrounding him! Here comes Mad Dog Bonney! He’s got something in his hand! Anoth Tset is roaring with discomfort, the ref steps in… Holy water! He broke a vial of holy water on the big mummy that’ll get him ejected! There’s the whistle folks! A vicious battle comes to an end and as the fog settles again over the Mausoleum the score board tells no lies! Bonestealers 2 - Mates 1 !
From the
safety of the Cabalvision booth, this is Bunky Dragoncharmer, signing off.
Three in a Row: JavaBowl 7.3 Released!
Dang those greasy shoes! This patch is a meaty one. 50% more STUFF! Get it in the downloads section here!
- Fixes Greased Shoes turning AG to 0 when it wears off.
- You can now left click the player's name in the selected player view to unselect and/or end a players move.
- Fixed a problem where Bribe the Ref 2 might incorrectly work twice.
- Added a new directory "/pics/iconssmall". This contains a complete set (minus Nurgle's Rotters) of small icons that will be used with the "small field" option.
Ok, so this highlights how little I have been posting to the news
section. The league is running beautifully though! Don't worry this news
page WILL get more interesting in the next week, I SWEAR it!
Don't Look Now: JavaBowl 7.2b Released!
JavaBowl 7.2b has been released, patching some minor bugs. Get it in the downloads section here!
- Ver B: Fixes Greased Shoes only adding 1 to AG when it wears off.
- Ver B: Fixes Rune Smith possibly giving 2nd rune after a game reload.
C'mon, 7.2b ROCKS! We know you'll loooove it!
League Cracks Down on Illegal Drugs: JavaBowl 7.2a Released!
JavaBowl 7.2a has been released, curtailing the recent increase in prohibited performance enhancing drug use in the DragonBBL. Get it in the downloads section here!
- Ver A: Fixes Illegal Drugs allows being the last result regardless of what is rolled.
- Ver A: Fixes Greased Shoes to be AG1, not AG -1.
Everyone please upgrade, posthaste [Ed: that means "quickly"].
Cups and Cakes: Cadavers 2
Dervishes 1
Bunky Dragoncharmer, Cabalvision Sports
The sun bravely cut through the greenish haze that floated gingerly over Reiksovdeth as fans both dead and alive gathered in the Pointitit Nipplepit as the Hometown Nipply Cadavers prepared to face off against Buttercup and his plump Hoary Dervishes.
The toss went to the Cadavers and they prepared to receive the opening kick. As the kick sailed high into the air, the lines clashed and skeleton Shauerskum slammed into Billy's Brother, driving his helmet into his shoulder pads and sending the brace little hobbit violently to the pitch, badly hurt. The backfield action was not starting off so well however as ghoul Chewlips fumbled his exchange, the ball luckily bouncing into the arms of Raggy. The Dervishes tried to capitalize on the shift in momentum but ogre Percy was upset when he clashed with Wight Washiz, who sent the big guy packing to the brownish grass. With Percy off his feet, the cadavers drove up the left side, ghoul Raggy carrying the ball. Treeman Wesley swatted skeleton Crumbli, knocking the animation spell out of alignment and temporarily disrupting his consciousness. The Dervishes fell back to cover but the Cadavers veered towards centerfield and pressed on. Flowers was alone to foresee this and move to cover the center, but this brought him face to face with a hissing Chewlips who raked a clawed talon at waist height and damn near took Flowers head off, badly hurting the hobbit and clearing the way for Raggy to run the ball in for a 4th stone down which sent the local crowd into a dull moan of excitement as the home team took the lead 1-0.
The undead kicked the ball to the right side while the kickers foot lazily followed the ball on a high arc into Dervish territory. The Dervishes tried to get off to a quick start, but as Hale Marie was sprinting to recover the ball, the kickers foot landed with a thump on the halflings helmet and sent him careening head over heels. The Cadavers, who had already dispatched orders to recover that foot, capitalized on the impact and moved to recover the kick and cut Hale Marie off from his teammates. The Dervishes danced through the undead offense and Ted recovered the ball and dove behind a wall, errr, hedge of his teammates. Meanwhile Percy kicked the consciousness clean out of skeleton Lumpi having observed Wesley do it and having found the whole thing rather amusing. The undead surrounded Ted and his cover and tried to knock the ball lose but Algernon recovered it and though they were completely surrounded, Algernon quickly produced a field berry muffin from his jersey and munched it down. Sensing the impending dryness of their ball carriers throat, Ted provided a small flask of cream ale and thusly refreshed, Algernon deeked and dodged out of the undead blockade and towards the center of the field, several of his team mates following him, hoping there was a little bit of that cream ale left.
