AtH: This is a very delicate tea, Mr.
Rierohl.
NR: (turns to the camera) Aaaaand...we're
back with the Mighty...
AtH: (blushing) You're too kind.
NR: (nodding to Agamemnon)...Agamemnon
the Horny, a massive Chunk of Chaos, a Petrifying Presence on the Pitch, and
all around dangerous proposition. Before I return to the subject at hand,
I'd like to allude to specific allegations made by certain Chaos Warriors
who shall remain nameless but for their angry, angry temperaments. Those
allegations being your ties to a seedy fellow by the name of Johnny
Goldtooth. Is there any truth behind this, Mr. The Horny?
AtH: (pauses, pensively reaching off
stage to grab a halfling gaffer) Um, with all due respect to my Chaosian
brothers, I'd rather not discuss that at this time, Mr. Rierohl.
NR: Think nothing of it, Mr. The Horny.
We'll tackle the issue at some other time. Now then, we were discussing the
death of Ori Ori Ori Breath to, if I'm not mistaken, an Elven team of some
kind?
AtH: (clearly emotional, he
self-consciously fidgets with his halfling. Not knowing what to do with his
hands, he absent-mindedly reaches up and impales the little guy on his horn
and re-composes himself). It was terrible, Mr. Rierohl. They were
everywhere, the skittery slippery slithery little buggers. I blitzed and I
blitzed, but I couldn't...I couldn't...*choke*
NR: (a pronounced and reverent
silence falls over the studio as the camera tightens on Agamemnon's face.
Noskull produces a handkerchief from his painfully stunning designer blazer).
It's ok, Agamemnon. No one blames you. It wasn't your fault.
AtH: (leans forward suddenly, causing
the impaled halfling to pivot forward and block his vision. The distraction
seems to give him pause as he brushes the dangling limbs aside). That's
just it, Mr. Rierohl. That's just it. Coach didn't even let us eat the
little bugger afterwards...(onto the screen stomps another little
halfling)
Rupi Tinklewhistle: (arms crossed,
and visibly angry, the Halfling's Helpers Union Local 343 chief stands
directly in front of Agamemnon) Now you listen here, mister. You can't
just go around...
AtH: (looks down distractedly, picks
up the halfling, and pops him into his mouth) *munch* Thank you, Mr
Rierohl, but I'm not terribly hungry at the moment, I'm afraid. *crunch*
NR: (visibly shaken, and suddenly not
terribly certain what to do with his eyebrows.) Um...but you, uh, ate
the half... never mind.
AtH: Hmm? As I was saying, we weren't
even allowed to dig into the little guy. Coach said that he was, oh what was
the word? Something that all Undead teams are...oh yeah! Tainted.
NR: Be that as it may, what's the
situation with the next in the glorious Ori line, Not Ori Ori? As I
understand it, Not Ori Ori is shaping up to be a fine fine member of the
team, and the way your coach has been painstakingly basting and battering
him with such tender care from day one makes me certain he'll be the
tastiest Ori yet.
AtH: (visibly moved and obviously
someplace else, Agamemnon's voice starts quivering) He never let us
*crunch* eat the little guy. (He jumps to his feet, fist raised and
impaled halfling twirling) Keep on blitzing, Ori Ori Ori Breath! (as
he marches off the set, the camera follows him, his fist still proudly in
the air). Keep on blitzing.
NR: (off camera, as the producer
decides to give Agamemnon's departure the solemn dignity it deserves).
Well, that was Agamemnon the Horny, Death Dealer Extraordinaire of the Short
and Surlys, who wish to remind us that "It ain't Cannibalism if he ain't
Related!" I'm Noskull Rierohl, and that's it for this edition of "Who needs
Regen, anyway?"...