NR: Well, as I'm sure you
can see *OW!* though I can't vouch for it, Coach Cfoo has graciously
allowed us into the Harem's dressing room. They've just achieved the upset
victory of the season over the Wild Hunt, and are rather jubilant at the
moment. (Noskull reaches in front of him blindly) Coach Cfoo? Coach Cfoo?
Do you have anything to say about this incredible feat your team has pulled
off?
Cfoo: (walks towards
Noskull) It's a testament to the naughty, naughty nature of these lovely
ladies...
Camera Man: (sweating
profusely and muttering to himself as Kharlo No Ess nods menacingly and the
camera shakes the image into a blur) Steady now, Bubba. Steady...
Cfoo: ... that they were
able to use their various hot, hot feminine guiles to out-maneuver the Wood
Elves... Anyone can just "dodge" out of reach, but it takes real sass to
execute a perfect tango lead to break free. All this while wearing a thong,
cut-off t shirt and high-heeled 'blitz-me' boots, and keeping the televised
match G rated.
NR: (veritably drowning
in sweat, he digs real deep and somehow finds the will to continue) You
mean there was another team on the field?
Cfoo: Of course there was,
though all the married Hunt players called in sick before the match, for
some reason. Even their star of stars came down with a severe case of the
dreaded "dirty sneakers", if you know what I mean.
NR: (struggling under
the vice-grip hold of Mr. No Ess) How long exactly have you had Chaos
Warriors on staff? I assumed there was a 'No Allies' clause in this league.
Cfoo: (gesturing around
him) Well, the reality of the situation is that we can't really control
who our hangers-on are. I've been trying to tell Mr. No Ess here
that the girls can take care of...
Haidee: (wanders
into the camera's view, wearing what a handkerchief might use for a
handkerchief and dripping wet) Coach? Could you tell me if this is a
bruise? (she lifts her leg) I think it happened when I delicately
grabbed the ball with my soft soft hands and just went for it out there in
front of all those people...
Bubba: (a scrunched up
mask of pain washes over his face) That's it!!! I can't take it anymore.
(He rips open his eyes as wide as dinner plates and scans the entire
room, his gaze taking in every little detail, including the Giant Fist Of
Doom headed directly for him via Kharlo No Ess. The sickening crunch can be
heard even over Kharlo's bellowed 'Kapow! Kapow!' As he crumples to the
ground, Bubba mutters) It... was... worth... it...
NR: I'm sorry, Coach Cfoo.
You were saying?
Cfoo: Yes. See, the
problem with coaching hot hot babes is that you tend to attract all
manner of groupies. A harem for my harem, if you will...(he points to one
corner, in which a rather large Mummy stands, being used as an abrasive
scrub post and towel holder by the ladies.). For example, over there in the
corner you might recognize the Creeping Flesh behemoth who goes by the apt
moniker 'Stiff'. Some, though, are much much more discreet in their
infatuation with my ladies. (Cfoo nods his head in the direction of the
large wet towel bucket. Behind it is a clearly visible green skinned brute
trying his orc-est to remain inconspicuous. The ladies humour him and
pretend he's invisible, much to his delight.) We used to boot him out every
time we saw him, but the ladies have sort of adopted him as a kind of
mascot. As I understand it, he's actually the brains behind a leading team
in the league, but we're not terribly concerned about him stealing any
secrets...
NR: You of course realize
I can't see a thing, right, Coach Cfoo? Not even a sliver of vision from
between the fingers of these terrifying gauntlets here. Nope. Not at all. (under
his breath) The slick subterfuge of an obfuscating master. Hehe.
Cfoo: (walks over to the
towel bucket). See, this is the kind of constant pressure we of the Harem
are forced to endure. (he leans in so his chest mike can pick up the
green skinned brute's muttering)
GSB: (slobbering and
staring about himself madly) Quiet as a mouse. I am invisible orc.
quiet as a mouse. Definitely no orc here. Nope. I be invisible, I be!
NR: Well, Coach Cfoo, I
guess we'll conclude here and leave you to your post game, ah,
celebrations. That is, unless you want me...ah...to...ah...stick around?
Cfoo: (nods to Kharlo
No Ess, who picks up Mr. Rierohl by the skull with one hand and the
cameraman with the other and turns for the door. Noskull grabs the camera
and composes himself for his sign-off)
NR: That, Ladies and
Gentlebeasts, was a Gralbvision exclusive. The first behind the scenes
look into the Harem's ultra-exclusive dressing room. Through the masterful
stealthwork of yours truly, we've begun to expose the dirty dirty underbelly
of team fraternization that has so utterly and completely disgusted even the
most jaded of us here at Nuffleodeon. And now, with most of the bloodflow
to my brain cut off by this giant fist, this is Noskull Rierohl, passing
out.