Druth would focus too heavily upon thoughts of the sweet nectar and not enough on mummy Toopleye's fist as he failed to escape and was brutally knocked unconscious. Algernon held the ball and flask tightly and ran in a crazed daze, his eyes wild, ready to defend his flask. Wight Kleenz surprised the halfling from the left but Algernon, convinced the wight was in fact one of his team mates trying to take his flask, rolled under the outstretched arms of Kleenz and delivered a double kick to his lower jaw, screaming "MINE!" and sending the wight flying. Algernon caught up with Billy Joe and handed off the ball and proclaiming "You can finish this if you score" while dangling the flask. Billy Joe tore off down the pitch towards the Cadavers goal line drooling slightly as he huffed and puffed. Percy gave a hand by continuing to explore his newfound joy for disrupting skeletons and sent Tindery Krausbiems packing with a clearly audible chuckle. The Cadavers could only surround treeman Wesley in frustration as Billy Joe crossed the line as the 8th stone ended and the whistle blew with the game tied up 1-1.
The second half started with a quick reversal as treeman Wesley fell to his face off with mummy Toopleye, sending the Dervishes into disarray. With Wesley experiencing problems getting back upright, the Dervishes scrambled to recover the kick before the approaching undead. Algernon recovered the ball and fired a high lob over the undead line at Lars who dove for it but could only watch as the ball bounced into the stands and a chaotic melee ensued and the ball bounced wildly traveling an amazing distance bouncing off this skull and that until it resurfaced IN the Cadavers end zone!! The undead double back in a hurry as the bulk of their line pressed on. Mummy Threepleye place kicked Lemming who got great distance but landed on his head, bouncing twice and landing in a heap, unconscious. Ghoul Raggy recovered the ball but as his picked it up, his right leg fell off and he slammed into the pitch to be carried off by acolyte necromancers, his consciousness disrupted. Dervish Lars raced in as quickly as his little legs would go, intent of scoring on recovery. Billy Joe, eager to help, tried to slip away from ghoul Sweepz but slipped on a tart that had fallen from his jersey and landed in a very awkward position to be carried off by caterers unable to continue. The undead caught up to Lars and shoved him out of the way as Chewlips recovered the ball in the Cadavers end zone.
With only 8 Dervishes left on the field, the Cadavers took their time driving up the right side. Washiz knocked Butch unconscious at the scrimmage melee and there were 7. The Dervishes refused to surrender and continued to dance into the Cadavers cage and take pot shots at Chewlips though to no avail. Still at the scrimmage melee, wight Kleenz would pounce on halfing Druth from behind, breaking 2 flasks and spilling brownies everywhere. Druth, heartbroken at the lost treats was too hurt to go on, and so they were 6. Percy would avenge Druth's brownies by grabbing Kleenz by the ankle and slamming him into the ground several times, rendering the wight quite thoroughly unconscious while Wesley swatted skeleton Chunki to similar effect. All this violence would however not prevent Chewlips from breaking free of his escorts on the 7th stone and putting the Cadavers back in the lead. With only 1 stone remaining and the kick landing just behind the line of scrimmage, the Dervishes barely had time to try a single running play before the whistle blew and called and end to the conflict. Final score Dervishes 1, Cadavers 2. We spoke with coach Buttercup about this latest valiant effort by his Dervishes:
"..*munch* ya *munch* *nibble* Hmmmmm...Need cream here!! CREAAAAAMMMM!! Sorry...ya, ballgame...good..hmmmm *munch* WHERE'S MY CREAM!!! *hmmmmm* Ya, where were we? The game! Ya...good...here have a muffin... look *munch* d'love to talk but you know coaching, always a crisis to be handled and right now, there's a serious breakdown in the chain of cream provisions... "
Lord Fairfax was equally busy with post game activity but spared a few words for our cameras:
"We had some problems maintaining skeleton cohesiveness but I skinned one of my acolytes and everything should be ok by next game... hey! Who gave Threepleye that Hobbit?!? Get that out of his mouth!! What's this bowl of cream doing in the middle of the floor...dammit..."
Live from the aftermath, this is Bunky
Dragoncharmer with Cabalvision sports.
Skip to the Loo:
Mates 2 Drakkar 2
Bunky Dragoncharmer, Cabalvision Sports
The Mates lost the toss and kicked to the Drakkar but Geirroed Epitaf charged across the line like a madman before the rest of his team could get organized and tried to savage thrower Nemo but in his Frenzy, failed to notice Henry Morgan who layed the Norse Blitzer out, stunning him. The momentum shifted and the Mates attacked the Drakkar line. Polly punched a hole through the Drakkar line and lineman Leif Completementpaf could only look on with horror as a small army of Mates swarmed towards him and the ball that lay so innocently upon the pitch a few yards away.
Vallo recovered the kick as the Mates spread out to protect him. Bjorn Bellegaf moves quickly and came in fast to lend a hand to Completementpaf who, rather annoyed at the swarming Mates, landed a vicious kick into Francis Drakes leg, fracturing it. Eryk Bathyscaf would seize the opportunity to swing around and with Drake out of the way, slam shoulder first into Vallo, and knocking the Catcher to the floor, stunned. The ball, knocked free, sailed lazily into the arms of Mate Han Solo who had been lurking nearby, looking scruffy. Hierulf Piaf tried to stop Solo from making a break for it but solo, sensing the Norsemans agression, struck first! Knocking him to the pitch and making a mad dash towards the Drakkar's line as his team mates circled around to provide him cover. Bjorn Bellegaf charged in fast and furious but only succeeding in shoving Solo back. Captain Hook provided cover, kicking the Norse catcher out of the way and clearing Solo for his first touchdown at the end of the 3rd stone.
