Interview With a Blargson
by Noskull Rierohl

As everyone in Bloodbowl land knows, intrepid reporter and general Man-about-town Noskull Rierohl positively lives for the story behind the story. His hunger for the scoop, his thirst for the juice, and his itch for the irritant are at once legendary and feared. Most recently, Noskull put aside all worldly temptations and most netherworldly ones as well in his quest to get to the bottom of the Undead doping scandal. Through the use of an almost blinding sixth sense and unerring, arrow straight read of the situation, Noskull determined that the otherwise quiet, unobtrusive and soft-spoken coach of the Mad Howlers, Blarg Blargson, would, if cornered and grilled mercilessly under a white hot light, divulge what are surely the true core elements of the story. Exercising a brilliant cover strategy, Noskull bought a "ticket" for the Mad Howlers/Harem match, and deviously used the "ticket" to gain admission into the stadium. He managed to corner Blarg Blargson on his way back to the Triage room after the match.

NR: Blarg Blargson! Over here Blarg!

BB: why are you wearing a trenchcoat?

NR: Never mind. Do you have a moment, Blarg?

BB: Not so much a moment, really, as a nothing at all.

NR: Blarg! What are your comments on the relative ease that the undead seem to have achieved their victories last season.

BB: *sigh*.

NR: oh, come now, Blarg. This is all strictly off the record and nothing more than a devoted, if obscenely intrusive fan trying to talk to his favourite coach for a minute. What does "panzies" mean, exactly. Are you insinuating that the undead are hopped up on some ability-enhancing stimulant like the wood elves well-known abuse of dandelion pollen?

BB: Yes. that's it exactly.

NR: really?

BB: Yes. really.

NR: No kidding?

BB: No, no kidding.

NR: Well, perhaps we should propose the institution of a league-wide ban on any ability-boosting supplement.

BB: See if they'll ban 'the cheese' as well...undead are full of 'cheese' players. While we're at it, Count Chocula Lord of Cheese should be barred as well.

NR: Hmm...panzies and cheese. I didn't think the undead were even capable of eating.

BB: Well, they are.

NR: I figured only the ghouls could perhaps munch on stuff from time to time.

BB: No, no. They all can.

NR: Really?

BB: Yes, really.

NR: No kidding?

BB: No. They're totally and completely too well-stocked with cheese, little cats, panzies, spinach, and those little bottles that Asterix liked to drink and Obelix fell in as a baby.

NR: So...if I get this all straight, you think that the poor undead are at such an extreme disadvantage in the league that something must be done before they're all, um, alived?

BB: Yes. *blink*  Yes. That's it exactly, Mister Rierohl. I propose that we do something before it's too late. I mean, my God, man! They don't even get an apothecary out of the deal! They have to make due with an almost team wide regeneration ability, the poor bastards! Their regular players cost a bleeding fortune!!! I personally will not stand for this kind of atrocity any longer.

NR: So, you'll be looking to sit somewhere then. I get it.

BB: *blink*  What I propose...(Blarg steps in front of Noskull Rierohl and stares deeply into the camera. Barely contained compassion registers clearly in his eyes, which are welling up with, well, you get the idea)...what i propose, good, kind, Rat and Beast men of the pitch, is to form the Adopt-a-Ghoul foundation. For a mere fifty gold per month you too can help these poor, disadvantaged (at this, Blarg reaches down and picks up a passing Ghoul child, cradling the little bugger in his arms. Unaware, and with a vacant look in its eyes, it starts chewing on his neck) creatures get a tibia up on the league. Nuffle only knows they need it in a terrible way.

NR: That, Blarg... (Noskull steps in front of Blarg, which forces him to squish his face against the camera lens) ... was straight from the heart, and smacked of raw honesty. I can tell. You really tell it like it is, Blarg. Well, I think I smell some delicious roast Wood Elf coming from your dressing room. I'll let you get back to it, and good luck with the Adopt-a-Ghoul foundation (tm).

BB: Thanks, Mr. Rierohl. Until next time! (Noskull watches Blarg stomp off down the hall, muttering something about his rat bastard cook putting mustard and relish on his elf. He nodds his head sagely.)

NR: There goes a real class act, ladies and gentlebeasts.

NR: I'd like to take this opportunity to mention that whenever I get a little peckish chasing a story, I always reach for a tasty stick of Ent-smoked Elf Jerkey (tm). Mmmm, Ent-smoked. (Noskull holds a package of Elf Jerkey in front of the camera and leans in).

NR: Well, folks, you heard it here first. This is Noskull Rierohl, coming to you live from the Eye.