The Halfling Conspiracy

It seems as though a couple of giant teams have been successfully fielded in the DragonBBL league this season, having managed to sneak in right under the ever-vigilant noses of Hidden Dragon and Crouching Soapyfrog.  Our unnamed source has compiled persuasive evidence pointing to this:  it seems that after last season’s ill-fated Tasty Dervishes team, which was devoured in its entirety by the Short and Surlys during the season opening banquet, coach and Evil Mastermind Buttercup has deviously fielded a team of giant quarterlings masquerading as halflings this season!  It is a well-known fact that giant quarterlings have super-ling strength which amounts to more than double what their ordinary brethren can muster.  They can also move at approximately twice the speed and with a great deal more agility and toughness, and we fear for the terrible unbalancing effect this will have on the league.  We are also currently compiling an equally persuasive case against what appears to be a full squad of genetically enhanced snotlings masquerading as the Picken Flics.  Only time will tell if indeed justice will prevail in this outrage to the decency and general goodwill that is the DragonBBL.

A certain dwarf team, which shall remain nameless, appears to be fielding a wood elf runner in a shady attempt to overcome the usual movement and agility shortcomings of the stubbish folk.  Last seen streaking into the now sealed and guarded estate of one Ez. K. Yell, we have been unable to get an interview with this seedy character, though a blurry photograph clearly shows the pointy ears and clip-on beard.  We will stay on top of this one for as long as it takes to get to the truth.

Chaos + Classical = Carnage

After the Rage Sharks’ disassembling of the Rongeurs Flamboyants recently, an unnamed source provided a hidden camera videotape of the previously unseen Sharks dressing room.  It would seem that the Bad Boys of Chaos have hired a Fung Shoo expert to design their room, which is decorated throughout with generic inspiration and teamwork posters, surprisingly soothing pastel colours, and soft lighting.  Instead of bathing in the blood of generic peasant-folk and devouring their opponents post-match, the Sharks were caught sitting cross-legged in a circle deep in meditation, while incense burned and classical music played.  Our intrepid spy even managed to come away with spycam images of self-help books and aromatherapy products literally strewn about the chamber.  Could these sensitive beastmen and warriors be the harbinger of the New Chaos Man to come?  Only time will tell…

The DragonBBL league’s pitches are literally strewn with blood soaked Short and Surly jerseys bearing the dreaded number 6.  While investigating the mysterious death of the fourth in the Ori line, rookie Not Ori Ori, our investigative journalists were caught unprepared by the controversial slaying of his replacement, Ori Oh in his very first match.  Granted, obituary columnists are forced to log inhuman hours to keep up with the carnage in our league, though news of the demise of the fifth in a long, tenacious line of Oris prompted a deeper investigation.  What arose from this investigation is ripe with X-files worthy obfuscation.  For instance, convincing evidence points to a nefarious cabal specifically targeting the ill-fated number 6 jersey.  It appears as though there was a second, or phantom, blitzer on the field during the block that snuffed out poor Ori’s life before it had even begun.  The phantom blitzer, or Grassy Gnoll as he has come to be known, could only have been seeded beforehand by a well-organized and deeply routed Evil Enterprise, whose goal could only be the utter destruction of all things Ori.  Many outsiders who wish to remain nameless in order to protect their Blarginess point to this Grassy Gnoll as the only explanation.  They cite that under close scrutiny, the post game footage points to this mysterious ‘second blitz’, with Ori’s body clearly reacting to what looks like a follow-up hit right after the official blitz which snatched his life.  One particularly Blargy witness ascribed this dirty playing to typically low undead standards.  Another theory beginning to gain momentum stems from the little-known contract dispute between the Ori family and the Short and Surly management corporation, Cannibals Plus Plus (C++). It would appear that the Oris have been trying unsuccessfully to form their own Chaos Dwarf team, though their contract clearly stipulates that the careers of every living and future-born Ori exclusively belong to C++.  It has been put forth that the Oris are actually staging the death of their various family members in an attempt to clear them of their contractual obligations, since their contract with C++ obliges all ‘living’ and ‘future-born’ Oris to play for the Surlys, thereby freeing them to form their own team.  These greasy dealings are not outside the realm of Chaos Dwarves, though it’s doubtful that any would risk the wrath of the likes of Agamemnon The Horny with such underhanded Teamsters Tactics.

After a season’s worth of difficult and (thanks to a plethora of bone-headed participants) frustrating negotiations, the big guys of the league have renegotiated a rather biased and seemingly racist contract with the DragonBBL.  With a drug policy that bordered on “Do What Ya Brung”, the wild animals of the league have allowed their various extracurricular indulgences to run rampant, resulting in uncontrollable impulses and cravings that have a tendency of manifesting themselves on the field.  First among the teams, the Rage Sharks made a clear statement in the league by firing up-and-coming death dealer Strongbad the Minotaur before his year’s term was up, choosing to cite their characteristic moral high-ground in dismissing the substance-abuse addled bruiser.