The Mates kicked into the center of the Drakkar's zone and Completementpaf recovered and dashed up to the line to give the ball to catcher Odin Bellegaf. Geirroed Epitaf tried to open the way for Bellegaf to run through but instead gave himself again to his frenzy, shoved Henry Morgan back towards his team mate Erik the Viking and then promptly got double teamed and served a lovely lunch of small rocks and dried grass. This left Bellegaf rather open and the Mates moved in but could not get him to surrender the ball. Bellegaf, thinking fast, called for a quick switch and handed the ball behind him to Completementpaf who ran back towards the left side and fired a quick pass to Bjorn Bellegaf. The Mates redoubled their efforts and quickly peeled away Bellegaf's cover, Rackahm Le Rouge knocking Heirulf Piaf unconscious in the process allowing Captain Hook to knock Bellegaf to the ground and recover the ball. The Drakkar quickly erected a wall and Completementpaf charged Captain Hook only to be kicked in the chest and thrown to the ground. Hook was freed up by his Mates, swung back along the line to thrower Nemo who exploited a hole in the Drakkar defense to slip through and lob the ball to One-Eyed-Willy who had just run in. The Drakkar tried to break through and free the ball but the Mates pressed hard and at the 7th stone, One-Eyed-Willy scored, bringing the score to 2-0 Mates. The final seconds went by without event and both teams returned to their dugouts.
The second half started with the Mates recieving the Drakkars kick halfway down the left side. The Mates charged the Drakkar line but thrower Nemo fumbled his recovery. Only to look up in horror as a quartet of Drakkar stepped around the Mates and charged downfield towards him in a frightening echo of Completementpaf's earlier misadventures. Caught off guard, Barbossa was shoved off the pitch and fought his way back to his dugout, scoring 2 purses and a rather nice hat. The drakkar, who should have been focusing on the ball, got distracted by the melee at the scrimmage line giving Nemo enough time to evade the encroaching norsemen and recover the ball making his way towards the center and firing a clean pass to Vallo who raced completely unopposed down the center of the Drakkar Zone, only to trip and sail through the air dramatically and land flat on his face, knocking himself unconscious, the ball rolling softly away from his motionless body. The Drakkar, intent on capitalizing on this tragic accident, shoved Mad Dog Bonney off the pitch and tried to regroup and seize control of the ball. The Mates had other plans and Polly slammed Completementpaf into the ball which bounced off him and into Henry Morgan who couldn't get a hold of it. A melee broke out in the Drakkar zone and fists and feet flew in all directions. When the dust settled, Completementpaf who any second now is going to get a very short and snappy nickname, emerged in posession. The Mates tried to surround the lineman, while Polly cleared the way, tucking Harald Ilsefclaf in for a quiet nap. Completementpaf, unfazed, broke from the pack of Mates on his heels andclosed with Bellegaf who caught the quick pass and charged clear into Mates territory. Hierulf Piaf took advantage of this and stepped on Han Solo's head as he lay on the ground, badly hurting the lineman. The Mates responded quickly and launched a chain of attacks that would leave Erik the Viking nipping at Bellegaf's heels. The drakkar would not be denied and Epitaf knocked Erik to the grass, freeing Bellegaf to run the ball in and place the Drakkar on the board.
Down by one with 3 stones remaining, the Drakkar kicked to the Mates. Polly tried to break the Drakkar line but discovered norsemen, when cornered, can bite and found himself on his back at the scrimmage line. The Drakkar exploited the big Ogres fall and raced around the Mates line and recovered their own kick, firing a short pass to Odin Bellegaf while his brother Bjorn charged the downed Ogre and "walked the plank" across the Ogres groin temporarily removing the Ogre from play. The Mates tried to recover but Odin held his ground and came victorious from a clash with Nemo. The Drakkar continued to fight their way downfield as the Mates came at them again and again. Nemo would catch up with Odin yards away from the line only to be reminded of his previous clash and sent ass over elbows to the pitch. Bjorn Cinematograf raced in and cleared One-Eyed-Willy out of the way, allowing Odin to cross the goal line to the assembled gasp of the crowd who watched a hometown victory snatched from them in the final seconds as the Drakkar tied it up at the whistle, final score: Mates 2 - Drakkar 2.
I caught up with coach Styg though perhaps a few minutes too late as the bottle of Rum lay empty as his feet when we spoke.
"...*hic*... we almost had those norse basti...basta....*hic* fuckers! Perhaps if we had had the home turf advantage we could have...waddya mean we had the home advantages? We live here?!? *hic* Ahhhhh crap... BOYS!! BOYS!! Cancel the sacking!! Put down the torches!! Put down the...eh eh... wow those sure do burn quick... Looks just like my place too... oh *hic* crap...I gotta*hic...gotta go..."
Live from the pitch, this is Bunky
Dragoncharmer with Cabalvision sports.